A new article in Time talks about how women who take Birth Control Pills have less sexual satisfaction, but more committed relationships…
Good news and bad for women who take the pill: new research finds that those who meet their partners while taking oral contraceptives report less sexual satisfaction in their relationships — but they’re also less likely to split up.
A study of 2,519 mothers, mainly from the U.S. and Czech Republic, found that those who met their first child’s father while on the pill were less sexually satisfied with their men, less attracted to them and experienced greater sexual dissatisfaction over time, compared with women who weren’t taking birth control pills.
But they also reported greater satisfaction with other aspects of their relationships, including the financial support provided by their mates, and were about 10% more likely to stay together. (If they did break up, the split was around 10% more likely to be initiated by the woman than the man.)
So, how could the pill possibly affect mate choice? It comes down to chemistry.
The researchers had previously discovered that women’s menstrual cycles affect the types of men to which they are most attracted. Part of having “chemistry” with someone is liking his smell, which is determined in part by an immune system molecule called MHC.
People tend to be attracted to partners with MHC types that are dissimilar from their own, probably because this would give their offspring a greater chance of survival by creating a diversified immune system. The pill, however, puts the body into a hormonal state similar to pregnancy — and pregnant women tend to prefer MHC scents that are similar to their own, probably because this would make them feel safe and comfortable around supportive relatives.
That means that if you’re taking the pill, you may be more likely to find attractive men whose MHC is similar to your own — but during your regular cycle, these men might seem less your “type.”
Indeed, during their most fertile phase, women tend to be drawn to more dominant, masculine men who are more likely to be unfaithful. In contrast, during the second part of their cycle, when they could already be pregnant, they are more attracted to calmer, more nurturing types.
So, basically, meeting while on the pill might make you choose a “dad” who may not be the most exciting guy, but who will stick around and support the kids. Conversely, meeting while not taking hormonal contraceptives might make the bad-boy “cad” seem irresistible.
Of course, there are many, many variables involved in choosing a partner and the influence of taking the pill is not huge. It’s possible that other underlying factors actually account for the differences between pill users and nonusers, perhaps related to their decisions about contraception and attitudes toward sex. The researchers tried to control for these factors, however, and still found that the effect persisted in two different countries.
Lead author Craig Roberts of the University of Stirling in the U.K. told the BBC: “Choosing a non-hormonal barrier method of contraception for a few months before getting married might be one way for a woman to check or reassure herself that she’s still attracted to her partner.”
My guess, however, is that if you are that concerned about your relationship, you might have other issues to iron out before booking the caterer.
You know what leads to less sexual satisfaction for everyone involved? Having kids! Seems like a fair trade to me.
Erix5son has a question over on PUAForums concerning the Mystery Method and how to apply it after you’ve “done the deed.”
So according to Mystery’s method that consists of Attraction, Comfort and seduction how should I play the dating game after the sex already occured?
I am thinking about keeping the comfort with some Tension while on dates or in public and use seduction when having private time with her?
Can somebody comfirm if this is correct/best approach to dating a women after you already had sex with her or give some basic guidelines.
Okay, just to be clear here… if sex has occurred, then you have successfully completed the “seduction” phase of Mystery Method.
Understand: The Mystery Method is mostly geared towards the initial “getting women to sleep with you” phase of things. So you don’t really NEED to use it on a girl you’ve already slept with – unless you failed to establish any rapport with her and just “got lucky” because she was drunk, she just wanted to get laid and didn’t care by whom, or any other factors which might have gotten you the sex but zero inter-personal connection.
So let’s say you did Mystery Method right, and built up the attraction and comfort before you got her into bed. If that’s the case, then guess what? Your job is EASY now. Read more
Travellingwilbury over at the Attraction Forums poses an interesting question. What is the procedure for getting a new relationship after an old one ends? How long should you be single for?
Considered posting this in the Relationships area, but it’s still a newbie question.
Let’s just say I haven’t had a lot of girlfriends. I’m not going to complain about that this time. I’ve been doing a lot of things wrong. At least I now know what they were. I’m feeling good about my ability to attract overall. The point is that I certainly haven’t had girlfriends serially – with small gaps between them, as many seem to.
In these questions I’m not talking about one night stands of fuckbuddies, I’m talking about relationships that last weeks and months…
Some guys have to put up with celibacy / no romance, for months. I don’t think any guys like being single, whereas girls seem to like it, or at least they are good at pretending to like it – freedom etc. A guy’s wife of many years dies, and I’ve seen it: he is seeing or even married to a woman 10 years younger than his late wife within 6 months. Some guys can’t stand a gap. Who here feels like they want very short gap? You might want more gap if the last relationship was emotional. But what does an alpha or a pua do when a relationship ends, assuming it didn’t end because he was already seeing another girl? Do you literally just decide that you need constant access to a woman’s body, any woman’s body and you just go out every night and day until you find one and then you can relax again, even if it takes a month?
Is that what you’re supposed to do? Loads of sudden concentrated effort. Are some of you driven to be single for only a short time. I’ve never done that. But my gaps were expected to be big, so I’ve never got used to being in a relationship, so I don’t notice the absence as much as some. I didn’t have a lot of girlfriends because I just assumed they would sort of turn up or approach me themselves. Some guys just seem to fall into relationships. It’s not just that they APPEAR effortless. I suspect they are REALLY making no effort, but they’re having everyday incidental contact with women in their lives anyway and they’re attractive, easy, handsome, well-groomed, by default and so no CONSCIOUS effort is needed.
I’m tortured by the concept that “It is easy to get a girlfriend!” because it is both true and false. If you really want one, it isn’t. If you don’t, but have a busy social life, it is. Correct? It’s easy or hard (or impossible) depending on your game, your expectations, your desperation and your lifestyle?
How long a gap could you stand? And how do you go about making sure a gap is short, if that is your preference? Approach every girl? Be impatient for a girl without seeming to be?
If I need to make efforts like that, I need more motivation and less nervousness – more exercise, and no salt, caffeine or masturbation.
Well, here’s how I see things… Read more
Taffer over on mASF wrote the following detailing his problems with Day 2s.
I ought to cut back on drinking, or texting, or the combination of both.
Last three girls I came close to bedding have courteously responded in a similar manner after my reinitiation attempts, questioning my game efficiency.
All three girls have this in common.
- initially very high attraction to me (kino, make outs, day2s)
- okay Day2s with one leading to Day3 and crappy sex performance on my side
- Immeditaley unavailable following Day2/3 180 change in ther attraction and commitment to seeing me
I could attribute this to, persistent periodic texting.
If I have a good Day2 I obviously wanna see this girl again in a week or two. Maybe I tried to set up the next date too soon because I waited as little as 4 days to 10 days after day2 to schedule next encounter.
Maybe it’s my personality, I’m very open-book type of guy which may put some people off.
There’s a chance I came across too relationshippy and didn’t continue to keep the attraction up.
Last girl responded with a version of this,
“Taffer, you’re a deeply loving individual deserving best treatment. I had a lovely time, but I’m seeing somebody else these days”
I’m aghast to have yet another girl responding with this “heartfelt” crap.
So I’m a great, awesome, caring guy, for SOMEONE ELSE! Tired of this crap.
How do I even react to something like this?
Lacking major calibration somewhere.
I’m at my wits end here folks. I’d appreciate any input you guys can offer.
There is definitely an issue going on here. Typically, you have to have some measure of attraction to get a Day 2 (meeting after the initial encounter), so Taffer is definitely doing something right there. But his game falls apart shortly thereafter with his Day 2 strategy. Here’s why… Read more
Don Kanonji over on the Attraction Forums has an interesting question concerning frame control and inner game, when it has to do with dealing with rejection from women.
Don Kanonji writes:
I’m pretty sure this happens/happened to everyone: Guy founds the community, goes out and tries some approaches only to be rejected dozens of times in a row.Guy becomes the mysoginist of the century and thinks all girls are a bunch of useless cunts who only care about rich and famous dudes.
For me and after a few years of a fucked up life I’m trying desperately to learn how to love myself and when some random girl just looks at me like I’m some kind of freak she basically reminds me of how much I need to change everything about myself.
How the f*** I’m supposed to like me the way I am, if I need to change EVERYTHING about me ?!
Well, I’m currently trying the best I can to get rid of this disease but sometimes I wonder if I need game or professional help.
What kind of things you say to yourself in these kind of situations?
I refuse to give up, but sometimes i feel like my head is about to explode
I feel your pain, Don. This is probably the most common thing that pops up when going out and trying to pick up girls. I know that when I first started pick-up, I had a LOT of issues to deal with in this regard. I mean, its easy to become resentful of women when you want them so badly, yet you feel they all will reject you. I think that’s just human nature, to despise that which we can’t have, and therefore make it seem like we don’t want it.
But let’s face it, we all want to be loved. We want to feel like we’re a person of value to someone else. And if you’re dealing with inner game issues, and are insecure about who you are, those rejections you collect when you go out to practice pick-up is… well, counterproductive!
Here’s the real problem though, and its solution… Read more
Daigoro wrote up a problem of his over on mASF that goes a little something like this…
So, am I being a pussy for easing up on the girl when she says this?
Tiny girl. 110 lbs. First time I cut loose on her and she didn’t say anything but she would recoil from certain thrusts or positions and stopped me from going down on her (which I felt was genuine shyness/awkwardness) and finally jumped off my dick when I thought she was coming.
She told me today I gave her a stomach ache and that it was quite arduous going so long for her (forty-five minutes or so?). She kept quiet because of the awkwardness of first-time sex», but she was in pain.
Tonight, we had a great intimate vibe going. I told her that our chemistry was nuclear and that she was making me want to devour her. Shit ton of foreplay, mixing rough and gentle. She was highly aroused and wet. But when it came to sex», I could not fully unleash because of her discomfort.
I pulled back the aggressiveness and framed it as a challenge, like, “okay, honey, we’re still getting used to each other. I’ll find the rhythm. I’m still going to fuck the shit out of you. Just a little bit at a time.” But to be honest, it was much less enjoyable to have to reign in the horses.
I tried focussed slow acceleration while she was on her stomach with her legs together. She seemed to really like it but again she stopped me before I could cut loose or make her orgasm. It’s a sharp recoil like I’m hitting a nerve.
What’s the policy here?
Am I being too deferential to her discomfort? It’s true that I’m not always completely dominant in bed. But I want to fucking ravish this girl. But I don’t want to hurt her or put her sweet pussy out of commission.
Okay, first of all, it’s not a BAD thing to be deferential to a girl if you’re HURTING her. Seriously, if what you’re doing to a girl isn’t pleasant for her, then you’re not doing anything wrong by trying to NOT cause her pain. The fact of the matter is, girls are built differently just like guys are. Some girls have very shallow plumbing, just like some guys have small wee-wees. You need to learn how to deal with it.
If a girl’s in pain and not enjoying sex with you, you’re doing it wrong. Plain and simple. Sex has got to be enjoyable for both of you if you want to keep having it with each other, otherwise someone is going to get tired/resentful/whatever and move on.
In this case, it sounds like Daigoro treated this girl like he did other girls in the past when it came to sex, and discovered that wasn’t the best way to do it. If that’s the case, he did the right thing by trying to find a different way of going about things. In my experience, if this happens, have the girl take charge and let her command the sex play. She’ll find what works best for her when it comes to you. Sometimes, this will be her being on top, other times it will be finding a new angle or position that allows her to enjoy sex without getting hurt. Whatever it is, let her find it first. Then, once that “safe zone” has been discovered, try to find a way to make it work for you.
If, however, you can’t find something that works for you (ie: You’re not getting as much pleasure as the girl), you might have to just chalk things up to being “sexually incompatible” and find someone new. Hey, it happens. It’s important that you have your needs fulfilled, just like she get her needs taken care of. It’s not fair to either of you if one person has to keep sacrificing their pleasure just to be together.
Deelow over on mASF proposes the following question…
So you are in a relationship, doesnt matter what kind of a relationship (could be ltr, mltr, oltr, fb etc.)… What signs that she exhibits (besides denying you sex») would be an indication that she views you as a provider more than a lover?
There are a lot of good explanations in the thread as to the signs these guys think signal a provider relationship. But the real crux of the issue here is the question “What are the signs that the girl you’re with is just using you and isn’t really into you anymore?”
Let’s face it. Sometimes girls just stay in a relationship with a guy they’re not really that into because they don’t want to be single. Or, maybe they get into a “relationship” with a guy because they plan to use him for something – be it social status, money, security, whatever. And sometimes, girls get into relationships, and then get bored and lose their passion for their partner. Hey, it happens. But I think Deelow is asking about the signals that your relationship might be in trouble. Read more
Who am I to argue? It’s science, baby…
Women generally find calm, collected men more attractive, and scientists now suggest they know the biology of why that is.
Investigations into what makes men desirable often focus on testosterone. The hormone is linked with masculine facial traits, such as larger jaws and heavier brows, and is typically associated with better long-term health. As such, it might at first glance make sense from an evolutionary point of view if women found testosterone-laden men especially attractive.
However, past studies have often revealed that men with high testosterone levels are not automatically appealing to women, who view such testosterone-laden men as having long-term drawbacks. For instance, the macho guys may lead a “player’s” lifestyle, or may also be bad parents.
Instead, human behavioral ecologist Fhionna Moore at the University of Abertay Dundee in Scotland and her colleagues focused on the stress-linked hormone cortisol. Persistently high levels of cortisol can suppress not just the immune system, but also reproductive function. As such, it would make sense if women preferred men with low cortisol levels — that is, those who are not stressed out.
The whole article goes on to talk about how guys who are more laid-back, relaxed, and happy-go-lucky were generally found more attractive than “alpha male” types with high testosterone levels. I think this comes down to a “looks vs. personality” debate. Yes, the study was done based on looks, as in a “macho” looking guy vs. a “laid back” looking guy, but when it comes down to it, women prefer a man who has a personality that’s more conducive to what they enjoy, as opposed to a good-looking meathead.
Personality is always the great equalizer in attraction. Looks fade, the novelty wears off, and when that happens, you’re just stuck with who the person is, and to a lot of women, that matters a great deal.
Live Science magazine reveals an interesting study that reveals how you can move on the dance floor to capture women’s hearts…
Using computer-generated avatars, psychologists say they have unlocked the dance moves that will capture a woman’s heart. Apparently the speed of a man’s right knee and the size and variety of movements of the neck and torso are key, they suggest.
Throughout the animal kingdom examples abound of males performing courtship dances, attracting females with displays of health and skill. Dances are sexy among humans as well, and scientists wanted to codify what moves ladies like to see in men.
Psychologists at Northumbria University in England filmed 19 male volunteers, ages 18 to 35, with a 12-camera system as the men danced to a German dance track, the kind of drum rhythm one might hear clubbing. None of them were professional dancers.
The men also wore 38 small reflectors all over their body, which the systems monitored to capture the motions of the dancers in three dimensions — the same technique filmmakers used to help create the character of Gollum in the “Lord of the Rings” movies. These movements were mapped onto featureless, white, gender-neutral humanoid characters, or avatars.
This way, the 35 heterosexual women the scientists also recruited could rate 15-second clips of each dancer without being prejudiced by each guy’s individual level of physical attractiveness. Each dancer was judged on a scale of one to seven, from extremely bad to extremely good.
Guys whose swagger included larger and more variable movements of the neck and torso were considered attractive by the ladies.
“This is the first study to show objectively what differentiates a good dancer from a bad one,” said researcher Nick Neave, a psychologist at Northumbria University. “Men all over the world will be interested to know what moves they can throw to attract women.”
Curiously, faster bending and twisting movements of the right knee also seemed to catch the eyes of women. As a potential explanation, the researchers noted that 80 percent of all people are right-footed, so most people “are putting their weight on their left leg and using that leg as an anchor while the right can do more fancy things,” Neave suggested. “It is a bit of an odd finding, so we need more studies to see if this feature is replicated.”
He added: “We now know which area of the body females are looking at when they are making a judgment about male dance attractiveness. If a man knows what the key moves are, he can get some training and improve his chances of attracting a female through his dance style.”
In the online version of the journal Biology Letters Sept. 8, the researchers suggest these dance movements could be signs of male health, vigor or strength that men would find hard to fake. Neave said they have preliminary data to show that better dancers are also healthier and are more attractive, and they are exploring these ideas in current research studies.
“The hardest thing is to recruit males to take part,” Neave told LiveScience. “They seem rather reluctant to sign up for studies that involve dancing.”
I’ve long believed that a man’s prowess on the dancefloor is an indicator to women at how good he is in bed, since it communicates movement of the body. Also, if a woman is willing to dance with you, she’s usually willing to get physical with you in other ways. So knowing the moves that attract women can definitely be advantageous.
Be sure to check out the videos they include to see examples of the good and bad dance moves.
Sinn had (kinda) an interesting post up on his blog about “Girl Game,” or the kind of game women run on men.
I’ve been having some crazy success lately which has led me to having to wash my sheets every day and the following little nugget of information I want to share with you today.
Girls have lines and “routines” they run too.
I started to notice this before I left AZ, but since I’ve moved it’s become even more noticeable. In fact I can now tell I’m going to end up hooking up with a girl as soon as they start some of they’re “girl game” as I like to call it.
I met a Yoga teacher in Barnes and Noble Sunday who while we were walking around told me she had to be in love to have sex with someone(Something I’d heard before) 6 hours later she was filming herself masturbating and various other things unfit for print.
My favorite example of this is when girls try to push the whole ” I date like a guy” thing. Recently this very cute little cocktail waitress named Sam tried to tell me she doesn’t date and plays guys. Literally a week later she was calling me every day trying to hangout and getting super clingy. Since I’ve moved I’ve heard variations of this from an Abercrombie and Fitch manager and a makeup artist. If a girl tells you she dates like a guy or is a player, run because she’s clingy.
I’ve done the research for you.
The point is, much as we are trying to control our image in the girl’s mind to make ourselves seem fun, confident, masculine and interesting. She is trying to do the same thing, and chances are both of us are misrepresenting ourselves.
Because as Chris Rock once said when you meet somebody of the opposite sex for the first time, you’re not actually meeting them, you’re meeting their representative.
How do you deal with this?
With the best advice I ever received about women (from my sister ironically enough, love you Gemma!) Never take anything a woman is saying seriously. Especially if you just met her.
Um, I’m not sure about that. I mean, if a girl says “Get away from me you creepy Edie Munster-looking troll,” I’m pretty sure you could take that seriously. lol.
But, that doesn’t bely Sinn’s main point here, which is lots of women do have a “system” by which they like to try and attract men. It’s probably not as well thought out and theorized about as what we do in our little community here, but it does exist, and lots of women know how to use their sexuality to string men along as much as they want. Read more
Aum over on the attraction forums shared this heart-wrenching (and all too familiar) post…
when i go to a club. I always get intimidated by the other guys in the club who are lot taller, well built and dress a lot better than me. When i see girls, i get this feeling of inadequacy. I really hate myself because of this. I am working out really hard every day and trying to dress better but never feel good enof. Any advice on chaning my perspective on this? please help!!! this is kiiling me.
I feel ya bro. Speaking as an overweight, bald, ugly slob myself, I know all too well what it feels like to walk into a club and see all these other guys who are way better looking than you are. Heck, even my friends who I go out with tend to be better looking than me! lol.
But here’s the thing… Read more
Yet more horny scientists with too much time on their hands…
Researchers found a woman having an “hourglass” shaped figure was more important for a man than her breast size or facial features.
They also discovered that men take a split second to decide if a member of the opposite sex is attractive.
They calculated that a “waist-to-hip ratio” of 0.7, or a waist measuring 70 per cent of the hip circumference, was the “perfect” size.
Women with “hourglass” figures such as Marilyn Monroe, Jessica Alba, the Hollywood actress and Alessandra Ambrosio, the Victoria’s Secret model, were found to posses the “perfect” body.
Scientists concluded that such a small ratio was considered good for a woman’s health and resulted in high fertility.
Dr Barnaby Dixson, a New Zealand anthropologist, studied what different sexes found attractive throughout history.
In his study, a group of volunteers were shown various pictures of a woman, where her hips, bust, and waist were digitally altered.
He then asked them to rate the image for attractiveness and while they studied the photos used infra-red cameras to track their eyes.
Despite most men being drawn initially to the woman’s cleavage, it was her hips and waist that were in fact what they found most attractive.
“Men rated images with an hourglass shape and a slim waist … as most attractive, irrespective of breast size,” said Dr Dixson, from Victoria University of Wellington.
You can read the whole article here. But it is interesting how most guys will go for a woman with a “nice body” but a sub-par face over a woman with a pretty f ace and a horrible body. In the article, they make it a point to say “humans simply do not mate randomly.” And that’s true. We all have certain things we prefer in a mate. Guess it just comes down to personal taste in the end.
It seems that there’s an ongoing trend in which women are liking more body hair on their men.
Modern ‘metrosexual’ man seems to have finally had his day as most British women admit to preferring their men hairy, research revealed today.
While recent years have seen the seemingly unstoppable rise of male grooming, 85 per cent of women said that the hirsute look suits men better.
Waxing and excessive shaving got the thumbs down, with girls opting for a ‘real man’ instead.
Shaved chests, plucked eyebrows and the ‘back, sack and crack’ wax were not, after all, the way to a woman’s heart, the survey found.
Only 8 per cent of women said they liked their men groomed to perfection, narrowly beating the 7 per cent who preferred to see a werewolf-like quantity of hair.
Women in the North East in particular were firm fans of ‘manly men’, with 97 per cent wanting their partners to leave their hair alone.
Welsh women were also fans of hairy men, with 91 per cent preferring a Seventies-style ‘rug’ and hairy legs over a smooth, hairless chest.
East Midlands women were the biggest fans of the metrosexual waxed look with 15 per cent preferring carefully groomed men.
The survey of 3,000 British women was commissioned by Sound Asleep and was carried out by OnePoll.com.
I know most of the girls I’ve dated in my life liked my chest hair and things along those lines – which is good because I am one hairy mofo. Some guys do look better hairless and there are indeed some women who prefer the smooth, hairless style on guys. But it just goes to show you – you can never tell what is really going to turn a woman on!
So I just got done reading the latest post on Erika Awakening’s blog. A reader wrote in with a simple question – what does it mean when a woman dresses sexy? Sounds like a simple enough question. In fact, here’s the missive in it’s entirety:
Hi, Erika -
I would very much like to get your perspective on this, and I thank you in advance for your time and advice.
Anyway, here it is: what I would like to know is when a woman leaves her house to go out – whether it be on an evening or just thru the day – does the way she dress give any clues whether she is looking to hook-up or not? For example, if a girl goes out showing a little more cleavage than usual, or her skirt is an inch or two higher than normal, or if she is wearing a little more make-up, is that significant? Or does a girl dress sexily primarily to just feel good about herself, or even to impress her female friends?
In addition, is a woman always aware of herself, the way she is looking, and the way she is portraying herself? By which I mean, if a woman crosses her legs in a man’s company and ends up showing a little too much leg, or has an extra button undone on her blouse, would you consider that as significant in that she is looking to hook up, or is wanting the man to approach?
What follows it literally a BOOK length response that really does nothing to answer poor Frank’s question.
Next time Frank, just email papa Thundercat for a more sussinct answer: Read more
Cameron has a pretty cool post up on his blog about a certain “Toxic Personality” type you should learn to spot and avoid if possible.
Continuing in this series of toxic personality traits, we come to the examine the value taker. This is a trait exhibited by individuals who have a great propensity towards self-absorption and a lack of willingness to want to contribute.
To compound the above mentioned issues, these individuals also may display a bewildering sense of entitlement. I’ll explain that a bit later.
Like the complainer, the value-taker can become just as easy to spot, if you learn to know what to look for. To start identifying this trait, you just have to be aware of super basic tell-tale signs that give them away.
The most noticeable trait that is rather self evident is their complete disregard towards other people’s lives. You’ll quickly note their tendency to not ask any questions about you. When they do, it’s related to what they can siphon off for themselves. It’s not about showing any actual interest in you.
So let’s assume you’re at a party, and you run to such types. They’ll come into basic general varieties.
Type 1 : The Proverbial Gold-Digger who will dig for information: What do you drive? Do you own or rent? What kind of a job? They may not ask explicitly and blatantly, but they’ll try to investigate to discover this info.
Type II: Talk about themselves constantly. Sometimes it’s the gold digger trying to impress you. Having established you’re someone of value, she is going to want to make a good impression. The most fascinating part this is that her own gold-digging prowess is limited by her lack of social skills.
It’ll sound like this: “Oh, I just moved her from Chicago, ya know I just love Chicago, but I moved out here, then when I got here, blah, blah, blah,… (2 min later) then 3 weeks later when I was on this job, I heard that…. Blah, blah, blah…”
Their story is not anecdotal, nor does it have a point. It’s not meant to entertain you, (because that’d be actually contributing something to the interaction), nor is it in the spirit of sharing and establishing rapport between two individuals.
It’s just a person talking. It’s not whimsical, insightful, educational, anecdotal, humorous, or entertaining. Just random words thrown in the air that follow enough of a format where they seem to make somewhat coherent sentences in the English language. (or a foreign language for that matter.)
To go a step deeper, individuals with this toxic personality trait often display a sense of entitlement. For some reason, unbeknownst to the rest of humanity, these people feel that they’re entitled to certain things. For this reason, they’re the worst to deal with in any sort of relationship, be it friendships, business, or romantic.
You could easily gather a handful of various businessmen in a variety of industries and they could easily tell you the common behavioral patterns amongst problem customers who suffer from a sense of entitlement.
Let’s say you had some sort of a consulting service, and you’re one of the best at what you do. Your rates for services rendered are an even $100 per hour.
A healthy person would enjoy your services, thank you for a job well done, and refer many clients towards word of mouth.
A toxic “Entitled” person would stay a half hour over time squeezing more of your services and time, (now up to 90 minutes instead of 60), and then at the end of all that, try to negotiate to pay less than the usual 100-Dollar rate.
Worst case scenario: He wasted an extra half hour of your time, paid you less than your current rates, and then may still want a refund 3 weeks later. I have no respect for these types of people. They pull douchebag moves that are driven by their self-absorption and sense of entitlement.
As usual, this is not specific to gender. Both men and women can possess this toxic trait.
What you can do about it: Get the f*** away from such people.
Sometimes, just the questions they ask you reveal enough insight that enables you to distinguish the toxicity within their personalities. In business, it’s the difference between, “Wow, your rates are too steep man” versus “I can’t afford all of that right now. Is there something else I can do or offer to make up for it?”
The latter person wants to contribute. This in fact reminds me of a friend of mine who is a fantastic kickboxer. He charges a good rate for his hourly services, but then, every so often I’d find random dudes helping him in various endeavor.
Upon being asked regarding a guy helping him build a fence in his backyard, he responded, “Oh, that’s ‘John’. He can’t afford to pay me so I told him I’d teach him and he could help me build that fence.”
I told him it sounded like the Karate Kid movie all over again! He laughed and agreed.
The point is, “John” was willing to contribute but the dude simply couldn’t afford to pay the cash required. Was building a fence exact compensation? Nope, but it was enough of an effort that was worthy.
Will everyone be willing to do what my kickboxing teacher friend did? No, but you’ll find enough people who will help you if you are willing to CONTRIBUTE in whatever way you can.
The article is pretty good. I suggest you check out the full thing here. I guess its part of a series of people with “Toxic Personalities.” It can be hard to spot people who are “takers” sometimes because a skilled one will fool you into thinking they’re nice and cool, and you don’t realize they’re a complete douche until they’ve successfully screwed you over.
I’ve found the best way to deal with “Takers” is to have immense self respect. The more confident you are in yourself, the more you respect your own time and contributions to others, the harder it is for people to take advantage of you.