Girl Game

September 1, 2010 by  
Filed under Analysis

Sinn had (kinda) an interesting post up on his blog about “Girl Game,” or the kind of game women run on men.

Sinn writes:
I’ve been having some crazy success lately which has led me to having to wash my sheets every day and the following little nugget of information I want to share with you today.

Girls have lines and “routines” they run too.

I started to notice this before I left AZ, but since I’ve moved it’s become even more noticeable. In fact I can now tell I’m going to end up hooking up with a girl as soon as they start some of they’re “girl game” as I like to call it.

I met a Yoga teacher in Barnes and Noble Sunday who while we were walking around told me she had to be in love to have sex with someone(Something I’d heard before) 6 hours later she was filming herself masturbating and various other things unfit for print.

My favorite example of this is when girls try to push the whole ” I date like a guy” thing. Recently this very cute little cocktail waitress named Sam tried to tell me she doesn’t date and plays guys. Literally a week later she was calling me every day trying to hangout and getting super clingy. Since I’ve moved I’ve heard variations of this from an Abercrombie and Fitch manager and a makeup artist. If a girl tells you she dates like a guy or is a player, run because she’s clingy.

I’ve done the research for you.

The point is, much as we are trying to control our image in the girl’s mind to make ourselves seem fun, confident, masculine and interesting. She is trying to do the same thing, and chances are both of us are misrepresenting ourselves.

Because as Chris Rock once said when you meet somebody of the opposite sex for the first time, you’re not actually meeting them, you’re meeting their representative.

How do you deal with this?

With the best advice I ever received about women (from my sister ironically enough, love you Gemma!) Never take anything a woman is saying seriously. Especially if you just met her.

Um, I’m not sure about that.  I mean, if a girl says “Get away from me you creepy Edie Munster-looking troll,” I’m pretty sure you could take that seriously.  lol.

But, that doesn’t bely Sinn’s main point here, which is lots of women do have a “system” by which they like to try and attract men.  It’s probably not as well thought out and theorized about as what we do in our little community here, but it does exist, and lots of women know how to use their sexuality to string men along as much as they want.

I always like to say that the attraction dynamic is a power struggle between the sexes.  Women have the sexual power, and men have the relationship power, and the two trade that power in order to get what they want.  If a woman can get a guy to “give up” the relationship power without having to sleep with him, so he’s basically doing everything a guy would normally do in a relationship without getting sex in return, there’s really no reason for the girl to sleep with the guy if she doesn’t want to, is there?

In my experience, girl game is always about women who know how to hook guys in with their sexuality, and then once they know they have them hooked, they either use them (because they’re not really that interested) or they get into a relationship with them (because they are interested).  In Sinn’s post, he’s claiming that because we’re “gaming” each other (girls and guys, not Sinn and I, lol), we’re not actually being honest with the other person about who we really are.

And maybe that’s true if you’re not congruent with the type of game you’re running.  I mean, we always try and put our best foot forward with someone we like, but the only time that’s dishonest or false is when you’re lying and acting in a way that’s not representative of who you are in order to try and get someone to like you.

This was a problem for me, personally, when I was heavy into the Mystery Method/RSD stuff back in 2003/2004.  I think it was because I was trying to use someone else’s material and “persona” and it just didn’t jive with who I am.  I do think it’s possible to present your most positive traits without being false or fake, and it is possible to game someone without misrepresenting who you are.

Like in Sinn’s post, I’ve had lots of girls tell me their “rules” about dating or whatever only to have them break those rules later on.  I can see what Sinn is talking about when he says “don’t take what women say seriously,” in the sense that most women don’t really know what their rules are.  They’ll often say stuff just to not sound like a slut or not sound too eager, etc.  In that sense, I never actually put much stock into what women say actually attracts them or whatever because quite frankly, they don’t know.  They THINK they know, but they really don’t.  But I wouldn’t say that’s part of their game, I’d actually say that’s a lack of emotional intelligence and self-knowledge on their part.

A wise man once told me that words can lie, but actions always tell the truth.  A woman can tell you LOTS of stuff about what she supposedly “responds” to, but if you look at her actions, and what she ACTUALLY responds to, that will give you a better idea of what the truth is.

That’s why it’s important to PAY ATTENTION to the woman you’re with and learn to read her cues about what is working with her and what isn’t.  A girl can say she’s “only attracted to tall guys,” but if a short guy comes along and hits all her emotional triggers, she’s going to go for him too.  It’s all just a matter of knowing how to generate attraction.

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