Toxic Personalities in Dating: The Taker

August 10, 2010 by  
Filed under Analysis, Articles

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Cameron has a pretty cool post up on his blog about a certain “Toxic Personality” type you should learn to spot and avoid if possible.

TheOne writes:

Continuing in this series of toxic personality traits, we come to the examine the value taker. This is a trait exhibited by individuals who have a great propensity towards self-absorption and a lack of willingness to want to contribute.

To compound the above mentioned issues, these individuals also may display a bewildering sense of entitlement. I’ll explain that a bit later.

Like the complainer, the value-taker can become just as easy to spot, if you learn to know what to look for. To start identifying this trait, you just have to be aware of super basic tell-tale signs that give them away.

The most noticeable trait that is rather self evident is their complete disregard towards other people’s lives. You’ll quickly note their tendency to not ask any questions about you. When they do, it’s related to what they can siphon off for themselves. It’s not about showing any actual interest in you.

So let’s assume you’re at a party, and you run to such types. They’ll come into basic general varieties.

Type 1 : The Proverbial Gold-Digger who will dig for information: What do you drive? Do you own or rent? What kind of a job? They may not ask explicitly and blatantly, but they’ll try to investigate to discover this info.

Type II: Talk about themselves constantly. Sometimes it’s the gold digger trying to impress you. Having established you’re someone of value, she is going to want to make a good impression. The most fascinating part this is that her own gold-digging prowess is limited by her lack of social skills.

It’ll sound like this: “Oh, I just moved her from Chicago, ya know I just love Chicago, but I moved out here, then when I got here, blah, blah, blah,… (2 min later) then 3 weeks later when I was on this job, I heard that…. Blah, blah, blah…”

Their story is not anecdotal, nor does it have a point. It’s not meant to entertain you, (because that’d be actually contributing something to the interaction), nor is it in the spirit of sharing and establishing rapport between two individuals.

It’s just a person talking. It’s not whimsical, insightful, educational, anecdotal, humorous, or entertaining. Just random words thrown in the air that follow enough of a format where they seem to make somewhat coherent sentences in the English language. (or a foreign language for that matter.)

To go a step deeper, individuals with this toxic personality trait often display a sense of entitlement. For some reason, unbeknownst to the rest of humanity, these people feel that they’re entitled to certain things. For this reason, they’re the worst to deal with in any sort of relationship, be it friendships, business, or romantic.

You could easily gather a handful of various businessmen in a variety of industries and they could easily tell you the common behavioral patterns amongst problem customers who suffer from a sense of entitlement.

Let’s say you had some sort of a consulting service, and you’re one of the best at what you do. Your rates for services rendered are an even $100 per hour.

A healthy person would enjoy your services, thank you for a job well done, and refer many clients towards word of mouth.

A toxic “Entitled” person would stay a half hour over time squeezing more of your services and time, (now up to 90 minutes instead of 60), and then at the end of all that, try to negotiate to pay less than the usual 100-Dollar rate.

Worst case scenario: He wasted an extra half hour of your time, paid you less than your current rates, and then may still want a refund 3 weeks later. I have no respect for these types of people. They pull douchebag moves that are driven by their self-absorption and sense of entitlement.

As usual, this is not specific to gender. Both men and women can possess this toxic trait.

What you can do about it: Get the f*** away from such people.

Sometimes, just the questions they ask you reveal enough insight that enables you to distinguish the toxicity within their personalities. In business, it’s the difference between, “Wow, your rates are too steep man” versus “I can’t afford all of that right now. Is there something else I can do or offer to make up for it?”

The latter person wants to contribute. This in fact reminds me of a friend of mine who is a fantastic kickboxer. He charges a good rate for his hourly services, but then, every so often I’d find random dudes helping him in various endeavor.

Upon being asked regarding a guy helping him build a fence in his backyard, he responded, “Oh, that’s ‘John’. He can’t afford to pay me so I told him I’d teach him and he could help me build that fence.”

I told him it sounded like the Karate Kid movie all over again! He laughed and agreed.

The point is, “John” was willing to contribute but the dude simply couldn’t afford to pay the cash required. Was building a fence exact compensation? Nope, but it was enough of an effort that was worthy.

Will everyone be willing to do what my kickboxing teacher friend did? No, but you’ll find enough people who will help you if you are willing to CONTRIBUTE in whatever way you can.

The article is pretty good.  I suggest you check out the full thing here.  I guess its part of a series of people with “Toxic Personalities.”  It can be hard to spot people who are “takers” sometimes because a skilled one will fool you into thinking they’re nice and cool, and you don’t realize they’re a complete douche until they’ve successfully screwed you over.

I’ve found the best way to deal with “Takers” is to have immense self respect.  The more confident you are in yourself, the more you respect your own time and contributions to others, the harder it is for people to take advantage of you.

My Dinner With TheOne

February 4, 2004 by  
Filed under News

**Reposted from the first Lair, original date: 12/18/03

Okay, so one of the perks of living in Los Angeles is that I get to hang out with some of the best of the best of the best that the seduction community has to offer. Los Angeles seems to be the Mecca for Pick-Up Artists, probably because of the constant influx of fresh-off-the-bus poon, mixed with the hippest night scene in the U.S. (shut up New York), and a healthy dose of celebrity elitism, and you got yourself a virtual PUA playground.

One of the PUAs out here is TheOne, who used to be called Maverick, but I guess he decided a name that started with “The” was more memorable. Anyway, some of you may recognize TheOne as a fairly regular instructor at the Real Social Dynamic’s workshop. (Perhaps he changed his name because of all the gay TOP GUN jokes hurled at him by being Tyler’s wing? Who knows.) Regardless, TheOne was one of the first instructors I ever had. It was him and Tyler who took my out my first night in the LA Mystery Method Workshop about 5 months ago (Has it been that long? Dunno. Gotta lay off the drugs).

As far as Game goes, TheOne is far from the best there is, but he’s a pretty solid dude who does get laid (though looking like Sylvester Stallone from “Cobra” doesn’t hurt, I’m sure). So I like the guy enough to agree to have dinner with him when he calls me up a few days ago.

TheOne picks me up from work, and this is the first time I get to see him in his non-peacocking gear, which usually consists of black PVC pants and a form fitting black shirt, along with the occasional leather arm band. Instead, he’s just in sweatpants and a muscle shirt, having just come from the gym (whether he was trying to impress me or not, who knows? =)

So we go to this Hawaiian BBQ place I know of and sit down for a nice dinner. It’s cool hanging out with TheOne because unlike hanging out with someone like Mystery, I do not feel a pressure to sarge. There’s nothing worse than trying to relax and enjoy a meal with the feeling that you should be gaming the waitresses and any female patron in sight, which is often an unfortunate side-effect of hanging with a juggernaught of PUA such as Mystery.

Anyway, we talk about a lot of things. Community gossip, sticking points in our game, financial troubles, work woes, and JFK assassination theories. In a way, it was a real eye opening experience for me because it had been a while since I’d hung out with someone from the community in a strictly “non-sarge” capacity. It was just two dudes chilling in a restaurant enjoying some good food.

The thought struck me how funny it is that at the end of the day, we’re all just a bunch of regular guys. On the internet, it’s so easy to attain “celebrity” or “guru” status just as long as you post prolifically and are able to spell above a kindergarten level. In fact, there are a lot of guys out there who claim to be “seducers” or “pick-up artists”who never fucking leave their computer.

My dinner with TheOne made me realize just how many guys I’ve hung out with from the community. Not only that, but hung out with them enough to see the internet persona go by the wayside and get a sense of the real people underneath. And the truth is, once you get down to it, someone like Mystery, Style, Tyler Durden, Papa, TheOne, Swinggcat, and anyone else out there you read about (I’m including me in this) is pretty much just like every other guy out there.

This includes you, dear reader.

In fact, I get a lot of emails from guys saying how amazing I am and asking when/if I’ll ever do another workshop. I find it odd how that works, because by any stretch of the imagination, I am NOT as good as some of these other guys when it comes to PUA, though I am better than others. But to many of us in the community, PUA is a very small part of our lives. Indeed, I have many other aspects of my life that I pursue, but PUA is a small (albeit important) part of my overall existence.

My point here is this: Whether you are an AFC, RAFC, BAFC, or any other ridiculous acronym, chances are you are on par with most of the guys you read about.

What does this mean?

Simple. If you guys are no different than us, then that means that you can easily be doing what we’re doing, which is going out and learning to pick-up girls.

Obviously, this is easier said than done. Lots of guys are still suffering in this area, and in a way, that’s where people like TheOne and I stand out. We have been able to overcome our fears and insecurities to the point where we are able to engage this area of our life with vigor and persistence most men can only dream of.

So in the coming days, weeks, months, or however long it takes, I’m going to be posting some stuff on how to help your inner game and how to start off approaching women. I’ll give some examples, some theory, and maybe even a few homework assignments for you truly committed out there. Hopefully I’ll even receive a few success stories to post up on the Lair.

In short, if I can do it, and TheOne can do it, you certainly can too.

Then you can open your own workshop and give Tyler a run for his money. =)

Thundercat