PUA Deathmatch: Ross Jeffries vs. David DeAngelo

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Welcome to a new feature on the Lair – PUA DEATHMATCH!  For years, people have speculated who would prevail should two PUAs go head-to-head in the field, but until now, none have occured!

Many challenges have been offered, yet we haven’t seen any PUA’s willing to make it happen… until NOW!

Meeting for the first time in mortal combat in the Thundercat Seduction Arena in Orlando, Florida – scheduled for one fall, the two “Godfathers” of the seduction community meet in the first ever PUA DEATHMATCH!

Everyone loves to hate him, and now the originator of Speed Seduction -Ross Jeffries – gets a chance to take on his once-and-former student David DeAngelo!  Its no secret there is a lot of bad blood between these two titans of the seduction industry, and now they get a chance to take out their frustrations on each other!  Will RJ stop at nothing to defeat David DeAngelo?  Will David D.’s meticulous nature wear down the dastardly hypnotist?

Who will win?  Who will survive?  Watch and see in this TSL exclusive:  PUA DEATHMATCH, ROSS JEFFRIES VS. DAVID DEANGELO!!!!!

And if you have any suggestions for future Deathmatches, leave them in the comments below!

The Top 10 Pick Up Artist Of 2009!

Welcome one and all to this year’s edition of my Top 10 PUA list.  My Top 10 list is different from most people’s, for a few reasons.  The first of which is I try and personally meet and interact with as many PUAs as I can to get a sense if they’re the real deal or not.  Most people out there just rank their friends or go based off of what the message boards say, but I try and base my rankings on my personal experience – not only with the PUAs themselves, but with the techniques of picking up women in general.

But more than that, I base my rankings on more than just sheer skill at picking up women.  The criteria for the rankings are simple:

1.  In-Field Performance. This is basically the skills the PUA displays in the field with women.  Most Top 10s deal with this factor exclusively, but I’ve found that just looking at a guy’s in-field performance can be misleading, since people have off-nights or can get lucky.  That said, their ability to use the techniques in field repeatedly and consistently to get results is a big, big factor in the ranking process.

2.  Innovations. This is what new outlook or techniques the PUA brings to the table.  It’s easy for any new guy to get good using Mystery Method or any other school of seduction, but then again, that stuff is designed to work!  So being innovative and bringing a new twist, spin, philosophy, technique, or whatever to the mix is also a big deal, because that means the PUA actually has something to contribute to his students and the community as a whole that no one else does.

3.  Teaching Ability. This is how effectively the PUA can teach what he does to other people, and have them get similar results.  This is another important factor, because it weeds out the people who are just the lucky naturals, and finds the PUAs who have something to offer humanity as a whole.  After all, I don’t care if a guy gets laid a lot.  I care if that guy can get ME laid a lot – and I think the same is true for you.  That is why I factor in the PUA’s ability to teach others into the ranking.

4.  Contributions To The Community.  This is a measure of how much the PUA “gives back” to others in the seduction community.  This factor is all about the PUA’s willingness to help others, the knowledge and experience he’s willing to share, and the compassion he shows to those who need help.  Too many PUAs look down on people not as successful with women as they are, and that’s not what the seduction community is about, so giving back to it should play a factor, in my opinion.

5.  Philosophy.  This comes down to the PUA’s outlook on life, women, and other men in general.  It’s about how they live their lives, and whether they’re consistent with it.  Some PUAs spout great philosophy, but don’t really believe in it or practice it.  But it’s that core foundations which will influence their students, so I believe this is important in factoring the rankings.

6.  Likability.  One of the things I base my ranking on is whether I actually like the PUA or not.  This is a subjective thing, but I feel its important, because there’s usually a reason I don’t like someone, and that reason has to do with them being a fake, fraud, evil bastard, or what have you.  I like to think I have a fairly decent “B.S. Radar,” so when I meet a PUA in person, I can usually tell if they are legit or not after getting to know them, which is why I tend to rank PUAs I have actually met in real life.  If I haven’t met them, I need to get good feedback from at least 3 sources I trust to make the decision to rank them in this category.

Okay, so now that you know how I rank the list, let’s get to it!
Read more

The Fundamentals of Game

In my last article I promised something for new guys so here it is, also if there’s anything you guys would really like me to cover then leave a comment and I’ll see about making a post .

To often do newbie and even intermediate guys focus on advanced concepts and ideas that either do nothing for them, or else make them seem weird without the fundamentals. In fact I suggest that all guys, including advanced, touch back on the fundamentals and make sure that they are either improving or not getting worse. This is a practice I do often actually. So exactly what are the fundamentals of game? I’ve thought about this and came up with the following…

-Body Language

-Tonality

-Eye Contact

-Light Kino (or touch) that isn’t creepy

-Vibing

-Being NORMAL

If you lack any of these six things then any other form of game is a complete waste of time. These six things make up the cake, the rest of game is the icing and decorating. Without the icing you might have a mediocre cake but with only the icing you don’t even have a cake. So lets break down each of these six things to get you started.

1. Body Language

In my mind there are two levels to Body Language. First thing to learn is the “Alpha” Body Language. Basically taking up space, chest out, chin up, back straight ect ect. There are countless articles and exercises out there to develop this, from the Alexander Technique to imagining a string running down your spine. The idea is to give off a dominant and powerful masculine energy that portrays confidence. Your nonverbal signs are 93% of your communication, your actual words being only 7%.

Now keep in mind that with all new skill sets in game you’re going to go overboard with everything and overdo it…this is actually a GOOD thing because you can only calibrate what’s appropriate by doing to much of something and then balancing it. If it’s not to much then you’re not pushing yourself and if it’s been to much for a while then you need to learn to tone it back down again.

The second level to learn once the first is down is how to relax. You don’t want to be the guy who constantly has to look like superman and is always caught on the idea of looking alpha. It’s time to relax your shoulders and develop more fluid carefree motions. The most powerful form of body language is looking completely at ease and comfortable in your own skin, again without it seeming try hard though. Later on once these are down you can learn more advanced body language for particular situations such as opening, rapport building, sexual, take away’s ect ect.

2. Tonality

This is by far one of the hardest to learn with the exception of “being normal” for some people. Speaking clearly without mumbling, talking in a loud and crisp voice, getting rid of any kind of stutter or pause fillers such as “uh” “um” “you know” “like” or anything similar. Your voice should also be animated and lively, if you have a monotonous voice then anything you say will be boring and people will not pay attention to you. Always try and speak from your diaphragm which is located between your chest and stomach, being nasal is the most unattractive voice quality. Finally having a deep voice will always help and it should sound strong and masculine. This is actually where I could still develop the furthest out of the six fundamentals and will probably take vocal lessons to improve my tonality, that’s how serious it is.

3. Eye Contact

Again there are two levels for this one. The first is basic eye contact where you are simply able to hold someones gaze, especially a girls. You shouldn’t be staring but instead be relaxed by it and give almost a curious energy through your eyes. Looking at her tits or ass will be doom for you, unless it’s done in an advanced way but again we’re focusing on the cake not the icing, and I even had a girl shit test me one time on this. I was on a date and the girl had double D tits and began jumping up and down in front of me acting happy. The entire time I kept my eyes locked on hers while smirking and finally she stopped and looked at me and said “very good”.

Keep in mind the eyes can betray submissiveness by darting your eyes away or especially by looking down. Once this is mastered then the second level would be sexual eye contact. This is hard to explain in words but it’s basically looking at a girl with your full desire for her being expressed through your eyes. It takes great confidence and nonverbally puts everything out on the table. With sexual eye contact you are still looking into her eyes and should have what’s called “laser eyes” where you maintain eye contact completely. With sexual eye contact even if she looks away your eyes should be focused on hers, this is not staring or being creepy about it though and can often be misinterpreted through writing. Best way to learn this is by watching movies and observing the actors eyes before he kisses the girl or even better going out in field and observing a natural. When you see a natural with a girl watch the way he looks at her and see if you can tell his strong sexual intent for her just from his eyes, if you can then you’re seeing it done right.

4. Light Kino

Many guys in field have one of the two problems. Either they can’t muster the courage to even touch a girl in any way or else they are incredibly aggressive and creep the girl out with uncomfortable kino. If you’re the first you MUST get over this and begin touching the girl. You should actually be touching not just her but everyone, even guys! Pats on the shoulder, elbow touches, light hand holds, upper back and the such. Basically if a guy can’t get light touch going how in the world does he expect to get sexual touching going. Also the longer you are in an interaction with a girl and not touching her the more precedent you set for NOT touching her and when you finally do it will be much more awkward and uncomfortable. This doesn’t mean you have to touch RIGHT from the approach, although you can, but definitely within the first 2-3 minutes.

For the aggressive guy just tone it down. This guy is definitely better then the first but women will often find you creepy. The reason for aggressive touching early on is either being drunk, way to sexual and horny, or trying to be “alpha”. If it’s the first then drink less or not at all. If it’s the second then really just try and control yourself, keep in mind that if you control yourself now you’ll be able to get all the touching you want later. For the third guy he needs to get over the idea of being so “alpha” and tone it down, if your aggressive kino hasn’t been working why not try it another way?

5. Vibing

This is basically being able to hold a normal and pleasant conversation without any motive. Can you talk with a girl comfortably about anything and engage in what is called “fluff talk”? If not then even though you have all these cool attraction routines and interesting stories she’ll become uncomfortable with you or else never see you as a real person. Vibing helps build familiarity and is a way to show that you’re normal (see number 6). Point blank if you can’t talk to a girl normally then how do you expect to talk to her in a way that makes her attracted to you? To practice this begin conversations with everyone and see how long you can keep it flowing while talking about every day things. Chances are though you already know how to vibe. Think of your conversations with your best friend or family member, pretty easy going and normal without an agenda. The idea is to duplicate that with a stranger and the best way I’ve seen is by assuming rapport and just talking to her as relaxed as possible without any investment or care in the interaction.

6. Being NORMAL

This is the hardest to teach for those trying to learn. Many guys who come into this community without having the average fundamental social skills and then begin learning advanced attraction material which makes them weird. No matter how much theory or routines you know if you can’t be normal with a girl she will see through you and want nothing to do with you. Some weirdness is OK though and shows individuality…it can be cute quirks to a personality. However for the most part you want to be a normal fun guy. Without that as the backbone of your game then NOTHING will work. The best way to develop being normal is to engage in a bunch of different activities so that you’re thrown in social settings. Also developing social circles is EXTREMELY useful. You should have social circles of normal cool guys (not the D&D buddies sorry) as well as social circles of attractive girls. It’s OK to be in the friend zone, you WANT female friends. You will not become normal though by spending all your time discussing game with community guys or have the only idea of social interactions be from your nights of sarging.  Also developing a sense of humor and being aware of social feedback will help tremendously.

Alright so those are the fundamentals and I suggest everyone, no matter what your skill level is, to look into at least one of these things and try and improve it. These are all seriously the frames that hold up your game and if one should weaken due to lack of attention or development then it will all come down.

-Jarett aka Psych

An Approach to Approach Anxiety

Hey Guys,

For the new year I thought I’d tackle one of the first problems people experience within game and slowly move through the topics throughout the rest of 2009.

Are you afraid of approaching someone you like through a fear of rejection?

Do you get that horrible feeling in your stomach and begin to formulate 100 reasons why someone wouldn’t want to talk to you?

This is a lot more common than you would believe. There are a number of different products out there which will supposedly “fix” the fear of approaching strangers, especially ones you are attracted to. However, few of them take the time to understand why we have that fear in the first place. If you understand why you have this fear or anxiety, you can take steps to counter it. This is probably the biggest topic when it comes to understanding attraction. Well, that is to say, it is the one that most people have the biggest problem with. I constantly receive the same excuses time and time again when it comes to this subject.

1) I’m scared of approaching

2) I have a fear of rejection

3) They aren’t in the mood to be spoken to

4) She won’t think I look good enough

5) I can’t meet people in a park/cinema/night club

6) I’m not good enough for him/her

7) There’s no point, it won’t work

These are probably the most common reasons I am given as to why someone can’t approach, or the feeling that is preventing them from approaching. The fact that these are so prevalent is because they are all based on very real psychological factors to do with learning and behaviour.

Anxiety is defined by Seligman, Walker and Rosenhan (2001) as a physiological state characterized by cognitive, somatic, emotional, and behavioral components. These factors essentially make up the feelings that we experience as fear, apprehension, and worry.

There are some physical sensations that you will probably be aware of such as heart palpitations, nausea, chest pain, shortness of breath, sweaty palms, shaking and perhaps headaches. These may be common to you. Some people will disguise these by making a decision not to approach. This will relieve the sensations and instead leave a sort of “numbness” to the situation.

Sigmund Freud himself believed that these anxious feelings were created by an association between a past negative experience and the current situation. These associations are often false and not related through causality – the idea that one situation directly affects another, but through correlation – one thing “tends to affect another over repeated attempts.”

When people begin to see this correlation as a fact, it is commonly referred to as “Magical Thinking.”

There are two governing principles behind magical thinking. The first is the law of similarity which is the notion that things that resemble each other are casually connected in some way that defies scientific testing.

 

For example:

Here people will typically see vertical columns of squares and circles as opposed to horizontal mixed rows of squares and circles.

The second law is the law of contagion which is the belief that “things that have been in physical contact or in spatial or temporal association with other things retain a connection after they are separated.” Contagion effects have been noted to be more effective with negative associations than with positive ones. This is probably best explained by the notion of getting “bad luck” or having a bad time every time you go to a specific venue.

Freud believed that the anxiety or fear was maintained through a form operant conditioning. Essentially the feeling of anxiety is reinforced every time you are in a similar situation. You then “learn” to remove the negative feeling of anxiety by not approaching. These connections of patterns, or “magical thinking,” are common throughout all the human societies across the world. The human brain is adept at forming these patterns, though we do not have a particularly good system for distinguishing between real and perceived connections. Theoretically this is due to a simple survival tactic. If we notice rustling behind a bush it is better for us to assume it is some form of threat and begin to prep our bodies to defend ourselves rather than ignore it and risk being eaten.

Our fear or anxiety response is actually designed to help us survive in a fight or flight scenario. Believe it or not the symptoms detailed earlier are all beneficial to us in times of survival. Perspiration occurs to help cool us down, heart rate increases to improve blood circulation and muscles tighten as they are filled with oxygen in preparation for use. Unfortunately these are not particularly beneficial when we are looking for something witty to say during a conversation with someone.

In short we learn the fear through a number of negative experiences and then reinforce them by not doing anything about it. The bodies natural reaction towards a fearful situation is the feeling we associate with approach anxiety or the fear of the approach. The way to overcome this is to reverse the learning.

All of the common problems detailed above can be directly related to either “magical thinking” in the form of a false belief that failure is almost certain due to some form of connection to a previous situation that failed. Or pure fear learnt and reinforced by not approaching. These are both forms of self fulfilled prophecy i.e. Unless you actively do something to fix it they will continue to support themselves. The good news is that this problem is far from unfixable.

The bad news is that it does take time. The easiest way to fix this is to actually go out and meet new people. The problem is that when you do this, any negative experience you receive is likely to reinforce the previous attitude or fear you had before. As I’ve mentioned before one of the easiest ways to get around this is to simply meet people for the sake of meeting people.

Most of us are actually more than happy to talk to other people, especially on boring long journeys, or when waiting in a long queue. Get used to talking to absolutely everybody, male or female, young and old. This should help you generate a great deal of positive responses to your approaches and help curb some of those negative connections.

 

I hope this helps guys,

Adam Lyons

(AFC Adam)