How To Buy Sex Toys For Your Girlfriend

October 13, 2011 by  
Filed under Rants & Reviews

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How To Find The Right Toy For Your Girl

You know, I find it interesting that lots of guys look at sex toys as “competition.”  After all, if a woman has a good vibrator, what does she need a man for, right?  Well, I don’t agree with that.  I think a guy who can get his girl a good sex toy opens up a whole new world of fun and possibilities with his girl, because she’ll typically become more open to exploring things that are sexual with him in return.

I recently found these articles (check them out here and here) from a woman named Sarah Gibson who owns a sex toy website that lays out some good guidelines for choosing the right sex toy.  Interestingly enough, this section caught my attention:

Size

While it is incredibly important you get her a toy that is the perfect fit… you should try to avoid any embarrassing bra-shopping-type-incidents when you say to the sales assistant “Well she’s about your size.” Thankfully you can use yourself as a guide for how big or little you should go for internal vibrators. However, if you’d like something to use as an add-on to your own penetrative sex, stick with something really little like a bullet or clit vibe like the famous we-vibe. These can be slotted in place in between you both while you carry on as normal.

The biggest thin I’ve found when it comes to getting sex toys for your lady is to know what she prefers.  Some girls like penetration, while others prefer clitoral stimulation.  In my experience, the vast majority of women prefer the clitoral stimulation for various reasons, so when getting a toy for your girl, make sure your focus is on “vibrators” and not “dildos.”  Having the option of inserting the toy is good, but it can be hard to guess as to what kind of size and shape your girl will prefer.  You can always play it safe and get a vibrator for her.

Secondly, if you actually TAKE your girl shopping and let her pick out the toy, not only can you get the exact one she wants, but it can also be a lot of fun and really encouraging for her to open up to you about her preferences sexually.  Some girls might be shy about what gets them off, and taking them sex toy shopping can really bring them out of their shell.  Plus, most sex toy stores have so much crazy stuff in them, it can inspire your girl to want to experiment with new things too!

Birth Control Decreases Sexual Pleasure (DUH)

October 13, 2011 by  
Filed under Analysis

A new article in Time talks about how women who take Birth Control Pills have less sexual satisfaction, but more committed relationships…

Good news and bad for women who take the pill: new research finds that those who meet their partners while taking oral contraceptives report less sexual satisfaction in their relationships — but they’re also less likely to split up.

A study of 2,519 mothers, mainly from the U.S. and Czech Republic, found that those who met their first child’s father while on the pill were less sexually satisfied with their men, less attracted to them and experienced greater sexual dissatisfaction over time, compared with women who weren’t taking birth control pills.

But they also reported greater satisfaction with other aspects of their relationships, including the financial support provided by their mates, and were about 10% more likely to stay together. (If they did break up, the split was around 10% more likely to be initiated by the woman than the man.)

So, how could the pill possibly affect mate choice? It comes down to chemistry.

The researchers had previously discovered that women’s menstrual cycles affect the types of men to which they are most attracted. Part of having “chemistry” with someone is liking his smell, which is determined in part by an immune system molecule called MHC.

People tend to be attracted to partners with MHC types that are dissimilar from their own, probably because this would give their offspring a greater chance of survival by creating a diversified immune system. The pill, however, puts the body into a hormonal state similar to pregnancy — and pregnant women tend to prefer MHC scents that are similar to their own, probably because this would make them feel safe and comfortable around supportive relatives.

That means that if you’re taking the pill, you may be more likely to find attractive men whose MHC is similar to your own — but during your regular cycle, these men might seem less your “type.”

Indeed, during their most fertile phase, women tend to be drawn to more dominant, masculine men who are more likely to be unfaithful. In contrast, during the second part of their cycle, when they could already be pregnant, they are more attracted to calmer, more nurturing types.

So, basically, meeting while on the pill might make you choose a “dad” who may not be the most exciting guy, but who will stick around and support the kids. Conversely, meeting while not taking hormonal contraceptives might make the bad-boy “cad” seem irresistible.

Of course, there are many, many variables involved in choosing a partner and the influence of taking the pill is not huge. It’s possible that other underlying factors actually account for the differences between pill users and nonusers, perhaps related to their decisions about contraception and attitudes toward sex. The researchers tried to control for these factors, however, and still found that the effect persisted in two different countries.

Lead author Craig Roberts of the University of Stirling in the U.K. told the BBC: “Choosing a non-hormonal barrier method of contraception for a few months before getting married might be one way for a woman to check or reassure herself that she’s still attracted to her partner.”

My guess, however, is that if you are that concerned about your relationship, you might have other issues to iron out before booking the caterer.

You know what leads to less sexual satisfaction for everyone involved?  Having kids!  Seems like a fair trade to me.

How Long Should You Be Single After A Breakup?

September 29, 2011 by  
Filed under Analysis

Travellingwilbury over at the Attraction Forums poses an interesting question.  What is the procedure for getting a new relationship after an old one ends?  How long should you be single for?

Travellingwilbury writes:

Do you WANT to be single?

Considered posting this in the Relationships area, but it’s still a newbie question.

Let’s just say I haven’t had a lot of girlfriends. I’m not going to complain about that this time. I’ve been doing a lot of things wrong. At least I now know what they were. I’m feeling good about my ability to attract overall. The point is that I certainly haven’t had girlfriends serially – with small gaps between them, as many seem to.

In these questions I’m not talking about one night stands of fuckbuddies, I’m talking about relationships that last weeks and months…
Some guys have to put up with celibacy / no romance, for months. I don’t think any guys like being single, whereas girls seem to like it, or at least they are good at pretending to like it – freedom etc. A guy’s wife of many years dies, and I’ve seen it: he is seeing or even married to a woman 10 years younger than his late wife within 6 months. Some guys can’t stand a gap. Who here feels like they want very short gap? You might want more gap if the last relationship was emotional. But what does an alpha or a pua do when a relationship ends, assuming it didn’t end because he was already seeing another girl? Do you literally just decide that you need constant access to a woman’s body, any woman’s body and you just go out every night and day until you find one and then you can relax again, even if it takes a month?

Is that what you’re supposed to do? Loads of sudden concentrated effort. Are some of you driven to be single for only a short time. I’ve never done that. But my gaps were expected to be big, so I’ve never got used to being in a relationship, so I don’t notice the absence as much as some. I didn’t have a lot of girlfriends because I just assumed they would sort of turn up or approach me themselves. Some guys just seem to fall into relationships. It’s not just that they APPEAR effortless. I suspect they are REALLY making no effort, but they’re having everyday incidental contact with women in their lives anyway and they’re attractive, easy, handsome, well-groomed, by default and so no CONSCIOUS effort is needed.

I’m tortured by the concept that “It is easy to get a girlfriend!” because it is both true and false. If you really want one, it isn’t. If you don’t, but have a busy social life, it is. Correct? It’s easy or hard (or impossible) depending on your game, your expectations, your desperation and your lifestyle?

How long a gap could you stand? And how do you go about making sure a gap is short, if that is your preference? Approach every girl? Be impatient for a girl without seeming to be?

If I need to make efforts like that, I need more motivation and less nervousness – more exercise, and no salt, caffeine or masturbation.

Well, here’s how I see things… Read more

Make Love Not War: Women End War By Withholding Sex

September 19, 2011 by  
Filed under Interesting Stories, Video

This is a pretty interesting story about how women in the Philippines were able to end a war by withholding sex from men until they agreed to stop fighting.

Here in America, we call this tactic of withholding sex “marriage.”

How To Know If She Sees You As A Provider And Not A Lover…

September 9, 2011 by  
Filed under Analysis

Deelow over on mASF proposes the following question…

Deelow writes:

So you are in a relationship, doesnt matter what kind of a relationship (could be ltr, mltr, oltr, fb etc.)… What signs that she exhibits (besides denying you sex») would be an indication that she views you as a provider more than a lover?

There are a lot of good explanations in the thread as to the signs these guys think signal a provider relationship.  But the real crux of the issue here is the question “What are the signs that the girl you’re with is just using you and isn’t really into you anymore?”

Let’s face it.  Sometimes girls just stay in a relationship with a guy they’re not really that into because they don’t want to be single.  Or, maybe they get into a “relationship” with a guy because they plan to use him for something – be it social status, money, security, whatever.  And sometimes, girls get into relationships, and then get bored and lose their passion for their partner.  Hey, it happens.  But I think Deelow is asking about the signals that your relationship might be in trouble. Read more

Casual Sex Leads To Long Term Relationships?

September 9, 2010 by  
Filed under Rants & Reviews

USAToday is reporting on a study about how casual sex doesn’t ruin the prospect of long term relationships.

People who “hook up” for casual sex can have as rewarding a long-term relationship as those who take it slowly and establish a meaningful connection before they have sex, says a new study.

University of Iowa researchers analyzed relationship surveys and found that average relationship quality was higher for people who took it slowly than for those who became sexually involved in “hook-ups,” casual dating, or “friends with benefits” relationships.

However, having sex early on wasn’t the reason for this disparity, according to UI sociologist Anthony Paik. When he factored out people who weren’t interested in getting serious, he found that those who became sexually involved as friends or acquaintances and were open to a serious relationship were just as happy as those who dated but delayed having sex.

The study analyzed a survey of 642 heterosexual adults in Chicago. To measure the quality of the relationships, people answered questions about how much they loved their partner, their level of satisfaction with intimacy in the relationship, the future of the relationship, and how their lives would be different if the relationship ended.

“We didn’t see much evidence that relationships were lower quality because they started off as hook-ups,” Paik, an assistant professor in the College of Liberal Arts and Sciences, said in a UI news release.

“The study suggests that rewarding relationships are possible for those who delay sex. But it’s also possible for true love to emerge if things start off with a more Sex and the City approach, when people spot each other across the room, become sexually involved and then build a relationship,” he added.

I know that personally, most of my relationships grow out of the “casual dating” arena.  I know lots of girls think that having sex with a guy too soon will make him lose interest in her, but I’ve never found that to be the case.  If the guy is only interested in sex in the first place, then he probably will lose interest after getting what he wants (then again, he’d lose interest if it takes too long to get what he wants as well!).  But if a guy is open to having a relationship, and sex happens quickly, that can actually speed up the process by which he’s willing to be in a relationship.

So this study isn’t really that surprising to me.

Girl Game

September 1, 2010 by  
Filed under Analysis

Sinn had (kinda) an interesting post up on his blog about “Girl Game,” or the kind of game women run on men.

Sinn writes:
I’ve been having some crazy success lately which has led me to having to wash my sheets every day and the following little nugget of information I want to share with you today.

Girls have lines and “routines” they run too.

I started to notice this before I left AZ, but since I’ve moved it’s become even more noticeable. In fact I can now tell I’m going to end up hooking up with a girl as soon as they start some of they’re “girl game” as I like to call it.

I met a Yoga teacher in Barnes and Noble Sunday who while we were walking around told me she had to be in love to have sex with someone(Something I’d heard before) 6 hours later she was filming herself masturbating and various other things unfit for print.

My favorite example of this is when girls try to push the whole ” I date like a guy” thing. Recently this very cute little cocktail waitress named Sam tried to tell me she doesn’t date and plays guys. Literally a week later she was calling me every day trying to hangout and getting super clingy. Since I’ve moved I’ve heard variations of this from an Abercrombie and Fitch manager and a makeup artist. If a girl tells you she dates like a guy or is a player, run because she’s clingy.

I’ve done the research for you.

The point is, much as we are trying to control our image in the girl’s mind to make ourselves seem fun, confident, masculine and interesting. She is trying to do the same thing, and chances are both of us are misrepresenting ourselves.

Because as Chris Rock once said when you meet somebody of the opposite sex for the first time, you’re not actually meeting them, you’re meeting their representative.

How do you deal with this?

With the best advice I ever received about women (from my sister ironically enough, love you Gemma!) Never take anything a woman is saying seriously. Especially if you just met her.

Um, I’m not sure about that.  I mean, if a girl says “Get away from me you creepy Edie Munster-looking troll,” I’m pretty sure you could take that seriously.  lol.

But, that doesn’t bely Sinn’s main point here, which is lots of women do have a “system” by which they like to try and attract men.  It’s probably not as well thought out and theorized about as what we do in our little community here, but it does exist, and lots of women know how to use their sexuality to string men along as much as they want. Read more

The Porn Myth – Naomi Wolf Is An Idiot…

August 1, 2007 by  
Filed under Rants & Reviews

I recently came upon an article on the New York Magazine’s website written by a woman named Naomi Wolf that examines the effect that widespread internet porn is having on the men and women of this generation.

For all it’s faults, it’s actually a pretty interesting article.  However, I strongly disagree with a lot of Naomi’s conclusions about the effects of pornography on male/female relationships.

First of all, the "Porn Myth" is an idea created by feminist Andrea Dworkin, who was (and I guess still is) an anti-porn crusader from the 80s who claimed that…

Naomi Wolf writes:
If we did not limit pornography, she argued—before Internet technology
made that prospect a technical impossibility—most men would come to
objectify women as they objectified porn stars, and treat them
accordingly. In a kind of domino theory, she predicted, rape and other
kinds of sexual mayhem would surely follow.

Well, according to Naomi, this is the great "Porn Myth," because even though pornography is now so pervasive and readily available, men haven’t turned into sex-craved beasts who run around raping every woman they see.

But Naomi’s article suggests that even though this isn’t the case, the level of psychological and emotional harm porn is doing to the new generation of men and women coming up through the ranks is wreaking havoc on the health of relationships and sexuality in general.

Read on…

Read more

Meeting Older Women

June 19, 2007 by  
Filed under Articles

Let’s face it, some things just get better with age.  Things like fine wine, Cuban cigars, and yes, even women!

Meeting a woman who’s older than you can actually be quite a good way to meet a fantastic partner.  Usually, older women are much more experienced, not only in relationships, but also in the bedroom.

So meeting older women can actually teach you a ting or two – not only about relationships, but also about what you’re really looking for in a partner.

So the real question is:

Are you interested in dating a woman who’s older than you are?

Do you find older women more attractive than their younger counterparts?

Well, my friend, you are not alone!

Older women are much more "mature" and experienced in the ways of love. They’ve usually had a lot of practice dealing with men, and know their way around the bedroom.

They can also be MUCH easier to deal with than younger women, who can tend to be a little "high maintenance."

If you’re a man in your mid-to-late 20s who’s mostly been with women in their late teens and early 20s, dating a woman in her 40s can be a real treat for you!

They tend to be more mature and less selfish – sexually, and in just about every other way – than the women you’re used to dating. And if you’re not looking for anything serious, the chances are higher that they’re not either, if they’re just past child-bearing age.

In that way, they’re kind of like a lot of women in their mid-20s and younger, who don’t feel compelled to start a family in the way that single women who’ve hit 28 or 29 do. By the time a single woman reaches that age range, she’s more likely to feel that now’s the time to act if she’s ever going to have children.

That’s because she’s not getting any younger, and she feels less attractive than she was when she was in her early 20s. In her mind, it’s only going to get harder to find a great man she can settle down with.

(By the way, a lot of women at this stage make a mistake that a lot of men make their entire lives: they get desperate. Some women actually repel men because of their desire to get into a serious relationship sooner than the man is comfortable with. And a lot of women at this stage will settle for a man who they’re not compatible with, but who will end up fulfilling their need to have a family.)

So how can you start meeting older women?

Well, there are lots of options.  But first, I’d like to point out that if you’re looking to go to trendy nightclubs or bars, chances are, you won’t find any there.

Most older women will tend to frequent more low-key establishments.  Bars in classy hotels, for instance.  Or cocktail hours at certain restaurants which serve alcohol.

Many of the best places to meet older women are places you’d go during your daily errands.  Places like the grocery store, for instance, or the mall.  Anyplace women go to shop.  Coffee shops in the morning and afternoon are good venues as well, since many older women will stop there on their way to and from work.

But the best place to meet older women, in my opinion, is online.

Many older women have kids or jobs, which doesn’t leave them much time to socialize, so many of them will go online looking for dates.  Places like Match.com, eHarmony, and even MySpace are fantastic venues for meeting older women.

But there are problems with dating older women. You may not be as mature as she is, which can be a problem for both of you. And the age difference can become rather awkward should you decide to get married: If there’s a 15-year age difference between you, then she’ll be 50 when you’re 35!

But that’s not to say that you shouldn’t meet and date an older woman. It can be a great experience for you, if you’re aware of the potential issues that can arise in the relationship.

So whether you want to meet older women, younger women, or women your own age, you should take some time to sign up for my free Meet Women crash course.

In this free course, I give you some A-List solid tips, tactics, and techniques on how to meet women without fear of rejection – no matter what age they are.  In fact, I even tell you how to make it easy and fun!

You owe it to yourself to take this opportunity.  Because if you wait, you may miss out on the woman of your dreams.

You can get your free course here:

Click Here For Free How To Meet Women Course

It only takes a few seconds to sign up, and you get free instant access once you do.

I really wish I had such a resource available to me when I first started!  It would have saved me a lot of trouble!  So take advantage of it while you can.  I don’t know how long I’ll make it available for free.

Wishing you success,

Joseph Matthews
Author of The Art Of Approaching Women