Premature EJECT-ulation
August 25, 2008 by AFCAdam
Filed under AFCAdam, Articles, Guest Authors
Today I thought I’d share with you guys something I know is still plaguing a lot of the guys in the community.
The question to ask yourself is… Are you a victim of Premature Ejectulation?
What I am referring to is leaving a set prematurely because you “feel” you have been blown out.
I have witnessed a wide range of students now some of them pretty well known amongst the community who will quite happily open a set, get them hooked, and run a decent number of routines generating a great deal of IOI’s and then eject, actually saying goodbye.
A key point here is that this should not be confused with capture – recapture. Whereby you leave the set on a high note at the beginning of the night, with a time bridge stating you will probably see them around later on, and maybe they owe you a dance/drink whatever. Just so they don’t feel trapped by you early on in the night.
I am talking about having a set hooked late into the evening, and leaving the set for a number of reasons which may seem valid in your head at the time, however upon further inspection you can see that it would have made more sense to stay in set.
The common reasons I have heard are as follows: Read more
Initial Fear of the Approach — Revisited
February 4, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Tips & Tricks
**Reposted from the first Lair, original date: 12/24/03
Okay, so I got a reply from a guy about my little rant of fear of approaching, who just so happens to ALSO be the guy who originally brought it up on the D.C. Seduction e-mail list. His reply is as follows:
Good post.
I’m wondering to what degree things like NLP could help with this. Something were you could ‘create’ these experiences of approaching HB in your mind several times a day for weeks before you start to do so in the real world. Has anyone done anything like this?
I’m also planning on using the 21 day method as found here:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Seduction_The_Art_Of/message/419
Basically it just says to start small taking baby steps by just starting off by asking HB for directions, the time, etc. Just to get used to some sort of approach. Then expand to asking more complicated things, using eye contact, smiling, etc but keeping unrelated to a pickup. This sounds like a nice step to help get over the monster first hurdle of the cold approach.
I remember reading somewhere one trick is to not focus on yourself. Direct your focus on the HB. I guess kind of like the mind over matter stuff where people walk over coals. Focus is the trick. This may be something to keep in mind when I start. Keep the innermind completely silent.
So I’ve decided to repost my reply to him here on my blog. Here it is:
> I’m wondering to what degree things like NLP could
> help with this. Something
> were you could ‘create’ these experiences of
> approaching HB in your mind
> several times a day for weeks before you start to do
> so in the real world.
> Has anyone done anything like this?
Its horseshit.
NLP will not help you. You can’t use hypnosis as a crutch to help get you to “the point” where you start approaching girls. It just won’t happen. I know because I used to do that sort of stuff when I was an SS zombie and all it lead to was more dates with my hand, if you get my drift.
>
> I’m also planning on using the 21 day method as
> found here:
>http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Seduction_The_Art_Of/message/419
> Basically it just says to start small taking baby
> steps by just starting off
> by asking HB for directions, the time, etc. Just to
> get used to some sort of
> approach. Then expand to asking more complicated
> things, using eye contact,
> smiling, etc but keeping unrelated to a pickup. This
> sounds like a nice step
> to help get over the monster first hurdle of the
> cold approach.
Again, horseshit.
You will not get good at this taking baby steps. Its like swimming in cold water, you just have to jump in head first. That’s why I recommend taking a workshop or meeting up with other guys, because you will have a safety net with you while you start this off. But the fact of the matter remains, all the NLP or Baby Steps in the world will just lead to more mental masturbation on your part.
You MUST face your fear and make a fool of yourself. Fuck up. Make mistakes. But most importantly, GET OUT IN THE FIELD. The field is king. Respect the field. It will teach you all you need to know. Period.
>
> I remember reading somewhere one trick is to not
> focus on yourself. Direct
> your focus on the HB. I guess kind of like the mind
> over matter stuff where
> people walk over coals. Focus is the trick. This may
> be something to keep in
> mind when I start. Keep the innermind completely
> silent.
I think the trick is to keep the outcome unattached in your mind. When you’re first starting off, if your goal is simply “to get an answer from the girl and then walk away,” you know what the outcome is going to be, so you are more in control of the situation. Its the uncertainty of outcome that fucks a lot of guys up.
The best way to disassociate yourself from the outcome is to decide how far its going to go beforehand and pursue that end. Also, if you are intimidated by beautiful girls, learn to approach ugly girls and guys and practice striking up conversations with them. I’ve been in many situations where I’ve had warpigs chasing me just because I bothered talking to them. Its a nice ego boost (and puts you in the “hot chick” frame) and helps you as you work your way up the proverbial food chain.
>
> Any other tips, tricks, words of wisdom?
How’s this: Stop thinking about doing it and do it.
Thundercat
Initial Fear of the Approach
February 4, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Analysis
**Reposted from the first Lair, original date: 12/22/03
Someone on the DC list asked a pretty good question about approaching and fear of the approach. They talked about how hard it was to approach women initially in SS. I think this is a pretty valid point, because the first stage in anyone’s development as a seducer or pick-up artists is to learn how to approach girls.
Speaking as someone who comes from an SS background, I can feel for guys who are going through this. IMO, SS is one of the WORST systems for helping guys learn to cold approach. When I was just doing strict SS, I could not cold-approach to save my life. In fact, some of the best Speed Seducers I know cannot cold approach. They get most of their lays through social circles or the internet. That said, cold approaching is just very hard in general.
The best way to get over this, in my opinion, is to attend an in-field workshop. I know there was one in DC recently taught by Tyler Durden. Nothing helps more than having live, in-field instruction and demonstration by experienced people who can help you troubleshoot and guide you through the process. The only people doing this currently that I know of is Tyler Durden, Mystery, Badboy, and Harmless, who will be starting his workshops up in the coming months. That said, workshops are very “shit or get off the pot” in their nature. They will kick-start you into approaching, but they are NOT very conducive to mental masturbators and armchair seducers, so be sure you are prepared for it.
Short of that, hooking up with other guys who do this stuff is the best way to go. I know a lot of guys in the DC area are getting together on a regular basis to wing each other, which is a great way to learn. I started up my own lair in LA to help me out. Sometimes, just having others to talk to about this shit is good to help increase your skills.
The hardest part about approaching is just overcoming that fear of rejection. We all become so conditioned to avoiding emotional pain, that we get that knot in our stomachs every time we are about to talk to a girl we find attractive. The best guys I’ve seen at this have no fear of approaching because they are able to detach themselves from the outcome. Whenever you see a beautiful girl you wanna bang, you give her a lot of sexual power over you, which you then have to go about trying to regain in order to effectively sarge her.
What I’m doing in my game right now is getting to the point where I do not feel the need to give the girl that power. Where my inner game has hit such a level that I do not have to get validation from a girl. Its a tough thing to do, and something I’m struggling with. But all I have to do is look at someone like Zan, who is completely free of all that bullshit, to the point where he naturally attracts people to him. Its a very powerful and congruent way to live your life.
I’ll probably talk about this more later. Right now I gotta run. Gonna hang out with my brother and his hippy friends.
Thundercat
The Social Circle of Life
February 4, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles, Tips & Tricks
**Reposted from the first Lair, original date: 12/16/03
Okay all you AFCs,
Here is a copy of my most recent article from Cliff’s List on Social Circles. Aside from the gay title, I think its pretty good. I’m still looking for my article on walk-ups. When I find that, I’ll post it.
Ho!
Thundercat
******************************************************
The Social Circle Of Life
How to Create the Best Possible Environment for Getting Laid
An Essay by Tundercat
I’ll be the first to admit it. I’m a nerd. I like to watch TV, go to movies, read books, play on my computer, and even partake in the occasional MMORPG. But when I’m not waxing philosophical about who could kick who’s ass — Kirk or Han Solo — I’m out trying to pick up chicks.
The thing is, what I do is cold approaches. Cold Approaches are basically approaches where you approach a woman you do not know in the hopes of attracting her so you can lay her. Without a doubt, this is probably the hardest form of Pick-Up there is. Why? Well, for one thing, the Fear Factor on cold approaches is the highest. They don’t know you, you don’t know them, and the risk of getting rejected is high. This is one of the reasons many people cannot do cold approaches. It is just much too scary.
But the reason I do them is because I currently have no better option available to me. If I don’t cold approach a girl, I won’t meet any. But a funny thing happens if you cold approach enough girls. You become friends with them!
As strange as it sounds, it is true. Though the average Pick-Up Artist (PUA) is not looking to make friends with the girls he approaches, odds are if they like you enough to fuck you, you will become friends. And even if they don’t want to fuck you, the least they are willing to become is a friend because they enjoy your company enough.
This is a funny little side effect to approaching, and because of it, my eyes were opened to something. It’s a dirty little secret, yet one that is so obvious I am surprised that I did not see it before. Are you ready? Okay, here it is:
Most people get laid from their social circles.
This is a fact, my friends. Sure, cold approaching can lead to the occasional one night stand (ONS), or even a same day lay that blossoms into a relationship. But very rarely does this happen. In fact, it happens so rarely, that I really rate my approach success based on the quality of numbers I get. I say quality because anyone can get a number, but a number from a girl who actually gives you her REAL number and will actually RETURN your phone call is so much more important than the quantity of numbers one receives.
But of all the guys I hang around with who get laid, the ones who do so with the most frequency are those with large social circles that include women in them. For instance, I have a friend who is going to college. He belongs to a number of groups: Martial Arts, Role Playing, Historical Reenactment, etc. And he gets laid. He gets laid a LOT. Probably more than most PUAs, and DEFINITELY more than me. The funny thing is, this guy DOES NOT APPROACH! In fact, he’s just as scared at approaching women as 90% of the guys reading mASF (moderate Alt Seduction Fast) are.
When I noticed this, I took a good look at the guys I know who are getting laid frequently, and sure enough, there was the proof. They were all getting laid from either girls they already knew, or met through friends, family, or some type of hobby.
This is an incredible revelation for me because social circles have always been the primary dipping source for men I knew were getting laid. Back in my AFC (Average Frustrated Chump) days, I’d only hang out with my guy friends, who weren’t getting laid either. I’d do solitary activities, play on the computer, and take part in social activities that were typically heavily attended by males. In short, my social circle did not include women, and because of that, I did not get laid.
As my awareness of women grows, along with my seduction skills, I am beginning to realize that being a PUA is not just about getting laid, but cultivating a social circle conducive to interacting with women ON A DAILY BASIS.
Most of the men I have met who are not getting laid or who are struggling to get laid are the ones whose social circles are almost completely empty of women, and the women who do encompass their social circles do not interact with them regularly.
A scary truth about guys not getting laid is that they are not comfortable talking to women. Sometimes, I STILL do not feel comfortable talking to women. And this can show in your sarging (interacting with women with the intent of laying them). I am willing to bet that most guys who cannot talk to or approach women do not have many female friends in their social circles. And if they do, the girls are friends they would like to fuck. They do not know what it is like to truly be friends with a girl they do not want to sex up, and because of that, there is always a feeling of comfortableness just below the surface of their interaction with girls, which the girls can pick up on and which completely throws off the guy’s state.
So the trick is to expand your social circle so it becomes something that is conducive to getting you laid.
The fact is, a female friend is the most powerful tool you have in your seduction arsenal, especially if she is attractive. Approaching other women with another woman who can social proof you and talk you up is probably the single most invaluable trick there is to approaching. When you have a female with you who is actively working to HELP you get laid, chances are it will happen, and more quickly than if you were acting on your own. Not only that, but the girl will also have friends that she will try to hook you up with if you demonstrate youв’re cool enough to be her friend. Through these girls, you will find your comfort around women increase, along with you success rate.
So how do you do this? Well, the first step is to befriend a girl. How is this done? Well, most AFCs (Average Frustrated Chumps) have had a lot of experience with the “Let’s Just Be Friends” area of life. But this is not the same thing. The fact is, with the “Let’s Just Be Friends” stigma, you are not really the girl’s friend because you still want to fuck her and she knows it.
The best way I know how to expand your social circle is to befriend other GUYS who are good with women. Not the type of guys who use women and throw them away, but the type of guys who are fun and always surrounded by girls. You befriend this guy, and he will introduce you to the girls who surround them. You can meet these guys anywhere, and it’s much easier to approach and make friends with men because there is no sexual tension there. You guys can connect on basic male subjects such as sports, women, business, etc. If nothing else, you may make a new valuable male friend out of the deal.
You can meet these guys anywhere you go, be it a club, bar, museum, concert, etc. It doesn’t matter. You will meet them doing stuff you like to do. Most guys will go for the girls right away, but if you befriend the guy who is IN with the girls, he will help you to get them.
Once in with the guys, its time to move onto the girls. Have him introduce you. Tell the girls how good of a friend he is. Show them that you’re a cool guy. Become their friends. The cooler the guy you befriend, the hotter the women he knows. The hotter the women he knows, the better quality of women they will introduce you to.
The next step will take a bit of willpower on your part, but you want to actually BEFRIEND the girl with the knowledge that you are not going to sleep with her. No matter how hot she is, you must take her out of the “I wanna FUCK!” category. This is crucial because if you go after her for the full monty (fuck), you could screw up the friendship.
But once she’s your friend, you can practice on her. Talk to her, call her up and bullshit, go out with her, let her feel safe and comfortable around you. Once she’s your buddy, get her to introduce you to her friends. Those are the ones you game on. This is because you’ll be at an advantage with them. Not only will you have a girl who is their friend hyping you up, but you’ll also be social proofed by the guy you befriended, who has also probably met the girl you’re being introduced to. Right there is instant social proof that you’re cool enough to hang with them. Then its time to game the girl, which should be easier than cold approaching because the meeting is inherent.
But when it comes to cold approaching, the women you befriend become even more powerful. This is where the real fun can happen. You can use your female friends to approach other groups of people. You can introduce her to the men while she does the same for you with the women. Not only that, its natural social proof when you’re with a girl, and you feel more comfortable talking to women, which makes you more attractive.
In fact, this is so powerful that I know PUAs who’s entire game is based on Social Circles. A woman you use to help you get laid is often referred to as a “Pivot” or a “Pawn.” They are used as pieces on a chessboard to break down defenses and open doorways to score checkmate. One guy I know is SO effective with the girls in his social circle, that if there is a guy trying to get with a female friend of his, he will actually get the guy to pull him other chicks before he social proofs the guy with his friend. This is another great tactic, especially if you’re lazy about approaching. In this situation, not only are his pivots pulling other girls for him, but the guys after his pivots are as well. And in the end, all you’re getting is a bigger social circle which will make it easier to get laid.
It is very easy to befriend women, because when you make it clear you do not want to have sex with them, they can feel safe with you and allow you to “mess up” around them in practicing your PUA skills. Not only that, but being around women will teach you SO MUCH about pick-up, your game will rapidly increase.
In his book Real World Seduction, Swinggcat says “If you want to get good at picking-up women, surround yourself by five beautiful women who are good at getting guys.” This is important, because all the best PUAs just act like really hot chicks. They steal the chick frame that gets guys all into them and turn it around on the girls. The more you hang out with women, the more you will begin to incorporate this mindset into your seduction repertoire.
So friends, I recommend you go out there and start getting to know more girls in a non-sexual way. They will help you a great deal in adding some notches to your belt. I hope to expand my social circle massively in the coming future, so that I may also reap the benefits of having many lady friends.
Thundercat