Initial Fear of the Approach — Revisited

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**Reposted from the first Lair, original date: 12/24/03

Okay, so I got a reply from a guy about my little rant of fear of approaching, who just so happens to ALSO be the guy who originally brought it up on the D.C. Seduction e-mail list.  His reply is as follows:

Good post.

I’m wondering to what degree things like NLP could help with this. Something were you could ‘create’ these experiences of approaching HB in your mind several times a day for weeks before you start to do so in the real world. Has anyone done anything like this?

I’m also planning on using the 21 day method as found here:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Seduction_The_Art_Of/message/419

Basically it just says to start small taking baby steps by just starting off by asking HB for directions, the time, etc. Just to get used to some sort of approach. Then expand to asking more complicated things, using eye contact, smiling, etc but keeping unrelated to a pickup. This sounds like a nice step to help get over the monster first hurdle of the cold approach.

I remember reading somewhere one trick is to not focus on yourself. Direct your focus on the HB. I guess kind of like the mind over matter stuff where people walk over coals. Focus is the trick. This may be something to keep in mind when I start. Keep the innermind completely silent.

So I’ve decided to repost my reply to him here on my blog.  Here it is:

> I’m wondering to what degree things like NLP could
> help with this. Something
> were you could ‘create’ these experiences of
> approaching HB in your mind
> several times a day for weeks before you start to do
> so in the real world.
> Has anyone done anything like this?

Its horseshit.

NLP will not help you.  You can’t use hypnosis as a crutch to help get you to “the point” where you start approaching girls.  It just won’t happen.  I know because I used to do that sort of stuff when I was an SS zombie and all it lead to was more dates with my hand, if you get my drift.

>
> I’m also planning on using the 21 day method as
> found here:
>

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Seduction_The_Art_Of/message/419

> Basically it just says to start small taking baby
> steps by just starting off
> by asking HB for directions, the time, etc. Just to
> get used to some sort of
> approach. Then expand to asking more complicated
> things, using eye contact,
> smiling, etc but keeping unrelated to a pickup. This
> sounds like a nice step
> to help get over the monster first hurdle of the
> cold approach.

Again, horseshit.

You will not get good at this taking baby steps.  Its like swimming in cold water, you just have to jump in head first.  That’s why I recommend taking a workshop or meeting up with other guys, because you will have a safety net with you while you start this off.  But the fact of the matter remains, all the NLP or Baby Steps in the world will just lead to more mental masturbation on your part.

You MUST face your fear and make a fool of yourself. Fuck up.  Make mistakes.  But most importantly, GET OUT IN THE FIELD.  The field is king.  Respect the field.  It will teach you all you need to know.  Period.

>
> I remember reading somewhere one trick is to not
> focus on yourself. Direct
> your focus on the HB. I guess kind of like the mind
> over matter stuff where
> people walk over coals. Focus is the trick. This may
> be something to keep in
> mind when I start. Keep the innermind completely
> silent.

I think the trick is to keep the outcome unattached in your mind.  When you’re first starting off, if your goal is simply “to get an answer from the girl and then walk away,” you know what the outcome is going to be, so you are more in control of the situation.  Its the uncertainty of outcome that fucks a lot of guys up.

The best way to disassociate yourself from the outcome is to decide how far its going to go beforehand and pursue that end.  Also, if you are intimidated by beautiful girls, learn to approach ugly girls and guys and practice striking up conversations with them.  I’ve been in many situations where I’ve had warpigs chasing me just because I bothered talking to them.  Its a nice ego boost (and puts you in the “hot chick” frame) and helps you as you work your way up the proverbial food chain.

>
> Any other tips, tricks, words of wisdom?

How’s this:  Stop thinking about doing it and do it.

Thundercat