Swinggcat’s Litter Box, Vol. 1
April 14, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
Demystifying Charisma…
By Swinggcat
Author of Real World Seduction
Hey guys,
A few nights ago, I went barhopping with a friend of mine. We both talked to truck loads of women and used practically the same material on them. But by the end of the night my friend’s results were so bad he felt that he was blessed with an unlikable self.
My experience, however, was the total opposite. I felt like Satan with pitchfork in hand, inciting one girl after the next to engage in some naughty mirth. Was it because of my looks? Was it because I have some impalpable quality about me called “charisma,” which is not teachable? Was it because I am Satan? No – it was none of these things. Instead, it was due to a set of learned skills. I know this because, similar to my friend, I spent years feeling like a boring sloth before transforming myself into a flittering butterfly charming one group of women to the next.
But before I reveal to you the skills that distinguish a charismatic Casanova from a floundering Waldo, I am going to give you a quick overview of my method, Naturalized Attraction
Naturalized Attraction is not about trying to apply therapeutic techniques used in psychology to dating, attracting, and seducing women. Nor is it based upon the unfounded claims propounded by the “let’s play pseudo-psychologist to the helpless, needy and pathetic” gurus of the world – think Dr. Phil!
The starting point of “Naturalized Attraction” is always the REAL WORLD. The method strives to observe, model, and improve upon both the natural social behaviors that generate attraction in women, and the glue that holds these behaviors together. Our culture has mystified this glue under the rubric “charisma” as an innate, intangible, non-teachable quality possessed only by blessed individuals. “Charisma,” however, is actually the combination of a few learnable and repeatable skills.
So this begs the question: What skills constitute charisma and how does a person go about acquiring these skills?
Two skills that play a mainstay in being charismatic are: owning your material, and having a strong intent. Let’s start with the first one, owning your material. There are a lot of men who cringe at the idea of having well rehearsed jokes and stories prepared for social interactions. You might be one of these men. If so, think about this: Most socially adept people will unconsciously tell the same jokes and stories over and over again, honing them to perfection. Oftentimes, however, once a person is made conscious of, for example, using a rehearsed story, he begins to worry that he will come across to women as rehearsed. He may develop a guilty conscience about using his story, thinking to himself that using rehearsed material is akin to wiling a woman into the sack. These insecurities are ludicrous. I have never met a single socially adept person who used completely new material in every social interaction. Purge your self of these worries. Remember: Whether you are conscious of it or not, having at least some rehearsed material is part of having strong social skills.
Men with strong social skills are able to simultaneously engage a woman – with, for example, quips and stories – while also analyzing what they need to do to further engage and attract her (Note: I define “attraction” not as how a woman judges you, but as what you do to her mind and body. Attraction or as I call it “Prizing” is getting a woman so emotionally charged, she is compelled to chase you). I have a friend who is a master at this. He can flow from one story to the next while simultaneously gauging a woman’s level of attraction for him. This allows him to “in real time” make adjustments to his material that will further engage and attract the woman to him. When you have well rehearsed material your brain power will not be expended on remembering, for example, a particular jest or story. Instead, you will have extra brain power to analyze what you need to do to further engage and attract her.
I am bit fastidious, however, about people using others material. If you are using someone else’s material, you risk coming across as fake. I have witnessed men rambling on for a good hour, talking about their friend’s adventures and experiences as if they were their own. Once they ran out of material, the women they were engaging almost always walked away. Why did this happen? I think women intuitively know when men are incongruent and inauthentic. When, on the contrary, you use your own material, even if it is rehearsed, it will be authentic because you are displaying who you are. A few minutes of authentic material about your self – who you are, what you are about, your experiences and adventures…and so on – will get you further with women than a man who goes on for hours with inauthentic material borrowed from other people.
Having a strong intent also plays an important role in acting charismatic. A few years back, women would often times lose interest while talking to me or think that I was B.S.-ing them. The reason was that they were picking up on my weak intent. Even the girls lumbered with IQs barley into the double digits picked up on this weakness. My problem: I needed to develop a strong intent.
But what does it mean to have a strong intent? This is one of the most misunderstood terms out there. This is due to the follies of some of the branches within the field of psychology – such as, Neuro-Linguistic Programming – that fails to be precise when defining terminology. Having a strong intent is most commonly misunderstood as meaning: A congruency between a person’s external behaviors and his internal beliefs. This is, however, not the meaning but the symptom of having a strong intent.
Having a strong intent is congruently:
1) Having the desire and the will to do what needs to be done to achieve a particular outcome.
2) Having the unwavering belief that you will achieve the intended outcome.
If a person has the desire and the will to do what needs to be done to achieve a particular outcome but does not have the belief that he can achieve it, he will come across as needy. This used to be me. Although I had the desire and the will to do what needs to be done to achieve a particular outcome, I did not believe or think that I deserved the outcome.
One thing that has helped me tremendously is rehearsing the outcome of everything I intend to get an effect from. So, for example, if I intend to tell a story to intrigue a woman, I will rehearse in my mind her being intrigued by my story. If, for example, I intend to have a woman lean in and try to kiss me after I have kissed her and pulled back, I will rehearse this over and over again in my mind.
When you are in an attraction flow – achieving one intended outcome to the next – the material qua tools for achieving these outcomes become transparent. When driving somewhere, for example, you barely notice the car. All you are concerned with is getting to the desired place. It is only when, for example, you get a flat tire that you become conscious again of the car as a tool used to get you to your intended destination. Likewise, it only becomes obvious to you and the woman that you are trying to do something to get a particular outcome when something interrupts the attraction flow, such as: stumbling over your words because you don’t know your material well, or not having the belief that you are capable of getting your intended outcome…or whatever.
But all of the intended outcomes we have been discussing – getting her intrigued, getting her to kiss you…and so on – are only tools to achieve the META-INTENT: Getting her to sleep with you.
When a person has mastered the attraction flow, everything becomes transparent except the fact that he and the woman are going to sleep together – they both know it is going to happen. When a woman encounters a man of this caliber, she will often speak about that quality she can’t quite put her finger on that draws her to him. In this culture we oftentimes classify this behavior as “charisma.”
In the REAL WORLD it comes down to controlling the META-FRAME, and having both a stronger reality and META-INTENT than the woman you are attracting. All of this stuff is covered in my book or will be covered in some of my upcoming products. If you are ready to take your persuasion skills to the next level, come visit me:
‘Till next time,
Swinggcat
Deconstructing David DeAngelo, Vol. I
April 13, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
Well, my Deconstructions of Swinggcat’s Newsletters seem to be pretty popular, so I’ve decided to do the same thing with David DeAngelo, probably one of the most prominent Dating Guru’s on the internet. You may know David D. from his Double Your Dating series, along with his almost weekly newsletters. So I’m taking some of his best newsletters and breaking them down for you.
“The Ten Most Dangerous Mistakes YOU Probably Make With Women—And What To Do About It…”
Here Are The Top Ten Reasons Why Men Fail With Women—And How To Make Sure YOU Avoid Every One Of These Deadly Common Mistakes…
-By David DeAngelo, Author Of “Double Your Dating”MISTAKE #1: Being Too Much Of A “Nice Guy”
Have you ever noticed that the really attractive women never seem to be attracted "nice" guys?Of course you have.
Just like me, I’m sure you’ve had attractive female friends that always seemed to date "jerks"… but for some reason they were never romantically interested in YOU.
What’s going on here?
It’s actually very simple…
Women don’t base their choices of men on how "nice" a guy is. They choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them.
And guess what?
Being nice doesn’t make a woman FEEL that powerful ATTRACTION.
And being NICE doesn’t make a woman CHOOSE you.
I realize that this doesn’t make a lot of logical sense, and it’s hard to ACCEPT… but GET OVER IT.
Until you accept this FACT and begin to act on it, you’ll NEVER have the success with women that you want.
David D. strikes a very good point here, and that is: Without tension, there can be no attraction. You guys ever hear that old saying "Sexual Tension?" Well, there’s a reason it’s "Sexual." Nice guys try to eliminate ALL conflict, ALL tension from their interactions with women because they mistakingly believe that by doing so, the woman will like them.
Well, it’s quite the opposite.
If you look at the "ass holes" or the guys that are good with chicks, you’ll see that for the most part they are good at creating that tension that’s just under the surface of the interaction. Be it by a devilish smile, or a suggestive comment that get’s the wheels in the girl’s brain churning, there’s something there that is NOT complacent or safe.
When you can create that tension, you will be taken out of the "nice guy" category.
MISTAKE #2: Trying To “Convince Her To Like You"
What do most guys do when they meet a woman that they REALLY like… but she’s just notinterested?Right! They try to "convince" the woman to feel differently.
Well, I have news for you… YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A WOMAN "FEELS" WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION!
Never, ever, EVER.
You cannot CONVINCE a woman to feel differently about you with "logic and reasoning".
Think about it.
If a woman doesn’t "feel it" for you, how in the world do you expect to change that FEELING by being "reasonable" with her?
But we all do it.
When a woman just isn’t interested, we beg, plead, chase, and do our best to change her mind.
Bad idea. One that will never work.
I think this is a mistake every guy has made during his lifetime. We get so into a girl, and when we find out she doesn’t feel the same way, we try to convince her of all the reasons WHY she should reciprocate our feelings.
Part of the reason this happens is becuase most guys don’t do the groundwork necessary upon the first meeting to evoke those feelings in the woman. That "Sexual Tension" we talked about earlier is not present. The guy has failed to engage the woman on any level other than "trust and comfort." He has, in essence, failed to seduce her.
I like to think there are ways to turn this situation around, but one thing is for certain, arguing with the girl and trying to explain to her using logic why she should like you will never, ever work.
MISTAKE #3: Looking To Her For Approval Or Permission
In our desire to please women (which we mistakenly think will make them like us), us guys are always doing things to get a woman’s "approval" or "permission".Another HORRIBLE idea.
Women are NEVER attracted to the types of men who kiss up to them… EVER.
Don’t get me wrong here.
You don’t have to treat women BADLY for them to like you.
But if you think that treating a woman well means "always getting her approval and permission for things", think again.
You will never succeed by looking for approval. Women actually get ANNOYED at men who seek their approval.
Doubt me? Just ask any attractive woman if Wussy guys who chase her around and want her approval annoy her…
Let’s face it. People are lazy. They don’t want to make decisions for themselves. They don’t want to be in charge. They want leaders, a cause, a belief to invest themselves in. When it comes to women, they want a STRONG MAN to be with. Now, when I say strong, I don’t mean physically strong. I mean a man with a strong frame, strong beliefs, strong ideas. A man who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to tell others what to do.
This is important, because most guys have been trained to put women on pedistals, to worship them like some type of special flower. But women are people. When you exhault them, you put them in a position they don’t want to be in. You put them in CONTROL. The woman suddenly becomes the one who has to make the decisions, who has to carry on the relationship, and frankly, she has too many other options available to her to do that.
Part of attracting women comes down to getting the woman you want to qualify to you, to accept the chellenges you present to her. In essence, to get her to adopt your frame, and do what YOU want to do.
MISTAKE #4: Trying To “Buy” Her Affection With Food And Gifts
How many times have you taken a woman out to a nice dinner, bought her gifts and flowers, and had her REJECT you for someone who didn’t treat her even HALF as well as you did?If you’re like me, then you’ve had it happen a LOT.
Well guess what?
It’s only NATURAL when this happens…
That’s right, I said NATURAL.
When you do these things, you send a clear message:
"I don’t think you’ll like me for who I am, so I’m going to try to buy your attention and affection".
Your good intentions usually come across to women as over-compensation for insecurity, and weak attempts at manipulation. That’s right, I said that women see this as MANIPULATION.
That’s right, and it’s the typically accepted "Dating Frame" that most guys buy into hook, line, and sinker. The fact of the matter is, buying expensive dinner and gifts is a REWARD, not a temptation. You can do that with girls you enjoy being with, that you are ALREADY sleeping with, because they’ve earned the priviledge of your affection — they know it, and you know it.
Until that time, it comes off as begging. Supplication. It’s you seeking a type of approval from a woman by "romancing" her. In the meantime, you’re eliminating that necessary tension that needs to exist for attraction. It’s okay to "go out" with a girl, but you don’t need to break the bank or shower her with gifts for her to like you. Sharing a cup of coffee or a drink is fine.
MISTAKE #5: Sharing “How You Feel” Too Early In The Relationship With Her
Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most men make with women is sharing how they "feel" too early on.Attractive women are rare.
And they get a LOT of attention from men.
Most men don’t realize this, but attractive women are being approached in one way or another ALL THE TIME.
An attractive woman is often approached several times a DAY by men who are interested. This translate into dozens of times per week, and often HUNDREDS of times per month.
And guess what?
Attractive women have usually dated a LOT of men.
That’s right. They have EXPERIENCE.
They know what to expect.
And one thing that turns an attractive women off and sends her running away faster than just about anything is a guy who starts saying "You know, I really, REALLY like you" after one or two dates.
This signals to the woman that you’re just like all the other guys who fall for her too fast… and can’t control themselves.
Don’t do it. Lean back. Relax.
There’s a much better way…
Sharing your feelings with a woman too early on is much like showing your opponant you have a straight flush in a high stakes poker game. When you tell a woman you have strong feelings for her early on, you eliminate the sexual tension that attraction relies on. You take away the uncertainty of "Does he like me or not?" you put her fears and anticipations to rest.
In short: You kill the romance.
Not only that, but you exhault her and put yourself in the position of a begger. NOT the place you want to be in. Best to hide your intentions, and get HER to express her feelings for YOU first. Only then is it appropriate to tell her, because then she feels like she’s EARNED those feelings.
MISTAKE #6: Not “Getting” How Attraction Works For Women
Women are VERY different from men when it comes to ATTRACTION.You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.
When a man sees a beautiful, young, sexy woman, he INSTANTLY feels a sexual attraction.
But does the same apply for women?
Do women feel sexual attraction to men based mostly on looks? Or is something else going on?
Well, after studying this topic for over five full years now, I can tell you that women usually have their "attraction mechanisms" triggered by things OTHER than looks.
Have you ever noticed that you see a lot more average and unattractive men with beautiful women than the other way around?
Think about it.
Women are more attracted to certain qualities in men… and they’re attracted to the way a man makes them FEEL than they are to looks alone.
If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.
But it’s not an accident. You have to LEARN how to do this.
And ANY guy can learn how…
This is very true. I’ve talked a bit about how guys have these mental barriers they project into the real world. Things like "She won’t like me because I’m too bald, fat, ugly, etc." That’s because in our reality as men, we do not find women who are ugly to be attractive. But when it comes to women, who are more emotional creatures and rely more on their feelings than logical thought when it comes to attraction, the biggest thing that gets them going is how a man can COMMUNICATE with them.
Communicate in ways such as what we say, body language, and our actions as men. Taking strong frames of "I am the prize. I am a great guy and women will be lucky to be with me" and imposing that on others will get you the same effect as a gorgeous body and Brad Pitt-like face, if pulled off right.
Guys who are good looking have a distinct, inherent advantage over the rest of us. But if they are boring guys who fail to keep the woman engaged, she is going to move on and look for someone else. You may not be able to change your looks, but you CAN change the way you communicate with women. In that respect, there is hope for all of us, and in my opinion, this is the area where Double Your Dating shines the most.
MISTAKE #7: Thinking That It Takes Money And Looks
One of the most common mistakes that guys make is giving up before they’ve even gotten started… because they think that attractive women are only interested in men who have looks and money… or guys who are a certain height… or guys who are a certain age.And sure, there are some women who are only interested in these things.
But MOST women are far more interested in a man’s personality than his wallet or his looks.
There are personality traits that attract women like a magnet…
And if you learn what they are and how to use them, YOU can be one of these guys.
YOU DO NOT have to "settle" for a woman just because you aren’t rich, tall, or handsome.
Let me say this again: If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.
This is true. The Looks and Money barrier is just a social construct of your own making. I know LOTS of guys who AREN’T good looking and AREN’T rich who get an AMAZING ammount of pussy, all because they are cool, interesting guys.
For men, it’s hard to imagine this as being true, because if we see a woman we don’t find attractive, we don’t want to sleep with her. She could be the coolest chick in the world, but if we can’t get a boner for her, we wouldn’t want to have sex with her. However, the same is not true for women. Women don’t get boners. They get aroused in different ways, and this is what most guys fail to understand.
When a woman says "Oh, I’m not attracted to short guys," that’s not necessarilly the truth. It just means that short guys don’t make her feel the same way that tall guys do. But if a short guy were to come along and make her feel the way she wants to, you can bet the barn she’s going to sleep with him, despite his height.
It’s all about setting the right frame and having the right beliefs.
MISTAKE #8: Giving Away All Of Your Power To Women
Earlier I mentioned that it’s a mistake to look to a woman for approval or permission.Well, another similar tactic that a lot of guys use is GIVING AWAY THEIR POWER to women.
Said differently, guys try to get women to like them by doing whatever the woman wants.
Another bad idea…
Women are NEVER attracted to men that they can walk all over… Women aren’t attracted to Wussies!
Part of giving away your power is adopting the woman’s frame. Entering HER reality. When you let the woman you are with control the underlying meaning of the interaction you are having with her, you put yourself in a position where SHE determines what is true and what isn’t. When you ask her questions, you enter her reality deeper and deeper. You give up control.
When you do this, you take away sexual tension, and shuck all responsibility for the relationship. And like I said before, women do not want that burden. It’s always best to chellenge the woman, get her to qualify to you, and pull back, to the point where SHE is the aggressor, where SHE is persuing YOU.
MISTAKE #9: Not Knowing EXACTLY What To Do In Each Type Of Situation With Women
Now I’m going to blow your mind…A woman ALWAYS knows what you’re thinking.
Women are approximately TEN TIMES better than men at reading body language. That’s ten TIMES.
I know, it might be hard to believe. But for example, if you’re out on a date with a woman, and you want to kiss her, she knows it.
And if you don’t know exactly what to do and exactly HOW to kiss her, and you just sit there looking at her and getting nervous, she won’t help!
And this goes for ALL aspects of women and dating…
Approaching a woman, getting her number, asking her out, kissing her, getting physical… everything.
If you don’t know what to do in each situation, you will probably screw it up… and LOSE EVERYTHING.
And you KNOW it.
It is VITALLY important that you know EXACTLY how to go from one step to the next with a woman… from the first meeting, all the way to the bedroom.
In short: It’s good to have a structure.
It’s also good to have experience. You need to know your stuff — your openers, your routines, your phase shifts, your kino games, your cold reads, etc. And more importantly, it’s important to know how to put it all together, and how to act.
Twenty-six trained himself to do this by taking EVERY interaction he had with women, be they ugly or hot, as far as he could so he could understand this structure and practice the late game. Women do notice details, and they are empathetic to the point where they can sense what you want to do (especially since most men are not in control of their body language). Part of being a confident, cool guy is being experienced. Being comfortable making your move, knowing what to do, not caring what others think or if the girl rejects him.
And the best way to get comfortable doing this is with PRACTICE.
MISTAKE #10: Not Getting HELP
This is the biggest mistake of all.This is the mistake that keeps most men from EVER having the kind of success with women that they truly want.
I know, guys don’t like to make themselves look weak or helpless. We don’t like to ask for help.
Hey, I’ve been there myself.
Let me tell you a little about me and how I figured out how to be successful with women…
About five years ago I became fed up with the fact that I didn’t know how to approach, meet, and get dates with women that I was attracted to.
It frustrated the hell out of me.
One night I was out with a friend, and I saw a woman I wanted to ask out, but I just couldn’t get up the nerve to do it. I can still remember that night… right on the spot I made the decision to do whatever it took to learn how to be successful with women and dating.
Well, after a lot of hard work and trying all kinds of crazy things, I finally figured it all out.
I can now approach just about any woman and get her number almost instantly. I’ve dated models, I’ve dated actresses, and I’ve dated nice, normal, regular girls as well.
It has been a very rewarding experience. I no longer feel that sick, insecure feeling… like I don’t know how to meet women… and I might wind up alone.
I know that anytime, anywhere, I can go out and meet attractive women.
I’ve written a book on the topic, and I’ve done seminars on both coasts of the United States… and taught tens of thousands of men all around the world.
It’s true, that most guys look at the need to meet, date, and seduce women as being a "dirty little secret." It’s that thing that we all SHOULD be able to do naturally, but for some reason, if we can’t, we feel like failures. I know this is something that I personally dealt with in my life. I’ve talked to friends about it, asking for advice, but most of the time it was the blind leading the blind on that subject, even though I thought my friends were good with women.
That’s why learning how to Pick-Up and Seduce women is so important. It’s about EMPOWERING yourself. It’s about building yourself up and IMPROVING your life, instead of letting life just bowl over you.
I Now Have A FREE, Three-Times-A-Week Email Newsletter…
…But the REALLY GREAT news is that I now publish a free email newsletter three times a week that teaches any guy how to increase his success with women DRAMATICALLY.And I’d like to invite you to sign up.
It’s free, there’s no obligation, I’ll never share your email address with anyone, and you can easily remove yourself anytime with no hassles (and no, I’ll never pull any of these tricks where I send you a bunch of unwanted junk email when you try to remove yourself).
David DeAngelo’s newsletter is one of the oldest and best newsletters out there. He does do a lot of mailbags, which I’m not fond of, but he also sends out some good essays that are worth checking out. Plus, you can only get the GOOD DYD stuff through his newsletters, so if you’re looking to advance your skills, sign up and check out all David DeAngelo has to offer.
Of course, it even get’s better than that…
In addition to my free email newsletter, I also have a killer downloadable eBook that you can download right now and be reading in literally MINUTES from right now.
It’s JAM PACKED with dozens and dozens of specific strategies for overcoming fear, approaching women, getting phone numbers and email address from women quickly, great inexpensive or even free date ideas, and how to take things to a "physical" level smoothly and easily.
To sign up for my free three-times-a-week newsletter AND download your copy of this online eBook, just go here:
Free Newsletter And Download eBook
Oh, And One More Thing…
In this day and age of "instant gratification", I realize that this might just sound like another late-night info-mercial promising to make you rich by next week.
Well, that’s not the case.
I’ve spent a lot of time, effort, and energy writing this eBook. I wanted to design and create a program that ANY guy could easily understand and start using IMMEDIATELY to meet and date more women… without having to lie, do dishonest things, or be "manipulative".
I now believe that ANY man can be more successful with women and dating, and I get emails every day with success stories from guys who are using this program to meet and date wonderful women.
I know, I know… an ebook that can teach a regular guy how to be more successful in the dating world? No way.
Well believe me, this program will DRAMATICALLY increase your success with women… I absolutely guarantee it 100%.
If you’d like to take your success with women and dating to the next level, and have the kind of success that you’ve always wanted, then go sign up for my free newsletter, get all the details, and check out some great free samples of the eBook located here:
Free Newsletter And Download eBook
And I’ll talk to you again soon.
Your Friend,
David DeAngelo
P.S. Do some friends a favor, and FORWARD this article to their email addresses. It might be the biggest gift you ever give them.
I’m going to take this opportunity and say that I think David DeAngelo’s ebook Double Your Dating is probably the most ESSENTIAL reading for any guy starting out with learning how to date and seduce women (with the exception of my book, which is probably even more essential, but I digress… =)
I haven’t written a review of the book yet, but I have read it a number of times in my years studying this material, and I think David DeAngelo lays out some solid concepts that are good for EVERYONE who wants to start off on the right track in getting their love life under control. Simple concepts like how to be cocky and funny, some good insights on how women behave and why they act the way they do, and some good tactics on how to get the women you want, make his ebook all worth the money.
Also, if you buy the book through my site, I make some bucks off the deal, so if you want to, you can buy it here. I plan on writing a detailed review of the book in the near future, with the good the bad and the ugly all laid out for everyone to read. But in the meantime, I’d say if you’re new to the scene, Double Your Dating should be the first book you buy.
AoA: Learn to Approach Alone
April 9, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
Jumpstart Your Success – Learn to Approach Alone
By Thundercat
Has this ever happened to you?
You go out with some buddies for a night on the town, hoping to meet a girl to have some fun with. You head to a bar, get a booth, and order drinks. The place is kickin’, and you and your buddies are having a good time looking at all the pretty girls… except nobody is meeting any them. You want to talk to them, but you feel more comfortable sitting around with your friends talking about how you would like to go home with a girl that night. Instead, you all end up leaving the same way you came in – together.
This is a pretty common occurrence among the lovelorn bachelor. This is a symptom of what I like to call the “comfort zone.”
Basically, everyone has a comfort zone. This is a state of mind where people are surrounded by that which is FAMILIAR. Familiarity breeds complacency, which can keep you from taking the action necessary to achieve your goals, because that action introduces uncertainty into your life – something the comfort zone likes to keep at bay.
So when you want to meet a woman, you need to know how to break out of this comfort zone. How do you do this? The answer is self-evident: You must learn to meet women BY YOURSELF!
Friends can be a great asset, but most of the time, going out with friends actually HINDERS your ability to meet women. Not just because of the comfort zone factor, but because other guys who don’t know what they’re doing with girls can actually ruin the interactions you have with them – be it by jealousy or ineptitude. So the best way to counter this is to leave your friends behind.
But the prospect of going out by oneself can strike fear into the hearts of men. After all, doesn’t going out by yourself signal to everyone that you’re a loser with no friends? Doesn’t it make you look creepy?
The answer to both these questions is NO.
The simple act of going out on your own can shake your comfort zone, because you have no anchors to keep you there. Often your friends will act as an anchor to your comfort zone that keep you from approaching women. And it is easier to break out of this comfort zone without those anchors present. Plus, you don’t have to worry about failing with women and being judged by your friends if they’re not around.
But the most powerful thing about going out by yourself is that it puts your focus on what you are doing. This means that every interaction you have is without distraction, so it is more easily examined and the problems you had are more easily identified. This allows you to spot your sticking points more quickly and correct them.
Not only that, but being out by yourself gives you the freedom of flexibility when it comes to where you’re going and who you talk to. If you’re bored with a place, you can leave and go to another one. If you want to talk to a girl who your friends might poke fun at you for, you can. Not only this, but you’re free to mess up the interactions you have, because chances are, no one there will ever see you again, so you don’t have to worry about what others think of you.
But like all things, knowing what to say will help you to go out by yourself and succeed at increasing your ability to approach. There are many examples of Openers to say in my book The Art of Attraction, but some guys will need to know how to handle the inevitable question “Where are your friends?”
Something I’ve used to great effect is the answer “Oh, they’re around.” This simple dismissive statement not only answers the question, but as far as anyone knows, you’re telling the truth.
But if you want to take it a step further, I’ve even used this as an Opener at times I’ve been out by myself.
–The “My Friends Ditched Me” Opener
This works good whenever you’re out somewhere by yourself. Basically, you approach your target or a group, and say:
“Hey guys, you won’t believe this. All week, me and my friends have been planning on going out and having a good time, because we’ve all been busy and we wanted to blow off some steam. So we made plans to go out tonight, right? Well, one by one they call me up and say stuff like “I’m too tired,” or “My girlfriend wants to watch a movie,” and stuff like that. Some friends huh? Bunch of lame-o’s. But I’m thinking there might be something more to this, because last week two of my friends had a knock-down drag out fight over some girl they both like, so the situation is all weird. Do you guys have any friends who got split up by someone they both liked?”
Using this, you set the stage that you’re out by yourself because, well, unlike your friends, YOU’RE not lame! Not only that, you throw in a nice Drama Opener in there to engage the group.
If you don’t know what a Drama Opener is, check it out in my book The Art of Attraction, and learn how to meet any woman, any time, anywhere you may be. Whether you’re alone or not!
To your success!
Thundercat
BadBoy Speaks
April 5, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
BadBoy Speaks
By BadBoy
I wanted to say a few words on the recent happenings here, and really negative comments about me… As you don’t know anything about me and my life, that’s really funny.
I am JUST gonna tell you just this that I am the wrong type of guy who you want to challenge….
The more you bullshit to me, the more you’re gonna fail.
I am not type of guy for lame flamewars, who is gonna argue with you, and do nothing or trying to prove that his method is superior or anything LIKE THAT!!!
You can bullshit as much you want about me, and whatever you want, but my only weapon here in this game, and my response to you, it’s gonna be what I DO… (workshops), and teaching guys how to become Playboys. Now, the more you bullshit about me, the better workshops I am gonna do, and better results I will have with my students…
I am the kind of guy, who when you piss him off, he is gonna come to the States, and do his job so good that’s gonna make you cry… and he is gonna turn every fucking student into PlayBoy’s.
Now, this is only field where I am willing to fight…
I will just do my job better and better with everyday I wake up… thats only thing I am gonna do to flame with you… and just more of my guys will go around the US and fuck beautifull girls…
Now let me ask you guys, do you have anything to fight back to this poor eastern European punk????
AoA: Alone on a Friday
April 2, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
Alone on a Friday – Forcing Yourself to Go Out
By Thundercat
We’ve all been there before. It’s Friday, you get home and eat a little dinner. The sky is slowly darkening and you feel the urge to go out somewhere and unwind after a long week. So you call up a few friends, leave a few messages, and watch a little TV. It gets later in the evening, and no one has called back yet. You’re getting antsy. You want to go out and have a good time and meet some girls.
Eventually, it gets late, and you’re still at home. No one has called back for some reason, and you’re worried that your night is a bust. You end up shrugging it off and deciding to just stay in and hope there’s some good quasi-porn on Cinemax. Then you spend the rest of the night feeling like a loser, and that everyone else is living a better and more exciting life than you.
In short: You’re alone on a Friday Night. And it SUCKS!!!!
Speaking as a guy who used to spend every Friday night by himself, I can say unequivocally that nothing will depress you more than staying in on a night where everyone else is going to have fun. By doing so, you will begin to develop insecurities that will only depress you more, and as we all know, beating yourself up is not a good way to live a happy life.
So what’s a guy to do? No one wants to go out without their friends. Especially on a night that’s meant to be fun and social. But the thing is, you can’t rely on others for fun.
I’ll say it again: You can’t rely on others for fun.
For example, I have a friend of mine who is HABITUALLY late. Seriously, it’s not unrealistic to wait for him for 2 hours before he joins you after the scheduled meeting time. But the thing is, I don’t mind it, because I don’t rely on him for my interactions. I’ll take my time getting to where I’m going, I’ll maybe hit up a book store or what have you, then head over to the meeting place and maybe get a bite to eat while I wait for him, taking the time to chat up any woman I may see in the vicinity.
This is something most people won’t do. Instead, they may wait at one place for a long time, sitting there quietly, bored, waiting, wondering when their friend will show up so they can start having fun. But you have to make your own fun. You have to rely on yourself for having a good time.
This means that come Friday, when you’re all alone at your place and you feel like going out and having a good time, do not wait around for your friends! Go do things you enjoy! Go out to dinner and chat up your waitress. Go see a movie. Head to the local bar for a happy hour. Just GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! The simple activity of going out in public, even if it is by yourself, will keep those feelings of “being a loser” at bay, because you are being active. You are opening your life up to possibilities that would not be there if you were by yourself at home.
But what do you do when you’re out by yourself? Well, I’ll be writing about that next week. However, in the meantime, I suggest you check out my book The Art of Approaching. In that, you will learn how to meet any woman, any time, anywhere you may be – even if it is by yourself!
To your success!
Thundercat
Out of the Closet and Into the Fire
February 4, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
**Reposted from the first Lair, original date: 1/13/04
Well, I was going to address this issue after the NYT article hit this weekend, but it seems like Minger has beat me to the punch. For those of you who don’t know, Minger is the head of the DC Lair. Unlike some of the other lairs out there, he’s fostered a pretty tight-knit group and their e-mail list always has some of the best discussions going. He also writes a regular newsletter, which he sends to his subscribers. Usually the newsletters just contain links to interesting discussions going on in the mASF boards, but this time around Minger has actually included a rather eloquent and (dare I say it) journalistic article concerning the future of the seduction community. It’s a pretty good read, and I have reposted it here for all of you.
Swimming Across the Channel Dept.
What happens to the seduction underground when it ”reaches the outer shell of mainstream consciousness?”
A Rolling Stone writer has been ”quietly gathering material” for an article, spending time with the gurus and interviewing a few aspiring PUAs. Our founding brother RJ was profiled by Rolling Stone and Playboy back in 1998, but he, and not the community, was the centerpiece. RJ probably received a lot more business from the free advertising, and more brothers found their way into the community. Six years later, the mainstream has returned, our community has grown and a new generation of charismatic gurus has arisen.
Not only is Rolling Stone back, the New York Times, a global newspaper with over one million readers, is on the scene too! And it seems that both will include the broader community in the coverage, which includes the nextgen gurus, the local lairs and the boards. Will this blast of light prove to be a blip in the evolution of our community or will it snatch away the cloak of anonymity that has encouraged robust sharing and drive the key participants further underground? (WD disappeared after receiving the shock last year of finding himself watching documentary footage of the FS forums at a theater in his small Canadian town. Then last week, one of CJ’s girlfriends let him know she read his FS comments on her!)
Aside from having covers blown, people worry, ”will ‘Powerpuff Girls’ lose its zing after everyone knows about it?” ”Dork” zings too and everyone knows the word, yet you’ll hear very few guys saying it to a girl. The IC pattern, much older and despite RJ’s publicity, hasn’t lost its potency one bit (when used at the right moments). And you haven’t seen ‘Powerpuff’
really zing unless you’ve seen TD deliver it himself; his effective subcommunication can’t be fully conveyed in words, certainly not in broad article. However, all bets are off if some screenwriter reads the RS story, and the world sees Tom Cruise PowerPuffing chicks in a blockbluster movie a year later.
What about the pulse of newbies? The various boards or lists have only several thousand members each. FH and ”Mad Dog” R already have their hands full as moderators dealing with the continual and accumulating incoming trickle, not to mention the occasional outbursts from the regulars. What happens when some small fraction of the one million NYT reader base, men and women!, flock to our lists and forums? Will we see ”a chaotic refugee flood” from AFCdom or ”an orderly transition”, like the integration of East Germany into West Germany? The outcome is hard to predict. The NYT has been covering subculture institutions the past few months. Last week saw stories about swing clubs in NYC and the LiveJournal blog. The swing club profiled will definitely see a boost in applicants but each will still be individually screened. LJ new account stats are not available for the period during and after the NYT article, so we don’t know the impact of media coverage. We do know that they have 1.8 million accounts, almost one million active accounts and, unlike the incompetents who run Friendster, they know how to architect and implement a robust system with room for growth. The LJ community is really a subexponential number of subcommunities, so as long as underlying servers hold up, LJ can collectively absorb a blast just fine with little social disruption.
The NYT is too influential to ignore. RS and PB are themselves on the fringe compared to the NYT, the anchor of the establishment. The NYT starts memes and amplifies memes to a vast important audience. It was on the pages of the Sunday Magazine last year that they questioned the ”carbs good” orthodoxy and gave support to the Atkins revolution. Today, major food companies and restaurants are putting low carb on their product lines and menus. Even Italian pasta makers are developing ”low carb” products. McDonalds just announced the patty-less burger! We don’t know the arrow of causality but the article was certainly a strong predictor of the direction and momentum of public sentiment.
*Off-Track Betting Dept.* I predict several months from now, after the publication of the NYT article, supposedly this Sunday, that 1) the business or traffic of the gurus or sites, especially the open ones like FS, spotlighted in the article will rise significantly; 2) the exposure will drive the skittish board posters underground and limit their experiences to smaller audiences (the capitalists withdraw to Midas Gulch), while we see new gurus sprouting to give workshops and seminars while established ones pick up their activity; and 3) the article will draw the attention of the television or movie producers and result in the introduction of seduction community activities into plotlines, TV talk soaps or reality shows.
-Minger
minger@dcseduction.com
So the paranoia has begun. Honestly, I don’t think it will be a big deal once this hits the mainstream. It might be a bit of a curiosity for a while, but chances are it will be met with such disdain from feminists, Alpha Males, AFCs, and any church based institutions, that if anything it will be driven further underground. You might see a lack of traffic on ASF because of people afraid to be exposed as seducers, while something like the rather exclusive and ”invitation only” Mystery’s Lounge becomes more important.
In a way, the whole situation reminds me a lot of where bodybuilding was in the early 80′s. You have this wierd little world-wide subculture right on the fringe of society with it’s own superstars and competitions and politics. It’s something anyone can partake in if they are willing to commit significant time to it to get good, it’s got its own jargon, and it’s even got lairs and clubs meant to promote it. The only thing it’s been lacking up to this point is mainstream acceptance, something which body building achieved with the documentary ”Pumping Iron.” Once the press hits, next will be books, movies, maybe even TV shows. Nevertheless, when this hits, it could hit big.
I’ve gotten more than a few private e-mails concerning this topic because of the knowledge that I had been approached to be a part of this mainstream exposure, and there is a big worry out there that bringing seduction to the masses may ruin the free excahange of ideas that we currently have going. So this may be on a lot of people’s minds in the coming months. I’m honestly not too worried about it, but only time will tell how it will affect the community as a whole.
Until then, props to Minger for such a great article.
Thundercat
The Ultimate Secret to Getting Good With Women
February 4, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
**Reposted from the first Lair, original date: 1/6/04
So I wrote this article for Cliff’s List, but it seems Cliff continues to have trouble with his e-mail, so I don’t know if the newsletter ever got out. Anyway, I was planning on reposting it here afterwards but since it seems most people didn’t get the newsletter I guess it really doesn’t matter.
This was probably the hardest article I’ve ever written because it deals with a lot of personal stuff. Hope you guys get something from it so its not all a waste of time. =)
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The Ultimate Secret to Getting Good with Women
(an essay on Inner Game)
by Thundercat
******************************************
Everywhere I look, it seems like everyone is looking for the next “new” thing. You know what I’m talking about. We all want the next eBook, the next audio series, the next interview, the next pattern, the next routine, the next NEG, etc., etc…
The thing is, I’ve come to discover that when you become too involved in that sort of thing, you tend to stagnate your progress as a seducer and pick-up artist. But why is that? If you’re constantly getting updated on the latest tricks, tips, and gizmos, how can your game stagnate? Simple. The answer is that 90% of seduction stems from who you are, not what you say.
I’ve been in the game since 1998, though I haven’t really applied myself to getting good at this in a dedicated capacity until recently. In my time studying, I’ve gotten to meet, hang out, sarge with, and befriend some of the best guys out there at picking up women – be they naturals or self-made gurus. I’ve gotten to meet a lot of fakes, and a lot of people who are the real deal. But more importantly, I’ve gotten to SEE what makes these people the real deal. So what makes them real? Two words:
Inner Game.
I have not always been into inner game. Like many others, I’ve tended to overlook this aspect of pick-up and seduction (which is odd considering I spent 4 years working on my inner game before I got out into the field hard core). I too wanted the new patterns, new openers, new NEGs, and all the other bells and whistles we use in seduction. But the more I learn and the better I get, the more I start to realize how little this stuff matters, and how important inner game is.
This has only been reinforced by some conversations I had recently with my friend Swinggcat, who’s focus is very much on Inner Game, and who’s future newsletters are going to be covering various topics concerning it in more depth (you can sign up for his newsletters at his website www.realworldseduction.com. I’ll also be reposting them on my blog). The more I realize Inner Game’s importance, the more I find myself incorporating more of it into my interactions with women, and it is SO much more powerful than using canned material.
But the process of refining your Inner Game can be a long, arduous, and even scary task. When I first started my work on Inner Game back in 1998, I was 300 lbs, scared to talk to women, had guilty feelings about sex, and numerous issues with anger and with my general outlook on life! Basically, I’m someone who could have made some therapist somewhere a boatload of money. But with the help of Speed Seduction and some of the people I met through that, I was able to work out my inner demons and refine my Inner Game, to the point where I am now around 200 lbs, can talk to women very easily, have NO guilt about sex, and am no longer dealing with anger or many of the negative traits that affected my life.
So what did I do? What changed? And what can others do to help them change? Well, the answer is it won’t be easy. You really have to become committed to changing the very NATURE of your BEING. And it’s gonna be tough (for instance, I had to give up my RELIGION in order to fix myself. That’s how deep you have to go)! But when you make those changes, what you say and how you act springs from a place that is TOTALLY and COMPLETELY congruent with WHO YOU ARE, not who you are pretending to be. And no matter how you cut it, that is so much more powerful than anything you can memorize.
The basics of changing your inner game starts with a journey of self-discovery. And though that may sound like a heap of New Age crap, it’s very true. You’ll want to start by listing all the traits that you do not like about yourself and you think is holding you back from accomplishing your goals with women. Things like:
–I’m too fat
–I’m too skinny
–I’m too scared to talk to women
–I don’t have enough hair
–I have a disability
–I can’t control my anger
–I hate women
–I feel so lonely
And anything else you can think of that you feel uncomfortable, self-conscious, or helpless about. Any negative thing that exists in your life, you gotta write it down! The next step is to look at those negatives, and analyze everything. Think about their ROOT CAUSES and find out why you feel the way you do.
For instance (and I’m baring my soul a bit here, so don’t laugh =), I’ve always been very self-conscious about my weight, and one of my things on my list was:
No girl will like me because I’m too fat.
So I looked at this and thought “Why is this such a part of my reality? I’ve seen fat guys with hot chicks before. I have fat friends who score with chicks all the time! Why am I different? Why is this holding me back?” So I began to think of times before I realized my weight was an issue, and I came to a memory I had forgotten of me in the third grade. There were three girls who used to sit in front of me in class, one of whom I had a crush on. And one day, all three started teasing me about being fat, and they were so harsh about it that it made me cry. That’s the first memory I have about being ashamed of my weight. Everything since then, from refusing to wear shorts because of the thickness of my legs, to causing health risks by going on crash diets, can be traced back to that EXACT MOMENT in my life. And not only that, but it was done by a girl I was attracted to!
Can you say “Trauma?” I know I can. But that was a real eye-opener for me. That was a root cause of much of the Inner Game problems I had, and by tracing it back to that exact moment, not only was I able to identify it, I was able to DEAL with it, because I had a concrete instance to latch onto rather than a vague notion of a problem.
Once you have identified Root Causes for your problems, then it is time to work on fixing them so they stop affecting you negatively. For instance, I discovered that part of my inability to lay a girl was because I had incredibly guilty feelings about sex, and this would cause me to “chicken out” at the last moment. I traced this back to a strict Catholic upbringing not only from my mother, but from my schooling as well, which caused me to be overcome with guilt for not only wanting, but enjoying sex. So, in order to fix it, I had to stop being Catholic.
That doesn’t mean I changed my beliefs, mind you. I still believe in God, and I still abide by the 10 commandments, but by giving up my Catholic Faith, I was able to shed much of the dogma that was weighing on me. Things like feeling bad for lusting after a woman, or guilt over premarital sex became a non-issue because I changed the belief that was causing those feelings.
This is probably the hardest part of the process right here. Its one thing to identify what’s wrong — that’s easy. Its changing it that’s hard, and that’s where so many people screw up. Changing my issues about my weight was no where near as easy as identifying them. When I changed my weight issues, I actually went on a diet and exercise program where I shed nearly 100 lbs. over the course of 2 years. And even then, my belief isn’t completely changed, because I’m still overweight (though not as bad as I was before). This is the hard part of refining your Inner Game, but the most important because it determines how congruent you will become with your Outer Game later on.
The final step is adopting new beliefs with will determine your speech and actions from that point on. Some of this is easy and can be done simply be deciding to believe differently from the way you did in the past. Other factors of this are hard because they can only come from experience and continuing work on Inner Game. For instance, one belief I adopted was “Every girl I meet is into me.” This is important because I am a naturally critical person, as I’m sure so many other people are. When I was interacting with a girl, even if she was giving me 50 signs she was into me, I’d ignore all of them looking for that ONE sign of disinterest, which my critical self would latch onto if it was presented. That would mess up most of my sarges. But with the new belief, I’m able to ignore 50 signs the girl may not be interested, but latch onto that ONE sign she is, and that allows me to be more effective in my pick-ups.
Most naturals and master seducers I’ve seen have their inner game down pat. And when you get your inner game to such a state, things like routines, patterns, NEGs, whatever, tend to NATURALLY spring from who you are, because it’s congruent with your attitude and outlook. Indeed, I’d have to say the most important factor when it comes to seduction is CONGRUENCY.
One of the problems I experience is that my outer self is not really congruent with who I am on the inside. One of my good friends, Roadking, pointed out to me that what I say presents such a different person than how I look. I look like a pretty mild-mannered AFC-ish guy when you meet me, but when I start gaming, I come off as a lovable, cocky/funny @sshole. This prompted me to do some research and change how I looked on the outside. One good resource for this is an eBook called Fashion For Fat Guys (www.fashionforfatguys.com). I learned how to dress for my body type, but not only that, developed my own sense of style that’s more congruent with who I am on the inside, so that incongruency between how I talk and how I present myself isn’t such a big one.
I’ve also tried to enrich my life in other respects, by picking up more hobbies and reading more. I even started my own daily seduction blog, which is a lot like an online diary that keeps me focused and actually helps me work through a lot of my Inner Game issues. I know Ross Jeffries always encouraged keeping a journal, which I thought was bunk when I first started, but have come to realize it is a very powerful tool. (If any of you are interested in reading it, you can find it at www.donutheadz.com/thundercat).
So in conclusion, here are the 6 steps to working out your inner game:
1. List your sticking points, insecurities, etc.
2. Determine Root Causes for them.
3. Fix your Root Causes through change
4. Adopt New Beliefs
5. Enrich and Expand your Life
6. Strive for Congruency
Once you have started fixing your inner game, you will begin to see drastic changes in your outer game. Not only that, but you will see changes in ALL aspects of your life. But you must be vigilant. Inner Game work is an ongoing and never-ending process. Some of it you can do by self-analysis, some of it can only be done through field work and the development of Outer Game, but it is always important that you strive to work on it.
So with the coming of the New Year, I plan on focusing more on Inner Game and fixing as many sticking points as possible. Hopefully, so will you! =)
Thundercat
Swingcat’s Open Loop Theory
February 4, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Analysis, Articles
**Reposted from the first Lair, original date: 12/16/03
**Image removed
YEEEEEEAH! Damn, I’m buzzed. Just heard one of my favorite shows — Carnivale — got renewed by HBO for a second season. I swear, if I only had HBO on my TV and no other channel, I’d be happy. Their original programming is the best on TV! Carnivale, coupled with The Wire and the Sopranos are a few of the shows I set everything aside for to watch. I am really jazzed! You can find the announcement at the Hollywood Reporter by following this link:
Now, someone had to go on the SS list and start blasting my favorite fall season show by saying its too frustrating to watch. In fact, he said that it was an example of going too far with “open loops.” Now, what they’re doing discussing Swinggcat terminology on the SS board is beyond me, especially considering that Ross is a stickler for not talking about other people’s products (but since Swinggcat used to be his top student, I guess he’s making exceptions). Anyway, this discussion brought up an interesting point about open loops.
For those of you who don’t know what an Open Loop is, its a verbal form of creating insecurity, anticipation, and a need to qualify through the use of creating an open ended story. Yes, that’s a round-a-bout explanation, but its the best I can do from memory. Swinggcat has a whole chapter in his book about open loops that explains it better than I ever could. But an example of an open loop would be something like:
PUA: “You know, this place reminds me of when I was in a german sex show with my girlfriend.”
HB: “You were in a german sex show? What happened?”
PUA: “Well I was in Germany because I love McDonalds ice cream, and I made it a personal goal to try McDonalds ice cream in every country in the world. Don’t you just love ice cream?”
So what’s happening there? You set up the fact that you were doing something exotic and forbidden, but you fail to pay it off and start talking about something silly and stupid. But the whole time you’re doing that, the other person will be thinking “Yes, but what about the sex show!!!???” and if they ask you, you start talking about something else, never quite giving them what they want. That’s an open loop. Its an interesting hook that someone wants closure on, and you’re the only one who can give it to them, but you don’t. You make them work for it. Its a very sneaky, subtle, eeeeevil way to get people to qualify themselves to you. They’ll be saying shit like “Please tell me! Pleeeeeaaaaase!” And you can grin and say “I’m not sure you’ve earned it yet.” Hopefully you’re smart enough to know what that implies.
So anyway, on the SS list, there was a lot of talk about how open loops are ineffective because they are so frustrating. What many fail to understand is that open loops are MEANT to be frustrating, and that is why they feel that way. Open loops create insecurity and anticipation, two very important factors in attraction. If you get pissed off when someone uses open loops on you, it means its working.
But there is an argument that people who intuitively use open loops end up creating an atmosphere around them that ultimately drives people away instead of attracting them, and therefor open loops should not be used. I think the important word here is “intuitive.” People who do this stuff intuitively are destined to mess it up because they do not have a conscious awareness of how this shit works.
Open loops are a way of creating drama. They are meant to rope other people into your reality by giving them just enough to get interested, and then taking it away so they actively pursue you.
When you have a conscious awareness of how open loops work, you can use them to attract people to you. When you do not, you can over use them and cause people to become frustrated and angry because they realize the hopelessness in their pursuit. Women tend to overuse this tactic because they are emotional creatures and easily distracted by stimuli (this is a bit of an over-generalization here, but I’ve found it is fairly accurate for attractive women). It also goes towards creating drama and turmoil in their personal lives, something many women crave and create.
I think the use of open loops is a valuable tool in seduction. I’ve seen some extremely talented Pick-Up Artists us it to great effect. But I tend to agree that if overused, any of these skills become ineffective and even detrimental to your pick-up. That’s part of the trick to being good at this, is knowing WHEN and HOW to use these tactics.
For more information on open loops, you can either try and catch reruns of Carnivale, or buy Swinggcat’s book at Real World Seduction.
Ho!
Thundercat
The Social Circle of Life
February 4, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles, Tips & Tricks
**Reposted from the first Lair, original date: 12/16/03
Okay all you AFCs,
Here is a copy of my most recent article from Cliff’s List on Social Circles. Aside from the gay title, I think its pretty good. I’m still looking for my article on walk-ups. When I find that, I’ll post it.
Ho!
Thundercat
******************************************************
The Social Circle Of Life
How to Create the Best Possible Environment for Getting Laid
An Essay by Tundercat
I’ll be the first to admit it. I’m a nerd. I like to watch TV, go to movies, read books, play on my computer, and even partake in the occasional MMORPG. But when I’m not waxing philosophical about who could kick who’s ass — Kirk or Han Solo — I’m out trying to pick up chicks.
The thing is, what I do is cold approaches. Cold Approaches are basically approaches where you approach a woman you do not know in the hopes of attracting her so you can lay her. Without a doubt, this is probably the hardest form of Pick-Up there is. Why? Well, for one thing, the Fear Factor on cold approaches is the highest. They don’t know you, you don’t know them, and the risk of getting rejected is high. This is one of the reasons many people cannot do cold approaches. It is just much too scary.
But the reason I do them is because I currently have no better option available to me. If I don’t cold approach a girl, I won’t meet any. But a funny thing happens if you cold approach enough girls. You become friends with them!
As strange as it sounds, it is true. Though the average Pick-Up Artist (PUA) is not looking to make friends with the girls he approaches, odds are if they like you enough to fuck you, you will become friends. And even if they don’t want to fuck you, the least they are willing to become is a friend because they enjoy your company enough.
This is a funny little side effect to approaching, and because of it, my eyes were opened to something. It’s a dirty little secret, yet one that is so obvious I am surprised that I did not see it before. Are you ready? Okay, here it is:
Most people get laid from their social circles.
This is a fact, my friends. Sure, cold approaching can lead to the occasional one night stand (ONS), or even a same day lay that blossoms into a relationship. But very rarely does this happen. In fact, it happens so rarely, that I really rate my approach success based on the quality of numbers I get. I say quality because anyone can get a number, but a number from a girl who actually gives you her REAL number and will actually RETURN your phone call is so much more important than the quantity of numbers one receives.
But of all the guys I hang around with who get laid, the ones who do so with the most frequency are those with large social circles that include women in them. For instance, I have a friend who is going to college. He belongs to a number of groups: Martial Arts, Role Playing, Historical Reenactment, etc. And he gets laid. He gets laid a LOT. Probably more than most PUAs, and DEFINITELY more than me. The funny thing is, this guy DOES NOT APPROACH! In fact, he’s just as scared at approaching women as 90% of the guys reading mASF (moderate Alt Seduction Fast) are.
When I noticed this, I took a good look at the guys I know who are getting laid frequently, and sure enough, there was the proof. They were all getting laid from either girls they already knew, or met through friends, family, or some type of hobby.
This is an incredible revelation for me because social circles have always been the primary dipping source for men I knew were getting laid. Back in my AFC (Average Frustrated Chump) days, I’d only hang out with my guy friends, who weren’t getting laid either. I’d do solitary activities, play on the computer, and take part in social activities that were typically heavily attended by males. In short, my social circle did not include women, and because of that, I did not get laid.
As my awareness of women grows, along with my seduction skills, I am beginning to realize that being a PUA is not just about getting laid, but cultivating a social circle conducive to interacting with women ON A DAILY BASIS.
Most of the men I have met who are not getting laid or who are struggling to get laid are the ones whose social circles are almost completely empty of women, and the women who do encompass their social circles do not interact with them regularly.
A scary truth about guys not getting laid is that they are not comfortable talking to women. Sometimes, I STILL do not feel comfortable talking to women. And this can show in your sarging (interacting with women with the intent of laying them). I am willing to bet that most guys who cannot talk to or approach women do not have many female friends in their social circles. And if they do, the girls are friends they would like to fuck. They do not know what it is like to truly be friends with a girl they do not want to sex up, and because of that, there is always a feeling of comfortableness just below the surface of their interaction with girls, which the girls can pick up on and which completely throws off the guy’s state.
So the trick is to expand your social circle so it becomes something that is conducive to getting you laid.
The fact is, a female friend is the most powerful tool you have in your seduction arsenal, especially if she is attractive. Approaching other women with another woman who can social proof you and talk you up is probably the single most invaluable trick there is to approaching. When you have a female with you who is actively working to HELP you get laid, chances are it will happen, and more quickly than if you were acting on your own. Not only that, but the girl will also have friends that she will try to hook you up with if you demonstrate youв’re cool enough to be her friend. Through these girls, you will find your comfort around women increase, along with you success rate.
So how do you do this? Well, the first step is to befriend a girl. How is this done? Well, most AFCs (Average Frustrated Chumps) have had a lot of experience with the “Let’s Just Be Friends” area of life. But this is not the same thing. The fact is, with the “Let’s Just Be Friends” stigma, you are not really the girl’s friend because you still want to fuck her and she knows it.
The best way I know how to expand your social circle is to befriend other GUYS who are good with women. Not the type of guys who use women and throw them away, but the type of guys who are fun and always surrounded by girls. You befriend this guy, and he will introduce you to the girls who surround them. You can meet these guys anywhere, and it’s much easier to approach and make friends with men because there is no sexual tension there. You guys can connect on basic male subjects such as sports, women, business, etc. If nothing else, you may make a new valuable male friend out of the deal.
You can meet these guys anywhere you go, be it a club, bar, museum, concert, etc. It doesn’t matter. You will meet them doing stuff you like to do. Most guys will go for the girls right away, but if you befriend the guy who is IN with the girls, he will help you to get them.
Once in with the guys, its time to move onto the girls. Have him introduce you. Tell the girls how good of a friend he is. Show them that you’re a cool guy. Become their friends. The cooler the guy you befriend, the hotter the women he knows. The hotter the women he knows, the better quality of women they will introduce you to.
The next step will take a bit of willpower on your part, but you want to actually BEFRIEND the girl with the knowledge that you are not going to sleep with her. No matter how hot she is, you must take her out of the “I wanna FUCK!” category. This is crucial because if you go after her for the full monty (fuck), you could screw up the friendship.
But once she’s your friend, you can practice on her. Talk to her, call her up and bullshit, go out with her, let her feel safe and comfortable around you. Once she’s your buddy, get her to introduce you to her friends. Those are the ones you game on. This is because you’ll be at an advantage with them. Not only will you have a girl who is their friend hyping you up, but you’ll also be social proofed by the guy you befriended, who has also probably met the girl you’re being introduced to. Right there is instant social proof that you’re cool enough to hang with them. Then its time to game the girl, which should be easier than cold approaching because the meeting is inherent.
But when it comes to cold approaching, the women you befriend become even more powerful. This is where the real fun can happen. You can use your female friends to approach other groups of people. You can introduce her to the men while she does the same for you with the women. Not only that, its natural social proof when you’re with a girl, and you feel more comfortable talking to women, which makes you more attractive.
In fact, this is so powerful that I know PUAs who’s entire game is based on Social Circles. A woman you use to help you get laid is often referred to as a “Pivot” or a “Pawn.” They are used as pieces on a chessboard to break down defenses and open doorways to score checkmate. One guy I know is SO effective with the girls in his social circle, that if there is a guy trying to get with a female friend of his, he will actually get the guy to pull him other chicks before he social proofs the guy with his friend. This is another great tactic, especially if you’re lazy about approaching. In this situation, not only are his pivots pulling other girls for him, but the guys after his pivots are as well. And in the end, all you’re getting is a bigger social circle which will make it easier to get laid.
It is very easy to befriend women, because when you make it clear you do not want to have sex with them, they can feel safe with you and allow you to “mess up” around them in practicing your PUA skills. Not only that, but being around women will teach you SO MUCH about pick-up, your game will rapidly increase.
In his book Real World Seduction, Swinggcat says “If you want to get good at picking-up women, surround yourself by five beautiful women who are good at getting guys.” This is important, because all the best PUAs just act like really hot chicks. They steal the chick frame that gets guys all into them and turn it around on the girls. The more you hang out with women, the more you will begin to incorporate this mindset into your seduction repertoire.
So friends, I recommend you go out there and start getting to know more girls in a non-sexual way. They will help you a great deal in adding some notches to your belt. I hope to expand my social circle massively in the coming future, so that I may also reap the benefits of having many lady friends.
Thundercat
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