Men And High Status
May 2, 2005 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
Here’s an interesting article about men and our need to achieve high status in society.
Practicing Success
June 11, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
Hey guys,
New Audio for the weekend. This one is a little analysis/rant I did of something that’s been on my mind lately, and namely, that’s the Inner Game issue of Success through the power of beliefs. Anyway, it’s about a 9 minute audio clip. Enjoy!
There you go! Let the flames begin. =)
Swinggcat Says: It’s No Big Deal
June 9, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
Well, it seems Swinggcat has released another newsletter. As usual, it’s a good one…
David Shade’s Manual, Vol. 1
June 9, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
Interviewing for High Self-Esteem Women
By David Shade
www.davidshade.com
I specifically interview for high self-esteem women. The most comprehensive discussion on self-esteem I have seen is by Nathaniel Branden at nathanielbranden.net. He articulated it well when he wrote:
"Self-esteem is an experience. It is a particular way of experiencing the self. It is to move toward life rather than away from it; to move toward consciousness rather than away from it; to treat facts with respect rather than denial; and to operate self-responsibly rather than the opposite."
He defined self-esteem as "being competent to cope with the challenges of life and of being worthy of happiness. It is confidence in our ability to learn, make appropriate choices and decisions, and respond effectively to change. It is the experience that success, achievement, fulfillment, and happiness are right and natural for us. It is a consciousness to trust our self. It strives for rationality, coherence, clarity, and truth."
He defined six practices of a healthy self-esteem:
1) Living consciously: Respect for facts, open to new knowledge and feedback, and seeking to understand the world and ourselves.
2) Self-acceptance: Realism applied to self. The willingness to own, experience, and take responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, and actions, without evasion, denial, or disowning.
3) Self-responsibility: Realizing that we are the author of our choices and actions; that each one of us is responsible for life and well being and for the attainment of our goals.
4) Self-assertiveness: Being authentic in our dealings with others; treating our values and persons with decent respect in social contexts; refusing to fake the reality of who we are or what we esteem in order to avoid disapproval; the willingness to stand up for ourselves and our ideas in appropriate ways in appropriate contexts.
5) Living purposefully: Identifying our short-term and long-term goals or purposes and the actions needed to attain them.
6) Integrity: Living with congruence between what we know, what we profess, and what we do; telling the truth, honoring our commitments, exemplifying in action the values we profess to admire.
"What all these have in common is respect for reality."
What we call high self-esteem and low self-esteem, Nathaniel Branden calls self-esteem and pseudo self-esteem. He defined pseudo self-esteem as: "trying to compensate for deficiencies; a pretense at a self-confidence and self-respect; the effort to protect self-esteem with denial and evasion, which only results in a further deterioration of self-esteem."
Pseudo self-esteem can be easily identified by: "the defensiveness with which insecure people may respond when their errors are pointed out, or the extraordinary feats of avoidance and self-deception people can exhibit with regard to gross acts of non-consciousness and irresponsibility, or the foolish and pathetic ways people sometimes try to prop up their egos by the wealth or prestige of their spouse, the make of their automobile, or the fame of their dress designer, or by the exclusiveness of their golf club."
Traits of pseudo self-esteem include: delusional, ignorance, denial, evasion, betrayal of consciousness or conviction, lack of integrity, grandiosity, fantasies of superiority, conceited (exaggerated opinion of oneself,) boasting, arrogance, and the victim mentality of blaming others. What all these have in common is the lack of respect for reality. But the biggest indicator is the angry denial of low self-esteem or the denial that self-esteem is significant or desirable.
I have found the following to be true of HSE women and LSE women:
LSE women are insecure and seek validation from men.
HSE women are secure in themselves and have nothing to prove.
LSE women have a bottomless pit of emotional need that can never be filled.
HSE women are self fulfilled.
LSE women will manipulate a man to make him meet her needs.
HSE women know exactly what they want in a man, and when they find one enjoy who he is.
LSE women are quick to obtain their man’s tokens of devotion, such as expensive gifts or immediately requiring a monogamous relationship.
HSE women are suspicious of expensive gifts early on, and do not decide that they want a relationship with the man until she gets to know him well.
LSE women would steal a man if it would give her affirmation.
HSE women are not at all interested in another woman’s man.
LSE women trade sex for attention and for verification that they are attractive and worthy.
For HSE women, sex is about sharing and celebrating sexuality.
LSE women respond to being treated poorly in an attempt to prove their worthiness.
HSE women expect to be treated well and respond only to that.
For a LSE woman, it’s not about the man, it’s about her own needs.
For a HSE woman, it’s about what her and her man enjoy together.
LSE women blame their problems on other people. They have the victim mentality.
HSE women assume personal responsibility for their own lot in life.
LSE women are motivated by moving away from bad.
HSE women are motivated by moving towards good.
LSE women must control others by manipulation.
HSE women see that as unhealthy.
LSE women are drama queens.
HSE women seek harmony.
LSE women have a warped sense of deservedness.
HSE women have a healthy sense of deservedness.
Self-esteem is formed early in life and takes years to develop. A woman’s biggest influence in her developing years are her parents, and it is her father that has the most important influence. It is through him that she acquires the ability, or lack of ability, to have an emotionally healthy relationship with men.
A woman who had a close relationship with her father when she was a little girl is what I call a ‘Daddy’s Girl.’ Her father was loving and caring. He believed in her and supported her. He taught her to be self reliant, independent, and to believe in herself. He may have even taught her how to throw a baseball or throw a punch. She thus grew up with a high self-esteem, a healthy relationship with men, and a good sense of deservedness. She is thus emotionally healthy and believes that she deserves to be treated well by men. Interestingly, she is also very skilled at influencing men and making a man feel emotionally close to her.
Her relationship with her father goes through stages. As a little girl, she loves him dearly and looks up to him. When the taboo instinct sets in at about age 14, she becomes independent from him and sees him as the biggest dork in the world. By the time she matures into the age of legal adult, she again adores him and cares about him dearly. But at any age, she always wants him to see her as innocent and pure, and she wants him to continue to be proud of her.
This is in contrast to another woman who had a condescending or absent father. Such a woman is incapable of forming a deep emotional bond with a man. She has a bottomless pit of emotional need that can never be filled. She believes that she deserves to be treated poorly by men, though she expects being showered with attention and material gifts. She is often spotted in the company of men that view women as objects.
Her relationship with her mother is also important. I have known daddy’s girls who had mothers that were total emotional basket cases and made very bad decisions for themselves. In those cases, the young women tend to make bad decisions for themselves. To a large extent, women tend to repeat the same successes or failures of their mothers. Such daddy’s girls display some of the typical traits of a daddy’s girl, but they make mistakes such as having no direction in life. The very best women are those who had two
good parents in a good relationship.
A Daddy’s Girl has a good sense of deservedness. Deservedness is what a woman believes she deserves for herself. She believes that she deserves to experience wonderful pleasure, and she believes that she deserves you. She will be your best ally. She will be routing for you.
The opposite is a bad sense of deservedness. (Note: everybody has A sense of deservedness.) An example of a bad sense of deservedness is a woman who stays with a controlling or abusive man. Therefore, one of the quickest ways to obtain much information about a woman is to note the men she
associates with. If the woman does not have a good sense of deservedness, you will be forever frustrated, your energy will be constantly drained, and the relationship is doomed. She cannot appreciate a good man when she’s got one. She will sabotage the relationship and eventually leave for some scum that she believes she deserves. If you aren’t a psychiatrist or a therapist, there’s not much you can do about it. And even then, it’s usually futile.
So, how do you specifically interview for high self-esteem? Don’t just ask her if she has high self-esteem. The low self-esteem women will insist that they do, and the high self-esteem women sometimes are modest about it. Instead, covertly look for the traits of high self-esteem. The first sign is if she has a hearty firm handshake and good eye contact. The most trustworthy sign of self-esteem is if she can take a compliment
well. But don’t ask her if she can take a compliment well, because all women will say they do. Instead, somewhere in the conversation, I will pay her a compliment and see how she responds. If she belittles the
compliment or down plays it, I know she has a low self-esteem. The compliment will tend to break rapport, as it should. But if she takes the compliment well, such as responding with a genuine "Thank you!" then it may be possible that she has a good self-esteem. The compliment will tend to increase rapport, which is what I want.
I will also get conversation to where we talk about past relationships. This gives me a very good idea about her sense of deservedness. I will listen for signs of how she was treated by her men. That describes how
she will be most comfortable. If she complains about how her men mistreated her, it is a very bad sign. But if all her men were very interested in her pleasure, then that is a very good sign. They are the women who will most appreciate, and best respond to me.
Then I will test for ‘Daddy’s Girl.’ Eventually in the conversation, I will say "You know, I bet that when you were a little girl, about 7, you had a very close relationship with your father." If she didn’t, it will tend
to break rapport, as it should. But if she did, then it always servers to increase rapport in a massive way. Usually she will ask why I say that, and I will go into my ‘Daddy’s girl’ theory. The Daddy’s Girls always love it. But the ones who were not Daddy’s Girls will go into a long illogical discourse attempting to explain why they nonetheless have a high self esteem.
There is a very simple formula for dealing with Daddy’s Girls: Do all the things her daddy did to her, plus all those things her daddy dreaded a man like you would do to her.
David Shade
http://www.davidshade.com
Mystery Speaks — Solving Incongruence
June 3, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
So Mystery asked me to host a new audio message from him on the blog. I listened to it already, and it’s some really good stuff. Yet again, Mystery schools ol’ Thundercat on how things should be done (his audio is so much better than mine! *grrrrr*).
Guess I’ll have to start practicing my tonality again.
“Watermelon.” “Water-melon.” “Wat… er… melon”
Anyway, click Play below to listen to Mystery in all his glory!
Badboy Lifestyle, Vol. 3
June 2, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
Into Inner Game
By BadBoy
We all know how important INNER game is. But have you ever stopped to ask yourself what this inner game actually is? Is it when I memorized material very well or when I perfected the delivery of my voice?
Inner game is based on confidence, attitude and beliefs in your life in general. Your attitudes toward life are going to be projected to the women you talk to, and they will attract her to you. That is how most naturals get laid. They developed these three aspects of their identity (confidence, attitude and beliefs), they begin to feel more confident, they start to behave like a prize, and that’s exactly what attracts women.
I enjoy analyzing these ideas, and I recently found something crazy below the surface. People in general love leaders, especially women. We all know why: they live in their own world, they radiate with confidence, they know what they want, etc. Now I am going to teach you how to become a leader, how to make people follow you, love you, respect you… These steps are the some basic ones you need to lead a successful life.
Yes, I am only 25 years old, but what I have lived through, you cannot even imagine. I believe I learned a lot in these 25 years (possibly more wisdom than the average Joe collects in his entire lifetime).
The first observation is that charisma does not exist. People do not know how to describe something that no one actually "has," so they call the effect "charisma" or say that they believe this guy is a charismatic person. If you observe charismatic people, you see that they actually have one big quality in common. They have a strong frame where they live, and their frame is so strong that people are sucked into their reality and frame of reference. Everything they do reflects an ultra-strong frame, that operates by his own reality and rules. They also have a lot of rules that you must follow when you are around them. They treat themselves with a lot of respect. They do not tolerate any disrespect; in fact they punish it.
You can apply these characteristics to your own life. They are actually core lessons for living succesfully on this planet. Let’s take respect, for example: How do you ensure that the people around you show respect for you and your work? First start to respect yourself and your work too. When you start to respect yourself completely, other people will also respect you. If you don’t respect yourself, why in the world will anyone else respect you? If you treat yourself like shit, trust me, other people will also because you are sending them a strong signal that that is just what you are.
Next, what you must accomplish is develop a set of rules in your life. What people can and cannot do around you or to you. Punish any negative behavior you don’t like. Tell them, for God’s sake, and make it crystal clear, that they cannot behave like that. Kick their asses for it. Make them know they did something that you don’t respect. People are like sheep. You must tell them what they can do, and what they can’t. If they treat you like shit at the office, at home or on the street and you do nothing, of course they will do it again and again. Other people will treat you like a monkey if you let them. Make personal boundaries for yourself, and make it clear to the people around you that you have them.
When they bring a new elephant to the zoo, of course the animal is going to try to escape, break through the fence or whatever it can do to try to get out. But it is funny to realize that elephants have a really interesting memory. They memorize all the negative experiences that happened during their lifetime and just the negative ones. They don’t remember the positive experiences nearly as well as the negative ones. (Some humans are the same.) So there is electricity (low voltage) around the fence, and it is funny how the elephant is going to burn his ass just once in his life and never again because he knows what happened when he tried to escape. He is aware of the consequences. That is exactly what you must do in your life, and especially with women. They must always know how far they can go. For example, if my girlfriend flakes on me, of course I will be pissed off, but I will show her that I am angry , and will calmly state that this time was the last she ever did it. For everything that she does that I do not like, I tell her she can do it only 3 times: the first time, the last time and never again!
My rules are strict. People will enjoy the time they spend with me. I will do everything for their happiness in life. I will teach them and have fun with them, but there are some rules you must follow, otherwise you won’t see me ever again.
I have options, I can do all this with somebody else. Even if you don’t have other options, let it look like you do. Behave like you do. I am going to do everything for my girls. I love them and will treat them like a queen, but as long as I think they deserve it. It is funny to see how women call me a jerk, when I stick to my rules, and let them live by them. Of course I am going to make them feel it when they try to disrespect my rules. I think that is the only way for a living creature on this planet to understand what it is allowed to do and what is strictly forbidden.
Take a look at the police. They have strict rules. Break them and you get punished. They play with your feelings, and trust me, you won’t make the same mistake again in your life if you screw around with the police. I want you to do the same in your own life. Let people around you know what is allowed, and what is not. Otherwise nobody is going to respect you. It is funny, but people will test you from time to time to see if you are still congruent with your frame. That is why I say that "shit tests" do not exist. Those are not tests as long as you are simply congruent with your frame. Women will challenge you all the time when you are seducing them, and then later on in a relationship. That is normal behavior.
My best friend has this cute little dog. The pet knows that it is not allowed to sleep on the sofa because he got his ass kicked a few times, and still months later he comes near the sofa with his cute little look. He glances at the sofa, then his owner, the sofa, the owner, just waiting for a reaction. He might even put one leg close to the sofa, the whole time looking at his owner. What the dog is actually doing is testing his owner to see if he is still congruent with his rule about sleeping on the sofa. Is he going to allow him to jump on the sofa or is he going to yell at him? The dog is not shit testing his owner, just making sure he is still congruent. Children will test you in the same way. Every couple of days or even hours, they will challenge you to see if the rules have not weakened or changed. You can see this behavior everywhere in nature.
Now, let’s get back to charismatic people. Funny, but the more rules they used to have, and the more they punished those who broke those rules, the more charismatic you are. Negative examples, like Hitler, and positive examples like Christ, Gandhi, the Dalai Lama and Martin Luther King.
These leaders issue commands and demand unquestioning loyalty. Challenging their ideas is strongly condemned and often leads to some type of emotional or physical punishment. With women, you give them pleasure and show them a really nice time when they are with you, but then punish any negative behavior or disrespect from her.
The first step toward developing confidence, attitude and beliefs is to start respecting yourself! If you have ever gone out with me in the last few months, you will notice something really unusual: as soon as I go into a set, I am not sucked into their frame. I do not live in their world. You will see that they live in my world. How do you see this? When I approach a set or any group of people, I don’t position myself so the whole group can hear me. I don’t try to yell so the whole group can hear me. First I position myself in the most comfortable position, where I feel the most relaxed, and then I reorganize the other people around me the way I like. For example, I approach them, have them open up to me, sit down, use the space around
me to make myself comfortable, and then I might position three girls to talk to eachother, and take the target to talk with me. Probably you can understand that this behavior is not something I modelled or learned, but it is something that is part of who I am for a long time.
I really can’t stand people who have a weak frame. For example, I hate to see guys fall into a situation like this: The guy sits in a chair, maybe one that is totally uncomfortable like the letter S, and he stays there for hours, pretending he is relaxed there without saying a word about it. He would sit there no matter what because the chair is more important than who he is. It is more important than his health or his body… sad. Why the fuck should I be in some uncomfortable position when I talk with some average frustrated woman. What the fuck is she for me?
You will always see me in the most comfortable position you can imagine while I am in a set or anywhere in life. Why? For a few reasons: You can’t be nervous when you are in a relaxed position. You will feel cool. People will see you as a really cool guy, and most important, your voice is going to be deeper, more relaxed, so that people will start to lean in to hear you. If you drop your voice down when they can’t hear you, they will start to lean in and pay more attention to your lips in order to understand what you are saying. Looking at someone’s lips for ten minutes is really sexual. In the next few days I will post a few exercises for improving your voice on my forum, Playboy Central:
http://www.playboylifestyle.net/phpBB2/index.php
Carpe diem.
Radical Honesty
May 24, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
Swinggcat put out a new newsletter that I thought was really good. For those of you out there looking for great, consistent, FREE sources of info on how to be good with women, sign up for Swinggcat’s newsletter on his site. I get a lot out of it, and I’m sure you will too. For those of you who missed his last one, I’m reposting it here for you guys to check out.
Why Women Love Jerks…
May 17, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
David D put out another newsletter on one of his favorite topics, (ie, why women love jerks, why wussy boys don’t get laid, etc.) and I thought I’d post it here for all you newbs just getting into the seduction stuff. For you advanced/intermediate guys, this is like looking at your ABCs again, but a refresher never hurts. =)
What ANNOYS Women, and What ATTRACTS Them
May 11, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
David DeAngelo, everyone’s favorite Dating Guru, put out a new newsletter which I thought was pretty good. It’s about the wussy behavior men exhibit that drive women away, and what you can do to turn the tables and make yourself more attractive to them.
Pretty basic stuff, but solid none the less. If you’re just starting out with this stuff, I’d say this is a must read. =)
How to be a Renegade Killer Bee
April 28, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
Swinggcat came out with a pretty good newsletter recently about how to use Tension Loops in Pick-Up. One of the things I liked about the newsletter was his reference to the movie Kill Bill Vol. 2 (which kicks major ass, by the way =).
Anyway, in the movie, Kill Bill has a cool line about how Uma Thermon is a "Renegade Killer Bee," and it looks like Swinggcat uses that as a metaphor which is bound to replace the staple "Kill the Bunny!" mantra that was popularized by the movie "Swingers" back in the day.
Nice Guys and SEXY Bad Boys
April 26, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
It seems great minds think alike. Last week I wrote about how I think most women will get into Long Term Relationships with guys who are "safe," but fool around with guys who stir passion within them. And low and behold, David DeAngelo, Author of Double Your Dating, releases a newsletter the next day about roughly the same subject entitled "Nice Guys and SEXY Bad Boys." I found the newsletter (which was NOT a mailbag, thank god) to be really good. I always like David D’s little essays on technique, so I thought I’d repost it here for everyone to check out.
AoA: The Secret to Warming-Up
April 23, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
The Secret to Warming-Up
By Thundercat
I remember when I was in High School, I used to play football. And before each practice, we had to run four laps around the field. Now, being the fat, out of shape pud that I was (and still am), I would always complain about having to do this. But each time I complained, the coaches would always respond:
“Ya gotta warm-up, kid.”
In any activity, you have to “warm-up” in order to avoid injury. Well, the same is true with SOCIAL activities as well. Most guys don’t warm up before they go out, so while they’re at a party, club, or bar, they just stand around looking uncomfortable. Other guys warm up by getting drunk and losing control. But no matter what you do, you have to learn to make yourself become SOCIAL.
So how do you make yourself social? The easiest way I know how is to start talking to people. It can be about anything you want to talk about, just as long as you get your mouth moving. It doesn’t even matter if what you’re saying is interesting or not, as long as you are saying something. The more people you talk to, the easier it will be to open up and have a good time.
There is the factor of Social Anxiety that goes along with any situation you may find yourself in. Basically, Social Anxiety occurs when you are in an unfamiliar environment, you feel the need or desire to do something that is outside your comfort zone, or both. This is why so many guys have a hard time in clubs and bars. They are in an environment they are not comfortable in, and they feel pressured to pick-up women – both of which lead to a great deal of Social Anxiety, which can keep you from approaching.
So the trick here is to get rid of that Social Anxiety by becoming comfortable in your environment, and then meeting women you find attractive.
The best way to become comfortable in your environment is to “warm-up.” And you warm up the same way you would in a sport – with members of your own team. That’s right, I’m talking about OTHER GUYS here.
Talking to other guys you don’t know is a great way to become comfortable in an unfamiliar environment and get in a social mode. When I’m in a new environment and don’t feel like approaching, I’ll start to talk to other guys. After a few times doing this, I usually find it’s easier to start talking to women, because I’m beginning to feel more at ease and hit my stride as far as approaching strangers go.
Now, I’ve had men tell me in the past that approaching other guys is uncomfortable. They don’t want to talk to other guys, because they wanna meet girls! They also say that talking to other guys makes them look gay. Well, I let these dudes do what they want while I get a few phone numbers from some of the prettiest girls in the joint. They usually end up going home alone, or with their buddies, whom they don’t “feel gay” talking to, apparently.
The real reason I recommend approaching a few guys first is because there is no sexual tension with other men. You don’t want to sleep with other guys, so you’re disassociated with the outcome. This makes it easy to talk to them. And when that feeling of disassociation takes hold, you’re better able to talk to ANYONE, including the hottest girl in the bar, because you don’t care about the outcome. You’re just being social.
And the best thing is, you can use most of the same Openers on guys that you do on girls, and it’s just as engaging. So it’s great practice for when you work your way up to talking to women. At the very least, just walking up to a guy and saying “Hey, what’s up bro?” can get a conversation going. The only important thing to be aware of is to get yourself talking.
Once you’ve “warmed-up” socially, you’ll feel better able to talk to women. In order to learn how to do that, I suggest you check out The Art of Approaching to learn the best tricks, tips, and tactics on meeting any woman, any time, anywhere you may be.
To your success!
Thundercat
Deconstructing David DeAngelo, Vol. II
April 20, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
Well, the first Deconstruction of David D. stuff seemed to go over well, so I decided to do yet another one. I think that David D. has a lot of great stuff to be aware of when it comes to picking-up women, especially if you’re a beginner. I guess these Deconstructions are more for guys who aren’t as advanced in this stuff, but I know that it helps me when I go back and read these newsletters because sometimes its easy to forget the basics.
AoA: How to Find Good Places to Approach
April 16, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
How to Find Good Places to Approach
By Thundercat
There’s a saying that goes “All men are created equal.” And while that may be true, that is not always the case for LOCATIONS. In sales, they say that having a successful business is about three things: Location, location, location. And if your business is “I wanna meet me a girl!” then the same can hold true.
The location you are in will heavily influence the type of girls you will meet. Not only that, but location also holds sway over how well a woman will receive you. For instance, a woman at a bar will react differently to you approaching her than a woman at a funeral would. In this respect, it is important that you not only find a location where women are plentiful, but one where they are more open to talking to you.
I would also argue that it’s more important to find a place where women are more open to talk to you than a place where women are plentiful, the reason being that women who are more open to talking to you will lead to a more meaningful and successful interaction than a place where there are lots of women, but none of them feel like being approached (though chances are you WILL find girls open to talking to you just by the sheer number of women present.)
Regardless, in my estimation, there are only two types of environments where you can pick-up women:
1. Stimulus rich environments
2. Low stimulus environments
Typically, stimulus rich environments are places where there will be lots of women, but they may not be as open to talk to you. Places like bars, clubs, and concerts are typically full of loud music, dancing, alcohol, and sometimes even drugs. In places like that, it can be very hard to approach, due to the fact you must compete with so many distractions. However, people in these environments are more open to INTERACTING with others, which is an important distinction to make. By interacting with you, women give you the opportunity you need to get them into an environment where they are more open to talking.
For instance, if you approach a woman in a loud bar and get her intrigued with your Opener, you might be able to get her to follow you to the patio or a quieter place in the club where you can talk to her. In this case, the Opener is opening the doorway for an interaction, not necessarily a conversation. So bars, clubs, and other stimulus rich environments depend on you being able to interact with a girl quickly, intrigue her by presenting a stimulus that distracts her from all the other stimulus in the environment, and getting her into a new environment with fewer distractions.
On the other hand, you have places where it might be easy to engage a woman in a conversation. These are places like coffee shops, bookstores, grocery stores, malls, etc. There are low stimulus environments. In these places, women may be more open to conversation, but less open to interaction. This is because these venues represent places that are “safe” or “average” to people, so the lack of stimulus means they are more accepting of distractions that may come along (ie, a guy looking to talk to them). But because these places are low stimulus, people are often less open to interacting with others because they are in their “personal bubble.” This means that even if they talk to you and have a conversation with you, they may put up some resistance to interacting with you. However, this resistance can be easily overcome if you know how to engage a woman properly.
So now that you know the two types of environments that exist for Approaching, it is time to find places near you that suit your needs and style of approaching. Basically, look at what your town or city has to offer. Nightclubs and bars are always a sure bet to find women. It’s the low stimulus environments that are tough to peg down. Sometimes restaurants with bars are great places to go, because it’s not quite a bar. Outdoor areas that have many shops around them are good too.
Basically, anyplace you go has the potential to be a good place to meet women. Once you find a good place, familiarize yourself with the location. Become comfortable in it. Figure out the best times to go there.
But most importantly, find a place that’s relatively close to you. Locations that are close by where you live are ideal, because chances are you’ll meet a woman who lives nearby. Not only that, but your chances of getting her to come over and visit you that same day are also high, if you’re engaging and aggressive enough. If the location is too far away, be prepared to settle for a phone number and hope it’s not too far to drive.
All this comes down to is whether or not you can be engaging with a woman and get her intrigued. How’s the best way to do this, you ask? Well, in my opinion, it’s with a good Opener! You can find many different examples of Openers that are proven to work in my book The Art of Approaching, that teaches you how to meet any woman, any time, anywhere you may be.
To your success!
Thundercat
Swinggcat’s Litter Box, Vol. 1
April 14, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
Demystifying Charisma…
By Swinggcat
Author of Real World Seduction
Hey guys,
A few nights ago, I went barhopping with a friend of mine. We both talked to truck loads of women and used practically the same material on them. But by the end of the night my friend’s results were so bad he felt that he was blessed with an unlikable self.
My experience, however, was the total opposite. I felt like Satan with pitchfork in hand, inciting one girl after the next to engage in some naughty mirth. Was it because of my looks? Was it because I have some impalpable quality about me called “charisma,” which is not teachable? Was it because I am Satan? No – it was none of these things. Instead, it was due to a set of learned skills. I know this because, similar to my friend, I spent years feeling like a boring sloth before transforming myself into a flittering butterfly charming one group of women to the next.
But before I reveal to you the skills that distinguish a charismatic Casanova from a floundering Waldo, I am going to give you a quick overview of my method, Naturalized Attraction
Naturalized Attraction is not about trying to apply therapeutic techniques used in psychology to dating, attracting, and seducing women. Nor is it based upon the unfounded claims propounded by the “let’s play pseudo-psychologist to the helpless, needy and pathetic” gurus of the world – think Dr. Phil!
The starting point of “Naturalized Attraction” is always the REAL WORLD. The method strives to observe, model, and improve upon both the natural social behaviors that generate attraction in women, and the glue that holds these behaviors together. Our culture has mystified this glue under the rubric “charisma” as an innate, intangible, non-teachable quality possessed only by blessed individuals. “Charisma,” however, is actually the combination of a few learnable and repeatable skills.
So this begs the question: What skills constitute charisma and how does a person go about acquiring these skills?
Two skills that play a mainstay in being charismatic are: owning your material, and having a strong intent. Let’s start with the first one, owning your material. There are a lot of men who cringe at the idea of having well rehearsed jokes and stories prepared for social interactions. You might be one of these men. If so, think about this: Most socially adept people will unconsciously tell the same jokes and stories over and over again, honing them to perfection. Oftentimes, however, once a person is made conscious of, for example, using a rehearsed story, he begins to worry that he will come across to women as rehearsed. He may develop a guilty conscience about using his story, thinking to himself that using rehearsed material is akin to wiling a woman into the sack. These insecurities are ludicrous. I have never met a single socially adept person who used completely new material in every social interaction. Purge your self of these worries. Remember: Whether you are conscious of it or not, having at least some rehearsed material is part of having strong social skills.
Men with strong social skills are able to simultaneously engage a woman – with, for example, quips and stories – while also analyzing what they need to do to further engage and attract her (Note: I define “attraction” not as how a woman judges you, but as what you do to her mind and body. Attraction or as I call it “Prizing” is getting a woman so emotionally charged, she is compelled to chase you). I have a friend who is a master at this. He can flow from one story to the next while simultaneously gauging a woman’s level of attraction for him. This allows him to “in real time” make adjustments to his material that will further engage and attract the woman to him. When you have well rehearsed material your brain power will not be expended on remembering, for example, a particular jest or story. Instead, you will have extra brain power to analyze what you need to do to further engage and attract her.
I am bit fastidious, however, about people using others material. If you are using someone else’s material, you risk coming across as fake. I have witnessed men rambling on for a good hour, talking about their friend’s adventures and experiences as if they were their own. Once they ran out of material, the women they were engaging almost always walked away. Why did this happen? I think women intuitively know when men are incongruent and inauthentic. When, on the contrary, you use your own material, even if it is rehearsed, it will be authentic because you are displaying who you are. A few minutes of authentic material about your self – who you are, what you are about, your experiences and adventures…and so on – will get you further with women than a man who goes on for hours with inauthentic material borrowed from other people.
Having a strong intent also plays an important role in acting charismatic. A few years back, women would often times lose interest while talking to me or think that I was B.S.-ing them. The reason was that they were picking up on my weak intent. Even the girls lumbered with IQs barley into the double digits picked up on this weakness. My problem: I needed to develop a strong intent.
But what does it mean to have a strong intent? This is one of the most misunderstood terms out there. This is due to the follies of some of the branches within the field of psychology – such as, Neuro-Linguistic Programming – that fails to be precise when defining terminology. Having a strong intent is most commonly misunderstood as meaning: A congruency between a person’s external behaviors and his internal beliefs. This is, however, not the meaning but the symptom of having a strong intent.
Having a strong intent is congruently:
1) Having the desire and the will to do what needs to be done to achieve a particular outcome.
2) Having the unwavering belief that you will achieve the intended outcome.
If a person has the desire and the will to do what needs to be done to achieve a particular outcome but does not have the belief that he can achieve it, he will come across as needy. This used to be me. Although I had the desire and the will to do what needs to be done to achieve a particular outcome, I did not believe or think that I deserved the outcome.
One thing that has helped me tremendously is rehearsing the outcome of everything I intend to get an effect from. So, for example, if I intend to tell a story to intrigue a woman, I will rehearse in my mind her being intrigued by my story. If, for example, I intend to have a woman lean in and try to kiss me after I have kissed her and pulled back, I will rehearse this over and over again in my mind.
When you are in an attraction flow – achieving one intended outcome to the next – the material qua tools for achieving these outcomes become transparent. When driving somewhere, for example, you barely notice the car. All you are concerned with is getting to the desired place. It is only when, for example, you get a flat tire that you become conscious again of the car as a tool used to get you to your intended destination. Likewise, it only becomes obvious to you and the woman that you are trying to do something to get a particular outcome when something interrupts the attraction flow, such as: stumbling over your words because you don’t know your material well, or not having the belief that you are capable of getting your intended outcome…or whatever.
But all of the intended outcomes we have been discussing – getting her intrigued, getting her to kiss you…and so on – are only tools to achieve the META-INTENT: Getting her to sleep with you.
When a person has mastered the attraction flow, everything becomes transparent except the fact that he and the woman are going to sleep together – they both know it is going to happen. When a woman encounters a man of this caliber, she will often speak about that quality she can’t quite put her finger on that draws her to him. In this culture we oftentimes classify this behavior as “charisma.”
In the REAL WORLD it comes down to controlling the META-FRAME, and having both a stronger reality and META-INTENT than the woman you are attracting. All of this stuff is covered in my book or will be covered in some of my upcoming products. If you are ready to take your persuasion skills to the next level, come visit me:
‘Till next time,
Swinggcat
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