The Truth behind Misogyny

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Someone by the name of finalD brought up a very interesting topic on the General board of mASF. He wrote a very long, well thought out post about his feelings towards women that kind-of struck a chord with me, because it was a view I used to have in my darkest days of AFC-dom. But it seems I’m not the only one his post hits home with, though I think almost all men go through a period of “I hate women,” just like almost all women go through the “I hate men” phase.

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The Value of being Valuable

Lately, I’ve had the opportunity to hang out with some of the big guns in the community — people like Mystery, Swinggcat, Tyler Durden, etc. It has been a real treat to discuss tactics and philosophy with them and to get the opportunity to analyze their games. And from that analysis I’ve come to more than a few interesting realizations…

But the most important realization that I’ve come to is that there’s 1 thing — 1 fundamental thing — that every Pick-Up Artist does that helps them attract women. It’s such a simple yet powerful concept, and I see it time and time again, in the interactions that any guy who gets laid has.

So what is this one thing?

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The Sopranos — The Art of Mob PUA

I know it’s a bit off topic, but I’m a huge Soprano’s fan, and it is my blog, so I’ll talk about it if I want! =P

I got a chance to see the season premier of the Sopranos on HBO this Sunday, and it was not a disappointment. It seems a lot of stuff got set up that’s gonna play out in very interesting ways throughout the course of the season. The rivalry between Chris and Pauly. The mobsters that are getting out of jail. The tension between Carmella and Tony. And the relationship between Dr. Melphi and Tony — all seem quite tumultuous at best.

Anyway, I have a special fascination with this show because i kind-of look like James Gandalfini, who plays Tony Soprano. I’m part Italian, and have that pudgy, bear-like “Soprano” look going for me. But I’ve always been fascinated how Tony gets so many women on that show. Sure, a lot of it has to do with his power as a mob boss, but I think another aspect of it is how he goes after what he wants, his strong belief in his ability to get it, his dogged persistence, and that hint of violence that is always under teh surface that so many women seem to find attractive. It’s an interesting analysis of how a guy who’s not that good looking might be able to get pussy. I have to admit, I’ve gotten far with women when I’ve taken on similar frames…

Regardless, I’ll be looking forward to watching the rest of the season. Deadwood looks kick-ass too! And the season finale of Curb Your Enthusiasm looks awesome. All you HBO junkies, use this thread to geek out with your fandom!!! =)

The Art of Orgasm

Sexkitten has chimed in with a post on her blog about multiple orgasms that I found interesting.

Sexkitten writes:
MULTIPLE ORGASM

…yes, that’s what I’ve been promised by a fellow I’m dating. This could be a ploy to get me in bed. But am I curious? Of course, and he knows it. And not only does he promise me multiple orgasms-he claims that he can make sex so pleasurable that I cry. I’ve never cried. And I’ve had lots of sex. So now he’s got me thinking: What if he can give me what he’s promised? What if he can make cry? Do I owe it to myself to find out? A mind-blowing, multi-orgasmic sexual experience that makes me cry is soooo, well, I’ve never had one.

He teaches meditation and spends most of his time doing Tai-chi. I’ve been on a few dates with him and he’s very intense. He’s even got me sword-fighting. But if I jump into bed with this man and he doesn’t give me multiple orgasms, or better yet, make me cry, and I’m going to have to make him cry. Hehehe.

You can check this article out on Sexkitten’s blog here.

This brings up a topic I’ve numerous conversations about with some of the best in the game. In fact, I’d have to say it’s a question of long term seduction versus pick-up and fast seduction. With Pick-Up and Fast Seduction, you’re goal is to get the girl into bed with you as quick as possible. But what if you want to keep her coming back? Well, that’s a question of long game, and a big part of long game is sexual prowess.

I have a buddy who goes by the handle MasterClass, who’s an old school SSer from back in the day. This is a guy who can’t cold approach to save his life, but when he meets a woman through his social circles, he’s like Yoda. But the real thing that impresses me about MC’s skill is that he’s able to keep the girls coming back and even chasing him, and it all comes down to something he calls “The Sex Game.”

Basically, his philosophy is you have to make a woman cum at LEAST 5 times before you even put your dick in her. You gotta be so good at lovemaking, that you ruin her for all other men. Basically, what he’s doing is raising his percieved value with his sexual techniques. But raising his value so high, that should he pull away, the girl experiences a sense of loss so great, that she’ll do anything to get it back. By doing this, he’s able to keep MULTIPLE women on the string. Seriously, I think he’s got something like 5 girls in his harem. Not only that, but he uses this power he has over them to negotiate threesomes and the like. And whenever one of them gets uppity or dramatic, he just “Gives them the gift of missing him” as he calls it and pulls away. Before long, the girl adjusts her behavior to please him so he’ll come back and she can enjoy mind-blowing sex again.

This is something I also discussed with Tyler Durden recently, who’s just now starting to up his skills in this part of the late game. A great resource for lots of guys out there who want to learn about this is David Shade’s Manual. That’s the book where MasterClass learned a lot of his techniques. It’s got a lot of hypnosis mumbo-jumbo in it, but it also has a few solid sexual techniques I’d never read about anywhere before, so it’s definitely worth checking out. If you buy it through my site, I get a commission, so be a friend if you decide to get it. =)

Anyways, my game isn’t quite at the stage where I can practice my sexual technique as much as someone like MasterClass and Tyler Durden, but I do recognize that it’s a very important part of the long term relationship with a girl. All the best pick-up artists I know are incredibly skilled lovers, so if some of you out there are stalling, this might be something you want to work on.

The Doctor is in (the Asylum)

So I’m reading the latest edition of the AskMen.com dating and relationships column, written by the one and only Doc Love, and I just feel like I gotta say something about this.

Anyway, here’s the mailbag:

Les writes:
Hey Doc,

I started dating Erin in August 2002. We had about five or six dates, but were otherwise seeing other people and things were moving very slowly.

In December, she asked me to go to New York for New Year’s Eve. We went, had a fantastic time, and then things took off more seriously. From that point, we both decided to date each other exclusively.

I fell in love with Erin and she fell in love with me. We went on a number of trips together and I treated her like gold. She was good to me in return, though I would have preferred it if she were more of a Giver.

All in all, she is a fantastic woman and has the kind of values that I want in a life partner. However, I can see now that to some extent, I wasn’t much of a Challenge as time went on.

We are both conservative and would never live together before marriage, so moving in with Erin was never an issue — it was always when and if we were going to get married. And marrying her was something I was mentally preparing to do, but I was just waiting for her signals to become more clear.

About two months ago, I noticed subtle changes in her behavior. She did a few minor things that indicated she was losing interest, so I asked her if that was the case. She assured me this was not so, and being in a state of mind where I heard her say what I wanted to hear, I chose to believe her.

Well, one day out of nowhere she suggested that she needs “time apart.” Not being a total idiot, I said time apart wasn’t for me, and I defined my boundaries quite clearly and said if she was committed to me, then great, but if she wasn’t, then we should stop seeing each other altogether and just end things like adults.

She did not like me setting my boundaries so strictly because I suspect they were rather unsettling for her and not convenient for whatever it was she was trying to achieve.

Anyway, for the past six weeks I’ve been trying to distance myself from Erin (a painful and difficult experience). Over this same time period, she has shown up at my house (unannounced) to “visit my family” when she knew I was there, she has called me numerous times and has sent me a number of e-mails.

Initially I was sucked into these antics. On one occasion, on my deceased mother’s birthday, Erin’s sister was giving birth that same day. She called me and was upset, so I took a pizza to her house to cheer her up.

On another occasion, I accidentally bumped into her when I was out with a (female) friend for a drink. Every encounter with her is totally awkward and draining, and last week I reiterated to her that I wanted to stay away from her until she has some clarity about what she wants, and in the meantime I’m going to get on with my life.

Given that I genuinely love this woman and care for her deeply, what would you recommend that I do? I can’t allow her to treat me like a revolving door, but I don’t want to entirely shut her out if she is somehow trying to extend an olive branch without coming right out and saying it.

As we all know, women are best judged by their actions, and right now hers are rather inconsistent (which implies low interest). I know I can’t do anything to control her, but when she contacts me again (which she inevitably will, either in person, or by phone or e-mail), what is the best thing for me to do?

So that’s the sob story. Pretty cut and dry situation where the girl feels superior to the guy, the guy suddenly exherts himself and cuts her off, and the girl starts to chase him again to revalidate herself. But here are Doc’s responses…

Doc Love writes:
Let’s clear something up right out of the chute. The decision to “date exclusively” wasn’t made by you and Erin together. She decided to date you exclusively. What have I told you guys in the past? We pick, but they choose. Big difference, and one you shouldn’t lose sight of. And why did she make that decision? Because you managed to drive her Interest Level up into the 90s. At least for a little while…

Okay, so the whole thing starts off on the bad foot. We pick, but THEY choose? Wow, talk about an AFC mentality. This goes down to the crux of the issue with many guy’s interactions with women, and part of the thing this community and the tactics taught within try to combat — FRAME CONTROL! Why do we have to let the girl CHOOSE? If you look at most naturals, the guys who are INCREDIBLE with women, they are the ones who choose. The woman has to be good enough for them. Not the other way around. When you come from the frame of mind that the woman has the power to choose, you effectively give up any power YOU may have in the interaction because your basing your actions on what pleases and displeases her, when what most guys really need to do is come from the frame where she has to base HER actions on what pleases and displeases you. And the fact that the good Doctor is coming from this frame shows a lot about his medical training, IMHO.

When Erin told you she needed time apart, you should have said nothing. You should have smiled and walked out. You don’t sit there and give her your game plan, you don’t tell her how you feel, you don’t tell her what you’re going to do — you leave. But you did all this stuff. And in her mind, it was another wimpy form of begging.

Now, I agree and disagree with this point. I do think it’s rather powerful to say nothing and walk out on a girl, but I don’t think this was the right context to do so. That’s the sort of thing you pull with a shit test BEFORE you’re in a relationship to demonstrate value. But this guy had been seeing his girl for a while, and getting up and walking off would have looked more like he was avoiding/ignoring the issues she had. I think him laying out CONCRETELY and POWERFULLY what he wanted and then telling her to hit the road if she wasn’t with the game plan was a very powerful thing to do, because it demonstrates CONFIDENCE and a WILLINGNESS TO WALK AWAY. A kind-of “You need me, I don’t need you” frame. And I think it’s because he did this that his girl ended up chasing him afterwards. If you noticed, it actually sounded like her interest level began rising again after he walked away from her. What do you guys think?

Anyway, the Doc goes on…

When Erin informed you that she needed her space, that was it. Finito. The end. You hit the magic number: 49%. Of course she’ll play with you like a cat plays with a mouse at 40% to 49% and give you a little false hope, but when it hits 39%, she’s in the arms of another guy.

Uh… this still comes from the frame where the woman has control of the relationship. In my opinion, her having control was the problem in the first place. Remember the part about her not being giving? Well, that’s because she wants a guy who takes a strong lead and TELLS her what to do. Once Les walked away from her, he took that strong lead and she responded to it. If a girl wants to leave, then let her leave, move on. But her sitting down and talking to him was really a way for her to give him a chance to get her interested again, not to break up. But Doc seems to miss this point completely.

But whoa, wait a second here — you got tough and set some hard boundaries that really bothered your girl, huh? Sorry, Les, but she wasn’t really upset. It was just a little smokescreen she threw up that had nothing to do with anything. She was grabbing at something, anything, to indicate her low Interest Level. (The problem is, women never come out and say it. “He lowered my Interest Level due to his deportment,” is not something you’ll ever hear tumbling out of a lady’s lovely bee-stung lips.)

So what happened to all those tight boundaries when Erin showed up at your home? Why didn’t you just duck out? Why didn’t you tell her you were going to the kitchen for a second, then walk straight out the back door and come back at midnight?

Because you wanted the torture. I just hope you haven’t answered any of her phone calls or e-mails. I have a feeling you did, though. Know why? Because you took that pizza with the works over to her when she didn’t even ask you to. A huge, huge mistake. Les — you’re delivering pizza? Aren’t you a little embarrassed, at your age, to be a delivery boy for a girl who doesn’t want to possess you?

Now, I agree about the pizza thing, but I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. Regardless, Les did fall back into the frame of wanting this girl and letting her control the interactions. But I think Doc’s analysis here is WAY off. Is it just me? Am I crazy? “Make an excuse and then run away.” — This just seems like bad advice.

Anyway, the article goes on. You can read the whole thing in it’s entirety here. It was actually tough for me to get through, because I so disagreed with the Good Doctor. Guess it just goes to show you don’t need to be good OR right to make a living off of Seduction.

Skip the kiss

So I found this little ditty on the A Bad Man in a Bad Place blog, and thought it was interesting…

Eric Castillo:
A friend of mine has been in a similar situation to mine, lately, only on the other side. She’s met guys in bars and clubs, and has found herself kissing them, and even letting them sleep in her bed, but not doing anything more with them.

After another night of this, frustrated, we both went to brunch to commisserate.

And then back to my house for a nap. One thing led to another. We never kissed the entire time. Presumably, too intimate.

This seems to be a rather typical MO for most girls, and it kind-of mirrors an experience I had quite recently where I was able to pull a girl from a club back to my buddy’s place, get her on the bed and all that, and then — boom! She falls asleep, lol. I think this comes down to getting sexual VERY early on with girls. We’ve all heard the stories of getting a girl home, and maybe making out, but then she just rolls over and sleeps and you go on through life unfullfilled. Looking back on my experiences, I think this occurs because most guys get sexually aggressive either too late in the interaction or not at all. This is why getting kiss closes or making out quickly after meeting her is important, because it sets the stage for getting sexual later on as opposed to just brushing by that that stage once you have her back at your place.

But the whole notion of “kissing being too intimate” is at the same time, a related problem. Swinggcat and I have talked about this odd phenomenon before, and he dubs this a “sexual barrier.” I find it interesting how a girl might not be willing to kiss you, but she would be willing to fuck you if you go after her the right way. Some girls consider kissing to be an emotional investment, whereas sex may be a strictly physical activity, no different from a sport or working out in the gym. I think this is an area where many guys (including myself) mess up. In our minds, kissing has a kind-of wierd validation to it, where making out with a girl makes us think “Wow, she’s into me! She thinks I’m hot! I’m not a loser because this girl is kissing me!” So most guys will go for the kiss because they are looking for the validation that the girl is into them, and they think that if that’s the case, that’s a sign for going for the lay.

The reality of it is, most guys lose lays this way, because they get too caught up in getting that validation that the girl is into them when the REAL scenereo is that if they were to approach the interaction in another way — that from the standpoint of going for the girl in a purely sexual manner — such as fondling, heavy kino, fingering the girl, etc. their chances for having sex with her may actually be greater than if they were going for a kiss.

It’s a wierd, fucked-up dynamic, but my field experience tells me it’s a real factor in the game. And seeing posts like this from ABMIABP, it only backs up my experience. This is why I think methods like Gunwitch and Caveman have some validity to them, because taking a strong sexual frame with a girl WILL lead to a fuck close if you play it right. I’ll have to play around with these concepts more and see how it goes.

Persistence is King

I found a good repost from Gunwitch via an ijjjjji post in the Advanced forum of mASF. I found it interesting because I’m not really a fan of Gunwitch, but I can’t deny the validity of what he says here.

Gunwitch writes:
Can’t read peoples minds, supposing someone thought something because of something you said or did is irrational and goes on far too much.

Women want to have sex with men, women are not from Venus, we are not from mars, there is no need to see this as a battle, it is mutually shared sexual gratification. Women love sex, one must realize this.

Field work generates effective techniques and tactics, not vice versa.

Ejecting from a pick up unless it’s a DONE deal is illogical. Better to stand there with nothing particular to say and let her talk or walk, than to leave and never know.

If I relax they will relax, if I am sexual they will be sexual. First basis of getting anyone to do anything is the walks like a duck acts like a duck must be a duck principle. If you pigeonhole yourself as entertaining guy, or funny guy, or witty guy in her mind you are shorting yourself from pigeonholing yourself as “lover man”. Feel it, show it, but don’t say it, and she will place you in the category of a lover.

I like this because it’s very much about having such a dominant frame, that the social awkwardness of a situation where you continue to stand around a girl who might not want anything to do with you simply doesn’t register in your mind. It’s a very powerful frame to come from,

Becoming Dominant

So I was reading the Orgy blog and found a pretty interesting post by Kaii that recalls a story about how a boy toy of hers became the one in control of their relationship.

Kaii writes:
I love younger guys. I mean really love them. As a matter of fact I almost exclusively seek them out for my sexual trysts.

They’re so open to suggestion and eager to please. You can lead them around by the cock. I think most of them can’t believe that they’re actually fucking a tasty pussy, so they’ll do what ever you want just so they can keep fucking you.

My favorite younger guy was one that I had a year long “affair du coeur” with.

“J” was magnificent. Absolutely gorgeous. He was probably the hottest guy that I ever fucked. He had the most perfect eyes, smile, hair and body. Not to mention the fact that he was hung like a horse. Mmmmm….

We took a trip one time back to his hometown. I was excited at the prospect of meeting his friends and getting a clearer insight into who he was.

What I didn’t know was that this trip was to be a defining moment (to use a Dr. Phil-ism) in our relationship. Circumstances happened that allowed him to get the upper hand and from that moment on, he became “the boss”.

Kaii goes onto relate the story as to how this happened. It boils down to her going to this “J” guy’s hometown to meet some of his good friends. They all meet up at her hotel room and get high, and Kaii ends up getting jealous about “J”‘s relationship with his best friend, and freaks out on him.

“J” and I argued. He was pissed off and decided to teach me a little lesson and left with his friends….for 6 hours.

I was sufficiently subdued by the time he returned. Well, almost.

I was lying on the bed when he came in. He walked over to the bed, crawled over to me and put one leg on each side of my body, straddling me. He leaned over and kissed me hard on the lips. Our tongues danced and circled one another, always touching and then retreating. He pulled back and we just looked into each other’s eyes.

I looked away as I was still bristling with some fight and was hurt and angry that he would leave me in a strange city all by myself.

We sat in silence and smoked another joint. We argued and I told him that I didn’t love him anymore. Now it was his turn to freak out. I got up and locked myself in the bathroom to get away from him. Now, I never said that I was mature, did I?

When I finally came out, he was gone…..GONE? That rat bastard!! I opened the hotel room door and he was leaning against the wall opposite me, looking at me with a fierce expression on his face. He was wearing his jacket and had his back pack with him.

He came back inside and we argued some more, you know lots of name calling and blame laying stuff. He tried to leave again, but I was standing in front of the door, blocking his way. He was so angry. Id never seen him so angry. My resolve was definitely hanging by a thread.

I started to cry. I was afraid he’d leave again….maybe for good this time. I begged him not to leave, but that seemed to incite him further.

He reached out and grabbed me, his fingers digging into the tender flesh of my arms. He threw me to the floor, opened the door and left without a backwards glance.

Okay….so picture this…I am totally high, crying hysterically, calling his name, chasing after him, without any shoes on, across a hotel lobby and out onto the street.

He was hoofing it up the street and didn’t even look back as I called out his name. I was absolutely hysterical. Here I was alone, in a big city…I didn’t even know how to get on the highway to drive home.

I chased after him, up the street, calling his name, pleading and sobbing. People were looking at me, but I was beyond embarrasment at this point. He had me just were he wanted me….crying and begging, with him in control.

After following him for what seemed like forever, he started to slow down and then eventually stopped altogether. He turned around and waited for me to come to him. I was barefoot and following him had been difficult.

I came up and stood in front of him, sobbing and broken.

He didn’t say anything, but reached down and grabbed my hand and started to walk back towards the hotel. He was tall and had longer strides than me, he pulled me behind him the whole way.

Kaii then goes on to describe, in pretty graphic detail, how “J” then proceeded to sexually ravage her back in the hotel room, which instigated a phase shift in their relationship from her using him for sex to the other way around. She ends her post with this:

He lay down on the bed and pulled me down to lay my head on his chest. He stroked my hair and back until I fell asleep. I was emotionally spent.

The next day, things between us were different. A new “boss” had been elected and thus the Dominant became the dominated…..

Now, the thing I find interesting in this post is how “J” made this shift from dominated to dominator, and it all comes down to how this guy used his “reality” to bring Kaii to her knees (literally and figuratively).

Basically, this is a perfect example of bringing someone into your reality. I often equate this to “Home Field Advantage.” Basically, Kaii was taken to a strange city, filled with strange people, cut off from her own friends and family, and was basically relying on “J” for everything while in his hometown with him. She was pretty much isolated in this hotel room, at the mercy of his reality.

Now, the most powerful thing you can do with someone once they are into your reality is to ignore them. Because by ignoring someone who is overpowered with your reality, you force them to qualify themselves to you, and as we all know — attraction is just an intense need for validation. You can see how powerful this tactic is by how Kaii reacted to “J” leaving.

Of course, this whole shift started when “J” showed that he was willing to leave Kaii if she was going to throw her shit at him. If he had done this in normal circumstances where Kaii had the upper hand, it might not have been as effective. But instead, he let her stew for 6 hours in an unfamiliar place completely cut off from any of her support group. She was completely in his control. By the time he came back, the shift was completed once he demonstrated he was willing to leave COMPLETELY.

But the final nail in Kaii’s coffin comes in when “J” exherts his masculinity and pretty much dominates her in the bedroom. He defines their roles as her being the woman, and him being the sexually aggressive male. He exherts his power over her, and she is forced to accept it, and that changes the dynamic in the relationship between the two. It’s a very interesting shift, and I’ve heard stories of some of the best PUAs in the community who do very similar things to women — and it works!

Anyway, you can read the whole post and all its juicy details here.

Sex without Orgazm

Sexkitten wrote a pretty good post about having sex and not orgazming.

Sexkitten writes:
It’s difficult for a lot of women to reach orgasm during intercourse, but we can reach one through direct clitoral stimulation such as oral and or hand masturbation. Which leads me to a very important point. We have to know ourselves, and that extends to exploring and familiarizing ourselves with our bodies. For heavens sake don’t be ashamed to masturbate and try different positions while you’re at it. Then tell your man what does it for you and instigate them into your lovemaking. Don’t just tell him, show him. And if there’s a sexual position that feels as though it will send you into orgasmic heaven, let him know so that he’ll keep doing it.

Amen to that. I’m no sex expert by a long shot, but I remember the first time I had sex, it was such an awkward thing. I wasn’t sure if anything I was doing was right (I was pretty much going off of what I’d seen done in pornos) and the girl certainly wasn’t offering much in the way of advice.

But the ability for a man to make a woman orgazm is a powerful one. My buddy MasterClass is a firm believer that the ultimate endgame is the ability to have a woman achieve multiple orgazms reguarly. Once you become that type of an authority in her world, you have incredible value, and will be pursued by her to the end of the earth. I see how MasterClass plays his women with this technique. Very powerful.

You can read the whole of Sexkitten’s post here.

Sex and the Bitchy

An article on the Website “This is London” talks about a study where researchers have found that women tend to be more bitchy when they are on the lookout for a man.

Fans of the TV series Sex and the City may not be surprised, but scientists have found women are prone to bitchiness when they are on the hunt for a man.

It is because females become far more critical of the looks of potential rivals when they are at their most fertile, say researchers.

This use of ‘indirect aggression’ to denigrate potential rivals is designed to boost their chances of finding a ‘good man’.

Wow, lookout boys! Our “Active Disinterest” is now being countered by female “Indirect Aggression!” Or, to give it the appropriate mASF spin, “IA!”

But I found this part of the article quite humorous…

‘When women are at their most fertile, they’ll pay more attention to each other’s appearance,’ said Maryanne Fisher, of York University, Toronto.

‘There can be more catty behaviour, there will be more gossiping, nit-picking and spreading of nasty stories.

‘You might see two women in a pub and one might say to the other, “Oh my God, look at her, she’s so ugly” or “your hair is such a mess”. That is an example of a competitive strategy.’

Looks like the HBs are whipping out some Mystery-style old school harsh negs. When I read this passage, however, it became clear to me where Style learned most of his techniques. It’s very powerful when you turn that gossiping, nit-picking, cattiness around. =)

You can read the whole article here.

Rules of an Affair

David Shade posted a link to this on the EBSS list. It’s a really excellent article written by a woman who had a 3 year long affair with a married man, and figured out a series of rules to help keep an affair going. For all you “Dirk Manley” fans out there, this is essential reading! Here’s an exerpt:

On the eve of my 40th birthday, we went out for drinks at a hotel bar in midtown. I asked him whether I was crazy, or was there something between us? I wish that I had recorded that conversation. Steven was concerned about the implications at work. He wasn’t my direct boss, but he was more senior than I. I said I didn’t want two families wrecked by this. I also knew that I couldn’t wait to fuck him.

You can read the whole article here. It really is an eye opening little piece of literature. It’s the kind of thing that would make any married man paranoid, but there’s a lot of truth to it.

The fact of the matter is, most affairs come from a lack of sexual tension in a marriage — at least on the woman’s part. If a woman wants to keep her husband from having an affair, it’s pretty simple — lots of sex, good cooking, clean house, and don’t bitch too much. For a guy to keep a woman from cheating, it’s much, much more complicated, because women need to feel passion. They need to feel attraction. They need that sexual tension between a man and a woman.

That’s why I think the passage above is so telling. This Steven guy created a lot of sexual tension with this woman, and despite all the reasons NOT to do it, she couldn’t wait to fuck him. And the same is true of every girl in a relationship — if a guy knows how to create that sexual tension, that unbridled passion, any girl (and I mean ANY girl) will find a way to fuck him. Us Pick-Up Artists in the community know this is a reality, which is why some balk at the notion of long term committed relationships and marriage, because we stare into the abyss every day and see the ugly truth society and our mothers have tried so long to keep hidden.

Hurrydate AFCs

Ah, you gotta love Carly. Her blog PORNBLOGRAPHY is one of the wittiest, funniest, and smartest things I’ve ever seen associated with porn (with the exception of “Perversions 5,” that is). This week, Carly’s gotten especially devious in a very TD-esque way when a friend of hers invited her to go to a “HurryDate” event (a SpeedDating sort of thing where people get 1 minute to meet each other and decide if they want to go out).

Anyway, here’s the breakdown:

Carly writes:
I elected to turn the evening into an experiment of sorts. I decided that I would tell every one of my suitors that I worked in porn, while Adella would refrain from any mention of it. The end result, of course, would be for us to see how many people picked each of us based on that.

So here’s how her experiment went:

Him: So what do you do for a living?
Me: PR for porn.
Him: (Pause.) Really?
Me: Yes.
Him: Does the porn industry really need PR?
Me: Can you name me the last movie Jenna Jameson released?
Him: No.
Me: There’s your answer.
Him: I don’t know whether or not to believe you.
Me: What, you think I’d make this shit up?
Him: Well, I dunno… I met you, what. Two seconds ago?
Me: Believe me, if I were going to make something up, it would be something that didn’t include decoding industry terminology such as ATOGM.
Him: What’s that?
Me: Never mind.

TWEET!

Him: I work in entertainment. What do you do?
Me: I work in entertainment as well.
Him: Oh yeah? What facet?
Me: The blue facet.
Him: (Whispering.) Adult?
Me: Yup.
Him: Wow, that’s interesting. What do you do?
Me: Just blow job movies.
Him: (Long pause, face starts to flush.) So… you’re… a porn star?
Me: Yep.
Him: (Sitting back in his chair.) Really?!
Me: No. I do PR.
Him: (Somewhat dejected.) Oh.

TWEET!

Ha ha ha. I like this last one. Carly, being the hot chick she is, really knows how to fuck with guys, especially when it comes to dangling “the sex” before them.

Him: So what do you do for a living?
Me: PR for porn.
Him: Really?
Me: Why does everyone think I’m making that up?
Him: Well, it’s not something you run into every day.
Me: It is if you live in the Valley.
Him: Good point. So how’d you get into that?
Me: Total fluke. I answered a job posting for AVN, and then I went to work for Metro as their publicist. Ron Jeremy is their contract boy.
Him: Ron Jeremy… man. Does that guy still do porno?
Me: Kinda. He tries, at least.
Him: He’s gotta be the ugliest guy I’ve ever seen. He’s, like, the Penguin from Batman Returns.
Me: (Gales of laughter.)

TWEET!

Now this guy seems to have gotten it. Nice little Cocky/Funny play. He’s the only one Carly seemed to like.

Him: And you?
Me: I work in porn.
Him: Doing what?
Me: PR.
Him: Tell me about fetishes.
Me: What about them?
Him: What kinds are there?
Me: I dunno… you name it, it’s likely a fetish.
Him: Well, like, what kind of fetishes have you seen?
Me: Foot, natural breast, young girls…
Him: No, like weird ones.
Me: I don’t know that I find anything that weird anymore. I’m incredibly jaded now. Even the video I had to review that featured a naked chick rubbing herself with balloons for an hour doesn’t seem that strange anymore.
Him: What about those people who dress up in costume.
Me: Oh, furries?
Him: Yeah!
Me: That’s so last year.
Him: (Spilling his drink all over the table.) Oh damn… hey, I got you wet! Ha! Get it?
Me: (Rolling eyes.)

TWEET!

This sounds like my last attempt at a Pick-Up. =)

Him: So what do you do for work?
Me: Porn for PR. No, wait, that came out wrong. PR for porn.
Him: Do you get dental with that?
Me: What, did you just finish watching Grosse Pointe Blank?

TWEET!

Him: So are you entrepreneurial in nature?
Me: You could say that. I work for myself.
Him: Doing what?
Me: Porno PR.
Him: Really? Wow, that’s adventurous. I’m adventurous too. In fact, I at one time considered getting into the industry myself. As a performer.
Me: Uh… huh.
Him: Really, because my adventurous nature—
Me: (Silently praying for the whistle to blow…)

TWEET!

Hmmm. Sounds like someone’s been studying SS.

Him: So how’s your night going so far?
Me: Really well, actually, and yours?
Him: I’m having fun.
Me: That’s good. What’s the strangest question you’ve been asked so far tonight?
Him: I haven’t had any strange questions.
Me: Do you do anal?
Him: (Long pause.) Uhm… like how do you mean?
Me: Y’know, give or receive?
Him: Ahh… I guess it would depend on the woman?

TWEET!

HAHAHAHA… wow, what a state-breaking question. I love how Carly just runs the show in her interactions with people. What a great example of controling the underlying meaning of an interaction. Carly really DOESN’T care about getting together with these guys. She’s coming from a power position, and they’re all supplicative AFCs. The only one who seems to have passed the mustard was the guy who poked fun at Ron Jeremy, but I don’t think he really created any attraction.

The cardnal sin these guys committed was that they asked her questions. They let her set the frame by getting wrapped up in the porno end of things. Can you imagine what would have happened if one of these guys sat down and asked HER if she does anal? And then acted unimpressed by the fact she worked in porn and bypassed the subject to things HE wanted to talk about? That’s what it comes down too.

I’m very guilty of falling into the “question asking” phase of dealing with a woman. I think Juggler said it best when he stated “You only have a certain ammount of questions in the bank with a girl. Once you go into debt, it’s over.” So you gotta use your questions wisely, and never ask questions that allow her to set the frame of the interaction.

You can read the whole thread of Carly’s adventures in dating here.

A look at how to keep a Woman on the String

So one of my semi-regular reading grounds is Women.com, a site that’s pretty much geared towards teenage girls who think people like Ashton Kuchar are dreamy. Anyway, they got some message boards on there where girls post their problems and other girls answer. Sometimes the advice is good, sometimes not, but regardless it’s there. In fact, I’d say it’s *close* to how us guys use mASF.

Anyway, I was browsing through the forum recently and came across a post entitled “We had a huge fight.” So I checked it out, and was actually kind-of amused at what was going on there.

Momma Shan writes:
Ok so here is the deal….My guy and I have been seeing each other for about a year now. He is the classic I want you but I dont want you that close type of guy.

Translation: He’s a player.

Everyone knows that Valentines is approaching and his birthday is the week after. I have really been working very hard towards making his birthday very special for him.

Translation: This guy is the prize in her world. She’s dead set on pleasing him because she’s not getting the kind of “closeness” she so desperately wants from him. He’s got her on “the string.”

I first have to mention that I am a very insecure young lady. A past surgery of this year has left my body scarred and what I think is not very attractive. The littlest thing makes me think that he is pulling away from me or doesnt find me attractive anymore.

This was pretty obvious to me. Most girls ARE insecure, especially about their looks because that’s how guys determine the girl’s worth most of the time. We all have things about our looks we don’t like, and I can understand how this surgery may make poor Momma Shan a little self-conscious. Though I’m sure she was acting this way BEFORE the surgery, because it sounds like she very much gets her self-worth from how this guy treats her.

So with this in mind let me continue…Yesterday was a horrible day for me. I hit a childs pet on the way to work. I stopped and told the family, the child was devastated and so was I. Needing a little comfort I called my B-Friend left him a message. He never called me back.

Typical prizing tactic. She needs him, and he’s letting her know he doesn’t need her. This upps her insecurity and increases his value in her eyes. It may upset her, sure, but it only makes that need for him greater.

Later in the day he text messaged me, something very trival! Without even realizing it we got into a agruement.

The guy probably didn’t even get the message, lol. Regardless, this is a typical example of Harshness and Kindness (something you can find in Robert Greene’s excellent book The Art of Seduction). He shows her a little attention, she lays a guilt trip on him because she’s upset, and he makes her feel guilty for laying that guilt on him by acting angry. Eventually, this will make her qualify herself again to get his approval.

I threw the fact that I was running around trying to kill myself making sure he got everything he wanted for his birthday and all he could do was be rude and hateful to me. So he in turn told me to ” TAKE IT ALL BACK ” this was something that he stayed very adamant about.

Genius. This guy reframed the arguement perfectly.

Of course by now I am upset and crying again. Then he just stops talking, texting, or anything to me. I Panic of course !! I always think that I have done something terribly wrong and he is going to never speak to me again.

Of course. This guy definitely knows what he’s doing. Poor Momma here is so wound up in her boyfriend’s reality, that she depends on it for her primary source of validation. So when he pulls back, when he takes it away — BOOM! She’s back on the string.

After work I went to his place I needed to get some business info I had left there over the weekend. He was at home so I tried to talk to him, he was very distant to me. I apologized to him, explained my day and actions, I guess you could say I pleaded my case. I felt better when I went to leave until I asked him for a kiss good-bye and he told me NO ! This just crushed me….We have been going through this sexual experimental phase. Trying new things and stuff. With my insecruities this isnt easy for me.

Wow, do you see how he got her to qualify herself here? And the not kissing thing — brilliant. He basically did Swinggcat Push/Pull here. He revalidated her insecurities about the fight earlier, and if he let it be at that, Momma would have walked out of there feeling good about herself and her mind would have been anywhere but on her BF. But by NOT kissing her, he created a new insecurity that needed validation, so instead she leaves obsessing over him yet again. And these insecurities are forcing her to do the “sexual experimentation” stuff because she thinks that’s the only way she’ll be able to keep him around.

I went home and did some thinking and realized my wrong doings in everything. I am able to spend more money and love to buy gifts for people I care about, and should not have thrown it in his face. I called and left him a message apologizing again. It is now Noon the next day and I still have not heard from him. I tried to contact hm about maybe going to lunch together. I know that telling me to take it all back was a natural response, and he doesnt want me to. And I never would !! I am very excited about the gifts that I have gotten him, because I knew he will love them !

Talk about “Prizing.” This is how you do it boys and girls. Make yourself unavailable. Give the girl the “gift of missing you,” as my buddy MasterClass would say. This will get her to obssess over you even more. Look at how she’s trying to please this guy! It’s amazing.

I guess my questions is what do I do now ?? Should I just not talk to him for awhile, not even try to contact him ?? And is this normal men reactions to fighting ?? Any advice that you guys could give me would be greatly appreciated.

I am very impressed with Momma’s boyfriend and how he’s gotten her hooked on him. I wonder if he’s in the community? More likely he’s just a natural with a low tolerance for female bullshit. Regardless, I found this post to be a great example of how some of our tricks work on women, but from their point of view. This poor girl just seems clueless to all this guy is doing to her, and you HAVE to respect that.

You can read the whole thread here.

Doc Love, Bad Advice?

So I was checking out the Dating & Romance section of Askmen.com today and read the latest Doc Love article. Now, I don’t know much about the good Doctor… in fact, this is the first article I’ve read of his. He has a bit of good advice to share, but overall, I think he’s a little off with his mindset. For example, in the latest article, a guy named Kieth chimes in:

Kieth writes:
Hey Doc,

My problem is a little unusual. I’m looking to you for some good advice.

I was dating Samantha for about seven months before she had to go out of state to attend the best university business program in the country. (She was accepted before she even met me.) She said that if she’d met me beforehand, she would have accepted another offer she got that was closer to home, but as it is, she’s going to be gone for a little over a year.

We’ve been doing the long-distance dating thing for about four months now and she’s always talking about how she wants to marry me. As far as calling and e-mailing me, she is completely consistent. I fly to see her and she flies to see me once a month. Once she finishes the program, our goal is to go to graduate school in the same city. In other words, things are going fine between us, but I have two concerns about our relationship.

So what we have here is your typical long distance relationship, or LDR for you acronym junkies out there (you know who you are). But looking at this from a Seducer standpoint, I’m already thinking this guy should have 1 or 2 other chicks on call while his main is off doing her “business program” thing. Reading this little bit, I’m wondering if this girl would be pushing the marriage thing so heavily if they WEREN’T doing the LDR thing. My thinking is that she’s insecure about the distance between them and wants to find a way to lock him into the relationship just for her own mental well being. But I digress…

Anyway, he goes on to describe the first concern he has.

Kieth writes:
1- Samantha constantly asks me when we are going to get engaged. She says it in a joking way, but I know that she’s serious. My question is, how should I respond? I’m completely in love with this girl and want to marry her, but what is the correct response to keep her Interest Level up? (Sometimes I joke that we should go to Las Vegas tomorrow. Other times I’ll give her a more serious answer and say that we’re headed in that direction. But I’m not sure that it would be the best idea to tie the knot so soon.)

Doc Love chimes in with the following advice:

Doc Love writes:
Tell her you’ll marry her.

The right thing to do is let Samantha know that the two of you will get engaged after she comes back from school. This girl is straining at the leash like a hungry Doberman — she’s completely gone over you and can’t wait to get back to you. And since you’re deeply in love with her, it makes sense to take that step.

It’s okay to give in to your girl here, buddy. (But make sure that she understands that she still has to be a nice girl when she’s away at school, otherwise there will be no engagement. Remember old Pavlov’s dog?)

Don’t worry about keeping her Interest Level up, pal. You’ve already pumped it into the stratosphere like a helium balloon — she’s going crazy for you right now! You’re actually underrating her Interest Level, Keith.

If this girl were any more nuts over you, she’d have to be committed. But don’t you go getting bent out of shape or going gaga over the situation. Hey, you’re not tying the knot just yet — you’re only buying time by telling your babe you’ll get engaged when she gets back.

First off, bad advice. BAAAAAAAAADDDDDDD advice! I’m a rank-and-file amateur seducer, and even I can see the vomitous proportions of shite the good doctor is spewing here.

Tell here you’ll marry her? Good God, man, why!?! The guy may WANT to marry her, sure, but don’t TELL her that! Part of the reason she’s so into him is because he’s doing the right thing right now, which is joking about it, sometimes dropping serious hints at the possibility, but never committing. THAT’S the thing that’s got her on the hook. If he comes out and tells her they’re going to get married, or should he propose (especially if she’s still LDR), he’s giving up his power in the relationship right there, and her interest level is gonna drop like a stone.

If it were me in Keith’s situation, I might drop hints like “Oh, if only you were here with me… I might have proposed to you already. But you’re not, so I guess it doesn’t matter.” Doing shit like that would get her visiting him EVERY WEEKEND, as opposed to him exherting himself and flying out to see her. He’s got some great tension going right now, and Doc wants him to destroy that! Oy. So much for Dating “Advice.”

Anyway, the second issue Keith is worried about:

Kieth writes:
2- Samantha cries at least twice a week when we’re on the phone about how she wants me to pretty much drop everything right now and come and live with her. She tells me that I won’t have to pay for anything, and that I can just live in her apartment. This week she took it a step further and gave me a sort of indirect ultimatum by telling me that she didn’t know how she was going to deal with living apart from me for a whole year. “You need to move down here right now,” she said. I found myself a little panic-stricken at the idea.

The Doc responds:

Doc Love writes:
She has a plan.

The reason Samantha’s begging you to move in with her right now is not because she’s a rigid or structured or hardheaded female, which is where most ugly ultimatums usually come from.

She’s doing this because her Interest Level is hitting the high 90s. Let’s face it, man; she’s ready to pay for everything. (Gee, I’m impressed, Keith. She’s gotta be the first woman in the history of mankind to make that statement!) And so you reacted, at least on the inside — you didn’t practice Self-Control.

Hopefully, you didn’t say anything to her at that moment. It’s okay to feel panic-stricken, but it’s not good to express it verbally to the one you love. As General Love puts it, “Never show weakness at the critical moment!”

But don’t lose any sleep over all this “pressure.” Samantha’s bluffing. She’s not going anywhere without you, Keith, as long as you keep playing your cards right.

I’d say the reason she’s begging is because Kieth has done an excellent job of getting Samantha to chase him! Whatever he’s doing is working, because the girl WANTS him, and that puts him in the power position. He’s gotta keep her on the string, so to speak, if he wants her to stay interested. If he gives in, I think any PUA worth his salt is gonna know this will open her up to getting Pick-Upped on by some halfway decent player at whatever school she’s attending. If he keeps her on the hook, he’ll bypass this because she’ll be too wrapped up in him to think about other guys (who you KNOW are probably already knocking on the door if she’s half-way decent looking).

So Doc redeems himself here with a bit of good advice to offset the bad. So far, I’m not too impressed with Doc Love’s insight, but I think he might have some interesting stuff to offer. If you want to check out the article, you can read it here.

Tips for Single Status

So I’m reading this article on Match.com entitled “Dateless for Valentine’s Day: Am I a Loser?” Usually, I don’t put too much stock in the stuff they put on Match.com because it’s mostly a watered-down PC advice column that’s designed to get people to use the service, that, and it’s mostly geared towards the supplicative “Women are the Prize” frame. So I didn’t have a date for VD, and when i saw the article I decided to check it out just to make sure whether I’m a loser or not, and surprizingly, I found some pretty decent advice in the column. Here’s what I liked:

Trish McDermott, VP of Romance, Match.com, writes:
Here are some other tips for dealing with your single status — and for helping Cupid find you a Valentine before next year’s lovefest:

1. Start with a clean slate
If you’re still smarting from a recent break-up, it’s time to purge the pain. Write her name on a rock, and toss it in a lake; scrawl it on a scrap of paper, and burn it. But don’t dwell on relationship failures. Instead, review what you could have done better or revisit danger signs you didn’t see (or heed) until it was too late. This will help you avoid similar miscues in the future, increasing your confidence because you’ll know you won’t be repeating bad patterns this time around.

2. Don’t be afraid to ask
Sometimes just asking is the best way to get what you’re looking for. List what you liked and disliked about your last few relationships. Create another list of qualities you appreciated in former girlfriends as well as the qualities you didn’t. Then use your lists to create your free profile.

3. Stretch your limits
How far would you go for love? Some people are willing to move thousands of miles for a chance at romance, while others won’t go further than the next block. Once you’ve determined your geographical boundaries, you can search for single women in that area and not waste time — yours or hers.

4. Dress for success
Look the part of the dashing romantic by enhancing your appearance. Drastic changes like we see on TV aren’t necessary, but a new haircut, a different trim of your beard or some new shirts could raise your stock — or at least your mood. Once you’ve upgraded your look, have your friend snap a few photos to post with your profile.

Now, this is not new or groundbreaking advice, but you’d be surprized at how simple stuff like dressing nice and writing shit down can help you advance your skills. I don’t think guys do this enough. Most of us are lazy, and I know that I’ve been guilty of this before. But when you really take the time to sit down and write out things like goals, sticking points, ideas, etc., your life really takes a turn for the better because you give it direction and purpose instead of floundering around haphazardly.

If you want to check out the full article, you can read it here.

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