Skip the kiss

So I found this little ditty on the A Bad Man in a Bad Place blog, and thought it was interesting…

Eric Castillo:
A friend of mine has been in a similar situation to mine, lately, only on the other side. She’s met guys in bars and clubs, and has found herself kissing them, and even letting them sleep in her bed, but not doing anything more with them.

After another night of this, frustrated, we both went to brunch to commisserate.

And then back to my house for a nap. One thing led to another. We never kissed the entire time. Presumably, too intimate.

This seems to be a rather typical MO for most girls, and it kind-of mirrors an experience I had quite recently where I was able to pull a girl from a club back to my buddy’s place, get her on the bed and all that, and then — boom! She falls asleep, lol. I think this comes down to getting sexual VERY early on with girls. We’ve all heard the stories of getting a girl home, and maybe making out, but then she just rolls over and sleeps and you go on through life unfullfilled. Looking back on my experiences, I think this occurs because most guys get sexually aggressive either too late in the interaction or not at all. This is why getting kiss closes or making out quickly after meeting her is important, because it sets the stage for getting sexual later on as opposed to just brushing by that that stage once you have her back at your place.

But the whole notion of “kissing being too intimate” is at the same time, a related problem. Swinggcat and I have talked about this odd phenomenon before, and he dubs this a “sexual barrier.” I find it interesting how a girl might not be willing to kiss you, but she would be willing to fuck you if you go after her the right way. Some girls consider kissing to be an emotional investment, whereas sex may be a strictly physical activity, no different from a sport or working out in the gym. I think this is an area where many guys (including myself) mess up. In our minds, kissing has a kind-of wierd validation to it, where making out with a girl makes us think “Wow, she’s into me! She thinks I’m hot! I’m not a loser because this girl is kissing me!” So most guys will go for the kiss because they are looking for the validation that the girl is into them, and they think that if that’s the case, that’s a sign for going for the lay.

The reality of it is, most guys lose lays this way, because they get too caught up in getting that validation that the girl is into them when the REAL scenereo is that if they were to approach the interaction in another way — that from the standpoint of going for the girl in a purely sexual manner — such as fondling, heavy kino, fingering the girl, etc. their chances for having sex with her may actually be greater than if they were going for a kiss.

It’s a wierd, fucked-up dynamic, but my field experience tells me it’s a real factor in the game. And seeing posts like this from ABMIABP, it only backs up my experience. This is why I think methods like Gunwitch and Caveman have some validity to them, because taking a strong sexual frame with a girl WILL lead to a fuck close if you play it right. I’ll have to play around with these concepts more and see how it goes.