Becoming Dominant

February 26, 2004 by  
Filed under Analysis

So I was reading the Orgy blog and found a pretty interesting post by Kaii that recalls a story about how a boy toy of hers became the one in control of their relationship.

Kaii writes:
I love younger guys. I mean really love them. As a matter of fact I almost exclusively seek them out for my sexual trysts.

They’re so open to suggestion and eager to please. You can lead them around by the cock. I think most of them can’t believe that they’re actually fucking a tasty pussy, so they’ll do what ever you want just so they can keep fucking you.

My favorite younger guy was one that I had a year long “affair du coeur” with.

“J” was magnificent. Absolutely gorgeous. He was probably the hottest guy that I ever fucked. He had the most perfect eyes, smile, hair and body. Not to mention the fact that he was hung like a horse. Mmmmm….

We took a trip one time back to his hometown. I was excited at the prospect of meeting his friends and getting a clearer insight into who he was.

What I didn’t know was that this trip was to be a defining moment (to use a Dr. Phil-ism) in our relationship. Circumstances happened that allowed him to get the upper hand and from that moment on, he became “the boss”.

Kaii goes onto relate the story as to how this happened. It boils down to her going to this “J” guy’s hometown to meet some of his good friends. They all meet up at her hotel room and get high, and Kaii ends up getting jealous about “J”‘s relationship with his best friend, and freaks out on him.

“J” and I argued. He was pissed off and decided to teach me a little lesson and left with his friends….for 6 hours.

I was sufficiently subdued by the time he returned. Well, almost.

I was lying on the bed when he came in. He walked over to the bed, crawled over to me and put one leg on each side of my body, straddling me. He leaned over and kissed me hard on the lips. Our tongues danced and circled one another, always touching and then retreating. He pulled back and we just looked into each other’s eyes.

I looked away as I was still bristling with some fight and was hurt and angry that he would leave me in a strange city all by myself.

We sat in silence and smoked another joint. We argued and I told him that I didn’t love him anymore. Now it was his turn to freak out. I got up and locked myself in the bathroom to get away from him. Now, I never said that I was mature, did I?

When I finally came out, he was gone…..GONE? That rat bastard!! I opened the hotel room door and he was leaning against the wall opposite me, looking at me with a fierce expression on his face. He was wearing his jacket and had his back pack with him.

He came back inside and we argued some more, you know lots of name calling and blame laying stuff. He tried to leave again, but I was standing in front of the door, blocking his way. He was so angry. Id never seen him so angry. My resolve was definitely hanging by a thread.

I started to cry. I was afraid he’d leave again….maybe for good this time. I begged him not to leave, but that seemed to incite him further.

He reached out and grabbed me, his fingers digging into the tender flesh of my arms. He threw me to the floor, opened the door and left without a backwards glance.

Okay….so picture this…I am totally high, crying hysterically, calling his name, chasing after him, without any shoes on, across a hotel lobby and out onto the street.

He was hoofing it up the street and didn’t even look back as I called out his name. I was absolutely hysterical. Here I was alone, in a big city…I didn’t even know how to get on the highway to drive home.

I chased after him, up the street, calling his name, pleading and sobbing. People were looking at me, but I was beyond embarrasment at this point. He had me just were he wanted me….crying and begging, with him in control.

After following him for what seemed like forever, he started to slow down and then eventually stopped altogether. He turned around and waited for me to come to him. I was barefoot and following him had been difficult.

I came up and stood in front of him, sobbing and broken.

He didn’t say anything, but reached down and grabbed my hand and started to walk back towards the hotel. He was tall and had longer strides than me, he pulled me behind him the whole way.

Kaii then goes on to describe, in pretty graphic detail, how “J” then proceeded to sexually ravage her back in the hotel room, which instigated a phase shift in their relationship from her using him for sex to the other way around. She ends her post with this:

He lay down on the bed and pulled me down to lay my head on his chest. He stroked my hair and back until I fell asleep. I was emotionally spent.

The next day, things between us were different. A new “boss” had been elected and thus the Dominant became the dominated…..

Now, the thing I find interesting in this post is how “J” made this shift from dominated to dominator, and it all comes down to how this guy used his “reality” to bring Kaii to her knees (literally and figuratively).

Basically, this is a perfect example of bringing someone into your reality. I often equate this to “Home Field Advantage.” Basically, Kaii was taken to a strange city, filled with strange people, cut off from her own friends and family, and was basically relying on “J” for everything while in his hometown with him. She was pretty much isolated in this hotel room, at the mercy of his reality.

Now, the most powerful thing you can do with someone once they are into your reality is to ignore them. Because by ignoring someone who is overpowered with your reality, you force them to qualify themselves to you, and as we all know — attraction is just an intense need for validation. You can see how powerful this tactic is by how Kaii reacted to “J” leaving.

Of course, this whole shift started when “J” showed that he was willing to leave Kaii if she was going to throw her shit at him. If he had done this in normal circumstances where Kaii had the upper hand, it might not have been as effective. But instead, he let her stew for 6 hours in an unfamiliar place completely cut off from any of her support group. She was completely in his control. By the time he came back, the shift was completed once he demonstrated he was willing to leave COMPLETELY.

But the final nail in Kaii’s coffin comes in when “J” exherts his masculinity and pretty much dominates her in the bedroom. He defines their roles as her being the woman, and him being the sexually aggressive male. He exherts his power over her, and she is forced to accept it, and that changes the dynamic in the relationship between the two. It’s a very interesting shift, and I’ve heard stories of some of the best PUAs in the community who do very similar things to women — and it works!

Anyway, you can read the whole post and all its juicy details here.

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One Response to “Becoming Dominant”
  1. Real_Quiet says:

    Great post. Hey thundercat I really love your site dude:)

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