The Pick Up Artist 2, Ep. 2 Recap: I Like Pickle-Juice

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Warning:  This Recap Contains Spoilers!

Hey there boys and girls, its time for yet another fun-filled recap of VH1′s The Pick Up Artist!  So dust off your over-sized goggles and put on your sleeveless fur-lined vests, its time to waste yet another hour of your life watching geeks embarrass themselves and strike out with chicks.

We start the episode with the remaining contestants in shocked disbelief that Fat Gay Alex got his ample posterior kicked off the show.  Apparently, none of the guys have actually SEEN the first season, and know that people get eliminated from the mansion – especially if they are:  fat, gay, old, or a race other than white.

Matt Powers is so upset, he says “Its going to be hard to sleep tonight.”  Funny, I thought it’d be hard to sleep with Fat Gay Alex prowling around the bunkbeds in the dark, looking for unsuspecting nerds to molest.  But what do I know?

The next day, the group is whisked away to a “secret location” (which looks disturbingly like a low-rent porno store in the Valley).  They’re at a mysterious “Italian Club,” with Mystery, Matador, and Tara waiting out front, along with a mysterious looking doorman.

Simeon starts salivating, saying he thinks they’ve been whisked away to a STRIP CLUB, and then starts masturbating furiously.  Little does he know that no stripper would be up in the daytime to hang out with a bunch of geeks with no money – but hey, let the guy dream.

Mystery is looking to start helping the guys build their confidence when talking to women.  So for their first reward challenge (i.e. the challenge where you get Tara to do something demeaning afterward) the guys get to spend quality time with some “quality ladies.”

Hmmmm.  In the first season, a line like that was followed by storytime with a class full of first-grade girls.  I’m thinking this year they may have put a twist on it and gone with geriatrics.  Will I be proven correct?

Asian Brian is hoping to meet some strippers, club girls, or FREAKS.  Either way, he’s so excited his afro starts steaming.

So the challenge is to approach some women and have a conversation.  Simple, right? The guy who makes the best impression wins a “secret accessory” from Mystery’s private collection, and a special tutoring session on how to use it.  Though, I’m sure most of these contestants already know how to use ruphies. Read more

The Pick Up Artist Season 2 Ep 1 Recap: Bling Bling

SPOILER ALERT:  This recap contains spoilers for the first episode of the Pick Up Artist 2

Well, another year has gone by, which means its time for VH1 to grace the airwaves with yet another season of The Pick Up Artist – starring the one and only Mystery.

Yes, just when you thought it was safe to watch VH1 again, the network that has brought us such cultural icons as Flava Flav and evil Dustin Diamond, is now treating us to another 8 episodes of geeks getting different colored pendants for not embarrassing themselves in front of women.  Huzzah!

The show starts off by reminding everyone about how Mystery is the world’s greatest pick up artist (and snazziest dresser!), telling us about how big of a geek he used to be by showing pictures of him holding a plastic spoon.  Yes, it seems VH1′s definition of “loser who can’t get laid” is synonymous with guys who allow themselves to be photographed holding plastic cutlery.

Then we’re reminded of our favorite trainwrecks from last season – Kosmo, Brady, Joe D, Gay Joe, Spoon, Pradeep, Old Dude, and geeky guy who’s name I can’t remember – and how Mystery “helped” them.  Now that Kosmo is a real Pick Up Artist, he’s been forced to shave his head, wear affliction t-shirts, and share with Mystery’s students the lessons he learned from living with Gay Joe the first season…

“Just open your mouth, don’t be afraid to experiment,” says Kosmo.  (Yeah, people paid $2,000 to hear that bit of advice.)

Now that the recap’s over, its time to prepare ourselves for a new season of the Pick Up Artist, where the challenge is even BIGGER (i.e. the contestants are geekier, gayer, uglier, and asianer).  Also, I’m sure the challenge had a little to do with the fact that women are now on guard for hidden camera pick ups.  But whatever.

Matador is back as Mystery’s wingman, sporting a new beard and a greasier wig.  J-Dog is out, and now Tara is in, so she gets to bring her milkshake to the yard every episode now.  Whether or not she’ll be forced to tongue-down the contestants is still up in the air, but we shall see.

What makes Tara qualified to teach guys how to meet women?  “I’m a woman!” she exclaims.  Yay.  So’s my mom, but that doesn’t mean her advice for getting chicks is any good.  Where’s that other girl from the first season?  She was way hotter than Tara and didn’t talk as much.  Give her the wingwoman spot, fer cryin’ out loud.

Anyway, cue the show intro, and its time to start another season of awkwardness on the Pick Up Artist. Read more