Great Anti-Slut-Defense Reframe

A buy amikacin spiritual depression may arise when a person feels less connected cream sale free pharmacy or has no joy or meaning in relation to one best price for viagra of these five factors. While confabulation can happen spontaneously, asking cheap carisoprodol questions to a person with dementia may trigger what doctors aldactone sale refer to as provoked confabulation. If a brain aneurysm is purchase diflucan online small and not causing symptoms, doctors may first monitor the buy robaxin from canada aneurysm to assess the risk. More research may help determine mirapex for sale whether targeted screening exercises can reduce the mortality rate in purchase flovent online people at high risk of skin cancer. They then cleanse buy aldactone cheapest alternatives india and drape the area, which usually includes the front of find meridia online the neck.The team administers local anesthesia to numb the puncture buy glyburide in canada site, a short-acting paralytic agent to prevent coughing, and sedation purchase generic phentermine alternatives problems to ensure comfort during the procedure. A doctor may prescribe antibiotics.

TVA Oslo over on the mASF forums has a great tip for getting past a girl’s last-minute Anti-Slut Defense (ASD).  Check it out:

TVA Oslo writes:

Most ASD is due to her being affraid of what her friend thinks of her when she does a sexual act. A girl can avoid having sex with you because she is very affraid of what her entourage will think of it. Most men love bragging (I do too, but I never tell who I fucked, so it doesn’t count, I just say I fucked a girl). Men brags, girlfriends find out about it, especially in social cirles. But this one will also work in non-social circle settings.

Fact is. If none of her friends knows about anything you’ve done with a girl, they won’t judge your sweatheart.

This technique is a way to show her that you will not tell her friends. It’s very simple. Everyone can do it right now. No risks!

Here is what you do.
When you know it’s on, almost close to getting a lay (around final escalations, or at a point were things are turning VERY sexual) and you feel you don’t have controle of the ASD (like she does have ASD symptoms or actually get an ASD kick), try this:

TVA: What ever happen tonight between us… please do me a favor.
HB: Which
TVA: Don’t tell ANYONE about it okey
HB: (100% guarrantee she will complie on this one) No I won’t
TVA: I don’t want anyone to know anything about my private life. There is nothing wrong with you, but I like to keep things for myself… can you promise me that?
HB: Yeah
TVA: really! I beg you to do it
HB: I will
TVA: thanks you are lovely (go kino… reward good behaviour with horniness remember… no more ASD… gogogo)

Girls are affraid of what her friend will think of her. By proving you will not tell anyone, is a good way to get rid of the ASD. By begging her to not tell anyone, you are the one who cares about it. You reframed it. You are the one who don’t want anyone to know about what you do in private. This projects that you will not tell anyone since you are the one begging her to keep quiet about it. Pretty easy concept right?

Tell me if you don’t understand. I think you will, but you never know.

A pitfall is (even if they are rare):

TVA: What ever happen tonight between us… please do me a favor…
HB: It won’t happen anything tonight (clear sign of no sexual attraction, but if you want to keep trying, keep reading)
TVA: I am not saying it will, but people have that magical process, when they lose controle of their horniness, nothing wrong with that, it’s awesome, it just happens you know.Completly okey I just want to make sure that if that happen, it happens in good conditions and we keep it secret. (and on and one to sexual reframing, DAFS in advanced in the archive on this technique)

Gogo escalation… no more ASD.

Have fun!

One important thing to note about this post is the re-frame here.  For those of you new to the game, think of it like this… the girl has a “frame of mind” that there are negative connotations to sleeping with you.  Hense the “anti-slut defense” popping up.  This post gave a great example of how to “re-frame” that objection to you sleeping with her.  In essence, you frame the situation in a different way that makes it okay for her to do what you want her to.

Re-framing is a great way to get around ANY objection a girl has.  Good salesmen re-frame all the time.  Whenever a customer objects to something, they re-frame it so it becomes a benefit as opposed to an objection.

What TVA Oslo does here is he reframes the situation so that the girl knows whatever happens between them will remain intimate and private.  So she doesn’t have to worry about word getting out that she may have partaken in “slutty” behavior amongst her friends.  But he frames it in such a way where privacy and intimacy is IMPORTANT to him!  He’s basically taking what the girl feels she needs and adopting it for himself.  Very slick here.

Can you guys think of any other good reframes for common objections?

Design Of The Blog

For a while, some of you may have noticed I had a pretty fancy site design going on the blog here.

Well, I decided to go back to the good ol’ “crappy” design I had before.

Why?  Well, I guess I just enjoyed the simplicity of the crappy design.  The fancy design just felt too “professional” for my liking.  I’m a simple guy, so I want to keep this blog simple.  You log in, you see the posts, and that’s that.  You don’t get distracted by fancy pictures and graphics and stuff.

Maybe I’ll switch it back eventually.  But for now, I’m brining the Lair back to its roots.

Oh yeah – and I’ll also be updating the site again regularly, so feel free to participate in the comments section.

How To Escape Being “Friended”

A poster named Regal had a great tip on mASF about avoiding having a girl “Friend” you when you’re trying to get sexual with her.

Regal writes:

I’ve never really been the kind of guy who got the “Let’s just be friends” speech — I’m typically too aggressive / inconsiderate to realistically be considered “friends” material by women.

That said, I’ll hear it occassionally if I’m escalating with a girl who’s trying to resist me — maybe she wants to slow things down because she likes me as a boyfriend, or maybe she’s in a committed relationship or has reservations about me for some other reason or she just hasn’t decided she’s ready to sleep with me yet.

When you get something like, “Maybe it’s better if we’re just friends,” or, “I think you’d make a good friend,” there’s one easy, powerful statement you can make to shut that down and communicate your intentions:

“I don’t want to be your friend.”

Say it with a half-smile and bedroom eyes… and be sexy about it.

Nice guys won’t use this line, because they’re too scared to risk losing the girl in question from their lives by telling her they don’t want to be her friend. “Oh no, if I tell her I don’t want her as a friend, she’ll leave me!” they think. Then, they keep her as a friend while she sleeps with some other, stronger man.

When you tell her this, you instantly show her you’re not one of those guys.

Another reason it’s a strong statement is that it makes it clear what you DO want; if you’re spending time with her, touching her, laughing with her, but you don’t want to be her friend, there’s only one other thing you CAN be.

And you also force her to make a choice. She knows now that you’re not going to be her friend. She also knows that it’s your intention to sleep with her. If she chooses to stay with you, she’s accepting your advances. So, in making this statement, you force her to make a conscious decision to accept your advances. And since the force of inertia means it’s a lot easier for her to stay and accept it than fight it and leave, unless she hates your guts she’s not going to go.

Obviously, this won’t work if she doesn’t actually LIKE you… but if you’re sexy and you’re doing what you should be doing, this is a strong statement that swats objections out of the way and ramps up her attraction for you. It’s lain along the path to a few lays for me, and I don’t hear this objection a whole lot.

Next time you do, give it a try…

I couldn’t agree with this more.  Too often, guys allow the girl they are with to set the frame.  When she says she just “wants to be friends,” most guys accept that as being true and try to deal with it.  What Regal is suggesting here is totally dismissing the premise of that frame entirely and having her choose to accept your frame or not.

Good stuff.

Is A Woman’s BO The New Perfume?

Here’s an interesting article from Discovery.com about how a woman’s “natural scent” is more attractive to men than perfume.

Women looking for that special someone might want to think twice before spritzing Chanel No. 5. A new study suggests that a woman’s natural scent may be all she needs.

Recent research shows that a man’s testosterone levels, which are linked with sexual interest, are significantly higher when they smell the shirt of a woman who is ovulating. These findings could lead to the development of new fragrances that mimic this effect, and answer basic questions about human biology.

Speaking as a guy who’s dealt with a lot of women in his time, I have to say that I much prefer the smell of perfume.  lol.

Should You Be A “Jerk” Or A “Nice Guy?”

Bisquick1 had this interesting post on mASF about striking a balance between being a Jerk and a Nice Guy.

Bisquick1 writes:

I notice this relates to not just picking up women, but making friends — lasting friends at that: Finding the balance between being the “Jerk” and being the “Nice guy”

After making, keeping, and losing friends or women I began to understand how those processes were happening. However, I’m having a difficult time trying to calibrate each situation!

If I make a friend/meet a girl, I will either lose him/her because I am either: Worried about not offending or annoying the other person, thereby leading me to be boring and they move to someone more fun.

Or I’m too much of a jerk. I’ll get annoying, and be too crazy/funny to the point where it is like “Enough already!” and lose him/her because of that.

On rare instances I’ll keep the friend/girlfriend if I play the cards right, but I just don’t know how!

I’ve tried newbie methods to meet new guy friends and potential girlfriend, but it is taking too long to just CLICK.

When and how will it just CLICK? Its been too long!(2+ years of recurring situations mentioned above)

Now, I’ve dealt with this “Nice Guy” vs. “Jerk” dilemma before.  I think too many guys make the mistake of thinking that being a Jerk means being a mean prick to everyone, and somehow that is preferable to being a “Nice Guy.”  In the case of this poster, he wants to strike some type of balance, as though he can oscilate between being a Jerk and being a Nice Guy when the situation suits him.

To me, this is a bad idea – for a multitude of reasons.  Not the least of which is that when you do things like this, you’re not being very genuine.  You’re putting on an act, so when people become attracted to you, they’re not really liking you for who you are, they like the act you put on.  And ultimately, you just can’t sustain that.

If you’re the type of guy who thinks that you have to be a jerk to get women attracted to you, then you’ve been mislead.  You don’t have to be one or the other – a nice guy or a jerk.  Both of these labels have positives and negatives about them.  it is possible to be a nice guy who attracts women just as well, if not better than, jerks do.

Here’s the thing you got to remember about “Jerks”…

The reason Jerk’s are so successful with women (in general) is because women often mistake narcisism & sociopathic tendancies for confidence.

Jerks are people who only care about their own pleasure. They have no concept of other people’s feelings, and because of that, they don’t get nervous or take into account how they may be coming off around other people.  They focus on getting what they want because they feel they deserve it. This can seem like confidence, mixed with a healthy dose of persistence, to people who have weak frames and get caught up in the Jerk’s bravado. But those are really the two things anyone needs to be successful with women at a most basic level – confidence and persistence.

So I don’t think its really about finding a balance between being a Jerk and a Nice guy, its about having the right amount of confidence so that you can get what you want no matter the situation.

I like to think I’m a pretty nice guy, but I have developed a certain amount of inner strength that helps me to attract women and not come off as Beta or AFC. That’s really what we’re talking about here – if you can be self confident enough to be fun, interesting, and engaging around others and still get what you want, you don’t have to worry about playing the roll of a “jerk” or a “nice guy.”

So it comes down to this – are you able to focus on doing and achieving what makes you happy, while still being able to calibrate how other people around you are feeling and adjust your behavior appropriately?

The best skill you can learn in pick up is being able to read the people you are with – be they men or women. If you know what you’re doing is upsetting someone or pissing them off, then you need to be able to adjust your game accordingly.

If you’re able to do that, you can CONSISTENTLY be the type of man people want to be around, without having to worry about “switching” your roles and playing two different parts that really don’t reflect who you are.

The Top 10 Pick Up Artist Of 2009!

Welcome one and all to this year’s edition of my Top 10 PUA list.  My Top 10 list is different from most people’s, for a few reasons.  The first of which is I try and personally meet and interact with as many PUAs as I can to get a sense if they’re the real deal or not.  Most people out there just rank their friends or go based off of what the message boards say, but I try and base my rankings on my personal experience – not only with the PUAs themselves, but with the techniques of picking up women in general.

But more than that, I base my rankings on more than just sheer skill at picking up women.  The criteria for the rankings are simple:

1.  In-Field Performance. This is basically the skills the PUA displays in the field with women.  Most Top 10s deal with this factor exclusively, but I’ve found that just looking at a guy’s in-field performance can be misleading, since people have off-nights or can get lucky.  That said, their ability to use the techniques in field repeatedly and consistently to get results is a big, big factor in the ranking process.

2.  Innovations. This is what new outlook or techniques the PUA brings to the table.  It’s easy for any new guy to get good using Mystery Method or any other school of seduction, but then again, that stuff is designed to work!  So being innovative and bringing a new twist, spin, philosophy, technique, or whatever to the mix is also a big deal, because that means the PUA actually has something to contribute to his students and the community as a whole that no one else does.

3.  Teaching Ability. This is how effectively the PUA can teach what he does to other people, and have them get similar results.  This is another important factor, because it weeds out the people who are just the lucky naturals, and finds the PUAs who have something to offer humanity as a whole.  After all, I don’t care if a guy gets laid a lot.  I care if that guy can get ME laid a lot – and I think the same is true for you.  That is why I factor in the PUA’s ability to teach others into the ranking.

4.  Contributions To The Community.  This is a measure of how much the PUA “gives back” to others in the seduction community.  This factor is all about the PUA’s willingness to help others, the knowledge and experience he’s willing to share, and the compassion he shows to those who need help.  Too many PUAs look down on people not as successful with women as they are, and that’s not what the seduction community is about, so giving back to it should play a factor, in my opinion.

5.  Philosophy.  This comes down to the PUA’s outlook on life, women, and other men in general.  It’s about how they live their lives, and whether they’re consistent with it.  Some PUAs spout great philosophy, but don’t really believe in it or practice it.  But it’s that core foundations which will influence their students, so I believe this is important in factoring the rankings.

6.  Likability.  One of the things I base my ranking on is whether I actually like the PUA or not.  This is a subjective thing, but I feel its important, because there’s usually a reason I don’t like someone, and that reason has to do with them being a fake, fraud, evil bastard, or what have you.  I like to think I have a fairly decent “B.S. Radar,” so when I meet a PUA in person, I can usually tell if they are legit or not after getting to know them, which is why I tend to rank PUAs I have actually met in real life.  If I haven’t met them, I need to get good feedback from at least 3 sources I trust to make the decision to rank them in this category.

Okay, so now that you know how I rank the list, let’s get to it!
Read more

The Fundamentals of Game

In my last article I promised something for new guys so here it is, also if there’s anything you guys would really like me to cover then leave a comment and I’ll see about making a post .

To often do newbie and even intermediate guys focus on advanced concepts and ideas that either do nothing for them, or else make them seem weird without the fundamentals. In fact I suggest that all guys, including advanced, touch back on the fundamentals and make sure that they are either improving or not getting worse. This is a practice I do often actually. So exactly what are the fundamentals of game? I’ve thought about this and came up with the following…

-Body Language

-Tonality

-Eye Contact

-Light Kino (or touch) that isn’t creepy

-Vibing

-Being NORMAL

If you lack any of these six things then any other form of game is a complete waste of time. These six things make up the cake, the rest of game is the icing and decorating. Without the icing you might have a mediocre cake but with only the icing you don’t even have a cake. So lets break down each of these six things to get you started.

1. Body Language

In my mind there are two levels to Body Language. First thing to learn is the “Alpha” Body Language. Basically taking up space, chest out, chin up, back straight ect ect. There are countless articles and exercises out there to develop this, from the Alexander Technique to imagining a string running down your spine. The idea is to give off a dominant and powerful masculine energy that portrays confidence. Your nonverbal signs are 93% of your communication, your actual words being only 7%.

Now keep in mind that with all new skill sets in game you’re going to go overboard with everything and overdo it…this is actually a GOOD thing because you can only calibrate what’s appropriate by doing to much of something and then balancing it. If it’s not to much then you’re not pushing yourself and if it’s been to much for a while then you need to learn to tone it back down again.

The second level to learn once the first is down is how to relax. You don’t want to be the guy who constantly has to look like superman and is always caught on the idea of looking alpha. It’s time to relax your shoulders and develop more fluid carefree motions. The most powerful form of body language is looking completely at ease and comfortable in your own skin, again without it seeming try hard though. Later on once these are down you can learn more advanced body language for particular situations such as opening, rapport building, sexual, take away’s ect ect.

2. Tonality

This is by far one of the hardest to learn with the exception of “being normal” for some people. Speaking clearly without mumbling, talking in a loud and crisp voice, getting rid of any kind of stutter or pause fillers such as “uh” “um” “you know” “like” or anything similar. Your voice should also be animated and lively, if you have a monotonous voice then anything you say will be boring and people will not pay attention to you. Always try and speak from your diaphragm which is located between your chest and stomach, being nasal is the most unattractive voice quality. Finally having a deep voice will always help and it should sound strong and masculine. This is actually where I could still develop the furthest out of the six fundamentals and will probably take vocal lessons to improve my tonality, that’s how serious it is.

3. Eye Contact

Again there are two levels for this one. The first is basic eye contact where you are simply able to hold someones gaze, especially a girls. You shouldn’t be staring but instead be relaxed by it and give almost a curious energy through your eyes. Looking at her tits or ass will be doom for you, unless it’s done in an advanced way but again we’re focusing on the cake not the icing, and I even had a girl shit test me one time on this. I was on a date and the girl had double D tits and began jumping up and down in front of me acting happy. The entire time I kept my eyes locked on hers while smirking and finally she stopped and looked at me and said “very good”.

Keep in mind the eyes can betray submissiveness by darting your eyes away or especially by looking down. Once this is mastered then the second level would be sexual eye contact. This is hard to explain in words but it’s basically looking at a girl with your full desire for her being expressed through your eyes. It takes great confidence and nonverbally puts everything out on the table. With sexual eye contact you are still looking into her eyes and should have what’s called “laser eyes” where you maintain eye contact completely. With sexual eye contact even if she looks away your eyes should be focused on hers, this is not staring or being creepy about it though and can often be misinterpreted through writing. Best way to learn this is by watching movies and observing the actors eyes before he kisses the girl or even better going out in field and observing a natural. When you see a natural with a girl watch the way he looks at her and see if you can tell his strong sexual intent for her just from his eyes, if you can then you’re seeing it done right.

4. Light Kino

Many guys in field have one of the two problems. Either they can’t muster the courage to even touch a girl in any way or else they are incredibly aggressive and creep the girl out with uncomfortable kino. If you’re the first you MUST get over this and begin touching the girl. You should actually be touching not just her but everyone, even guys! Pats on the shoulder, elbow touches, light hand holds, upper back and the such. Basically if a guy can’t get light touch going how in the world does he expect to get sexual touching going. Also the longer you are in an interaction with a girl and not touching her the more precedent you set for NOT touching her and when you finally do it will be much more awkward and uncomfortable. This doesn’t mean you have to touch RIGHT from the approach, although you can, but definitely within the first 2-3 minutes.

For the aggressive guy just tone it down. This guy is definitely better then the first but women will often find you creepy. The reason for aggressive touching early on is either being drunk, way to sexual and horny, or trying to be “alpha”. If it’s the first then drink less or not at all. If it’s the second then really just try and control yourself, keep in mind that if you control yourself now you’ll be able to get all the touching you want later. For the third guy he needs to get over the idea of being so “alpha” and tone it down, if your aggressive kino hasn’t been working why not try it another way?

5. Vibing

This is basically being able to hold a normal and pleasant conversation without any motive. Can you talk with a girl comfortably about anything and engage in what is called “fluff talk”? If not then even though you have all these cool attraction routines and interesting stories she’ll become uncomfortable with you or else never see you as a real person. Vibing helps build familiarity and is a way to show that you’re normal (see number 6). Point blank if you can’t talk to a girl normally then how do you expect to talk to her in a way that makes her attracted to you? To practice this begin conversations with everyone and see how long you can keep it flowing while talking about every day things. Chances are though you already know how to vibe. Think of your conversations with your best friend or family member, pretty easy going and normal without an agenda. The idea is to duplicate that with a stranger and the best way I’ve seen is by assuming rapport and just talking to her as relaxed as possible without any investment or care in the interaction.

6. Being NORMAL

This is the hardest to teach for those trying to learn. Many guys who come into this community without having the average fundamental social skills and then begin learning advanced attraction material which makes them weird. No matter how much theory or routines you know if you can’t be normal with a girl she will see through you and want nothing to do with you. Some weirdness is OK though and shows individuality…it can be cute quirks to a personality. However for the most part you want to be a normal fun guy. Without that as the backbone of your game then NOTHING will work. The best way to develop being normal is to engage in a bunch of different activities so that you’re thrown in social settings. Also developing social circles is EXTREMELY useful. You should have social circles of normal cool guys (not the D&D buddies sorry) as well as social circles of attractive girls. It’s OK to be in the friend zone, you WANT female friends. You will not become normal though by spending all your time discussing game with community guys or have the only idea of social interactions be from your nights of sarging.  Also developing a sense of humor and being aware of social feedback will help tremendously.

Alright so those are the fundamentals and I suggest everyone, no matter what your skill level is, to look into at least one of these things and try and improve it. These are all seriously the frames that hold up your game and if one should weaken due to lack of attention or development then it will all come down.

-Jarett aka Psych

Dreamweaver – Rest In Peace

I write this post with a heavy heart.  One of my good friends from the community, Dreamweaver, passed away this morning after a long battle with Brain Cancer.

Dreamweaver (or Seth, as his friends knew him) was at the very first pick-up workshop I ever took.  He was young, good-looking, funny, and full of life and energy.  When his brain tumor was discovered, it was a shock to everyone.

Despite the odds, Dreamweaver lived longer than all the doctors expected, and during that time, he fulfilled his goal of directing a feature film, and he was working on a new film based on his experiences in the seduction community when he passed away.

Whenever I saw Seth, he was always in good humor about his condition, even after brain surgery which permanently disfigured his head, and harsh chemo therapy which ravaged his skin, he was always someone who was quick to joke and cheer people up around him, when we should have been the ones to try and make him feel better.

Dreamweaver also played an important role in Neil Strauss’s book, the Game.  He was someone everyone in the Project Hollywood era knew and admired, and I was lucky enough to consider him a friend.

My prayers go out to his family at this difficult time.  I’m told his final hours were quite traumatic for those who cared for him, especially his mother and his girlfriend.

I hope those of you who knew Seth will take a moment and offer him and his family your best wishes in this trying time.

Farewell, Seth.  You will be missed.

Stephane & Ideagasms – Threats, Lies, & Craziness…

Okay, back in September I posted a little thread about how crazy Stephane has become and the meltdown he experienced after Ghita finally got away from the guy.  As of this writing, that was 5 MONTHS AGO.  Since then, I have given very little thought to that post, and have not posted anything about it until now.  It seems that even though that silly little post is old news to me, Stephane is still obsessing over it.

I’ve recently been getting very strange emails from the guy.  The tone of them is wildly schizophrenic.  He’ll refer to me as “his enemy” in one sentence, and then practically beg me to take down my blog post in the next.

Him and his “wife” (I didn’t even know the guy was married) have made a concerted effort to try and contact people affiliated with me and get them to stop “promoting” my website in an effort to destroy me.

Not only that, they’ve been trying their best to “defame” me and my business where-ever they can, including this very blog.  Stephane whines I’m not letting him share “his side” of the story, even though I don’t edit any replies made to my postings.

Whatever.  I really don’t care.  Better men than Stephane have come after me, and failed.  They can do what they want to try and “defeat” me or whatever.  I know they’ll fail.  Why?  Because they did not make me succeed, so they can’t take away anything I’ve earned through my own hard work – no matter how much they lie about me.  I’m used to people lying about me and defaming me.  It comes with the territory I guess.

So I’d have never bothered to blog about this loser again – except for the fact that now I’m getting reports that he’s threatening OTHER bloggers out there who picked up on how crazy he is.

Lots of reports about crazy, threatening emails and even phone calls threatening to come over to their houses with a crew of thugs – all because people are posting… the truth?

Stephaker has literally lost his mind.

If this is the way he operates, the guy deserves to go out of business, if you ask me.  Attacking me is one thing, but attacking OTHER people?  That’s inexcusable.  Stephaker now has the distinction of being just as bad as Ross Jeffries, which is saying a lot – considering how evil MINE’99 is.

I would encourage everyone out there – IGNORE anything and everything this Stephane guy does.  His threats are empty.  Do not let “fear” keep you from speaking out about him.  Steve Piccus, just the other day, told me something very sage:  The blog is mightier than the fraud.  I’m convinced Stephane is an unstable, habitual LIAR, and the only way to stop a liar is to reveal the truth and never let him bully you.

Please put this lunatic in the same category as every other sociopath out there.  Do not read his emails, do not respond to his posts, and do not give him any money.  Just make him go away – for good.  The guy can always get a job at McDonalds.

Ghita learned that once she got away from this guy, life was good.  Life can be good for all of us if we just ignore this crazy and get on with our lives.  So don’t let him bully you!  Stand up against him, and tell him to Fuck Off.

A real sound “inner game/spiritual guru” would not resort to threating people in such petty ways.  Shame on you Stephane.

An Approach to Approach Anxiety

Hey Guys,

For the new year I thought I’d tackle one of the first problems people experience within game and slowly move through the topics throughout the rest of 2009.

Are you afraid of approaching someone you like through a fear of rejection?

Do you get that horrible feeling in your stomach and begin to formulate 100 reasons why someone wouldn’t want to talk to you?

This is a lot more common than you would believe. There are a number of different products out there which will supposedly “fix” the fear of approaching strangers, especially ones you are attracted to. However, few of them take the time to understand why we have that fear in the first place. If you understand why you have this fear or anxiety, you can take steps to counter it. This is probably the biggest topic when it comes to understanding attraction. Well, that is to say, it is the one that most people have the biggest problem with. I constantly receive the same excuses time and time again when it comes to this subject.

1) I’m scared of approaching

2) I have a fear of rejection

3) They aren’t in the mood to be spoken to

4) She won’t think I look good enough

5) I can’t meet people in a park/cinema/night club

6) I’m not good enough for him/her

7) There’s no point, it won’t work

These are probably the most common reasons I am given as to why someone can’t approach, or the feeling that is preventing them from approaching. The fact that these are so prevalent is because they are all based on very real psychological factors to do with learning and behaviour.

Anxiety is defined by Seligman, Walker and Rosenhan (2001) as a physiological state characterized by cognitive, somatic, emotional, and behavioral components. These factors essentially make up the feelings that we experience as fear, apprehension, and worry.

There are some physical sensations that you will probably be aware of such as heart palpitations, nausea, chest pain, shortness of breath, sweaty palms, shaking and perhaps headaches. These may be common to you. Some people will disguise these by making a decision not to approach. This will relieve the sensations and instead leave a sort of “numbness” to the situation.

Sigmund Freud himself believed that these anxious feelings were created by an association between a past negative experience and the current situation. These associations are often false and not related through causality – the idea that one situation directly affects another, but through correlation – one thing “tends to affect another over repeated attempts.”

When people begin to see this correlation as a fact, it is commonly referred to as “Magical Thinking.”

There are two governing principles behind magical thinking. The first is the law of similarity which is the notion that things that resemble each other are casually connected in some way that defies scientific testing.

 

For example:

Here people will typically see vertical columns of squares and circles as opposed to horizontal mixed rows of squares and circles.

The second law is the law of contagion which is the belief that “things that have been in physical contact or in spatial or temporal association with other things retain a connection after they are separated.” Contagion effects have been noted to be more effective with negative associations than with positive ones. This is probably best explained by the notion of getting “bad luck” or having a bad time every time you go to a specific venue.

Freud believed that the anxiety or fear was maintained through a form operant conditioning. Essentially the feeling of anxiety is reinforced every time you are in a similar situation. You then “learn” to remove the negative feeling of anxiety by not approaching. These connections of patterns, or “magical thinking,” are common throughout all the human societies across the world. The human brain is adept at forming these patterns, though we do not have a particularly good system for distinguishing between real and perceived connections. Theoretically this is due to a simple survival tactic. If we notice rustling behind a bush it is better for us to assume it is some form of threat and begin to prep our bodies to defend ourselves rather than ignore it and risk being eaten.

Our fear or anxiety response is actually designed to help us survive in a fight or flight scenario. Believe it or not the symptoms detailed earlier are all beneficial to us in times of survival. Perspiration occurs to help cool us down, heart rate increases to improve blood circulation and muscles tighten as they are filled with oxygen in preparation for use. Unfortunately these are not particularly beneficial when we are looking for something witty to say during a conversation with someone.

In short we learn the fear through a number of negative experiences and then reinforce them by not doing anything about it. The bodies natural reaction towards a fearful situation is the feeling we associate with approach anxiety or the fear of the approach. The way to overcome this is to reverse the learning.

All of the common problems detailed above can be directly related to either “magical thinking” in the form of a false belief that failure is almost certain due to some form of connection to a previous situation that failed. Or pure fear learnt and reinforced by not approaching. These are both forms of self fulfilled prophecy i.e. Unless you actively do something to fix it they will continue to support themselves. The good news is that this problem is far from unfixable.

The bad news is that it does take time. The easiest way to fix this is to actually go out and meet new people. The problem is that when you do this, any negative experience you receive is likely to reinforce the previous attitude or fear you had before. As I’ve mentioned before one of the easiest ways to get around this is to simply meet people for the sake of meeting people.

Most of us are actually more than happy to talk to other people, especially on boring long journeys, or when waiting in a long queue. Get used to talking to absolutely everybody, male or female, young and old. This should help you generate a great deal of positive responses to your approaches and help curb some of those negative connections.

 

I hope this helps guys,

Adam Lyons

(AFC Adam)

The Top 10 Pick Up Artists Of 2008

Welcome one and all to the Top 10 list of best Pick Up Artists for the year 2008!

2008 was a strange year – for me personally, and for a lot of others, I think.  In many ways, I’m glad the year is over.  But regardless of how good of a year it was, there were many people in the seduction community who continued to rise above petty squabbles and drama and actually help other men improve their lives and their success with women, and this list is a CELEBRATION of those men, who have helped others throughout the past year.

For those of you new to the list, let me explain how the rankings work.  It becomes very easy to get “caught up” in the hype of certain personalities, so I try and rank the Top 10 based on a number of criteria, which I believe must be present to be considered a good “PUA.”  So all of this years winners were ranked based on:

1.  In-Field Performance.  This is basically the skills the PUA displays in the field with women.  Most Top 10s deal with this factor exclusively, but I’ve found that just looking at a guy’s in-field performance can be misleading, since people have off-nights or can get lucky.  That said, their ability to use the techniques in field repeatedly and consistently to get results is a big, big factor in the ranking process.

2.  Innovations.  This is what new outlook or techniques the PUA brings to the table.  It’s easy for any new guy to get good using Mystery Method or any other school of seduction, but then again, that stuff is designed to work!  So being innovative and bringing a new twist, spin, philosophy, technique, or whatever to the mix is also a big deal, because that means the PUA actually has something to contribute to his students and the community as a whole that no one else does.

3.  Teaching Ability.  This is how effectively the PUA can teach what he does to other people, and have them get similar results.  This is another important factor, because it weeds out the people who are just the lucky naturals, and finds the PUAs who have something to offer humanity as a whole.  After all, I don’t care if a guy gets laid a lot.  I care if that guy can get ME laid a lot – and I think the same is true for you.  That is why I factor in the PUA’s ability to teach others into the ranking.

4.  Contributions To The Community.  This is a measure of how much the PUA “gives back” to others in the seduction community.  This factor is all about the PUA’s willingness to help others, the knowledge and experience he’s willing to share, and the compassion he shows to those who need help.  Too many PUAs look down on people not as successful with women as they are, and that’s not what the seduction community is about, so giving back to it should play a factor, in my opinion.

5.  Philosophy.  This comes down to the PUA’s outlook on life, women, and other men in general.  It’s about how they live their lives, and whether they’re consistent with it.  Some PUAs spout great philosophy, but don’t really believe in it or practice it.  But it’s that core foundations which will influence their students, so I believe this is important in factoring the rankings.

6.  Likability.  One of the things I base my ranking on is whether I actually like the PUA or not.  This is a subjective thing, but I feel its important, because there’s usually a reason I don’t like someone, and that reason has to do with them being a fake, fraud, evil bastard, or what have you.  I like to think I have a fairly decent “B.S. Radar,” so when I meet a PUA in person, I can usually tell if they are legit or not after getting to know them, which is why I tend to rank PUAs I have actually met in real life.  If I haven’t met them, I need to get good feedback from at least 3 sources I trust to make the decision to rank them in this category.

Okay, so now that you know how I rank the list, let’s get to it! Read more

Top 10 Contest 2008: Best Product

Hey guys,

Great job with the other contests!  We definitely have some winners there.  Remember, I’ll be announcing the winnners TOMORROW, along with the unveiling of the Top 10 PUAs of 2008.

But for now, how about another contest worth $100?

Tell me what you thought was the best product of 2008.  The course you got that changed your life forever!  One caveat is that the product had to have been released during 2008, so nothing from before that – even if its new to you!  Also be sure to include WHY you thought the product was so good, and mention where others can find it.

I may hold off until Sunday to announce the winner of this one since the Top 10 comes out tommorrow, unless of course someone writes a great entry really quickly, in which case I’ll just make the announcement along with the others.

Don’t forget – it is totally possible to win more than one contest!  That means if you enter all three with a good entry, you can get $300!

So be sure to check back tomorrow for the unveiling of the Top 10 list!  I’m sure it will surprise some people.

Top 10 Contest 2008: Best New PUA

Hey guys,

So far, no winners on the Craziest Drama contests.  None of you guys really seem to be putting forth any effort in explaining what the best drama was and why it was so much fun.  I’m looking for PASSION, people!  I’ll be extending all contests deadlines to Friday and announcing the winnners at the same time as the unveiling of the Top 10 list to give people more time to participate.

Today’s contest is who you think the best new PUA on the scene in 2008 was.  You have to give their name, a detailed reason why you think they’re so good, and any links to back up your statements (blog posts, videos showing them doinng their thing, etc.)

Winner of this contest gets… $100!

So if you win both contests, that’s $200 smackers in your pocket.

Top 10 2008 Contest 1: Craziest Drama

Okay guys, Day 1 of our countdown to the Top 10 list this year is an easy one…

What do you think was the craziest community “drama” to happen in 2008?  Please give a *DETAILED* explanation as to why you think it is the craziest, what impact (if any) it had in the community, and what you enjoyed the most about it.

The winner of this contest will get…

$100!

Right out of me own pocket, to spend on whatever you want.

Sound good?

Winner gets announced on Wednesday.  If no one gives me anything good, or no one enters, I’ll just roll the prize money into the next contest.

So get yer butt into the comments thread of this post and start submitting your entries.  Can you submit more than one?  Fo’ sure.  But remember:  You can’t win if you don’t enter!  So if you’re one of those hoity-toity types who wipes his arse with Benjamins, don’t bother entering.

For the rest of you, I look forward to seeing your entries!

I’m Baaaa-aaack…

S’up party people.

In case you didn’t notice, I took a little “mental health” break from the blog for a few months.  Just needed some time to unwind and have fun instead of dealing with people who wanna hate on me and threaten lawsuits and the like.

I wanna apologize to those of you who liked my Pick Up Artists Recaps.  I had tivoed all the episodes with the intent of doing recaps, but honestly, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.  I really, really, REALLY did not enjoy this season and it was a great deal of effort to sit there and make up masturbating serial killer jokes – something which just simply should NOT be work… ever.

Maybe if I’m feeling really masochistic some day, I’ll download the eps I missed on iTunes and recap them then.  But otherwise, I’m going to have to stop.

One thing I will NOT stop, however, is my TOP 10 PUA LIST.

I usually release the list on New Years Eve/Day, at least traditionally, but I found myself in a situation this year where I was without internet for a good week and a half, so I was not able to post this year’s rankings.

But I will, in fact, be posting the 2008 list THIS FRIDAY, January 9th.

Why this Friday?  So I can spend some time this week giving away the obligatory fan-fare prizes that go along with the unveiling of the list!  Duh.

As always, prizes will be dispensed based on Blog Participation, so you’ll want to check in every day leading up to Friday to see what the new contest is.

This year I’ll be giving away mostly money, since it’s too much of a hassle to deliver prizes and crap to people.  So I hope you guys out there are a fan of cash!  Because this year, I’m gonna be giving away a LOT of it.  Savvy?

So let’s get started with the TOP 10 COUNTDOWN, BABY!!!!

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