How To Escape Being “Friended”

February 12, 2010 by  
Filed under Tips & Tricks

A poster named Regal had a great tip on mASF about avoiding having a girl “Friend” you when you’re trying to get sexual with her.

Regal writes:

I’ve never really been the kind of guy who got the “Let’s just be friends” speech — I’m typically too aggressive / inconsiderate to realistically be considered “friends” material by women.

That said, I’ll hear it occassionally if I’m escalating with a girl who’s trying to resist me — maybe she wants to slow things down because she likes me as a boyfriend, or maybe she’s in a committed relationship or has reservations about me for some other reason or she just hasn’t decided she’s ready to sleep with me yet.

When you get something like, “Maybe it’s better if we’re just friends,” or, “I think you’d make a good friend,” there’s one easy, powerful statement you can make to shut that down and communicate your intentions:

“I don’t want to be your friend.”

Say it with a half-smile and bedroom eyes… and be sexy about it.

Nice guys won’t use this line, because they’re too scared to risk losing the girl in question from their lives by telling her they don’t want to be her friend. “Oh no, if I tell her I don’t want her as a friend, she’ll leave me!” they think. Then, they keep her as a friend while she sleeps with some other, stronger man.

When you tell her this, you instantly show her you’re not one of those guys.

Another reason it’s a strong statement is that it makes it clear what you DO want; if you’re spending time with her, touching her, laughing with her, but you don’t want to be her friend, there’s only one other thing you CAN be.

And you also force her to make a choice. She knows now that you’re not going to be her friend. She also knows that it’s your intention to sleep with her. If she chooses to stay with you, she’s accepting your advances. So, in making this statement, you force her to make a conscious decision to accept your advances. And since the force of inertia means it’s a lot easier for her to stay and accept it than fight it and leave, unless she hates your guts she’s not going to go.

Obviously, this won’t work if she doesn’t actually LIKE you… but if you’re sexy and you’re doing what you should be doing, this is a strong statement that swats objections out of the way and ramps up her attraction for you. It’s lain along the path to a few lays for me, and I don’t hear this objection a whole lot.

Next time you do, give it a try…

I couldn’t agree with this more.  Too often, guys allow the girl they are with to set the frame.  When she says she just “wants to be friends,” most guys accept that as being true and try to deal with it.  What Regal is suggesting here is totally dismissing the premise of that frame entirely and having her choose to accept your frame or not.

Good stuff.

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3 Responses to “How To Escape Being “Friended””
  1. Gabriel Landergren says:

    This information is mildly usefull for someone just starting to learn of these matters. However, it is PATHETIC and UNDIGNIFIED to ever say something like “if I’m escalating with a girl who’s trying to resist me” -”or maybe she’s in a committed relationship”. This approach to dating and relationships is boyish and does not work. Forget the women who are trying to resist you already! There are ever abundant opportunities to be with a woman who is single, available, and showing interests in suiters and male pursuers. Further, a man who continues to purse a woman for a second once he finds out she is in a relationship is not yet a true man. Your game is FUCT and so are you! Good job! Good luck son!~

  2. I quite like this post. I think the real message here as that a real man is strong enough to just be honest. Many guys would go with the friend thing, even though that’s not what they want. It takes strength to be honest and go for what you want.

    @Gabriel- A closed mind is the most expensive thing any of us can ever own. Your entitled to your own opinions of course, but that kind of negative outlook and limiting perceptions can’t be helpful in your life.

    David Hart

  3. I’d like to add my own two cents here…

    If you’ve got some skills in the dating game, then by all means: go ahead and accept the challenge if a woman you’re interested in turns out to be in a relationship. I like challenges.

    However, the biggest mistake men make when they approach a woman who’s in a relationship is… talking down. Sooner or later, they’ll try to get a woman to compare them to the bf, when she had a fight with him they complain about him, and so on.

    In doing that, you show insecurity because you come across like you fear his “power” over her because you constantly try to fight it. What I do is the complete opposite: I’m literally being the bigger man.

    If she had a fight with him? I’ll accept her complaints but I’ll defend the dude here and there, I compliment him, if she doesn’t get him I’ll give advice… why?

    It shows confidence, but I’m consistently being more dominant. She feels low and hates his guts, I tell her (= being dominant) that he’s not that bad, I’ll give advice (advice comes from an authority figure = dominant).

    Because from the very first moment onward, I put women in the friend zone and call them friends although we do everything that friends don’t do. The result: they start to chase me.

    In short: every other guy is trying to get them, have them, impress them… and me? I’m being me, I don’t care, I don’t chase… but I DO build attraction.

    And that makes me the 1 man that they need to work for, therefore… they start to chase me… so do some reverse engineering. Put women in the friend zone.

    That seriously works too: if you really ARE friends, you can get them to introduce you to their friends. Then it’s one that gives you access to many, so… its losing the battle to win the war.

    To More Dating Success,

    Dennis Miedema
    Win With Women

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