The Bar And Club Paradox
August 14, 2007 by Thundercat
Filed under Rants & Reviews
Okay, I got something I gotta get off my chest, and I think because of Mystery’s new reality show, it’s more important than ever.
A lot of guys in the community base all their exposure to women around bar and club sarging.
I see it all the time on message boards and emails I get from people. It’s always about rolling into a club, and using openers and routines to meet women.
But there is a problem here.
A BIG problem.
And that problem is that bars and clubs are probably the worst places to meet women and experience real SUCCESS with them.
Seriously. Sometimes you can meet great girls at a bar or club, but it takes an awful lot of work to do so, and it’s very inconsistent.
But for some reason, so many community guys have it in their heads that bars and clubs are the places to go to get chicks.
But they’re not. I think because so many workshops take place in the bar/club environment, former students and other wanna-be PUAs are thinking that they need to go to these places to get a girl.
Understand: Bars and Clubs are GREAT places to practice meeting women, but they are poor places for actually GETTING women.
And that, my friends, is the great Bar And Club Paradox. (Henceforth known as BACP – yes, I am staking a claim to my very own acronym.)
Let me tell you – if you are a shy guy, or a guy who’s inexperienced with women – then by all means, you MUST go to a bar or club to practice your skills. Nowhere else will you be able to hit so many targets in a relatively good amount of time. To me, bars and clubs are like the practice field for football. You don’t play in the stadium until the game starts.
Real bar and club pickups happen at a MUCH higher skill lever than most newbies can handle. But getting over initial fears of approaching and anxiety are best done in that environment.
However, meeting great women you can actually have relationships happens OUTSIDE the bars and clubs. And not enough guys in the community are focusing on that, in my opinion.
And when that happens, they get stuck in a rut, getting phone numbers from club girls, but nothing more. Before long they get frustrated and revert back to their old ways.
But there are so many better venues for picking up women than the bar/club scene. And you actually are able to find much more stable, non-crazy women outside of your typical bar or club.
So the moral of the BACP: Practice your skills in bars and clubs, but do not rely on them to get quality dates with women.
Meeting women outside bars and clubs gets you much better success rates. We’re talking less flakes on phone calls and dates. Better quality girls. Better experiences. And most of all – WAY more sex!
So if you’re focusing all your energy on clubs and bars, you need to step back and add in a few more venues to your pick-up arsenal.
CharlesLip on 
DavidLop on 
DavidLop on 
DavidLop on 
CndyAmelt on 
“Real bar and club pickups happen at a MUCH higher skill lever than most newbies can handle.”
Super Saijin 3???
Depends what you’re looking for. Sometimes I just want a ONS, and bars/clubs are the best places to meet women who just want to hook up.
So YOU invented this concept? LOL. What r u…Mine2007?
This whole “bars are for practice” line has only been said by every pickup coach over the last few years on mASF. Once they learned that canned routines don’t work.
I agree that if you’re looking for a One Night Stand, bars and clubs are pretty much your only option outside of some dribble like adult friend finder or craigslist.
And I didn’t invent the concept, just laying claim to my awesome new acronym! =)
But I see tons and tons of community guys who continue to go back to bars and clubs time and time again, thinking that’s the place to meet women, and it really isn’t. Watching the Mystery show just reminded me of that. We get trained in the clubs, but we never seem to want to leave them. Not healthy!
Thundercat
For anyone reading Thundercat’s blog, you’ll know why TC can’t pull girls in clubs and bars once you meet him in person.
Thundercat, and I mean this as tough love, let me tell you, your results at bars and clubs will improve dramatically once you stop making hourly runs to Krispy Kreme.
Also, try to invest 20 bucks a month in a gym membership.
Playah
Fcuk, TC makes a solid post about bars/clubs and all he gets is negative wankers sounding off. He writes about drama-bs with Mystery and his comment count explodes.
Wankers.
Anyway, TC really liked the post. I’ve been going to clubs down here about 3x a week and it gets oldddddd man.
Got me inspired to hit the malls, coffeeshops, and bookstores! loll
Fuck Malls Coffeeshops and Bookstores.
CRAP
All of it.
You should try taking Yoga classes or maybe Dance Classes or just hit up any local festivals you can find.
Skys the limit.
OK coffeeshops and bookstores and malls are ok too, but my point is be creative. How about College Campuses? You have to think. Where do Women Go?
Most of my successes are not from Clubs, however its not to say that clubs are crap. One of my wings has great success playing the clubs. It depends on where you feel comfortable and where you find your groove.
It’s not just about, “where do women go”. The greatest chances for success are going to be to go where you’re comfortable. If you’re comfortable in bars and clubs, look for women there; if you like reading, look for women in bookstores; if you like working out, look for women in gyms. Not only will you be in your comfort zone, which is an advantage, but you’ll have the extra advantage of something in common to talk about.
No its totally about where women go. IF comfort has anything to do with it it should simply be having the ability to push out of your comfort zone. If you are too comfortable in one venue and not in another go to the ones that you arent comfortable in As Well As the ones you are. Work em all.
Dont limit your Venues. You have to be willing and able to be on at ALL times and not be selective about where you’re sarging.
The chances of success with QUALITY women, the ones you REALLY want are not going to usually be where you expect them to be EVER.
You have to be ready. If you get used to going to the places where women go you can learn to feel comfortable around them, make friends or sarge them, learn how they act, learn other things from them.
Thing is, when you see that chick you want who isnt some bar trash (nothing against bar chicks cuz I love em too) shes gonna be out and about and since you took the time to go where women are you wont even come across as the least bit odd opening a conversation with her. She will sense it. Youre a guy whos used to being around women. Heck you might even have one of those friends of yours from the dance class with you and BAM! you’re Social Proof is OVER.
So you can stay safe inside your comfort zone and feel good knowing that you have the best chances picking up the limited amount of women you come across in your limited choice of venues, or you can get out and find the women and be ready anywhere at all times.
Im simply saying when you see THAT chick, the one you dream about or imagine and you realise OH SHIT, Im not in the club, this is a GAS STATION, are you gonna say to yourself, “Shit. I can’t sarge her here, Im not comfortable.” or are you gonna get past all that AFC garbage and say, “Here is as good as any place.”
Choice is yours.
I see your point of always being ready. Maybe my advice is more for beginners. I still think your best chance for success is going to be where you’re comfortable. Once you build a little confidence, then push out of that zone.
Comfort does have a factor to play in approaching women, sure, but my point of the post was this:
Many guys think the only place to go pick up is a bar or club, and there are better places to do so.
Like you said, the gym works. Creative places like festivals or whatever is good to. Social Circles work great! There are many different options available to us, and yet, many guys just focus on bars and clubs.
Now, I’m not saying bars and clubs are bad. I enjoy the occasional bar and club romp. But to me, going to a bar or club for straight pick-up purposes is extremely difficult. Not only are you dealing with loud music, cigarette smoke, and lots of male competition, you also have female obstacles trying to cockblock you constantly and very high bitch shields.
I just want guys to know that there is life outside of the bar/club scene, and not to get too hung up on going to a bar/club every time they want to meet a girl.
Thundercat
“Now, I’m not saying bars and clubs are bad. I enjoy the occasional bar and club romp. But to me, going to a bar or club for straight pick-up purposes is extremely difficult. Not only are you dealing with loud music, cigarette smoke, and lots of male competition, you also have female obstacles trying to cockblock you constantly and very high bitch shields.”
Dude, that’s because you are FAT. Lose some weight and see if your results don’t improve.
“Now, I’m not saying bars and clubs are bad. I enjoy the occasional bar and club romp. But to me, going to a bar or club for straight pick-up purposes is extremely difficult. Not only are you dealing with loud music, cigarette smoke, and lots of male competition, you also have female obstacles trying to cockblock you constantly and very high bitch shields.”
Dude, that’s because you are FAT. Lose some weight and see if your results don’t improve.
Um… okay…
Any thin guy reading this who’s ever found bars or clubs difficult venues to pick up in, gain 200 pounds so you have a legitimate excuse to feel that way now.
Thank you,
Thundercat