Cocky/Funny and Good Looking Guys?

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**Reposted from the first Lair, original date: 12/19/03

There was an excellent post on the PLAY list asking a question which is a very good one. Basically, the guy who posted said that he’s a good looking guy, but that he seems to hurt his pick-ups with being too cocky and not funny enough. He then goes on to ask the question: What is the proper way to use cocky/funny?

For those of you who might not know, cocky/funny is the primary theory behind David DeAngelo’s Double Your Dating material. His theory is that by projecting a cocky attitude while being funny, you can up your success with attracting women. I know Mystery likes to say he disagrees with this in a slight way, because he thinks it should be more cocky/playful than cocky/funny. However, I tend to disagree with both. I believe that ALL COCKY can be much more powerful.

Why is that? Well, to me, being cocky does so many things initially that will help you in your seduction. The first thing is that cockiness is a way of prizing yourself. You put other people in a position where they are inferior to you when you are being cocky, which naturally leads to them qualifying themselves. Cockiness also sets a powerful frame, which is always the most important thing in a sarge. When you control the frame, its your reality that the girl is sucked into, and she becomes beholdant to it. Thirdly, you are also putting yourself in a power position where you can judge others. I think that judging others is probably the most powerful thing you can do, because it makes them qualify themselves and puts you in power.

But if what this guy is saying is true, he’s already being all cocky and its not working for him. Supposedly, this guy looks like a male model, so he can’t understand what’s wrong. The thing about looks is — I have seen good looking guys who are bad with women because they are socially inept. So looks may be important, but usually not as much as most people think.

The trick with being cocky is to not do it in a malicious way. If you come off TOO STRONG with being cocky, you are going to drive people away from you. Cockiness is meant to be a way of challenging people and lure them into qualifying themselves to you. It comes down to ABJ — Always Be Judging. If you’re self-assured, smart, and judgmental, you can very sneakily get people to fall into your qualification trap (after all, attraction is nothing but an intense need for qualification). However, if you make it so that these people can NEVER get the validation they seek, they will dismiss you as an ass hole and move on. That’s where the “funny” or “playful” part comes in, but you don’t necessarily need to do either to qualify the other person. There are different ways to do that, but both work.

So looks have nothing to do with whether or not cocky/funny works. Rather, its the way in which you present the frame that determines whether it works. You have to be inviting and detached, not closed off and sarcastic. For instance, if you were to say to a girl:

“I don’t like you. You’re annoying. Go away.”

What would happen? Well, it depends on how you say it. If you say it seriously and forcefully, it will come across like you REALLY don’t like her, you REALLY think she’s annoying, and you REALLY want her to go away. By the same token, if you tell her the exact same line, but do so with a smirk and a subtle wink in a way where she can’t tell if you’re being serious or not, she’s not going to know if you mean what you say or are playing with her. So she’ll be more likely to stick around and try to find out, and then BOOM! You got her.

If you watch a natural or a regular ass-hole work, you’ll often see this. They don’t really care if they get the girl or not, so they can be cocky, but are congruent with the way they present themselves and usually succeed in sucking people into their frame.

So, long answer short: Cocky/Funny will always work, no matter how you look. You just need to do it right.

If the guy who posted that reads this, you gotta work on your presentation and delivery. That’s the bare bones of the matter and where I think your problem may lie.

If you happen to be a good looking guy, the best PUA to study in my opinion would be Sickboy. He actually IS a male model, but his game is very effective because he has no ego about himself. But he does have an understanding of attraction and qualification. You might want to try searching for him on mASF or hunt down his Interview Transcript in the PLAY archives. Its definitely worth a read.

Sarge on,

Thundercat

It Begins…

**Reposted from the first Lair, original date: 12/16/03

Mwuahahahahahahahaa!

It seems the revolution has begun. Well, only if you redefine revolution as “shit nobody cares about.” Maybe I’m being a bit hard on myself, I guess some people care — Hi mom!

Anyway, for those of you who don’t know me, my name is Thundercat. Well, that’s not my Christian name mind you. My mother and father did not play some cruel joke on me as a child and name me after some Saturday Morning Cartoon show. Actually, that’s my handle. Yes, in the comfy anonymous blanket of cyberspace, I am known as THUNDERCAT. A handle I picked for myself once I entered a little subculture known as “The Seduction Community.”

The Seduction Community is basically a group of guys ranging from hopeless losers to incredibly successful and cool men who have all come together for one purpose — to learn how to meet, attract, and fuck women.

Yes, that’s right. There are actually groups of guys who are studying how to do this, and I’m one of them.

A little background on myself: I’ve been in “the game” (yes, that’s what its actually referred to as) since 1998. I was a sophomore in college at the time, and pretty much the most pathetic loser you’ve ever met. I was upwards of 300 lbs, with knappy ass hair, horrible acne, and the most bitter and angry attitude you can imagine. One Friday night, I ordered a Papa John’s pizza and sat around watching reruns of Threes Company on Nick-At-Night while my frat boy room mate went out partying with some of the hottest chicks I’d ever seen in my life.

So there I was, 300 lbs, a piece of pizza in one hand and my cock in the other as I jerked off to Suzan Summers back when she was somewhat hot, and it was at that point I had an epiphany…

I needed to kill myself.

No, this wasn’t just some passing fancy, like “Gee, maybe I should buy some more milk and maybe kill myself.” This was a very real thought. The whole patheticness of the situation descended upon me like a fat chick doing a belly flop. What I was doing was laughable, and I knew it. I broke down and start to cry, throwing the mother of all tantrums and trashing my dorm room in a blind fit of rage. After it was all over and I was sobbing quietly in the corner, I knew I had only two options available to me:

1. Really kill myself.
2. Get laid.

Now, there were good arguments for both options at the time. But for some reason the second seemed more attractive. I figured if I could get my dick wet, maybe even get a girlfriend, my life wouldn’t suck so much. However, if I actually knew how to accomplish this task I wouldn’t be in this predicament in the first place.

So I went online and looked up “dating” on yahoo. Nothing really helpful popped up. Then I tried typing in “seduction.” Boom. A hit. Right before my eyes came up two simple words: “Speed Seduction.” A system created by Ross Jeffries that teaches guys how to seduce women using Neuro-Linguistic Programming (ie: hypnosis) to mind fuck them into sleeping with you. It was an interesting concept, and I was desperate, so I spent my last $250 from my summer job and bought the fuckin’ Basic Home Seduction course.

From that point on, I was a loyal speed seducer, diligently studying the BHSC, telling girls they were “shining examples of genetic perfection,” and buying many other products such as — The Unstoppable Confidence Tapes, The Methods and Masters CDs, and Bishop’s Journal.

From ’98 on, I studied SS in a vacuum. I was too ashamed to tell my friends I was trying to learn how to hypnotize chicks into wetting my man-worm, so it was my dirty little secret until I got out of college and moved to LA in 2002. It was then that I started the Los Angeles Speed Seduction Lair due to the prompting of my friend Brother Kermit, a fellow Speed Seducer I met on the SS Email list who had been mentoring me in the creepy art of seduction. He was very involved in the Montreal lair and suggested I meet other bros in the community who could help my game.

So I started the Lair in LA. It was a rough going, since LA was so spread out and attendance erratic. But I did make some good solid friendships out of it, and I guess my name started spreading around. Anyway, around this time one of my lair members informed me of a new club in Los Angeles called PLAY (Players Los Angeles Yahoo group). It was basically the same thing as my lair, only it covered ALL forms of seduction and pick-up. Interested in attending their meeting, I called up the head of PLAY, an asian dude by the name of Papa.

Papa had heard of me and my work in the LA Lair, so he invited me to attend the LA Mystery Method Workshop for free as a guest. Interested in the prospect of seeing something new and fresh, I decided to attend. I had heard of Mystery from fastseduction.com, but was not aware he taught actual in field workshops.

The attending of the MM Workshop was a definite changing point in my life. Until that seminal event, I was steeped in an SS mindset, one which I am convinced helped me conquer my inner game, but prevented me from increasing my outer game. Mystery Method was a very “shit or get off the pot” style of pick-up. One that is not very conducive to mental masturbation or excuses. You either approach the girl, or you don’t. You either lay her, or you don’t. Period.

Well, thanks to those amazing 3 days of hard core in-field study, I broke through my walk-up barrier and became an approach machine. My newfound ability to talk to women I just met, in addition to my years of study in SS, helped me to very quickly step up my game to a place where I am fairly successful at this point in my life.

I have also met, hung out with, and sarged with some of the best in the community. This includes Swinggcat, Papa, Tyler Durden, Mystery, Style, Craig, Road King, Zan, Maddash, Christophe, Little Big Dick, Orion, Harmless, Clifford, Sick Boy, The One, Dreamweaver, Ross Jeffries, Alphamale, J-Dog, Masterclass, Herbal, 26, Merovingian, and a variety of other people with ridiculous made-up names just like me. =)

My associations with these guys has not only drastically improved my game, but given me incredible insight into this sick, petty, amazing, wonderful, scary, funny, sad, and incredibly fascinating community I’ve become a part of. So much so, that I’ve become a bit of a “celebrity” because of my association with various individuals and e-mail lists where I am usually one of the few posting advice that makes some semblance of sense.

I am also a member of Mystery’s Lounge, an invite-only message board reserved for some of the best of the best when it comes to seduction and pick-up artistry. Through Mystery’s Lounge, I have met some incredible people and made some extraordinary friends. But a while back there was a bit of a dispute on the board, one which I felt destroyed the sense of community that had existed up to that point, and one in which Mystery himself instigated. I voiced my displeasure with his decision, and he reponded back to me with something along the lines of:

“If you want to be in the Alpha crowd, you gotta be alpha. if not, branch off of the lounge and make your own lounge.”

Well, I don’t want to make my own lounge. I really don’t want to deal with the trouble of “competing” with Mystery or ASF or any other online seduction forum. In fact, I could care less what other people think/feel/say about any of this stuff anymore, simply because I realized that the more about this stuff I read, the less I actually learned.

I’ve started THUNDERCAT’S LAIR not to compete with anybody, or prove anybody wrong, or make anybody look like a fool or a fake. Rather, I created it to share my experiences with others in a format where I do not feel like I am subject to other people’s approval in order to advance. What you will see on this site will be my own thoughts, feelings, and experiences and I advance in my never ending quest to get pussy.

I can’t promise you that it will always be interesting, or enlightening, or even helpful. All I can say is that it will be the truth as I see it from my experiences.

That is a promise.

And that is why they call me…

Thundercat