Deconstructing David DeAngelo, Vol. II

Well, the first Deconstruction of David D. stuff seemed to go over well, so I decided to do yet another one.  I think that David D. has a lot of great stuff to be aware of when it comes to picking-up women, especially if you’re a beginner.  I guess these Deconstructions are more for guys who aren’t as advanced in this stuff, but I know that it helps me when I go back and read these newsletters because sometimes its easy to forget the basics.

A Secret Women Know But Men Don’t

By David DeAngelo

I’d like to tell you a story…

It’s a story that you might find strangely familiar. Don’t be alarmed.

Once upon a time, there was a man who was very attracted to a particular woman.

At first, she was just another attractive woman… but the more he got to know her, the more he began to feel attracted to her… and the more time he spent with her, the more that attraction grew into a deep emotional attachment and affection for her.

But there was one problem.

As his emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger, he also grew more and more insecure.

Why?

Because he couldn’t tell whether or not she felt the same way towards him.

I know this has happened to me more than once back in the day.  =)

Sometimes she would say things like "You are so important to me" and "I’m glad that you’re in my life"… but nothing ever progressed past the "friendship" stage.

There was an occasional hug, an occasional kiss on the cheek from her… and once she even held his hand for a long time while he talked about an emotional issue.

But something was wrong with the picture.

She just wasn’t acting like a woman that was "falling in love". She was acting like a friend.

It’s funny how girls do this sort of thing and don’t even know about it.  How guys can interperet the slightest kind of touch or interest from a woman as a sign that she’s attracted to him when in reality he is failing to do pretty much anything that stirs that attraction within her.  I think Mystery says this best when he talks about the different stages of his method, and how if you skip one stage and go to another, you’ve messed up, because there is a series of switches, a process, that you must take the woman through in order to get her to experience what you want.

The insecurity that he felt became a spiral that amplified itself… and the more insecure he became, the more afraid he grew of "screwing things up" by kissing her or asking her to be his girlfriend.

This hits pretty close to home for me, because it pretty much describes most of my "relationships" with women in high school, lol.  It’s funny how some guys will get to a point where there really is nothing to "screw up" in the respect that the girl really isn’t into them in the first place, yet they think that even that little bit of affection they are getting from this chick is so wonderful they don’t want to do anything to lose it, when in fact, that’s probably the one thing they SHOULD be doing if they want to turn things around.

Plus, the more insecure he became, the less time she seemed to want to spend with him.

After spending many days and nights obsessing over this girl, the man finally arrived at the conclusion that if she only knew how HE FELT, that she would feel the same way.

So he made a bold move.

He TOLD HER how he was felt.

He confessed that he was in love, and that he would do anything to be with her.

She looked at him with compassion in her eyes and said "Thank you… I really mean that… but I don’t want to mess up our friendship… you’re too important to me…".

Ow.  Had a couple of rather traumatic flashbacks at that paragraph!  Excuse me while I kill the pain with some sweet, sweet hard liquor.  *glug, glug*

This only confused the man more.

He didn’t know how to take it…

Did it mean that she really loved him too, but that she was afraid of something?

Did it mean that she wasn’t ready for a long-term relationship?

Did it mean that she didn’t love him, but that she was trying to give him a hint?

Did it mean that he hadn’t tried hard enough?

Did it mean that he needed to put everything on the line and REALLY let her know how he felt?

He finally decided that he couldn’t go on like this anymore… he had to be with her.

He had to make sure that she knew just how much he wanted to be with her… so he took a big step, bought her a symbolic gift, and wrote her a long, long letter… again confessing his feelings.

Well, I never went this far with anything, thank God!  But I can certainly relate…

And then the unthinkable happened.

She didn’t reply.

Dude, sucks to be this guy!

He called her three times a day for almost a week before reaching her.

She made an excuse about being very busy, and said "I’ll try to give you a call soon, I have to go"… and hung up…

…but he never got a call back.

Over the following months, the man tried desperately to understand what went wrong… and what happened.

THE END

OK, I’m back.

Now, wasn’t that a sweet story?

Heart warming, huh?

I know, I should keep my day job, and not take up writing romance novels…

Now, let’s talk about that story.

That story is basically a MYTH.

And I’m not talking about FICTION here.

I’m talking about a story that rings true for a great majority of men. A story that is timeless. A story that resonates at a deep level because you can IDENTIFY with it.

Ain’t that the truth.

And why does this particular story resonate for most men?

Because we’ve all been there in one way or another… at one time or another… and many of us have been there OFTEN in our lives.

Another thing that gives this particular story a lot of power is the powerful negative emotions that it stirs… as a result of the powerful negative experiences that it reminds us of…

Stories and situations like this one really FASCINATE me.

They fascinate me because I see them as an opportunity to UNDERSTAND and SOLVE the puzzles that they represent.

In this particular situation I think there is a solution.

And it lies in understanding a secret that women know but MEN DON’T.

And that secret comes down to the reality that if a woman isn’t ATTRACTED to a man, all of his attempts to confess his love, convince her to like him, and court her BACKFIRE.

In other words, they not only DON’T WORK, they actually make things WORSE.

It’s a simple fact, but an important one.  This is one of the things most guys need to be aware of before they take action with a woman — how will what I do affect the underlying meaning of our interaction?  When guys confess their feelings to girls, they give away ALL their power in the relationship and put the burden of that on the woman they feel so much for.  And frankly, the woman doesn’t want that responsibility, so it blows her out and makes her not want to deal with the man, because she now percieves him as weak, as a nuisance.

In other words, the very things that a man does to try to make a woman LIKE HIM make her NOT like him. They make her run.

All those great intentions and emotional dedication actually cause the man feeling them to do things that make her go away.

It sucks.

And I hope that by explaining the process of how this happens to you I’ll help you avoid this painful situation in your own future…

THE "INSTANT EWWW"

I’m always fascinated by the idea that we humans don’t always understand the message that we’re communicating to others…

So often we think that because we WANT to communicate a message that others are going to NATURALLY understand what we’re trying to say.

Have you ever seen a guy in a foreign car that has wheels on it that cost more than the car itself… with his stereo blasting… and a muffler that somehow AMPLIFIES the raw sound of the 4-cylinder motor…?

Have you ever thought to yourself "I don’t think that car is communicating the message to women that he thinks it is"…?

Yea, I have too.

Well here’s the deal:

If you do something to "let a woman know how you feel"… but she isn’t ATTRACTED to you, then it’s going to backfire.

It’s going to trigger a feeling that like to call the "Instant Ewww".

The Instant Ewww is just as powerful as the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION.

Once a woman feels it, YOU’RE DONE.

It’s like the bizarro Attraction.  The Female Sex Drive equivalent of Kryptonite!

It’s over.

It’s like hammering a RAILROAD SPIKE into the coffin.

Once a woman feels the Instant Ewww, she will start behaving differently.

In short, she’ll disappear.

So where did I get the concept of the "Instant Ewww"?

I got it from WOMEN.

I have actually heard SEVERAL women use the word "Ewww" when describing how they felt about a guy that was "confessing his love"… of course, these were guys that weren’t loved in return.

That’s funny, I know exactly what he’s talking about.  Girls love to use that "Ewww."

So what causes the Instant Ewww?

And why would a woman feel it towards a man who was trying to be nice… a guy who was giving her a gift or telling her how he feels?

Because if you think about it from HER perspective, you’ll realize that the moment a you do something to "confess", you have created a TURNING POINT in the relationship.

Up until that point, you were harmless.

I mean, women always know how men feel.

She already knew you wanted her.

She knew it from the beginning.

But now that you’ve started pursuing her and talking about how you feel, you’ve created a NEGATIVE TENSION that is VERY uncomfortable.

I’ve talked about this in the past where I believe there are two types of power that exist between the sexes.  Women have the sexual power, and men have the relationship power.  Men can’t have sex without the women, and women can’t have relationships without the men (this is, of course, discounting all friendships and homosexuality).  So basically every interaction is a barter of these powers.  Men leverage their relationship power to get sex, and women leverage their sexual power to get relationships.  It’s when one of the parties gives up that power too soon that there’s an incongruence that gives one person too much power in the interaction.

When guys give up their relationship power too soon, the woman has no need to persue them, and the sexual tension that is necessary to get the woman attracted to you is DESTROYED, therefor creating the uncomfortable situation that David D. is talking about here.

You’ve triggered an emotion that is repulsive to women. And it does repel them.

In summary…

You can’t "make a woman like you" or "change how she feels about you" by doing nice things for her…

Doing "nice" things for a woman who isn’t attracted to you HURTS you. It backfires. Worse, it creates the "Instant Ewww" feeling that makes it so she’ll NEVER like you.

This is called "supplicating" or "being a wuss" or "metaphorical castration," or whatever you want to call it.  Just remember the sage words of Ferris Beuler: "You can’t respect someone who kisses your ass."

Men make this mistake over and over again in life because they’re doing what MAKES SENSE to them. They’re doing it because they don’t have an understanding of ATTRACTION.

I mean, If you have a friend, and you like them, and you want to make them like you more…and you do some nice thing for them, they will probably like you more.

On the other hand…

If you have a woman that you "like" in a romantic way, and she doesn’t "feel it" for you, and you do something nice for her because you want HER to like you more, it will BACKFIRE… and she will not only NOT like you more, she will most likely distance herself from you.

Guys think that they need to communicate when they like a woman… as if that’s part of the necessary process of getting a girl.

In their minds, it goes like this:

Like her>Tell her you like her>She likes you

Well remember… if you follow this pattern yourself with women who aren’t ATTRACTED to you, then it’s going to BACKFIRE.

If she’s not into you, then it goes like THIS:

She thinks of you as a friend>You tell her you like her>She gets the "Instant Ewwws" and never wants to be around you again…

I also think most guys are LAZY when it comes to this stuff.  They want to do what FEELS right instead of thinking it through.  They give into what is easiest for them to do as opposed to what will WORK.  That, my friends, is the biggest difference between an AFC and a PUA.

THE ANSWER

There are really TWO answers to this problem.

The first answer is what to do if you’re in a situation where you like a particular girl, but you don’t know if she likes you back.

DON’T GET HEAVY WITH HER.

Don’t buy her a big gift and write a love letter…

Don’t send her ten dozen roses to her work with a note that says "From your secret admirer".

Don’t call her three times a day.

And DON’T CONFESS YOUR LOVE for her.

If you want to know how she feels about you, KISS HER (and use "The Kiss Test" that you learned on my website and in my book).

As a rule of thumb, don’t get heavier than HER. Use SIGNALS from her to find out how she feels… and if you don’t know how to read and create those signals, then LEARN.

Asking a woman if she’s interested in your in a romantic way, or if you are "her type" will actually DESTROY the chances that she’ll like you.

Really.

The SECOND answer is to not get into this particular situation in the FIRST PLACE. Avoid it entirely.

And how does one do that?

One does that by creating ATTRACTION from the beginning.

That’s a good point.  If you don’t create attraction/tension right away, as soon as you meet the girl, you’re only making it harder for yourself.

One does that by understanding the dynamics of how and why women have the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION triggered.

One does that by knowing what you’re doing FROM THE BEGINNING.

And what’s the best way to learn THAT skill?

I thought you’d never ask…

The very best way to learn how to make women feel ATTRACTION for you is to get yourself a copy of my eBook, Double Your Dating.

I’ve spent several years now studying the ways that men who are "naturals" communicate using their words, voice tone, and body language that makes them MAGNETIC to women.

And I’ll tell you… it’s not magic.

You don’t have to be rich, handsome, or young.

And you don’t have to be LUCKY.

What you DO have to do is LEARN.

It’s a skill, and I honestly believe that ANY man can learn it if he wants.

But you’re not likely to figure it out by "trial and error". Many of the keys to making women feel ATTRACTION aren’t "obvious" at all.

In fact, many of them make no sense… and they’re the LAST thing you’d do in a particular situation if you didn’t know the SECRETS.

I’m telling you, this book will show you the way. I guarantee that this program will INSTANTLY change how you behave around women.

And it will start getting you results IMMEDIATELY.

The good thing about DYD is that it really is a BEHAVIORAL model of pick-up.  That is, you train yourself to BEHAVE a certain way as opposed to memorizing material, it’s more about incorporating material into your everyday interactions and attitude.  For a lot of guys, it can be the missing link, the key to being a "cool guy" women like to be with.

In addition, I’d also like to invite you to sign up for my free dating tips newsletter.  It’s free, there’s no obligation, I’ll never share your email address with anyone, and you can easily remove yourself anytime with no hassles (and no, I’ll never pull any of these tricks where I send you a bunch of unwanted junk email when you try to remove yourself).  It’s JAM PACKED with dozens and dozens of specific strategies for overcoming fear, approaching women, getting phone numbers and email address from women quickly, great inexpensive or even free date ideas, and advice on how to take things to a "physical" level smoothly and easily.

If you’d like to take your success with women and dating to the next level, and have the kind of success that you’ve always wanted, then go sign up for my free newsletter, get all the details, and check out some great free samples of the eBook located here:

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Free Dating Tips Newsletter And Download eBook •

And I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David DeAngelo

There you go.  Pretty basic stuff, but good none the less.  If you’re just starting out with getting your love life under control and are looking to buy a product, I highly recommend you start out with Double Your Dating.  It’s a great "basic" skillset that you can build off of with every other system out there.  Also, if you buy it through my site, I get a comission (cha-ching! =).  And any money I make helps me keep this site running, so "help a brother out!"  If you’re going to buy it, buy it through here.