From “Best Friend” To “Girlfriend.”

October 3, 2011 by  
Filed under Tips & Tricks

Sleeker2610 over on the PUAForums writes an incredibly awkwardly phrased question, that actually addresses an issue lots of guys struggle with:  turning that girl “friend” into a “girlfriend.”

Sleeker2610 writes:

Hi I want to ask for help in my situation because I fall in love with my best girl friend. I know she likes me very much because even if I said her I fall in love with her she accepted a date with me but she still cannot switch me from position of her best male friend to boyfriend :/ . So here is the thing I just have to bring her to swap me from friend zone to eventual boyfriend and its done but I dont know how :/. She is okay even when we hang out alone together she allow me to sleep with her and hugging her during that time and she likes it . I don´t know what more to say if you need more informations just ask about them I will answer them ASAP.

Okay, so I guess now would be a good time to go over how exactly one manages to “escape the friend zone” and actually turn that female friend of yours into something more…

First of all, know this – if a girl is friends with you, it means she likes you.  However, being friends with you also means that she likes you, but isn’t attracted enough to you to want to be anything more than just friends.  Any couple I know of who was “friends first” and later turned into something more always had a certain level of attraction there between the two before they became friends.  So, to move out of the friend zone, you need to establish an attraction with the girl you’re friends with.

I go really in-depth about this process in my course The Art Of Approaching (so much so that I broke it out into its own book, which you get for free with the main course).  But here are the basics…

First, you have to be willing to LOSE this girl’s friendship.  Why?  Well, because in order to create attraction, you’re going to have to start treating her differently than you would a friend.  In fact, you’ll have to change your behavior so much, that the girl in question won’t recognize you from the guy she used to know.  And when this happens, she might decide you’re no longer her friend.

So you need to ask yourself:  What’s more important to you – her friendship, or a chance at a romantic relationship?

If you want to roll the dice and are willing to risk your friendship, know that you will have to start treating this girl in a way that’s radically different from what you’re used to.  Spending time with her and chit-chatting isn’t enough, you have to start building sexual tension and creating a new frame with which you interact with her.  This can be uncomfortable at first, for both you and the girl, but if you keep it up, she will eventually fall in line with it.

You’ll need to add a “sexual” edge to everything you do.  Instead of joking around, you’ll need to joke around in a flirty way.  You’ll have to make comments about her that subtly lets her know you’re attracted to her, without coming right out and making it clear.  You’ll have to limit your interactions to stuff that allows you to seduce her – no more 3 hour phone calls about her boy troubles!  And most of all, you have to know how to get physical with her, because unless that happens, she’s never going to make that transition.

All that said, there’s never a 100% guaranteed way to get a girl to go from being a friend to a lover.  Every person is different, and some women might be looking for things in a guy you just don’t have.  So the best advice I can give in this situation is to not get too hung up on any one girl, even if you think she’s “the one.”  Keep playing the field, but keep working on your target as well, and see which one gets you the result you want the quickest.

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