Browse >
Home /
Analysis / Troubles Being Social – For Beginners
Troubles Being Social – For Beginners
Naistehirm, over on
mASF, has a pretty gut-wrenching post about his troubles being a social guy…
Naistehirm writes:
Hey,
okay, I have a problem that I have no idea how to get over, I think I have tried several different methods, but none does the work for me.
Anyway, my prob is that most of the time I’m way too dull and not very talkative. I feel like I have never something to say and my mind seems to be pretty empty all the times, or full of crap like I’m thinking why do I not have anything to say.
I party a lot, but most of the time only cause I force myself to go to parties and be social, but that’s not good since in those cases I absolutely don’t enjoy myself.
Especially when I’m sober I have no clue what to talk about. Normally I am in social circles so my chances of getting girls are by social circle, but I have problems attracting girls when I have no idea what to tell them/or what to speak about, nothing comes to my mind, not even any random shit. Sometimes I’m able to hold conversation for few mins, but out of there it just gets dull and I make an excuse to get out of conversation or sometimes I just ignore people cause I don’t have a clue how to answer their questions or whatever. It’s not that I overthink my answers, it’s just that I feel there’s nothing to say. And this makes me feel very uncomfortable in social situations.
And I go out pretty much every day and I haven’t gotten any better. I haven’t got laid for 1.5 years (and I have really got laid for just once, and it wasn’t very enjoyable, was drunk and didn’t get the girl wet so it wasn’t cool at all).
And cause of me not getting girls and all my friends being succesful it hits my self esteem pretty bad, although it’s not that bad, cause I’m still thinking kind of realistically, and my looks aren’t bad either, so all I’m worried about is that I have nothing to say.
I only feel comfortable in social situations when I have had few beers, but then it lasts for just a while and sometimes it just makes me depressed so I can’t just focus on alcohol, and it would be a lot better if I was able to stay social even when I was sober.
Approaching girls is not a big problem for me, out of my friends I think I seem to be more couraegous about this part, but whenever I approach I can only hold conversation for a little while and then I start feeling uncomfortable cause I can’t move things anywhere.
Most of the discussion my friends do is cocky/funny type of, which seems to work on girls very well, but I rarely manage to do that, and even when I’m able to, then I have been silent for a way too long time and then it can come out either lame or mean or whatever.
Seeing my friends being succesful and me not getting any at all, makes me pretty depressed at times and I really want to get over it, cause atm I feel like I’m never going to get girls or even a relationship.
I feel pretty uncomfortable on 1 on 1 situations too, especially when with girls, because I feel like I’m forced to say something but nothing comes to my mind, not even any random stuff. I only feel comfortable with my guy friends cause then I don’t have to talk so much, so it doesn’t affect anything. But yeah, maybe someone can show me the right direction, what to do or whatever…
Thank you.
Here’s the thing about being social…
Being good at social interactions is about feeling comfortable, relaxed and happy. It should be no secret that your emotional state influences how you interact with others, and the guys who have troubles with social interactions typically allow their emotions of feeling uncomfortable or pressured to “perform” overcome them, and when that happens, it’s just a spiral downwards.
Here’s what used to happen to me in social situations – and I can TOTALLY relate to Naistehirm when it comes to this…
I’d go out with my friends to a bar, party, whatever. I’d see tons of hot girls I’d want to sleep with, and in my mind, I’d think to myself “Damn, I really need to talk to some of these girls!” But when I thought that, I was putting pressure on myself to step outside my comfort zone. This added pressure made me nervous. When I did finally approach a girl, my nerves would be so overwhelming I couldn’t think of what to say, and the conversation would peeter out. Afterwards, I’d feel stupid and beat myself up for “failing.” That just made me feel worse, and depressed. At that point, I didn’t want to talk to anyone because I felt like a loser. And the fact that I couldn’t enjoy myself and talk to girls made me feel like even MORE of a loser, to the point where I wanted to get out of the social situation all together.
Some guys drink to avoid letting their nerves get the best of them. I never did – mostly because when I introduced alcohol into the equation, it just amplified my feelings of depression when they hit.
So a BIG part of being social is learning to control your emotional state. If you can make yourself feel relaxed, calm, happy, confident, etc., things become much easier for you.
The second part is to remove any and all pressure to “perform” in a social situation. Too many guys go out thinking “I gotta get laid tonight!” So they push for that to happen, and the more it looks like it won’t, the worse they feel because in their mind, they are “failing.” A better goal for the night is to go out an “have a good time.” This is infinitely easier to do because it comes down to your enjoyment factor.
I know what you’re thinking, though. You’re thinking – “But Thundercat, to me, having a good time is getting laid!” Well, I tend to agree with you. HOWEVER – if you succeed in having fun, it makes getting laid WAY easier than if you go out prowling for punani like some PUA predator. This is because women are attracted to guys who are having fun and having a good time! Why? Because women like to have fun too! And if they have fun with YOU, it makes building attraction way easier.
The final aspect of the “being social” formula is rapport building. This is where conversation comes into play. If you have a hard time “thinking” about what to say to a girl, you’re doing something wrong. Conversation flows naturally, but it does so within a structured pattern. This is why I teach my Fish & Hook method (explained in excruciating detail in the
Art Of Approaching /shamelessplug). The Fish & Hook method goes something like this:
1. Ask a question
2. Get her answer
3. Tell a story related to her answer
In essence, you’re “fishing” for something to “hook” into. You ask her a question like “Where are you from?” and she says “Chicago.” You then tell a story about this one time you went to Chicago and had the best pizza ever. (OR something related to Chicago)
At this point, the girl might start talking to you about her favorite pizza joints in Chicago. That can lead to a conversation about cooking. You ask her “You ever make your own pizza? Do you cook?” She answers, and then you tell a story about you trying to cook that relates to her answer. And you keep this up for as long as it takes to get a proper level of rapport.
Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
There’s no such thing as a truly boring person. Everyone has stuff they are passionate about in their lives. Some people don’t get as excited about those passions as they might, but regardless, if you can find enough “commonalities” with the person you are talking to and build rapport, conversation starts to flow very easily.
And if you’re REALLY stuck, check out
Pure Personality. It’s a great way to beef up your social skills.
JeffreyNus on 
1win_rvSa on 
melbet_ndMn on 
pinup_yyEl on 
roll dorado online on 
order doxycycline 200mg pills buy doxycycline 200mg online purchase doxycycline online cheap
brand semaglutide 14mg semaglutide 14 mg us buy semaglutide 14 mg without prescription
modernkarachi.com
예전에 당신은 사람을 하늘로 폭격했지만 결국 나를 폭격하지 않았기 때문에 몇 마디 만 꾸짖었습니다.
restaurant-lenvol.net
“오.” 주후조는 매우 기뻐했고 강남 사람들에게 큰 관심을 보였다.”Qi Guogong … 노인이 여기 있습니다. 얇은 국수를 좀 주시지 않겠습니까?”
baseballoutsider.com
그런데 흑인인 사람들은 코친족만 있는 것 같으니 뭐라고 해야 할까요?
order hydroxychloroquine 200mg pills plaquenil over the counter cheap hydroxychloroquine
modernkarachi.com
이 푹신한 문장만으로도 Xiao Jing은 거의 죽을 뻔했습니다.
order aristocort 4mg online cheap buy aristocort 4mg generic order triamcinolone 10mg online
binsunvipp.com
국부론이 사람들에게 내일에 대한 통찰력을 줄 수 있다는 것은 끔찍한 일입니다.
tadalafil 40mg cost cialis mail order usa generic tadalafil
Уважаемые Знакомые!
Приводим вам свежее тренд в мире стилистики интерьера – шторы плиссе. Если вы движетесь к совершенству в любой детали вашего домашнего, то эти завесы выберутся прекрасным подходом для вас.
Что делает шторы плиссе таковыми оригинальными? Они сочетают в себе шик, действенность и сущность. Благодаря специальной постройке, технологичным материалам, шторы плиссе идеально соответствуют для любого пола, будь то зала, дом, печь или офисное поляна.
Закажите [url=https://tulpan-pmr.ru]жалюзи плиссе на пластиковые окна[/url] – сформируйте уют и красивость в вашем доме!
Чем прельщают шторы плиссе для вас? Во-первых, их индивидуальный проект, который добавляет к обаяние и вкус вашему месту. Вы можете подобрать из разных текстур, цветов и подходов, чтобы выделить уникальность вашего дома.
Кроме того, шторы плиссе предлагают широкий арсенал практических вариантов. Они могут контролировать уровень сияния в помещении, преграждать от солнечного света, обеспечивать закрытость и создавать комфортную обстановку в вашем доме.
Наш веб-сайт: [url=https://tulpan-pmr.ru]https://www.tulpan-pmr.ru[/url]
Мы сами поможем вам выбрать шторы плиссе, какие отлично подойдут для вашего оформления!
order generic desloratadine buy desloratadine 5mg buy clarinex 5mg for sale
cenforce online buy cenforce ca cenforce 100mg cost
reggionotizie.com
Zhu Houzhao는 눈을 가늘게 뜨고 말했습니다.
loratadine pill buy claritin 10mg pills order loratadine 10mg generic
kinoboomhd.com
그러나 갑자기 이러한 정신, 이러한 이해가 갑자기 사라졌습니다.
buy chloroquine 250mg generic buy chloroquine without prescription chloroquine 250mg generic
smcasino7.com
내시들은 너무 무서워서 홍지 황제를 돕기 위해 서둘렀다.
yangsfitness.com
Hongzhi 황제는 그의 얼굴을 곧게 펴었습니다. “황제의 칙령을 위조하는 것은 … 좋지 않습니다!”
does metformin cause constipation
buy generic dapoxetine 60mg buy cytotec for sale order cytotec online cheap
order metformin 1000mg sale metformin pills brand glucophage 500mg
order orlistat pill buy generic diltiazem for sale order diltiazem sale
cost of lisinopril without insurance
what is a furosemide 20 mg used for
furosemide suspension
zoloft and tylenol
side effects of lisinopril 10mg
flagyl for pid
buying zoloft online
pragmatic-ko.com
새로운 연구 중에서 공감이 가장 존경받는다.
hihouse420.com
그는 코를 킁킁거렸지만 여전히 기쁨을 감출 수 없었다.
hihouse420.com
선비 관료들은 항상 우월한 위치에 있었기 때문에 매우 대담합니다.
how long does it take for flagyl to work
cost amlodipine buy amlodipine order amlodipine 5mg online cheap
gabapentin taper chart
sm-casino1.com
돈을 벌고 싶다면 후각에 의존하는 것만으로는 충분하지 않습니다.
lasix para que sirve
glucophage pancreatitis
gabapentin dosage for sleep
when to hold lasix
glucophage djelovanje
buy crestor 10mg rosuvastatin 20mg tablet zetia 10mg tablet
zestril uk buy lisinopril 5mg generic lisinopril 5mg pill
binsunvipp.com
Fang Jifan은 매우 기뻐하며 직접 절차를 진행하도록 요청했습니다.
???https://tipsmo.com/
canadian pharmacy for cialis click this
cialis and pharmacy [url=http://canadianphrmacy23.com/]canadian cialis online pharmacy[/url]
pragmatic-ko.com
그리고 파괴의 결과는…실제로 해도의 단순한 실수 때문이었습니다.
cephalexin 500mg cost without insurance
strelkaproject.com
이번에는 크게 모욕을 당한 모양이었다.
zithromax antibiotic