Troubles Being Social – For Beginners

August 10, 2010 by  
Filed under Analysis

Naistehirm, over on mASF, has a pretty gut-wrenching post about his troubles being a social guy…

Naistehirm writes:

okay, I have a problem that I have no idea how to get over, I think I have tried several different methods, but none does the work for me.

Anyway, my prob is that most of the time I’m way too dull and not very talkative. I feel like I have never something to say and my mind seems to be pretty empty all the times, or full of crap like I’m thinking why do I not have anything to say.

I party a lot, but most of the time only cause I force myself to go to parties and be social, but that’s not good since in those cases I absolutely don’t enjoy myself.

Especially when I’m sober I have no clue what to talk about. Normally I am in social circles so my chances of getting girls are by social circle, but I have problems attracting girls when I have no idea what to tell them/or what to speak about, nothing comes to my mind, not even any random shit. Sometimes I’m able to hold conversation for few mins, but out of there it just gets dull and I make an excuse to get out of conversation or sometimes I just ignore people cause I don’t have a clue how to answer their questions or whatever. It’s not that I overthink my answers, it’s just that I feel there’s nothing to say. And this makes me feel very uncomfortable in social situations.

And I go out pretty much every day and I haven’t gotten any better. I haven’t got laid for 1.5 years (and I have really got laid for just once, and it wasn’t very enjoyable, was drunk and didn’t get the girl wet so it wasn’t cool at all).
And cause of me not getting girls and all my friends being succesful it hits my self esteem pretty bad, although it’s not that bad, cause I’m still thinking kind of realistically, and my looks aren’t bad either, so all I’m worried about is that I have nothing to say.

I only feel comfortable in social situations when I have had few beers, but then it lasts for just a while and sometimes it just makes me depressed so I can’t just focus on alcohol, and it would be a lot better if I was able to stay social even when I was sober.

Approaching girls is not a big problem for me, out of my friends I think I seem to be more couraegous about this part, but whenever I approach I can only hold conversation for a little while and then I start feeling uncomfortable cause I can’t move things anywhere.

Most of the discussion my friends do is cocky/funny type of, which seems to work on girls very well, but I rarely manage to do that, and even when I’m able to, then I have been silent for a way too long time and then it can come out either lame or mean or whatever.

Seeing my friends being succesful and me not getting any at all, makes me pretty depressed at times and I really want to get over it, cause atm I feel like I’m never going to get girls or even a relationship.

I feel pretty uncomfortable on 1 on 1 situations too, especially when with girls, because I feel like I’m forced to say something but nothing comes to my mind, not even any random stuff. I only feel comfortable with my guy friends cause then I don’t have to talk so much, so it doesn’t affect anything. But yeah, maybe someone can show me the right direction, what to do or whatever…

Thank you.

Here’s the thing about being social… Read more