How To Escape Being “Friended”

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A poster named Regal had a great tip on mASF about avoiding having a girl “Friend” you when you’re trying to get sexual with her.

Regal writes:

I’ve never really been the kind of guy who got the “Let’s just be friends” speech — I’m typically too aggressive / inconsiderate to realistically be considered “friends” material by women.

That said, I’ll hear it occassionally if I’m escalating with a girl who’s trying to resist me — maybe she wants to slow things down because she likes me as a boyfriend, or maybe she’s in a committed relationship or has reservations about me for some other reason or she just hasn’t decided she’s ready to sleep with me yet.

When you get something like, “Maybe it’s better if we’re just friends,” or, “I think you’d make a good friend,” there’s one easy, powerful statement you can make to shut that down and communicate your intentions:

“I don’t want to be your friend.”

Say it with a half-smile and bedroom eyes… and be sexy about it.

Nice guys won’t use this line, because they’re too scared to risk losing the girl in question from their lives by telling her they don’t want to be her friend. “Oh no, if I tell her I don’t want her as a friend, she’ll leave me!” they think. Then, they keep her as a friend while she sleeps with some other, stronger man.

When you tell her this, you instantly show her you’re not one of those guys.

Another reason it’s a strong statement is that it makes it clear what you DO want; if you’re spending time with her, touching her, laughing with her, but you don’t want to be her friend, there’s only one other thing you CAN be.

And you also force her to make a choice. She knows now that you’re not going to be her friend. She also knows that it’s your intention to sleep with her. If she chooses to stay with you, she’s accepting your advances. So, in making this statement, you force her to make a conscious decision to accept your advances. And since the force of inertia means it’s a lot easier for her to stay and accept it than fight it and leave, unless she hates your guts she’s not going to go.

Obviously, this won’t work if she doesn’t actually LIKE you… but if you’re sexy and you’re doing what you should be doing, this is a strong statement that swats objections out of the way and ramps up her attraction for you. It’s lain along the path to a few lays for me, and I don’t hear this objection a whole lot.

Next time you do, give it a try…

I couldn’t agree with this more.  Too often, guys allow the girl they are with to set the frame.  When she says she just “wants to be friends,” most guys accept that as being true and try to deal with it.  What Regal is suggesting here is totally dismissing the premise of that frame entirely and having her choose to accept your frame or not.

Good stuff.

Is A Woman’s BO The New Perfume?

Here’s an interesting article from Discovery.com about how a woman’s “natural scent” is more attractive to men than perfume.

Women looking for that special someone might want to think twice before spritzing Chanel No. 5. A new study suggests that a woman’s natural scent may be all she needs.

Recent research shows that a man’s testosterone levels, which are linked with sexual interest, are significantly higher when they smell the shirt of a woman who is ovulating. These findings could lead to the development of new fragrances that mimic this effect, and answer basic questions about human biology.

Speaking as a guy who’s dealt with a lot of women in his time, I have to say that I much prefer the smell of perfume.  lol.

Should You Be A “Jerk” Or A “Nice Guy?”

Bisquick1 had this interesting post on mASF about striking a balance between being a Jerk and a Nice Guy.

Bisquick1 writes:

I notice this relates to not just picking up women, but making friends — lasting friends at that: Finding the balance between being the “Jerk” and being the “Nice guy”

After making, keeping, and losing friends or women I began to understand how those processes were happening. However, I’m having a difficult time trying to calibrate each situation!

If I make a friend/meet a girl, I will either lose him/her because I am either: Worried about not offending or annoying the other person, thereby leading me to be boring and they move to someone more fun.

Or I’m too much of a jerk. I’ll get annoying, and be too crazy/funny to the point where it is like “Enough already!” and lose him/her because of that.

On rare instances I’ll keep the friend/girlfriend if I play the cards right, but I just don’t know how!

I’ve tried newbie methods to meet new guy friends and potential girlfriend, but it is taking too long to just CLICK.

When and how will it just CLICK? Its been too long!(2+ years of recurring situations mentioned above)

Now, I’ve dealt with this “Nice Guy” vs. “Jerk” dilemma before.  I think too many guys make the mistake of thinking that being a Jerk means being a mean prick to everyone, and somehow that is preferable to being a “Nice Guy.”  In the case of this poster, he wants to strike some type of balance, as though he can oscilate between being a Jerk and being a Nice Guy when the situation suits him.

To me, this is a bad idea – for a multitude of reasons.  Not the least of which is that when you do things like this, you’re not being very genuine.  You’re putting on an act, so when people become attracted to you, they’re not really liking you for who you are, they like the act you put on.  And ultimately, you just can’t sustain that.

If you’re the type of guy who thinks that you have to be a jerk to get women attracted to you, then you’ve been mislead.  You don’t have to be one or the other – a nice guy or a jerk.  Both of these labels have positives and negatives about them.  it is possible to be a nice guy who attracts women just as well, if not better than, jerks do.

Here’s the thing you got to remember about “Jerks”…

The reason Jerk’s are so successful with women (in general) is because women often mistake narcisism & sociopathic tendancies for confidence.

Jerks are people who only care about their own pleasure. They have no concept of other people’s feelings, and because of that, they don’t get nervous or take into account how they may be coming off around other people.  They focus on getting what they want because they feel they deserve it. This can seem like confidence, mixed with a healthy dose of persistence, to people who have weak frames and get caught up in the Jerk’s bravado. But those are really the two things anyone needs to be successful with women at a most basic level – confidence and persistence.

So I don’t think its really about finding a balance between being a Jerk and a Nice guy, its about having the right amount of confidence so that you can get what you want no matter the situation.

I like to think I’m a pretty nice guy, but I have developed a certain amount of inner strength that helps me to attract women and not come off as Beta or AFC. That’s really what we’re talking about here – if you can be self confident enough to be fun, interesting, and engaging around others and still get what you want, you don’t have to worry about playing the roll of a “jerk” or a “nice guy.”

So it comes down to this – are you able to focus on doing and achieving what makes you happy, while still being able to calibrate how other people around you are feeling and adjust your behavior appropriately?

The best skill you can learn in pick up is being able to read the people you are with – be they men or women. If you know what you’re doing is upsetting someone or pissing them off, then you need to be able to adjust your game accordingly.

If you’re able to do that, you can CONSISTENTLY be the type of man people want to be around, without having to worry about “switching” your roles and playing two different parts that really don’t reflect who you are.

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