FR: An Airport Pick-Up

February 4, 2004 by  
Filed under Field Report

**Reposted from the first Lair, original date: 12/20/03
**Image removed

Okay, now that I’ve got the airport rant off my chest, its time to get to the good stuff. The stuff that most of you reading this are probably here for in the first place.

Its a been a while since I’ve posted a Field Report, and there is a good reason for that. Since late October, my health has been fucked. At first I had a sinus cold, and that mutated into the Flu. So I missed a bunch of work, and on top of that, my stupid ass goes to Vegas for Thanksgiving weekend and ends up spending a shitload of money partaking in every debauchery known to man and a good 6 of the 7 deadly sins, which means to top things off, I’m quite broke. All this leads to many a lonely night at home alone trying to kill the pain with nyquil while masturbating to internet porn.

Well, I’m happy to say my health is improving. The flu I got is almost all gone (still cough a bit) and I’ve been able to get enough money this month to make rent, but not much more than that. So I haven’t been able to go out much because my health/wealth game has been in the proverbial shitter for almost two months now.

Which brings me to yesterday. Yesterday, I was at the airport, and its been my experience that an airport is an EXCELLENT place to sarge. I’ve been able to # close a great many hot chicks at airports. Of course, lots of them don’t lead anywhere for various reasons, but for the most part, while girls are traveling, they are usually more adventurous because they are in a place where they aren’t going to be socially judged by people they know for their actions. Not only that, but the boredom of airport life is so great, that most people are looking for any distraction to pass the time. In fact, some of my easiest walk-ups ever have been in airports.

That said, I don’t go to airports looking to PU. I go there to travel. PU is just a nice side-effect of doing so. I don’t want to hear stories about guys going to the airport on Friday night to pick-up chicks, kapeesh?

Anyway, there I am, talking to soldier dude, when this girl comes walking by. She’s a tiny thing, very petite body, small breasts, and tight ass — just the way I like ‘em. She’s cute, but not drop-dead gorgeous. She’d probably rate a 7 on the looks scale, but on the 1-0 scale (1 being “good enough” and 0 being “not good enough”) I’d have to say she’s definitely “good enough.” That’s her pic on the top of the page to give you an idea of what she looks like.

But she’s lugging around this huge, zebra striped backpack that’s broken up with black screens. Upon closer inspection, I can see she’s got a little puppydog in there that she’s traveling with. Now, I’m a sucker for dogs, so I can’t help staring at it. She notices me doing so, and I open her with:

“What do you do if the dog has to take a shit?”

How’s that for masterful? Eat your heart out Style. Anyway, she laughs and says the dog went before they came, and he’s also doped up on doggie-valum, so he’ll be quiet during the trip. Now, I find the very idea of valume for dogs fascinating, so I start talking to her about other animals she may have doped up. She laughs and we have a good conversation. I keep disinterested because in all honesty, I was more interested in the dog than the girl (not in that respect you pervs!).

So I get on the plane and settle in, and who should sit down next to me? Bitch girl — er, I mean, girl with the dog. She says “It looks like you can’t escape us.” I tell her it must either be karma or she’s stalking me. She laughs and settles her dog in under her seat before sitting down.

Right away she makes herself comfortable by taking off her shoes and putting her legs on the seat. I tell her its gonna be a long flight with her stinky feet in my face. She laughs. then we talk about her dog until take-off. The dog is named Copenhagen after the town in Germany for some reason, but she calls him “Koop.” He’s a mixed breed mutt she rescued from a homeless lady and has since become her child. She says they are very co-dependent on each other and it shows in the way she dotes over this animal. I find it a bit endearing, but its also a huge sign of insecurity, so I start testing the waters a bit.

It turns out she’s an actress, and has actually been on a few shows I’ve seen. The latest was The Brotherhood of Poland New Hampshire. So we talk about acting and shit for a bit. I love the fact that she’s an actress, because it means she’s a validation whore (and REALLY insecure), so I can be pretty evil with her and get away with it. In fact, I tell her “Wow, you’re really insecure. I’m gonna have a lot of fun with you.”

She plays along. I just keep being really cocky. I accuse her of being a primadonna. I tell her shit like she makes J-Lo look like Mother Theresa with her unreasonable demands. She starts trying to fight back with lame lines like “Oh, yeah. And you’re so cool.” To which I reply “Thanks for noticing.”

At the same time I’m doing this, I’m also validating her by doing little shit, like sharing my gummy-fish I picked up at the airport with her when she says she’s hungry. I also give her some of my nasty airline food. She acted like it was a big deal that I was giving up part of my meal for her, but I just couldn’t stomach the nasty shit, so the situation was win-win.

Anyway, this goes on for 5 hours with me teasing the shit out of her. We end up sleeping together on the flight (not sexing it up, mind you. We slept and we were next to each other). I babysit her dog when she goes to the bathroom, so she’s all impressed when she comes back and finds me caring for it. I tell her she sleeps like her dog and I thought I was taking care of her. But the coup-de-grace was when a baby across the isle from us shit its pants and I blamed the smell on her. Priceless.

So the plane lands and I’m helping her to strap this dog on her shoulders. Its funny, because at 6’1, I tower over this itty-bitty girl. We start walking together to the gate, and I say we should hang out when we both get back to LA. She says she’d love to and gives me her number before we split up and greet our prospective family members.

So that’s it. A solid number close. Nothing special, but still, it was fun and the girl was easy to talk to and cute. At the very least, I’ve expanded my social circle and made a cool new friend. At best, I get a fuck buddy out of it. Regardless, I enjoyed her company a great deal and look forward to hanging out with her again.

And that’s why they call me…