Troubleshooting: When Sex Hurts Her…

September 9, 2011 by Thundercat
Filed under Analysis

Daigoro wrote up a problem of his over on mASF that goes a little something like this…

Daigoro writes:

What do you do when sex hurts her?

So, am I being a pussy for easing up on the girl when she says this?

My deal:

Tiny girl. 110 lbs. First time I cut loose on her and she didn’t say anything but she would recoil from certain thrusts or positions and stopped me from going down on her (which I felt was genuine shyness/awkwardness) and finally jumped off my dick when I thought she was coming.

She told me today I gave her a stomach ache and that it was quite arduous going so long for her (forty-five minutes or so?). She kept quiet because of the awkwardness of first-time sex», but she was in pain.

Tonight, we had a great intimate vibe going. I told her that our chemistry was nuclear and that she was making me want to devour her. Shit ton of foreplay, mixing rough and gentle. She was highly aroused and wet. But when it came to sex», I could not fully unleash because of her discomfort.

I pulled back the aggressiveness and framed it as a challenge, like, “okay, honey, we’re still getting used to each other. I’ll find the rhythm. I’m still going to fuck the shit out of you. Just a little bit at a time.” But to be honest, it was much less enjoyable to have to reign in the horses.

I tried focussed slow acceleration while she was on her stomach with her legs together. She seemed to really like it but again she stopped me before I could cut loose or make her orgasm. It’s a sharp recoil like I’m hitting a nerve.

What’s the policy here?

Am I being too deferential to her discomfort? It’s true that I’m not always completely dominant in bed. But I want to fucking ravish this girl. But I don’t want to hurt her or put her sweet pussy out of commission.

Advice?

Okay, first of all, it’s not a BAD thing to be deferential to a girl if you’re HURTING her. Seriously, if what you’re doing to a girl isn’t pleasant for her, then you’re not doing anything wrong by trying to NOT cause her pain. The fact of the matter is, girls are built differently just like guys are. Some girls have very shallow plumbing, just like some guys have small wee-wees. You need to learn how to deal with it.

If a girl’s in pain and not enjoying sex with you, you’re doing it wrong. Plain and simple. Sex has got to be enjoyable for both of you if you want to keep having it with each other, otherwise someone is going to get tired/resentful/whatever and move on.

In this case, it sounds like Daigoro treated this girl like he did other girls in the past when it came to sex, and discovered that wasn’t the best way to do it. If that’s the case, he did the right thing by trying to find a different way of going about things. In my experience, if this happens, have the girl take charge and let her command the sex play. She’ll find what works best for her when it comes to you. Sometimes, this will be her being on top, other times it will be finding a new angle or position that allows her to enjoy sex without getting hurt. Whatever it is, let her find it first. Then, once that “safe zone” has been discovered, try to find a way to make it work for you.

If, however, you can’t find something that works for you (ie: You’re not getting as much pleasure as the girl), you might have to just chalk things up to being “sexually incompatible” and find someone new. Hey, it happens. It’s important that you have your needs fulfilled, just like she get her needs taken care of. It’s not fair to either of you if one person has to keep sacrificing their pleasure just to be together.

Tags: pain, relationships, sex, sexual activity