How To Initiate Conversation
July 9, 2007 by Thundercat
Filed under Tips & Tricks
I found an article about how to strike up conversations with people which is actually pretty good. It sounds like whoever wrote this article has read my stuff on approaching and rapport – I’d be interested to know if that’s the case. Anyway, the article is focused on how to start conversations with anyone – not just women – but the same rules apply. Check out the highlights…
The Approach
When it comes to being social, the less analytical and formulaic you are the better. Try not to map out your every move and plan too much. Although we are talking about how to initiate conversation, these are really only tips. When it comes to the approach, though, there are some things you should keep in mind.
Different situations call for different approaches. Formal situations call for something more formal and relaxed ones should be relaxed.
At a work function, for instance, be a little formal and introduce yourself. People will want to know who you are and what you do right away. This isn’t to say you should only talk about work, but an introduction and handshake is appropriate.
If you’re at a bar then things are very different and you should be much more open to unstructured introductions. Personally, I don’t like the idea of walking directly to someone to talk to them. It’s too direct. I like the sense of randomness that comes with meeting new people.
However, if there is rapport already established, go for it. If not, take a wander, buy a drink and be aware of where people are. If there is someone you would like to talk to, make yourself available and not sit all night etc.
When someone is alone and looks bored, do them a favor and approach them. No matter how bad the conversation might get, they should at least appreciate the company and friendliness.
Briefly, Approaching Groups
When integrating with an established group conversation there is really one thing to know. That is to establish the вЂleader’ and introduce yourself to them. I mentioned that before, but here is how and why.
The Why is the leader of a group conversation is probably the more social and outgoing. They will more readily accept your introduction and then introduce you to the rest of the group. This hierarchy in a group conversation is much more prevalent in formal situations where one person is leading the conversation.
A group of friends out for the night is much more difficult to crack. This may even be another topic for discussion, but one thing I know that works is initiating conversation with a ’stray’. It sounds predatorial, but it works.
More often than not this occurs without intention, but if you do really want to get into a group of friends, your best bet is approaching one of them while they are away from the group and being invited into the group.
It is possible, like everything, to approach a group outright and join them. However, this is almost an art and requires another specific post.
How To Initiate ConversationTopics Of Conversation
Other than confidence, the next thing people who have trouble initiating conversations lack is conversation! So here are a few tips to get the ball rolling.
- Small talk sucks. It’s boring and a lot of people already begin to zone out when questions like, “What do you do?” or “What’s with this weather?” come up. Just skip it.
- Everything is fair game. If you are in the company of someone and a thought strikes you, share it. “This drink is garbage! What are you drinking?” “Where did you get that outfit?”
- Opinions matter. This is any easy way to hit the ground running in conversation. Everyone has one, and when you share yours, another will reveal itself. The great thing about this line of thought is that you are instantly learning about the other person and what they like, dislike etc.
- Environment. The place you’re in is full of things to comment on. The DJ, band, fashions; start talking about what you see.
- Current Events. Unless it’s something accessible or light-hearted, forget it. Don’t launch into your opinion on the war. If your city has recently put a ban on smoking inside venues, like mine has, ask what they think about it.
- Speaking of smoking. If you are a smoker in such a city, you are in luck. Although there is the inconvenience of being ostracized outside to smoke, you are instantly thrust into a group of like-minded people. Consider this possibly the easiest forum for flirtation and new conversation.
So there’s some pretty good guidelines there. If you’re having trouble talking people up, you may want to check this article out.
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