CBed by a Porn Star

April 1, 2004 by  
Filed under Quotes & Humor

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For yet another April 1st story, I was in the San Fernando Valley last night having dinner with a friend of mine.  We saw two cuties at the bar that was in the restaurant, and I decided to approach.  I opened them with the Snooping Girlfriend Opener (if you don’t know that one, you can find it here).  It Opened well, and I was in set with my friend looking on as I ran routine after routine.  Suddenly, a woman sat down next to my set whom I recognized as the one and only Venus, of Red Light District fame (Hey, I’m an ASFer.  We know our porn =).

Anyway, I don’t know if she was trying to pick up the girls herself, or she was just being a bitch and wanted to cockblock me, but she started talking to my set.  I whispered to the one closest to me that she was a porn star, and she in turn told her friend.  After that the girls gave her the cold shoulder.  By that time, we were both blown out by each other.

Venus gave me a dirty look and ignored me from that point on.  Maybe I should have tried to open her, but I don’t waste my time with "B" level Porno Stars.

What a life, eh?

The Truth behind me and MINE’99

April 1, 2004 by  
Filed under Quotes & Humor

In a further effort to wipe the slate clean, now that I am technically a "commercial guy" and no longer some obscure ASFer, it’s time for a confession.  That is, MINE’99 and I have been fooling you all.

Not since the team-up of Andy Kauffman and Jerry "The King" Lawler has such a hoax been effectively pulled off.  In reality, MINE’99 and I are actually good friends, and have been so since LA ’99.  We call each other up and talk daily, practicing our phonetic ambiguities on each other and laughing like little boys into the wee hours of the morning.

In our spare time, we hang out at coffee shops and bookstores, waxing philosophical about things like NLP and puppy dogs.  Occasionally, we’ll talk to girls, but our friendship is based on so much more than that.

About three months ago, we hatched the plot to make everyone think we hated each other.  MINE’99 agreed to make everyone think he hated me and was going to make an example of me like he did with R. Don Steele if I agreed to poke fun at him occasionally.

Since that time, our flame wars have become a thing of legend.  Oh, how much fun we’ve had laughing about all the people who took us seriously!  In the meantime, we go sarging at Third Street Promenade and celebrate our differences as PUAs, as I open set after set and MINE’99 drops them into trance after our Golden Bubble is firmly established (that psychic stuff really works!).

I’m sorry we had to fool you all.  I hope you understand, it was meant to all be in good fun.  But the time has come to be honest and let you know that I love MINE’99: my friend, my confidant… my GURU!

Keep on truckin’ MINE’99!  We owe so much to you!

The Truth behind me and MINE’99

April 1, 2004 by  
Filed under Quotes & Humor

In a further effort to wipe the slate clean, now that I am technically a "commercial guy" and no longer some obscure ASFer, it’s time for a confession.  That is, MINE’99 and I have been fooling you all.

Not since the team-up of Andy Kauffman and Jerry "The King" Lawler has such a hoax been effectively pulled off.  In reality, MINE’99 and I are actually good friends, and have been so since LA ’99.  We call each other up and talk daily, practicing our phonetic ambiguities on each other and laughing like little boys into the wee hours of the morning.

In our spare time, we hang out at coffee shops and bookstores, waxing philosophical about things like NLP and puppy dogs.  Occasionally, we’ll talk to girls, but our friendship is based on so much more than that.

About three months ago, we hatched the plot to make everyone think we hated each other.  MINE’99 agreed to make everyone think he hated me and was going to make an example of me like he did with R. Don Steele if I agreed to poke fun at him occasionally.

Since that time, our flame wars have become a thing of legend.  Oh, how much fun we’ve had laughing about all the people who took us seriously!  In the meantime, we go sarging at Third Street Promenade and celebrate our differences as PUAs, as I open set after set and MINE’99 drops them into trance after our Golden Bubble is firmly established (that psychic stuff really works!).

I’m sorry we had to fool you all.  I hope you understand, it was meant to all be in good fun.  But the time has come to be honest and let you know that I love MINE’99: my friend, my confidant… my GURU!

Keep on truckin’ MINE’99!  We owe so much to you!

The NEW Mystery Method!!!

April 1, 2004 by  
Filed under Quotes & Humor

Well, it’s no secret that Mystery has gotten married.  At first, I wasn’t sure what I thought about that, but what I failed to realize is just how amazingly brilliant Mystery is.  You see, his marriage isn’t what it may seem.  It’s actually a REVOLUTIONARY new tactic to get women that is going to change the way guys pick-up and seduce chicks!

I talked to Mystery on the phone PERSONALLY last night, and he has confided in me that since he’s been married about two days ago, he’s had sex with over 38 different women — all of them hot!

Asking him how this is possible, he explained his new strategy to me as thus:

Mystery says:
"After studying the mating habits of the female grouse, I realized that I had neglected the MALE grouse.  As it turns out, in nature, when the Male Grouse marries a Female Grouse, other Female Grouses found him more attractive, and he would inevitably have sex with these Female Grouses, effectively cheating on his grouse wife.  But all morals aside, I found this to be quite an interesting development."

"So I started applying this fundamental natural instinct to people, and discovered that women find married men INCREDIBLY attractive.  There’s something to women wanting what they can’t have, and in women’s mind, a married man is unattainable, which effectively attracts them TO the married man.  I realized if I was able to BECOME married, I could skip the Attraction phase all together and phase shift right into TRUST & COMFORT, which in turn would lead to the Seduction phase where I could pawn my wife off and have sex with my target."

Mystery went on to tell me that he has effectively changed Mystery Method to suit his new style of pick-up.  His pattented M3 theory now breaks down like this:

1.  Find a girl, any girl
2.  Marry her
3.  Have lots of sex.

Needless to say, this radical shift in thinking has changed the way I pick-up women.  Yesterday, I drove out to Las Vegas and married the first woman I found.  She charges $120 an hour, but that’s less than a REAL wife would charge.  Anyway, once I had that ring on my finger, I noticed a MAJOR change in the way women reacted to me.  Now, I can simply go right into my pre-canned Grounding routines and get those girls into the sack quicker than you can say "You gotta be shitting me!"

This just further proves that Mystery is on the cutting edge of this stuff!  Bravo!

The Primoman Workshop

April 1, 2004 by  
Filed under Quotes & Humor

Hey guys,

It’s time for me to come clean.  I’ve with-held this secret for far too long, and I just can’t keep it in anymore.  For months now, I have been having amazing success with party girls.  We’re talking major hot monkey-love sex every single night of the week.  I didn’t want to talk about it on the blog, because it’s a private thing, but I can’t be selfish any longer.  This kind of success must be shared.

My friend and mentor, the incomparable PRIMOMAN, has been privately teaching me his unique method of Pick-Up for months now.  His method is INCREDIBLE!  And it has skyrocketed my success with women, party girls in particular.  Because of my amazing success, I am taking a page out of Nightlife’s book and helping him to start his workshops!  So if you want to start having amazing success with women, I suggest you sign up now!  Not now, but RIGHT NOW!

Workshops will be held starting tomorrow.  The cost is $10,000 a day.  But you are guaranteed results!

Still not convinced?  Well, I’ve secretly been collecting pictures of the party girls I’ve been sexing up, and collected them on this page.  I can personally tell you that I’ve slept with each and every woman on this page, and I owe it all to Primoman!

Thanks buddy!  You tha’ man!

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