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Toxic Personalities in Dating: The Taker

August 10, 2010 by  
Filed under Analysis, Articles

Cameron has a pretty cool post up on his blog about a certain “Toxic Personality” type you should learn to spot and avoid if possible.

TheOne writes:

Continuing in this series of toxic personality traits, we come to the examine the value taker. This is a trait exhibited by individuals who have a great propensity towards self-absorption and a lack of willingness to want to contribute.

To compound the above mentioned issues, these individuals also may display a bewildering sense of entitlement. I’ll explain that a bit later.

Like the complainer, the value-taker can become just as easy to spot, if you learn to know what to look for. To start identifying this trait, you just have to be aware of super basic tell-tale signs that give them away.

The most noticeable trait that is rather self evident is their complete disregard towards other people’s lives. You’ll quickly note their tendency to not ask any questions about you. When they do, it’s related to what they can siphon off for themselves. It’s not about showing any actual interest in you.

So let’s assume you’re at a party, and you run to such types. They’ll come into basic general varieties.

Type 1 : The Proverbial Gold-Digger who will dig for information: What do you drive? Do you own or rent? What kind of a job? They may not ask explicitly and blatantly, but they’ll try to investigate to discover this info.

Type II: Talk about themselves constantly. Sometimes it’s the gold digger trying to impress you. Having established you’re someone of value, she is going to want to make a good impression. The most fascinating part this is that her own gold-digging prowess is limited by her lack of social skills.

It’ll sound like this: “Oh, I just moved her from Chicago, ya know I just love Chicago, but I moved out here, then when I got here, blah, blah, blah,… (2 min later) then 3 weeks later when I was on this job, I heard that…. Blah, blah, blah…”

Their story is not anecdotal, nor does it have a point. It’s not meant to entertain you, (because that’d be actually contributing something to the interaction), nor is it in the spirit of sharing and establishing rapport between two individuals.

It’s just a person talking. It’s not whimsical, insightful, educational, anecdotal, humorous, or entertaining. Just random words thrown in the air that follow enough of a format where they seem to make somewhat coherent sentences in the English language. (or a foreign language for that matter.)

To go a step deeper, individuals with this toxic personality trait often display a sense of entitlement. For some reason, unbeknownst to the rest of humanity, these people feel that they’re entitled to certain things. For this reason, they’re the worst to deal with in any sort of relationship, be it friendships, business, or romantic.

You could easily gather a handful of various businessmen in a variety of industries and they could easily tell you the common behavioral patterns amongst problem customers who suffer from a sense of entitlement.

Let’s say you had some sort of a consulting service, and you’re one of the best at what you do. Your rates for services rendered are an even $100 per hour.

A healthy person would enjoy your services, thank you for a job well done, and refer many clients towards word of mouth.

A toxic “Entitled” person would stay a half hour over time squeezing more of your services and time, (now up to 90 minutes instead of 60), and then at the end of all that, try to negotiate to pay less than the usual 100-Dollar rate.

Worst case scenario: He wasted an extra half hour of your time, paid you less than your current rates, and then may still want a refund 3 weeks later. I have no respect for these types of people. They pull douchebag moves that are driven by their self-absorption and sense of entitlement.

As usual, this is not specific to gender. Both men and women can possess this toxic trait.

What you can do about it: Get the f*** away from such people.

Sometimes, just the questions they ask you reveal enough insight that enables you to distinguish the toxicity within their personalities. In business, it’s the difference between, “Wow, your rates are too steep man” versus “I can’t afford all of that right now. Is there something else I can do or offer to make up for it?”

The latter person wants to contribute. This in fact reminds me of a friend of mine who is a fantastic kickboxer. He charges a good rate for his hourly services, but then, every so often I’d find random dudes helping him in various endeavor.

Upon being asked regarding a guy helping him build a fence in his backyard, he responded, “Oh, that’s ‘John’. He can’t afford to pay me so I told him I’d teach him and he could help me build that fence.”

I told him it sounded like the Karate Kid movie all over again! He laughed and agreed.

The point is, “John” was willing to contribute but the dude simply couldn’t afford to pay the cash required. Was building a fence exact compensation? Nope, but it was enough of an effort that was worthy.

Will everyone be willing to do what my kickboxing teacher friend did? No, but you’ll find enough people who will help you if you are willing to CONTRIBUTE in whatever way you can.

The article is pretty good.  I suggest you check out the full thing here.  I guess its part of a series of people with “Toxic Personalities.”  It can be hard to spot people who are “takers” sometimes because a skilled one will fool you into thinking they’re nice and cool, and you don’t realize they’re a complete douche until they’ve successfully screwed you over.

I’ve found the best way to deal with “Takers” is to have immense self respect.  The more confident you are in yourself, the more you respect your own time and contributions to others, the harder it is for people to take advantage of you.

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    По поводу судьбы кооператива «Бест Вей» и других кооперативов депутаты Государственной думы неоднократно обращались к руководству ЦБ, в том числе лично к Эльвире Набиуллиной. Они предлагали разобраться в ситуации, при необходимости ввести дополнительный контроль со стороны ЦБ, который снимет сомнения со стороны ведомства.
    Набиуллина в прошлом году публично пообещала на пленарном заседании Думы проработать вопрос кооперативов, совместно с депутатским корпусом выработать компромиссные предложения – но за более чем год ничего не сделано!
    Кооперация в России продолжает торпедироваться, а ведь это важнейший для экономического роста в стране сектор – способный аккумулировать миллиарды рублей (на счетах «Бест Вей» – более 4 млрд рублей!) и направить их в развитие экономики. Это важнейшее направление решения жилищного вопроса – альтернатива ипотеке, которая недоступна подавляющему большинству граждан и единственное, чему помогает, – это обогащению банков и мафии, стремящихся прибрать к рукам деньги граждан.

    Круговая порука
    Атаки центробанкиров на кооператив носят целенаправленный характер. Достоверно известно, что они велась с одобрения первого зампреда ЦБ Владимира Чистюхина – не говоря уже о бывшем и нынешнем руководителях Северо-Западного главка ЦБ Савинской и Петровой, бывшем директоре (упраздненного в прошлом году) Департамента противодействия недобросовестным практикам Валерии Ляхе, а также главе забравшего его функции Департамента небанковского кредитования Илье Кочеткове.
    Это не что иное, как круговая порука. В прошлом году к руководителю службы по защите прав потребителей и обеспечению доступности финансовых услуг ЦБ Михаилу Мамуте обратились по поводу очевидного нарушения законодательства – банки отказались исполнить судебное решение о снятии ареста со счетов кооператива (позднее арест был наложен снова). Мамута под мифическими предлогами отказался наказать банки.
    Очевидно, что происходит не что иное, как целенаправленное заказное преследование кооператива – в интересах неких сил, волю которых стремится исполнить Центробанк.
    Атаки, с одной стороны, в интересах банкиров, стремящихся установить ипотечную монополию и перекрыть кислород кооперации, а с другой – тайных кукловодов, стремящихся захватить более 4 млрд на счетах кооператива.
    Атака центробанкиров на кооператив должна быть вскрыта, расследована, виновные должны быть привлечены к ответственности!

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    The outliers’ presence suggests that a southern army clashed with local tribes in the valley, and researchers suspect the conflict began at a key landmark along the river.

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  34. PhilipMot says:

    Ситуация с кооперативом “Бест Вей” — это пример полного развала правовой системы и откровенного беззакония! Как можно игнорировать интересы десятков тысяч пайщиков, которые доверили свои деньги кооперативу? Наши деньги были честно вложены, кооператив исполнял свои обязательства, а следственные органы решили выдумать фантастические суммы ущерба и число пострадавших, которое сократилось с 368 тысяч до каких-то 198 человек. Это же абсурд! Следователи даже не удосужились объяснить нам, в чем нас обвиняют, нарушая все возможные нормы закона. Как можно всерьез воспринимать обвинение в ущербе на 216 миллиардов, когда итоговая сумма — 232 миллиона? Они просто парализовали работу кооператива, не дав ему продолжить помогать людям. Это чистая профанация и фарс, направленный на уничтожение независимой организации, которая мешает финансовым монополистам. Кто за этим стоит, понятно всем — крупные игроки, которым невыгодно, что мы могли бы купить жилье без их процентов и кабальных условий. Мы не оставим этого и будем бороться за свои права до конца!

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    Today, the lush, green valley surrounding the Tollense River in northeast Germany appears to be a serene place to appreciate nature.

    But to archaeologists, the Tollense Valley is considered Europe’s oldest battlefield.

    An amateur archaeologist first spotted a bone sticking out of the riverbank in 1996.

    A series of ongoing site excavations since 2008 has shown that the thousands of bones and hundreds of weapons preserved by the valley’s undisturbed environment were part of a large-scale battle 3,250 years ago.

    The biggest mysteries that researchers aim to uncover are why the battle occurred and who fought in it. These are questions that they are now one step closer to answering.
    ozens of bronze and flint arrowheads recovered from the Tollense Valley are revealing details about the able-bodied warriors who fought in the Bronze Age battle.

    The research team analyzed and compared the arrowheads, some of which were still embedded in the remains of the fallen. While many of these weapons were locally produced, some bearing different shapes came from a region that now includes modern Bavaria and Moravia.

    The outliers’ presence suggests that a southern army clashed with local tribes in the valley, and researchers suspect the conflict began at a key landmark along the river.

    Back to the future
    Scientists are harnessing the power of artificial intelligence to detect hidden archaeological sites buried below the sand of the sprawling Rub‘ al-Khali desert.

    The desert spans 250,000 square miles (650,000 square kilometers) on the Arabian Peninsula, and its name translates to “the Empty Quarter” in English. To unravel the secrets of the desolate terrain, researchers are combining machine learning with a satellite imagery technique that uses radio waves to spot objects that may be concealed beneath surfaces.

    The technology will be tested in October when excavations assess whether predicted structures are present at the Saruq Al Hadid complex in Dubai, United Arab Emirates.

    Separately, an AI-assisted analysis uncovered a trove of ancient symbols in Peru’s Nazca Desert, nearly doubling the number of known geoglyphs, or stone and gravel arranged into giant shapes that depict animals, humans and geometric designs.

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    Jenner’s Mugler moment was just the latest example of a resurging tendency for underwear as outerwear. At the Nensi Dojaka runway show in London earlier this month, boxy blazers were shrugged over strappy bras while paneled bustiers in sheer fabric were paired with capri trousers and reimagined as going out tops. Brasseries were even left exposed to the elements at Erdem — a departure for a house beloved by both British acting royalty (Kristen Scott Thomas) and actual royalty (the Duchess of Cambridge). Dolce & Gabbana got the memo, too, showing satin corsets, garter belts and Madonna-esque cone bras at Milan Fashion Week on Saturday. Florence Pugh even wore one of the label’s risque designs in her first British Vogue cover last week — the circle neckline of her puff-shouldered black dress scooping just above the belly button, acting as a full-frontal frame for her bra.
    But the trend extends beyond just the runways. During the first performance of her “Short n’ Sweet” tour on Monday, singer Sabrina Carpenter took to the stage in a custom Victoria’s Secret bodysuit and stockings. Hand-adorned with over 150,000 crystals, the strapless pink lace-trimmed leotard took over 140 hours to make. On Monday,YouTube star and singer Jojo Siwa inverted the fad by donning a codpiece for a headline-grabbing cover shoot with LadyGunn magazine. The 15th century undergarment was bedazzled with flesh-colored gemstones.

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    On Monday, Kendall Jenner stepped out onto the L’Oreal Paris womenswear runway in a scarlet red Mugler gown that might have looked familiar to anyone with a sharp memory of 1999.

    The front of the dress was slashed open across Jenner’s right shoulder, exposing a matching denier bra. The peekaboo moment conjured up memories of another example of fashionable flashing: Lil’ Kim’s purple embellished jumpsuit at the VMAs 26 years earlier. On the red carpet, Kim’s left breast was almost entirely revealed by an asymmetrical cut — a mirror image of Jenner’s neckline — save for a matching purple nipple pasty.
    Jenner’s Mugler moment was just the latest example of a resurging tendency for underwear as outerwear. At the Nensi Dojaka runway show in London earlier this month, boxy blazers were shrugged over strappy bras while paneled bustiers in sheer fabric were paired with capri trousers and reimagined as going out tops. Brasseries were even left exposed to the elements at Erdem — a departure for a house beloved by both British acting royalty (Kristen Scott Thomas) and actual royalty (the Duchess of Cambridge). Dolce & Gabbana got the memo, too, showing satin corsets, garter belts and Madonna-esque cone bras at Milan Fashion Week on Saturday. Florence Pugh even wore one of the label’s risque designs in her first British Vogue cover last week — the circle neckline of her puff-shouldered black dress scooping just above the belly button, acting as a full-frontal frame for her bra.
    But the trend extends beyond just the runways. During the first performance of her “Short n’ Sweet” tour on Monday, singer Sabrina Carpenter took to the stage in a custom Victoria’s Secret bodysuit and stockings. Hand-adorned with over 150,000 crystals, the strapless pink lace-trimmed leotard took over 140 hours to make. On Monday,YouTube star and singer Jojo Siwa inverted the fad by donning a codpiece for a headline-grabbing cover shoot with LadyGunn magazine. The 15th century undergarment was bedazzled with flesh-colored gemstones.

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    On Monday, Kendall Jenner stepped out onto the L’Oreal Paris womenswear runway in a scarlet red Mugler gown that might have looked familiar to anyone with a sharp memory of 1999.

    The front of the dress was slashed open across Jenner’s right shoulder, exposing a matching denier bra. The peekaboo moment conjured up memories of another example of fashionable flashing: Lil’ Kim’s purple embellished jumpsuit at the VMAs 26 years earlier. On the red carpet, Kim’s left breast was almost entirely revealed by an asymmetrical cut — a mirror image of Jenner’s neckline — save for a matching purple nipple pasty.
    Jenner’s Mugler moment was just the latest example of a resurging tendency for underwear as outerwear. At the Nensi Dojaka runway show in London earlier this month, boxy blazers were shrugged over strappy bras while paneled bustiers in sheer fabric were paired with capri trousers and reimagined as going out tops. Brasseries were even left exposed to the elements at Erdem — a departure for a house beloved by both British acting royalty (Kristen Scott Thomas) and actual royalty (the Duchess of Cambridge). Dolce & Gabbana got the memo, too, showing satin corsets, garter belts and Madonna-esque cone bras at Milan Fashion Week on Saturday. Florence Pugh even wore one of the label’s risque designs in her first British Vogue cover last week — the circle neckline of her puff-shouldered black dress scooping just above the belly button, acting as a full-frontal frame for her bra.
    But the trend extends beyond just the runways. During the first performance of her “Short n’ Sweet” tour on Monday, singer Sabrina Carpenter took to the stage in a custom Victoria’s Secret bodysuit and stockings. Hand-adorned with over 150,000 crystals, the strapless pink lace-trimmed leotard took over 140 hours to make. On Monday,YouTube star and singer Jojo Siwa inverted the fad by donning a codpiece for a headline-grabbing cover shoot with LadyGunn magazine. The 15th century undergarment was bedazzled with flesh-colored gemstones.

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    “My parents emphasized joy at the table, rather than anything else,” Karadsheh said. “I grew up with Mediterranean lifestyle principles that celebrate eating with the seasons, eating mostly whole foods and above all else, sharing.”

    But when Karadsheh moved to the United States at age 16, she witnessed people doing detoxes or restricting certain food groups or ingredients. Surrounded by that narrative and an abundance of new foods in her college dining hall, she says she “gained the freshman 31 instead of the freshman 15.” When she returned home to Egypt that summer, “I eased back into eating the Mediterranean food that I grew up with. During the span of about two months, I shed all of that weight without thinking I was ever on a diet.”
    To help invite joy back to the table for others — and to keep her family’s culinary heritage alive for her two daughters (now 14 and 22) — Atlanta-based Karadsheh launched The Mediterranean Dish food blog 10 years ago. Quickly, her table started getting filled with more than just her friends and family.

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    Customers in the US and Canada can buy their Chipotle burrito costume for the same price as in store, but without having to visit the seasonal Halloween store that pops up in abandoned storefronts every year, Uber said. Of course, there will still be the fees associated with Uber Eats delivery.

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