How To Escape Being “Friended”

February 12, 2010 by Thundercat
Filed under Tips & Tricks

A poster named Regal had a great tip on mASF about avoiding having a girl “Friend” you when you’re trying to get sexual with her.

Regal writes:

I’ve never really been the kind of guy who got the “Let’s just be friends” speech — I’m typically too aggressive / inconsiderate to realistically be considered “friends” material by women.

That said, I’ll hear it occassionally if I’m escalating with a girl who’s trying to resist me — maybe she wants to slow things down because she likes me as a boyfriend, or maybe she’s in a committed relationship or has reservations about me for some other reason or she just hasn’t decided she’s ready to sleep with me yet.

When you get something like, “Maybe it’s better if we’re just friends,” or, “I think you’d make a good friend,” there’s one easy, powerful statement you can make to shut that down and communicate your intentions:

“I don’t want to be your friend.”

Say it with a half-smile and bedroom eyes… and be sexy about it.

Nice guys won’t use this line, because they’re too scared to risk losing the girl in question from their lives by telling her they don’t want to be her friend. “Oh no, if I tell her I don’t want her as a friend, she’ll leave me!” they think. Then, they keep her as a friend while she sleeps with some other, stronger man.

When you tell her this, you instantly show her you’re not one of those guys.

Another reason it’s a strong statement is that it makes it clear what you DO want; if you’re spending time with her, touching her, laughing with her, but you don’t want to be her friend, there’s only one other thing you CAN be.

And you also force her to make a choice. She knows now that you’re not going to be her friend. She also knows that it’s your intention to sleep with her. If she chooses to stay with you, she’s accepting your advances. So, in making this statement, you force her to make a conscious decision to accept your advances. And since the force of inertia means it’s a lot easier for her to stay and accept it than fight it and leave, unless she hates your guts she’s not going to go.

Obviously, this won’t work if she doesn’t actually LIKE you… but if you’re sexy and you’re doing what you should be doing, this is a strong statement that swats objections out of the way and ramps up her attraction for you. It’s lain along the path to a few lays for me, and I don’t hear this objection a whole lot.

Next time you do, give it a try…

I couldn’t agree with this more. Too often, guys allow the girl they are with to set the frame. When she says she just “wants to be friends,” most guys accept that as being true and try to deal with it. What Regal is suggesting here is totally dismissing the premise of that frame entirely and having her choose to accept your frame or not.

Good stuff.

Tags: frames, last minute resistance, lets just be friends, relationships