Women In Charge In Marriage

So it looks like a new study has proven what pretty much most married men know to be true… that women are the ones in charge at home.

Men might throw their weight around at the office, but at home, women are the bosses.

A study, which was just released, finds that wives have more power than their husbands in making decisions and dominating discussions.

"The study at least suggests that the marriage is a place where women can exert some power," said lead author David Vogel, a psychologist at Iowa State University (ISU). "Whether or not it’s because of changing societal roles, we don’t know.”

The results counter past research.

“Most of the research literature in psychology has suggested that women have less power,” Vogel told LiveScience. “They have largely based that on the fact that traditionally men earn more money and so therefore would have the ability to make big decisions in the relationship.” That wasn’t the case in this study.

Snippage.

Trained volunteers coded the videotapes using a scale that rated couples’ interactions based on words and behaviors associated with blame (blames, accuses and criticizes the partner); demand (nags, pressures for change, requests); withdrawal and avoidance (avoids discussion the problem by hesitating, changing topics, diverting attention or looking away); and discussion.

Wives were more demanding—asking for changes in the relationship or in their partner—and were more likely to get their way than the husbands. This held regardless of who had chosen the issue.

The women were not just talking more than their husbands.

"It wasn’t just that the women were bringing up issues that weren’t being responded to, but that the men were actually going along with what they said,” Vogel explained. “[Women] were communicating more powerful messages, and men were responding to those messages by agreeing or giving in.”

One reason for in-charge wives could be that they carry the weight of making sure the family farm is running smoothly.

"Women are responsible for overseeing the relationship, making sure the relationship runs, that everything gets done, and that everybody’s happy," Murphy said.

Wife power could signal a harmonious couple. "There’s been research that suggests that’s a marker of a healthy marriage—that men accept influence from their wives," Murphy said.

A harmonious couple, possibly.  An unhappy couple?  Definitely.  Most married men I know tend to just agree with their wives so they don’t have to deal with a fight, but then go off and do what they were going to do anyway.  I call it "Married Ear."  We listen, then we ignore.

The interesting part I found in this article was that wives tended to demand changes in the relationship or in their partner.  This isn’t exactly news, but it does point out the disadvantage men face in marriage.  They have to either force a change to suit their wife, or be miserable.  Doesn’t sound very appealing does it?  In my experience, I’ve found that this behavior by the women tends to drive the man to cheat.  And can you blame the guy?  I mean, he’s the same dude she married, and now that she’s married him, she wants him to be someone he’s not.

In situations like that, the guy just might not feel comfortable at the home.

I understand that you need a strong woman to make sure the family is running smoothly, but in my experience, all the best marriages seem to occur when the man has the final say in most matters.  Marriage is a partnership, but having a ball-busting wife you can never win with is a sure-fire recipe for a FAILED marriage.