How To Get Rid Of Neediness
June 22, 2007 by Thundercat
Filed under Tips & Tricks
So a guy going by the handle Green over on mASF had a question about overcoming neediness…
Green
Recently I thought about times when i had conversations with girls,and analysed what i have said in those convos , i realised that I sometimes act needy.ItВґs very difficult to see your needyness yourself unless someone tells you or you think back and realize it. And then itВґs tooo late!
How do you guys dust off all your needyness that you have towards women?
IВґm grateful for any responses and advice that anyone has!
I found this question to be quite interesting because, well, I think a lot of guys suffer from this.
When talking to a woman, SO MANY guys are like a starving dog, wagging their tails, excited that they might actually get laid.
And though it might not be obvious to them, it’s obvious to pretty much everyone else.
Other than approach anxiety, I’d say learning to overcome neediness is the biggest obstacle a newbie has to face.
The best way, in my opinion, to get rid of neediness is to shift your focus away from that which is causing you to be needy.
First of all, what do you feel you need?
Is it sex? Validation? Emotional connection? All of the above? Figure that out first. What is it that’s causing you to be needy?
For most guys, once they get the sense that they might actually have a chance of having sex with a girl, it’s like a slab of meat has just been thrown to a hungry dog. They pounce on it, because they want it so bad!
And when you go after something so directly, it can scare people off.
So if you notice you’re getting needy because you want to have sex, shift your focus to something else! Instead of looking to get this girl into bed, say to yourself "You know what? Let’s forget about that for now, and just focus on getting to know her (or have fun with her)."
Once you shift your focus, you can start to relax, because the "pressure to get her into bed" will disappear.
Another way to do this is to find something that fulfills your need. Ever notice how married guys or guys with girlfriends seem to attract women easier than single guys? That’s because they’re getting their sex needs fulfilled, so they tend to relax around girls, and that relaxed attitude helps make the girls attracted to them – because they naturally tease them, joke with them, and have fun with them.
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Wendy Chen decided to challenge herself by climbing Mount Tai, a well-known mountain in eastern China.
But there was one obstacle in her way: she couldn’t find a friend to join her for the five-hour trek.
Rather than forgo her plans, the 25-year-old hired a “climbing buddy,” a young man with extensive outdoor experience, to accompany and support her to the 5,000-foot peak.
Known in Chinese as “pei pa” (meaning “accompany to climb”), these are young Chinese men who join strangers on their journeys up popular mountains for a price. The trend has gained momentum this year, as hashtags related to “climbing buddy” have had over 100 million views on Chinese social media.
Young, athletic individuals, often university students or even military veterans, advertise themselves on social media platforms like Xiaohongshu and Douyin, with profiles featuring their height, fitness level and hiking experience. They usually charge between 200 to 600 yuan ($30 to $85) per trip.
During the climb, these “buddies” will do anything to distract their clients from feeling exhausted and push them to keep going: from singing, telling jokes, playing music, verbal encouragement, going so far as carrying their bags, holding their hands, and pulling them.
A day on the mountain
Chen and her climbing buddy’s adventure began at around 8:00 pm so she could arrive at the peak in time for the famous sunrise. After assessing her fitness level, her climbing buddy planned a moderate route and carried her backpack the whole way.
When they faced chilling winds at the peak, Chen’s climbing buddy rented a thick coat for her while directing her to a walled shelter.
At the moment the sun rose, Chen’s climbing buddy was already prepared with a national flag and other props so that she could take a memorable photo. Though she felt his photography skills still had room to improve, she rated her climbing buddy as “satisfactory.” The service cost her 350 yuan ($49).
Though Chen paid a typical price for a climbing buddy, she acknowledges that more good-looking buddies can command higher rates.
“Attractiveness is also part of their strength,” she says.
Climbing buddies’ main customers tend to be single young women, but that’s slowly changing.
A video of a strong male university student carrying a three-year-old effortlessly up a steep mountain — while the toddler’s mother trailed far behind — went viral this summer.
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Which fashion item is as beloved by members of the royal family as it is by JLo? Or as relevant on the runways of 2024 as in the knitting catalogs of 1960? The answer is surprisingly festive. The Fair Isle knit, a two-stranded knitting tradition originating off the coast of Scotland, has been a wardrobe staple for well over 100 years — keeping everyone from 18th century fisherman to Mick Jagger warm.
In the last five years, luxury brands Ralph Lauren, Thom Browne, Chanel, Celine, Balenciaga, Raf Simons, Versace and Dries van Noten have all sent their renditions of the heritage knit down the catwalk. London-based designer Molly Goddard has even made the pattern something of an unofficial signature, making sure to pair a structured Fair Isle-style knit with a flouncy, tulle skirt in almost every collection.
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