How Not To Be Dependant On One Woman

August 29, 2005 by  
Filed under Tips & Tricks

n3rv1 has one hell of a post over on mASF about something he calls "Dependancy."  We all know how sometimes a guy can get hung up on that "one special girl," and when that happens, he ignores all other possibilities with women only to eventually find out that the girl of his desire just wants to be "friends."  Well, n3rv1 offers a solution to that predicament…

n3rv1 writes:
Variation.

I’m not a drug councelor or anywhere near an expert on the issue, so what I mean by "dependency" is a subtle kind of mental weakness that keeps a guy from doing things out of the ordinary, like, say, having sex with different women.

As I see it, dependency keeps a guy in his comfort zone. This is a big issue. He learns to depend on circumstances being familiar. His system can’t cope unless he is "in his element," so to speak. This inability to cope with new situations will, over time, translate into an unwillingness to ACT outside of the boundaries of what’s known and predictable.

This unwillingness to act is what I mean by "dependency."

The best cure for this is VARIATION in all senses of the meaning.

Mix it up. Keep things fresh. Engage everything. These words are purposely ambiguous.

Hovering over insignifcant details shouldn’t be allowed. Sticking to one train of thought for too long should become UNCOMFORTABLE. "New" things should no longer be seen as
"new," but "natural."

I seriously think this issue and explanation is multi-applicable. I think it has to do with PU, sexual activity, probably even drug/substance use, feelings of motivation, happiness, and a whole lot of other shit that I can’t explain.

Personal, REAL LIFE examples of how I try to keep things in variation include, but are in no way limited to:

Physical Activities: Obviously sex, lifting weights, playing frisbee golf, swimming, canoeing, hiking, camping, biking, fishing, cooking outdoors, playing drums, painting, working two part-time jobs instead of one full-time job, walking as transportation, doing weird shit, etc.

Mental Activities: #1 MOST IMPORTANT: TALKING TO STRANGERS (there’s no better mental exercise for me than having quick connections with random people — it’s a dual exercise in wit and empathy, it’s not PU, it’s nothing that takes EFFORT, it’s just an overall openness and compassion for other human beings), listening to as wide a variety of music as possible, reading (philosophy, art, comparative mythology, great literary works, science magazines, psychology, PU, current affairs, history, comic books, etc) writing(***PU JOURNAL*** –> key item: keeping track of approaches and random interactions I’ve had throughout the day keeps positive experiences in my conscious sphere, making it easier for me to project positive friendly-guy vibes}, interesting-event journal, dream journal, keeping track of upcoming events, creative writing, mASF, written correspondence, chat, random thoughts jotted down on post-it notes, etc), watching movies and TV (which I don’t get enough of — with no cable access and a budget too tight for rentals or high-speed internet I’m kind of out of touch with pop culture)

The main point I’m trying to make is that it is possible to INGRAIN VARIETY into your behavior and lifestyle, not in a drastic, earth-shattering way, but in MANY realistic, subtle, yet impactful ways.

I wholeheartedly agree with n3rv1′s assessment here.  It’s really foolish to latch on to just ONE woman (at least until you’re married or in a relationship).  You have to keep your options open and meet lots of women.  This little tactic will really help you from getting your heart broken.

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Comments

4,239 Responses to “How Not To Be Dependant On One Woman”
  1. SPG says:

    No problem with the advice “don’t latch on to one woman.” I couldn’t agree more. You’ll never be able to fully appreciate the possibilities in relationships with women until you’ve dated a lot of women. Not only will it keep you from getting “oneitits,” it’ll also expand your reality about what’s possible in a relationship. Great advice.

    The problem I have with n3rv1 is he doesn’t seem to be exploring the variety of life to life a rich, full life, but is instead living a haphazard, random and seemingly pointless existence in order to improve his game, as if the mere act of being random will help him score with chicks.

    Having a rich and varied life is great, but living a life without DIRECTION is stupid and a HUGE turnoff to women.

    And the two part-time jobs instead of one full-time job is the worst career advice I’ve ever heard. n3rv1′s advice is a recipe for a shitty life. Ignore the bastard.

  2. bigsend says:

    Hes got some good points. Getting out of a comfort zone is vital in Pick Up and the best way is to force yourself to get out of the comfort zone until you are fine.

    However, I still have issues that deal with this, so if anyone can add more it would be awesome.

    I may check out David D’s “Deep Inner Game” fiasco with Dr. Paul.

  3. massive_rage says:

    Dude bigsend,
    Try asking every woman you find attractive what time it is. Just do this for one day or however long you want. Once you can do this comfortably and ending with a “thank you” you can say something like, “I saw you back there and I just got curious about you. My name is so and so.” or whatever you want and proceed to control the situation by leading to your intended outcome.

    Make sure to have good eye contact whenever your delivering the “bait” and relax your shoulders and your back. Ask for the time until you can feel COMFORTABLE saying it and then proceed to throw something more interesting out to her.

    Remember that 93% of communication is body language and voice tone, so think of your body as an instrument that can be easily learned to be used with positive effects in the long run.

    Basically learn to feel completely composed and comfortable and learn to pick up the skill of opening and leading a conversation. Don’t put too much importance on the outcome as it will ruin you!

    Don’t forget to have fun!

  4. massive_rage says:

    I’m not gonna lie to you guys, but I’m kind of drunk. I just realized that I wrote to say what time it is and then say something interesting.

    What I meant is once you can feel comfortable approaching and asking for the time you could change it up by saying something different on the next girl.

    Focus on learning the skill of a Leader!

  5. The Distinguishing Gentleman says:

    “I may check out David D’s “Deep Inner Game” fiasco with Dr. Paul.”

    That’s no fiasco. That’s some really potent stuff that cuts straight to the core. As a student of Dr Paul, I can say that he’s had some of the most positive impacts on my inner-game in the few months I’ve known him. I would wholeheartedly recommend it.

  6. BigSend says:

    Yeah its been a few months and I have read into Dr. Paul by now

    Fiasco was *NOT* meant in a negative way. Its just a stupid slang adjective.

    After getting into his material I DO RECOMMEND HIS PRODUCTS.

    And pardon my word usage. Fiasco was some joking hyperbole.

    Thunder if you can delete that word, it’d be great. I don’t want people to get the wrong idea.

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