Dr. Neder on Beliefs
June 28, 2005 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
Got an email from blog poster Handsom Man (who seems to have his own blog now, by the way =) who referenced an article written by Dr. Neder, of DYD fame, on Beliefs. So if you’re looking for some good info on Inner Game stuff, check it out by reading on below…
Update!
Just got this email from the good doctor himself…
Dr. Neder writes:
Hello ThunderCat!I appreciate you
posting my article on your site. However I’d like to point out just a few
discrepancies:1) I’m not of "DYD"
fame. I’ve written two books, recorded CD’s, written hundreds of articles, done
hundreds of TV and radio appearances, all under "Being a Man in a Woman’s
World". Perhaps you could correct that?2) I post articles
free of use (a new one each week by the way if you’re interested), and ask only
that you always include the following byline with them (at the end of the
article):————
Have a love, dating,
relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me
at dwneder@beingaman.com for answers.
For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman’s World" (volumes I
& II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion
group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman. Copyright (c) 2005,
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
————
Dr. Dennis Neder’s Post on Beliefs
This is an interesting question with an even more interesting answer.
One
of the most popular forms of psychotherapy involves helping the client
change their belief system in order to deal with situations in
different ways. I have actually been working on a new method that is
more direct. I won’t go into all of this here as it’s far too
complicated and involved for the subject. However, here are some basic
steps you can use right now in order to begin this process:
1) Start with the end in mind.
In
other words, what outcome do you want? It’s not enough to simply say "I
want to meet chicks." Instead, you have to be very specific here and do
the same type of work you’d do with your goals. You can say something
like, "I will [note the positive, present tense in the statement] meet
5 women that fit my type in the next 30 days." You also have to
determine your "type" which you will from BAM1.
2) Visualize how your life will be different when you’ve reached your goal.
Can
you imagine what changes will occur in your life when you’ve
accomplished this? You absolutely must! Try to picture the positive
feelings of having 5 women’s numbers that want you to call them.
Imagine the calmness you’ll feel in relieving the tension from your
goal. By setting a goal like this, you create tension. That’s
important. By reaching it, you relieve this tension. That’s important
too. Work on imagining how you’ll feel, how things will look and even
how the world sounds when you’ve accomplished your goal! Focus on the
fact that you’re changing fundamentally simply in reaching your goal.
It’s that very change that’s critical. Once you change, you’ll never go
back to being the way you were before.
3) Turn up these feelings.
It’s
not enough to simply say, "Ok, I feel this way – that’s nice." You now
need to amplify them and feel them throughout your body. You need to
visualize the positive impact of reaching your goal and actually enjoy
the success – even though you haven’t yet reached it. Continue to do
this at least twice every day for the next week. More often and longer
is even better.
Think of this as a reward for having set the
goal in the first place. Reward yourself by imaging all the good things
you deserve as having already come to you and think deeply of the
person you’ll become through it. Don’t just feel good about the goal,
feel good about whom you’ve become in reaching the goal. The difference
is critical.
4) Project those feelings into action.
Before
you set out to actually accomplish your goal, "project forward" into
time that feeling of accomplishment. Get excited about achieving that
first (or next) step along your way. Actually see [through your own
eyes] that experience of accomplishing the first step. Imagine how
confident and centered you’ll feel because you’ve done it. Then, get
excited about the next step. Use the feelings of excitement to create
enthusiasm in your goal and continue to spur you on.
5) Continue to act until you reach your goal.
Don’t
give up. Continue your actions until you reach your goals. Give
concerted effort to accomplishing them, but don’t beat your head
against a wall. If your plans don’t help you get where you want to go,
then find new plans. Write your goals in concrete – they are never
changing; but write your plans in sand. The methods you use to
accomplish your goals aren’t important. Accomplishing them is!
6) Reward yourself for each accomplishment – even small ones.
These
rewards don’t have to be huge but they should have meaning. In other
words, it’s ok to tell yourself, "Good job!" and to feel that reward.
Likewise, as you continue along in accomplishing your goals, it’s ok -
and even good – to reward yourself in other ways too.
7) Don’t fail to set your next goal before you’re finished with the first!
This
is important. If you don’t set the next goal and try to ride the high
of accomplishing the first, you’ll never get very far. You want to
constantly be moving in the direction of your bigger, more important
goals by setting smaller ones short-term. Each step along the way gets
you closer to your big goals, but you need to see the next step before
you get to the end of the current one. In effect, these smaller goals
overlap into accomplishing your bigger goals. Your bigger goals overlap
into accomplishing your ultimate goals, and finally your ultimate goals
overlap into accomplishing your life’s plan.
————
Have a love, dating,
relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me
at dwneder@beingaman.com for answers.
For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman’s World" (volumes I
& II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion
group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman. Copyright (c) 2005,
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
————
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