How Do People Meet Other People?
June 17, 2005 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
Back in the day when I was a lonely, clueless loser who’d spend his weeknights sitting hunched over the computer viewing internet porn instead of interacting with society, I used to wonder: “How do people meet each other?”
To me, this question was on the same level as “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” and “If a tree falls in the forest with no one around, does it make a sound?” It was basically a question one could never truly know the answer to. Though, every time I would go out in public and see guy after guy with their girlfriends and wives, I would be reminded of this question.
How do people meet each other?
Or more specifically, how do guys meet women? What does everyone else know that I don’t? Why am I alone and they are with somebody? What is the secret?
Once I decided to take control of my life and make a concerted effort to meet women, I discovered the secret. And it’s a secret that’s so simple, so obvious, that I wonder why I didn’t know it before. Some of you out there reading this probably already know the secret, some might be like I was and not be aware of it. But when you hear it, this secret will make perfect sense. So are you ready to hear it? The secret to meeting other people is…
You talk to them.
Was I right? Is it obvious? I know it may seem rather simplistic, but this is probably the single most important notion there is when it comes to getting a girlfriend/wife/booty call, or what have you. If you do not talk to someone, you will never MEET them.
And you can’t have a relationship with someone you never meet.
The simple act of talking to a woman can lead to so many different things:
–You get a glimpse into her personality
–You find out what you two have in common
–You get to see if there’s any chemistry between the two of you
–You give yourself an opening to get her contact information
–You establish a level of trust and comfort that will allow you to ask her out later on
All this from the simple act of moving your mouth and having words come out!
It is because of this concept that I wrote my book, The Art Of Approaching, because there is so much to know about meeting women. You can talk to them, but what if they don’t respond favorably? What if you run out of stuff to talk about? What if you can’t even think of something to talk about at all?
This is where the concept of the “opener” comes in.
I’ve talk about openers in other newsletters before, and I go into extreme detail about them in my book. But having a good opener is too important a concept just to let it go mentioned once or twice.
Without a good opener to use when meeting a woman, you’re really rolling the dice and taking a chance that what you say to her initially will:
1. Get her to talk to you
2. Engage her in conversation
Maybe what you say will get her to respond with a “Yes or no” answer. If that’s the case, where do you go from there?
Maybe what you have to say will get her to explain something to you, but will it really engage her in conversation? Will she continue to talk to you so you can establish that “trust and comfort” foundation you’ll need to get her information?
These are the factors you have to take into account when you go about meeting a woman. Here are some examples of openers you want to avoid:
“Do you know where X is?”
“Do I know you from somewhere?”
“That’s a nice X you’re wearing.”
“Do you come here often?”
The list goes on. But if you look at all those statements above, they don’t really lead anywhere. They’re not engaging, they’re not interesting, and they will not help you get to know the woman you’re talking to any better.
Here’s a good opener for you to “test out” this weekend or whenever you’re going out next. When you see a girl you like and want to meet, walk up to her and ask:
“Hey, I got a quick question. Do you read your horoscope?”
See how this opener differs from the ones above? You’re not asking her an ordinary question she hears a million times a day, and there’s an intriguing element to it. Most women are interested in horoscopes and other new-agey stuff, so even if they DON’T read their horoscope, they may be interested in why you’re asking the question.
If she says YES, it is easy to ask her what her sign is and what her horoscope is telling her. This is great because she will be giving you information about herself that you can use to your advantage in the conversation.
If she says NO, ask her if she’s ever checked her horoscope before and then ask her what her sign is.
No matter what she says, always follow up with “Hmmm. That’s interesting…”
When she asks “Why?” say “Well, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but you know what they say about Pisces (or Aries, or Scorpio, or whatever her sign is)?”
By now she’ll be really interested. Follow up by saying “Pisces (Aries, etc.) women are the most sexual women out there.”
Watch her reaction, and then follow up with a story to get the conversation flowing. Here’s one I use:
“I know this because my ex girlfriend was a Pisces (Aries, whatever), and she was the most sexual woman you’ll ever meet. We used to have so much fun together, doing all sorts of wild things, she was totally open to doing anything. I used to think it was just her, but every Pisces woman I’ve dated has always been really fun and sexual. What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever done?”
See how that works? You set it up so that you present her with a role you want her to adopt (being sexual and fun and open to anything), and show it in a positive light. And even if she doesn’t agree with your assessment of her sign, you’re getting her to share with you what wild stuff she HAS done.
Before you know it, you’re in a conversation!
Typically, you’ll want to have three good openers to use one after another, all with follow-up stories to get the conversation flowing.
I cover this strategy and more in great detail in my book, The Art Of Approaching. If you really want to get good at meeting women and unlocking the mystery of getting a girlfriend, you need to download your copy today! You can do so by clicking here.
The sooner you check out my book, the sooner you can go out and meet any woman you want!
Wishing you success with women,
Thundercat
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Actually I developed this excercise for when I have a wig-out, approach anxiety comes back, or anything similar, that anyone can do which is drumroll please…
“Do you know where X is?”
Yep… I actually got into awesome convos with this one… Ones where I could easily go for a phone number. It’s not the words at all Thundy on the opener… Not at all!!
Actually I discovered it by accident when I was trying out BL stuff/physical part of approaching etc… on a workshop… I was only practicing to be able to approach a girl without her freaking out lol… So I was actually surprised that something like “Do you know where X is?” would get anything more than a close-ended answer. My goal was them to give me X without freaking up, but they ended up being chatty and flirty. But since then I’ve done it a couple of times and got into a sarge right from it…
HERE’s the simple fact… Girls ALWAYS assume that you’re trying to pick them up… Yes even if you genuinely ask a girl where x is, what time it is… She assumes its an excuse for you wanting to pick-up… SO… If she assumes you’re sarging her ANYWAY… no matter what you say… “where is x” or “who lies more”… So what do you do? You pay attention to what SHE’s really paying attention to… the Body Language and subcommunication…
Although your openers do have a good use. They are awesome for the guy… To the girl it doesn’t matter. But with the openers you have written a book about, the guy can feel more confident approaching i.e. get the BL, subcommunication correctly. But they are training wheels, so perhaps you should add that distinction… Once they get over with them just fine, i.e. they get awesome at approachign with openers… in the future they can walk up with ANY cheesy, over-used, stupid, pickup-line and it would work. Or they could say hi… Don’t matter.
Thundercat-
Brilliant post. If you don’t open your mouth to speak, you’ll never get laid (or get a girlfried etc). Period.
Alek-
Your response is right on the money as well, bro. Openers are a great *excuse* approach a woman (and build CONFIDENCE to talk to women)…initially…but once approaching with confidence has become natural and second nature, it doesn’t too much matter WHAT you say when you approach.
Heck, you can even go to DIRECT approaching/game with much success at this point…like Shark would do.
Tingly
Great post, Thundercat. Boy, does that bring back painful memories.
But I’m finding approaching does pay. I made 2 approaches the other day, one especially I thought “died on the operating table,” but I got text messages in response.
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