Deconstructing Swinggcat, Vol. II

A while back I wrote a post about an upcoming Newsletter of Swinggcat’s that I thought was going to be really excellent. He recently sent it out and gave me permission to repost it here on the site, so I’m gonna do my usual thing and instead of just reposting it outright, I’m gonna break it down with my own thoughts on the subject.

Respect the Process…
Hey guys,

Lately, a lot of the questions many of you have been sending me relate to a specific issue – one that hits very close to home for me. The heart of this matter is less obvious to most men than an insect flying towards an ultraviolet bug zapper, thinking, “the light is so beautiful!”… zap!

For many, dating and attracting women is about the male ego at war in the singles scene trenches. I spent a lot of time coming from this place, deterring me from the massive success with women I desperately sought after.

The Male Ego War is quite a good metaphor in my opinion. It’s very much about how most men in society rate their validation — through the approval of women. By going out and looking to hook up, we put our egos on the line, hoping that we will get the validation we seek. We think “Oh, if a hot girl likes us, then we’re not ugly, or bald, or fat, or anything bad! We’re good the way we are! We’re worth loving!” But when we don’t get that, our Ego is crushed, and most men will descend into a pit of misery and self-loathing, all because some girl “had to go to the bathroom” and left us holding our wanker.

My big breakthrough – transforming me from an average Waldo into a rock star with women – came when I adopted a single mindset. But before I tell you what this mindset is, let’s take a look at two categories of mindsets that can sabotage a man’s success with women.

The first category relates to men believing that their lack of success with women is due to their own shortcomings. I get questions, for example, from guys asking if the reason why such-and-such girl doesn’t like them is because they are bald, or short, or old, or gauche, or blessed with an unfunny wit, or as sexy as a hairy mole…or whatever. These emails break my heart because I spent many years coming from the same place. I think most of us to some extent have. Maybe it comes from some unfounded myth in our culture, disseminated by media, school, parents and friends, purporting: if someone is of perceived higher value than you, they are not allowed to be attracted to you. I don’t know? But I do know one thing: the same type of women I once felt unworthy of, are now very attracted to me. I, furthermore, have short, bald, fat, broke friends who are constantly attracting beautiful, sophisticated, intelligent, wealthy women. Are you becoming a little suspicious of this cultural myth? Good!

Speaking as a bald, fat, broke guy, I can say this is pretty accurate. The idea of percieved social value is such a stupid one, because it doesn’t exist. It’s not a tangible thing that is grounded in reality. It’s all about perception. I used to think that because I’m not an attractive guy, I’d never be able to get the kind of girl I wanted. But I’ve seen HUGE fat guys, REALLY ugly guys, and even MIDGETS, all of which could get really hot girls. And because of that, I came to the realization that most of the things that were holding me back were in my head, and in fact did not REALLY exist. In fact, the barriers I put up for myself were about as real as the percieved social value of the women I lusted after.

Anyway, the newsletter gets better…

The second category relates to men believing that their lack of success with women is due to
something in their external environment. One mindset that fits into this category is the belief that certain venues are not only difficult but next to impossible to attract women in. I once had a mentor, for example, that told me that bars and nightclubs are unfeasible environments for a man to attract women, unless he is wealthy, famous, or model good looking. And that the vast majority of women dwelling in these venues are either gold diggers, party girls, drug addicts, or have a personality that rhymes with witch (Looking back,
I now realize that the source of his bitterness towards women in bars was probably a result of his own social ineptitude – sad!).

He went on to tell me that a viable solution is to meet women in coffee shops and bookstores. This is great if you live in a place where bookstores are the happening place for attractive women to hang out. This, however, was not so for me. If I wanted to meet three or four attractive women, I would have to spend hours waiting. I suspect that I was not alone – I bet many other places in the world are similar. At night, however, I occasionally would join my friends at bars and nightclubs. These places were filled to the gills with attractive women. I would, unfortunately, remember
my mentor’s far from sage caveat: “It is next to impossible to attract women in bars.” And then sit there like a Waldo watching my very average looking friends ATTRACT these beautiful women. I know now that I was limiting my possibilities of meeting desirable women. The higher number of attractive women at a venue, the more possibilities you will have for attracting women you desire. It’s not that bars and nightclubs are always the best places to meet women – there are exceptions. But to rule out environments full of attractive women – such as, bars and nightclubs – because of your own insecurities is to limit your own possibilities of ATTRACTING desirable women. Oh, by the way, many of the women who go to bars and nightclubs are neither gold diggers nor party girls nor drug addicts. Surprisingly, many are sophisticated, intelligent women.

This is the concept that really got to me when Swinggcat first told me about it. There’s this idea that certain places are difficult to meet women in, or that certain women are unattainable, or that we have certain shortcomings. But if you step back and look at reality objectively, you realize that none of that exists in life. Life is neutral. Reality is what it is.

It’s when the human mind becomes involved that things get screwy. I can remember walking into bars and clubs in college and thinking “How can anyone meet girls in these places?” The thing was, I was projecting a barrier into my view of reality that skewed my perception in such a way that I believed it was IMPOSSIBLE to pick-up in an environment such as that, when the truth was that it IS possible, I just didn’t know HOW it was possible.

These barriers we project are a big deal, because they are the things that hold us back from reaching our goals. Yet, they do not exist. They can be taken down as easily as they are put up. This is what I find so fascinating about this observation from Swinggcat. That in a way, because we project these barriers, AND have the ability to take them down, we are, in effect, in control of our own environment. And because of that, there is no excuse not to succeed with our goals, no matter where we are or what they may be.

Notice with both mindset categories, a person projects an external barrier into the world that
often times is nothing more than a figment of his imagination. These barriers are like a dark depressing cloud looming over him.

So this begs the question: What is the proper mindset to have?

The proper mindset is about:

1) Purging your self of worries both about your own shortcomings and possible barriers in the external environment.

2) Focusing on the process of emotions you are taking her through.

3) Focusing on controlling the META-FRAME: the underlying meaning of the interaction.

As I have said in the past: ATTRACTION is not how a woman judges you, it is what you do to her mind and body. The “body” part is the emotions you take her through; while the “mind” part is you controlling the underlying meaning of the interaction.

Basically, what I think Swingg is saying here is this: you need to get out of your head. You need to mentally step back and look at what your belief system is bringing to your situation and adjust it accordingly.

When your mindset (or concern) is nothing more than both getting women so emotionally charged they are wanting and reaching for you, and defining the META-FRAME as you being the one who is the PRIZE in the interaction, you will be well on your way to being a rock star with women.

On more than one occasion I have seen a guy doing fantastic with a woman – he was getting her so
emotionally charged she was chasing him and he was defining the META-FRAME as him being the PRIZE in
the interaction. But then something happened, such as, another guy came up and started talking to the
woman he was attracting so well. Instead of keeping his composure, he stood their nervously, buckling
completely. The women intuitively picked up on his fear and the attraction was lost – she no longer
felt COMPELLED to CHASE him, and no longer saw him as the PRIZE. Her whole experience with this poor
guy had now been recontextualized. Even though this woman was feeling attraction for this guy – I
know she was because I saw it with my own eyes – she would soon rationalize to herself, for example,
that she was never attracted to him in the first place. If he had tried to reinitiate conversation in a Waldo-esque way, she might have responded with something like: “You are a loser; I would never sleep with you in a million years.” But this would only be her rationalizing in retrospect. Had he triggered the right emotions in her again and taken back control of the META-FRAME, she might have slept with him. And afterwards, rationalized how wonderful he was.

Other guys coming in and interrupting your interactions with women is another barrier you project into your environment. Fact of the matter is, other guys are not that hard to deal with if you know how to handle them. That is why I think AMOG (Alpha Male Other Guy) tactics are important, because they allow you to handle these guys in a quick and effective way. Once you know how to Beta some dude who comes up and tries to steal your girl, that barrier that you thought was there before ceases to exist. It’s that simple.

In my book I spell out in great detail the process for creating attraction between you and another woman. There are many other systems out there that claim to teach this. But what they suggest comes across so socially awkward it is kind of like trying to squeeze a square peg into a round hole. Not the
case with what you will learn from me. What I teach is comes from watching people who have exquisite social skills. So, you won’t be doing anything that comes across as socially weird or awkward. I’ll teach you
how to develop your own personality in a way that will not only make you more attractive to women; it will
make you more likable with each and every person you come into contact with. Take a giant step towards the life you deserve by checking out my book today:

http://www.realworldseduction.com

One big problem with many of the tactics out there, especially the ones that lack sufficient field testing, are that they ARE socially awkward. Part of being a good Pick-Up Artist is being able to consistently mimic the skills of a Natural Player with women. We have an advantage most Naturals don’t because we understand what we’re doing and why it works. But Naturals do what they do from the gut, so in that respect, their game is not socially awkward. A Natural will disregard most barries that other guys will usually project onto a location, woman, or situation, and just go in and do what they do best.

It’s for this reason most Naturals are so successful. Disregarding your barriers and respecting the process of attraction and seduction will get you far with women.