Common Guidelines for Approaching
March 22, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Tips & Tricks
If we had to pin down probably the HARDEST part of seducing a woman, I think a great majority of guys out there would pin it down to the Approach.
Approaching a woman cold is probably the most difficult hurdle for guys to overcome. But once you get a handle on that, everything becomes much, much easier.
Sirducer put up a post on the General forum of mASF about basic guidelines to keep in mind when approaching. I think it’s pretty good basic stuff, so I’m reposting it here for reference sake.
Sirducer writes:
Don’t say “Ladies/women/hunnies/babes etc when you approach targets. Instead say “Hey guys…” When calling them “ladies “ you automatically become a sexual predator who is interested in sex and its very obvious.Don’t have a drink in your hand while approaching, that is its OK to open a target/set near the bar if your sitting down and the target/set is near you, but do not scour the club/bar with a drink in your hand, you will come across as a drunk guy with nothing intelligent to say.
Don’t lean in while opening, leaning in is supplicative and AFC, instead make the TARGET lean in to you, use your hand and fingers to motion them over.
In fact its best to slightly turn your head into the targets direction and remaining “closed off” to her like shes just a random.Speak loud, some guys use diaphragm to talk (TD etc). I think Im finally getting it now too. Before I did this I use to come out of the club and my throat was killing me and I was loosing my voice on the way home. Now I just speak loud without screaming and if HBs still cant hear what I am saying they lean in.
Do not dwell on HBs that reject you, rejection is a good thing, you have a quota to meet at the end of the night, if it means approaching 10 sets this night then do it, 7 might say “No” but the other 3 will say “Yes”, having 3 solid closes at the end of the night is much better than having no closes at all. Get used to approaching cos guess what?? You will be approaching hundreds of girls of not thousands every year!
If your going to take a break from ASF and not sarge at all then by all means start talking to people other than your usual HB targets. Talk to guys, talk to men, talk to grannies and talk to anyone you think might make the time go past quicker. By doing this your still comfortable with approaching anyone, anywhere. If you put ASF on hold you then stop this process in your brain, its like taking a break from the gym. When you come back to train again after a month or so you will be weak and very sore after the first work out.
Good stuff. Solid advice to keep in mind when going out in the field. You can read the whole thread here.
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How To Meet Women, Anytime, Anywhere, Part I(of 2 parts)
One of the most common questions I have gotten in my 11 years of teaching Speed SeductionВ® is: what are some good and easy ways to meet women? I hate going to clubs and bars, and at 35 years old, I feel out of place in them anyway.
Now, this is one of the most common questions I get. And it’s good to see a guy up there in his 30′s still pushing for what he really wants.
Personally, as a 45 year old geezer who is as close to ugly as you can get without getting your face banned by the FDA, I still go for and GET women in their mid 20′s(occasionally I will pull a 21-22 year old) and I never set foot in clubs.
So let me lay out some master keys for meeting women, anytime anywhere. And believe me, this skill IS important.
You see, so many guys who are fixated on one girl, convinced SHE is the woman of their dreams whom they must have would actually dump her in a heartbeat if they knew they could go out and meet 10 hot women that same day they were pining over their ‘dream girl”(who probably isn’t giving them any anyway).
Hey…I’m sorry if I seem flippant here. But the reality is, the skill of meeting women anytime, anywhere, is crucial to avoiding what I call..
Relationships By Default!
You see, it has long been a theory of mine that MOST men don’t really wind up with the woman they really want. For most men, “dating” is such a form of roll the dice/crap shoot/gambling that they usually wind up settling for the woman who accidentally was attracted to them instead of the woman or women they really want.
Does this sound familiar?
Hey-I’m sorry if this seems harsh to you, but I call ‘em like I see ‘em.(And wow, did this ever get me booed and even physically attacked when I used to spout it on talk shows way back in the early and mid 90′s.
Anyway, enough rambling. What I’m about to introduce you to is light years ahead of anything else out there, primarily because IT DOES NOT RELY ON CANNED LINES.
Yes, lines can be useful. Yes, lines can work. And I’ll even give you some that are actually quite good.
But the key to remember is, with any line, it is the ATTITUDE that will determine how well the line works.
The Incredible Power Of Attitudes And Approach Positions
Basically then, there are 4 different attitudes or “approach positions”
The first one I’d like to talk about is one of my very favorite, and I call it “the Blurt Out”.
The Blurt Out pretty much is what it sounds like; you “blurt out” whatever is actually going through your mind when you first spot the lady who has your attention, without any “editing” on your part(Ok, here’s an exception: if your first thought is, “Damn, I have to touch those breasts!” it’s probably best NOT to blurt that out!!)
What I like about the Blurt Out is that it is coming from a place of vulnerability and sincerity. It’s almost like you are thinking out loud, so women tend to automatically react without suspicion and be much more open and friendly to your approach.
The Blurt Out also works because you are implying something about your confidence, without saying it. What you are implying is, “hey, I’m a sincere guy, with real guts. I’m telling you what I really think, and I’m putting my head on the chopping block and handing you the axe. Will you be a horrible person and a coward and chop my head off or will you be as cool as me and be open to talking?”
The Blurt Out tends to work best with women in motion; either women who are walking directly toward you or women with whom you are walking parallel/side to side.
Just as an example of the Blurt Out in action, I recently met a very hot 24 year old Canadian chick. I was in a parking structure for a shopping mall. She was walking up the steps, as I was walking down.
As I passed her I blurted out exactly what I was thinking in that moment, which was, “Wow..you’ve got style to burn!” just as if I was thinking out loud. She turned around, walked back down the steps and SHE initiated the conversation and later invited me to go get a beer.
That’s the key to this approach, again. Just blurt out whatever you are thinking when you see her. Even if your thoughts happen to be shy or fearful, express what you are thinking, as in, “I realized if I kept hesitating, I’d never get to meet you and I’d kick myself for a week. So I had to come up and say SOMETHING. I’m “Your Name Here”
Can you see how totally sincere and disarming this approach could be? Especially for very good looking women who keep having all sorts of bullshit thrown their way.
The Blurt Out Plus The Implied Compliment
With an implied compliment, you don’t actually say that YOU think the woman in question is hot or stylish or beautiful. You just imply it by how you state it.
Here’s an example: walking around an outdoor mall, I spotted a woman who just walked incredibly gracefully. So I walked beside her and said, “It’s just that I really admire women who carry themselves with grace and power..so I had to say “Hi”.”
See the implied compliment? I didn’t say it directly, I implied it. I said I admired women with who carry themselves with grace and power. Since I was talking to her, that must mean I think that about her.
But HER mind had to fill in the blank and apply the compliment to herself. Since this was an ACTIVE process involving her own mind, it wasn’t perceived as coming from an outsider, but rather something she herself thought. And so it goes in without resistance!
This is a sneaky way to communicate, but you’ll learn a lot more about the power of implication to move the thoughts, imagination, and emotions of women in ways you can’t yet dream possible!
Approach Position Two: Observation, Comment or Question
The second approach position or attitude is what I call the “observation, comment or question”. You can combine these with a sense of humor or just do them straight up, and they work best in a setting where neither you or the woman is in motion, so you have some time to make your observation.
The biggest advantage with these is they are non-threatening and you don’t have to rely on anything canned to fit the situation.
(By the way, when thinking of something to say, one of the key questions I’ll ask myself is, “What can I notice, observe or intuit about this person that I can use to make a connection? A good way to send your mind in the right direction).
Observations, comments and questions of course depend on the situation ongoing, and I usually quickly follow them up with something funny, often a put-on(which is our third approach position or attitude, so we’ll get there in a minute).
Real life example: I was in a gas station, filling up my car. The woman next to me was putting gas in her giant white Mercedes. I said, “How do you like your Mercedes?” (See..simple question!)
Her response, “I love it. How do you like your SAAB?”
Ok, she’s answering back, so I know at least she’s friendly. I said, “I like it.”
Then I jumped right to a put-on, which is an easy thing to follow up any comment, observation or question.
I said, “It’s too short.”
She said, “What? The Mercedes. I think it’s pretty long.
I said, “No, it’s too short.”
She said, “What is?”
I said,”Life…to hestitate…when you meet someone you think is incredibly attractive.”
She smiled and said, “Thank you!”
I then playfully hit her on the shoulder and said, “I was talking about ME!”
This got MORE laughter and then names were exchanged, and shortly thereafter, phone numbers as well.
My point: observations, comments and questions can be followed up with almost anything and combined with almost anything.
A favorite question opener of mine actually combines a question with a compliment, as in, “Do you do a martial art? You carry yourself with discpline and elegance..it’s a very rare and attractive trait.”
By the way, when it comes to compliments to pick up women, I prefer to IMPLY them or combine them with a question and I prefer to strongly compliment a woman on how she moves or her “energy”. For some reason these are lot more acceptable and less threatening and perceived as more sincere than direct comments about her looks.
Approach Position 3: The Put-On
Now we come to my favorite “approach position” the put-on. The put-on is simply a humorous approach where you pretend something to get her attention. For example, if a woman is walking in my direction and is wearing a t-shirt with a logo or design, I will look confused, point at the shirt and say, “I don’t get it”.
Usually, the response is, “Don’t get what?” To which I always say, “The shirt. What’s it mean?”
At this point, I almost always get an explanation from her about the logo or symbol, to which my response is to pretend to disagree and argue in the most ridiculous way.
Example: sitting in a yogurt shop, a young lady with very large breasts walked in. She was wearing a tight t-shirt with a slogan that said, “Free the Afghans”!.
I pretended that I thought the shirt was about Afghan DOGS. You know..the shaggy haired, long-legged dogs you sometimes see accompanying models in photo shoots?
I said, “who is holding a bunch of dogs captive? Why do you want to free them? Do you want more dogs to be strays?”
She tried explaining, and I kept misunderstanding. Then I made a joke about being so good looking I didn’t need to be smart. Then I introduced myself.
If you want a good idea of the overall attitude for this approach, think of Bugs Bunny. Or Groucho Marx. Or Leslie Nielsen from the “Police Squad” movies.
One more example of a put-on approach. I was sitting in a local cafГ© and seated behind me was a very attractive young Asian woman. I observed that she was thinking very hard, talking to herself, trying to figure out her economics book.
So I turned to her and said, as seriously as I could, “Could I ask you not to think too loud? You look like a loud thinker, and I have very important writing to do.”
My friend, who was sitting across from me said she couldn’t stop looking at me after that and could not go back to studying! I turned to her a minute later and said, “Look…I asked you nicely not to think so loud! Don’t make me call the management!”
At that point, SHE began a conversation.
There are many, many ways to enjoy a put on. And you can combine it with an observation as in this last example; my observation about this girl was that she really was, “thinking loud”-she was having trouble trying to figure out what she was reading and so she WAS talking to herself, internally, in her head, which is a way of “thinking loud”.
Approach Position #4: Genuine Intuition
The final approach position is what I would call a genuine intuition. This is more rare and harder to do. But did you ever find yourself just looking at someone and you just KNEW that person? Like something deep inside you connected with something deep inside them and you just KNEW them?
In this case, when this happens, go with your intuition and tell them what you observe. It’s close to an observation, but the difference with this position is, it really isn’t something you could pick up with your physical 5 senses.
This is advanced stuff that will come in time, so I wouldn’t worry about it for now. But as an example, I was once sitting in my favorite coffee place. As this beautiful blonde woman walked in the door, I saw an image of her on stage, singing. So as she walked by I just said, “How long have you been a singer?”
It totally blew her away. And a long conversation followed. So if you have a strong intuition, just run with it and give it a shot. It’s a bit risky, but when it works it has an incredible impact.
Ok. That’s it for this issue. Next week we’ll continue to take up this thread and tell you more great ways to meet women, anytime, anywhere. Until then,
Peace and piece,
Ross
LOL there’s the mercedes story again. I think I’m gonna have to get one of those hand-counter things that the low-wage workers of amusement parks use.
I am looking a women fo friendship and seeking.
> I am looking a women fo friendship
> and seeking.
Me too! Any hot babes in here feel free to message me (dwarfs and transsexuals most welcome).
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