Friday Night Mini-Field Report

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**Reposted from the first Lair, original date: 1/10/04

Friday night was fun.  I hung out with Roadking the entire night.  We got some dinner at a great steakhouse in the Grove, which is an outdoor mall here in LA.  Then we went and met up with Dr. Alex at this bar called the Well (Dr. Alex is formerly known as Poet Dude.  He writes articles that can be read on Cliff’s List from time to time).  It was at this point I got to reflect on how into my comfort zone I am, which is why I wasn’t approaching much.  I need to re-read my bootcamp post and start following my own advice so I can get back into the game.

After the Well, Roadking and I went back to his place.  He had a Stripper friend of his sleeping on his couch, so I ended up playing Grand Theft Auto: Vice City while eating cookies with a cute little blonde stripper on Roadking’s leather couch until two in the morning.  All in all, not a bad way to spend a Friday night.  =)

Thundercat

Dating ReEnhanced

**Reposted from the first Lair, original date: 1/9/04

Well, it seems Harmless has gotten his in-field seduction workshop off the ground with the launch of his new website http://dating.reenhanced.com.  I talked to Harmless tonight and he seems to be getting in peak PUA condition to get ready to teach horny men how to pick-up in clubs and bars.  He told me about how he got 3 solid number closes tonight experimenting with some new approaches.  Seems like he’s doing some exciting stuff.  I’ve still yet to see him in the field with my own eyes, but I get the feeling he’s legit.  Right now it looks like he could be the next Tyler Durden if he plays his cards right.

The website is pretty basic.  I don’t much care for the layout, but the information on it seems decent enough.  He also used an exerpt from my "Top 10 PUAs" post for his bio, so I guess that’s a little flattering, but  I told him I’d write a better testimonial for his site.

Depending on my finances I hope to attend one of Harmless’s workshops in the future.  He told me he’d fly me out and let me attend for free if I wanted to come, so that’s pretty exciting.  When/if I do this, I’ll be sure to post a workshop review on this site.  If any of you want to beat me to the punch, it looks like they have some workshops lined up for Boston and D.C. in the coming months.

Until that time, it looks like there’s a new gun in town.

Thundercat

Damn, I SUCK!!!

**Reposted from the first Lair, original date: 1/9/04

One of the things I hate doing is getting back in the game after a period of inactivity.  With the hollidays and all, its been almost a total of 4 weeks without me sarging.  That sucks.  I went out tonight and found my game to be so rusty I feel like I’m starting all over again.  Blah!

It was a pretty uneventful night.  I’ve forgotten all of my openers and routines, so most of the night was spent sputtering through interactions and blowing myself out of sets.  Frustrating!  I did have fun though.  it was good to get back out into the world, even if it was for a night filled with rejection and failure.  But that’s what it takes to get back on your feet.  As I always like to say:

The field is king.  Respect the field.

I plan on getting out more soon, so there should be some field reports coming your way in the near future.

Thundercat

The Subtle Art of Manipulation

**Reposted from the first Lair, original date: 1/8/04

I really value my friends.  In fact, I cherish my friends.  If you’re my friend, I will bend over backwards to help you, because in my view, you’ve earned the right to recieve my help.  Being my friend also means you’ve earned the right to recieve my trust.  And being my friend means that no matter what happens, in the end, I’ll always be on your side.  Its very hard to find good friends in life.  The type of friends you’d entrust your life to.  One quality about friendship I admire is that true friends never really NEED anything from each other.  Its just enough to be together, to enjoy each other’s company, to share time with someone without any expectation whatsoever.  Our friends help define our lives.

That is why it is SO important to know who your friends are.  True friends can be very valuable, becuase they will return your loyalty and trust with their own.  Fareweather friends can be quite detrimental, because they will use you as long as they have use for you, and when that use no longer exists, they will betray all that you have given them.  And finally, you have the most volitile category, which is the people you WANT to be your friends.  They are people who embody the values and traits you look for in friends, yet are not your friend — and therefor not responsible to you in anyway.  This can lead to great friendships, or terrible disasters.  I bring this up because I recently had something similar happen to me.

There’s a man who I greatly respect out there, whom I admire in many respects.  He’s not only successful with women, but also life in general.  I feel I owe this guy a great debt, because he has helped me in the past, and the only way I knew how to repay such a debt with with my friendship.  But when it was offered, it was met with rejection.  I basically got the jist that I was not important enough to be his friend.  All my offers for meetings were met with excuses, and most phone calls were not returned.  This isn’t a bad thing, though.  It’s fine if someone does not wish to be my friend, I won’t think any less of them.  I knew this man whom I admire probably wouldn’t want me as a friend, but I felt I had to offer it anyway.  When it was declined, I accepted the result and went on with my life.  But that never really affected the way I felt about him.  I still look up to the guy, because he has a skillset and attitude that I am, to put it simply, in awe of.  And I can only hope to achieve some of the success he has.

So I guess I was a little surprized when I hear from him out of the blue after literally months of not hearing a peep from him.  And of course, its because he wants something from me, which isn’t necessarilly a bad thing, but it was the way he did it that somewhat irked me a bit.  Now, I guess its pretty obvious I’d love to have this guy as a friend.  I’d like to have him as someone I can trust and rely on, which is why I suppose I still look up to him.  But what happened today really opened my eyes to a few things and served as a nice wake-up call to me about certain aspects of my life.

Simply put, I consider this guy to be the master at manipulation.  Better than anyone who’s in the community.  He is really awe inspiring because of the fact that he is so good at manipulating others, you don’t even know he’s doing it!  If I had a fraction of the skill this guy has, I’d be getting laid every night of the week.

But he made a mistake with me when he called.  I’m not sure if it was intentional or not, but its something that put me on guard instantly.  Basically, he called me as a friend.  I found this funny because he made it fairly clear that he had no use for me as a friend, and because of this, I put up my guard.  And in a way, it helped me to see what this guy was doing to me.  If I hadn’t been aware of it, I could have fallen for everything he was doing.  It was so subtle and amazing what he did, that I’m actually inspired to break it down and use it on women.

The first thing he did was compliment me.  This is a great tactic because it disarms your target.  It puts the target in a power position because a compliment is inherently a form of qualification.

The second thing he did was ask me for a small favor, which I returned graciously because it wasn’t a big deal to do so, and the compliment paved the way for this to be reciprocated.  But what the favor really did was pull me into his realitiy.  But it doesn’t have to be a favor, it could be a simple question, just as long as the target is giving you something you wat.  What he did set the frame where its okay for me to give him what he wants, which is exactly where you want your target to be for the next step, which is:

Go for the kill.

At this point, you basically go after exactly what you want from the person your manipulating, and you frame it in such a way where its of great benefit for them to do so.  You’ve already established that they have the "power" and it’s okay to give you what you want, so as long as you go after it powerfully enough, you can get what you’re after from your target.  But there’s a greater depth to this part of the tactic than meets the eye.  In a way, this is where the manipulation gets the most evil, because in order to go in for the kill, you have play off other people’s insecurities and put them in a position where they have to start qualifying themselves to you — basically giving you ALL the power you want while still having the illusion that it’s all theirs.

This man, whom I admire, was doing many things to turn the tables on me.  Basically, he was trying to make me feel pathetic by pointing out things he was hoping would touch on an insecurity of mine (he was mistaken about these insecurities, but I think that may have been the point).  If I hadn’t had my guard up, I probably would have instantly started qualifying myself and giving him EXACTLY what he wanted.

However, at this point I balked.  I kept my mouth shut.  It is here where most guys might give up (especially if their target is a woman), but being the master this dude is, he kept going, and his tactics got even more manipulative.

The first thing he did was point out all the other people who had agreed to what he was asking me for.  They are people I admire and respect as well, so he was qualifying his request by implying that I could join part of this crowd by going along with what he wanted, and in a way, be validated by them.  When I balked again, he did a takeaway.  But when he did the takeaway, he also changed his tone to one of frustration and disappointment.  Now, this takeaway did work — like it usually does in most cases because after you feel someone has qualified themselves to you, if they get angry they are going to take the validation you recieved from that qualification away from you — but I was still not ready to commit to what he wanted from me.  I think I was in such awe with what was happening to me that I really didn’t want it to end because I found it fascinating, but by this point it seemed all pretext of friendship was dropped and this guy whom I respect had already made his decision to move on, but not before adding in a false time constraint to put pressure on me to make up my mind.  This added an immediacy to the situation that may or may not have existed, but regardless, the intended effect worked.  I felt under the gun.

When I got off the phone with him, I was stunned at what had taken place.  I imagine it was much like what the architect of the atomic bomb felt when he witnessed the beauty of the destruction he helped create, torn between his feelings of utter terror and utter amazement.  To think that someone out there possesses such power as this — and not only that, is AWARE of the power and KNOWS what he’s doing… well, that’s just frightening.  But it gave me such an incredible insight into how his mind works and the process he goes about interacting with people… well, I guess I’m still speachless to a certain extent.

I’m very much aware this man isn’t my friend.  But I still harbor such respect and admiration for him, it’s hard to be angry about what he attempted to do.  In fact, I’m probably more in awe of him now than I’ve ever been.  Whether or not it was intentional or he’s incorporated these skills so seamlessly that it’s part of who he is doesn’t really matter.  The fact is, it happened, and the process of which I got a glimpse into is utterly amazing.

So much so, I am now convinced of the Power of the Dark Side.

Thundercat

Seduction in the News

**Reposted from the first Lair, original date: 1/8/04

FYI:

There may be some attention coming to the community via the mainstream press fairly soon, directed primarilly toward’s Mystery’s camp.

Thundercat

Getting Laid or Validation — Which is More Important?

**Reposted from the first Lair, original date: 1/8/04

You know, its a funny little world we live in. As someone who studies pick-up and seduction, I like to think back from time to time as to how I got into it and why. If you’ve read the first post I ever put up on the site, you’ll see how I got into it, but that’s not the same thing as why. Initially, the “why” could be explained very simply: I wanted to get liad. Period. End of story. But the further I got into my studies, the more people I met, and the more gurus I’ve hung out with, the more I’ve begun to realize that this isn’t really about getting laid at all.

That’s not to say getting laid isn’t a part of it. But in all honesty, most of the guys I’ve met who make seduction their whole life have moved beyond that point — where it’s not just enough to get laid, but it has to be by a certain type of girl, who is a certain type of good looking, and others have to know about their success and look up to them because of it. In short, for many people out there, it ceases to be about getting laid and becomes more about VALIDATION.

Seriously, if it was all about getting laid, why not just save up some money, move to the Phillipines, and fuck whores all day long for less than $3 a night? If its about getting laid, why bother rating girls on a 1-10 scale? If its about getting laid, why bother charging people for products or getting names out in magazines and newspapers? Why bother flaming people on message boards? Why? Why? Why???

Because that’s not the reason behind any of this. I think men get into this field because there is some type of deep-seated insecurity within them that they are constantly trying to cure. That’s the need for approval, not just from people, but from beautiful women specifically. Its that scared little kid inside all of us who got laughed at when he asked the most popular girl in school out to the prom, or got told on when he tried to kiss a girl on the playground. Its that dark little place in all of us that seeks the validation of knowing we’re good enough to be desired by somebody.

But I’m starting to think that at some point, that doesn’t become enough. I know a few guys who get laid like crazy, by very beautiful women in fact, and that still doesn’t cure that insecurity. Its almost like they have to get that hole filled with the validation and accolades of others, which is where I think some guys end up. Its not just enough to be loved by a beautiful woman, rather, they have to be loved by everybody! Hense the need for constant validation, which leads people to go to great lengths to get it. And in a way, I think that this is a very dangerous trend, becuase it’s not a solution to the problem. The problem goes much deeper than getting laid or getting validated.

I think it can be boiled down to the very nature of who we are, and how we view ourselves. I know it may sound like a bunch of new age bullshit, but maybe its becuase many of us don’t love ourselves that our lives are so devoid of love — be if from a beautiful woman or your peer group. Maybe that ball of self-loathing in your gut is slowly poisoning all your interactions with people, keeping you stuck in the exact spot you don’t want to be in.

As I get more into Inner Game, I begin to realize about myself that there is a certain ammount of loathing I harbor. I don’t like the fact that I’m not as good looking as I can be. I don’t like the fact that I’m not as thin as I can be. I don’t like the fact that I’m not as cool, or interesting, or funny as I can be. And all that shit adds up to me harboring resentment against myself — which in the long run hurts me more than anything else out there.

So what’s the solution to this? How does one go about falling in love with oneself? How do you forgive each and every shortcoming you have? I think this is important because if you can’t truly love yourself, how can you expect anyone to ever love you in return? Because of this, you may never be happy, doomed to a self-destructive cycle of seeking validation, but never truly getting it.

Its something to think about, I suppose. I may even be something that keeps me up at night.

Thundercat

Reason for the Lack of Updates

**Reposted from the first Lair, original date: 1/8/04

Okay, I usually try and update this blog reguarly — as in once a day if I can. I haven’t really had much to say lately, and my focus has been more on my finances than seduction really. I guess it won’t hurt to say this now, since it will explain my current lack of content on this site, but I’ll be writing a series of articles for fashionforfatguys.com when the site relaunches as an online publication instead of a site dedicated solely to selling its ebook.

This is a pretty exciting time for me right now. I seem to have a lot of stuff on my plate. I keep getting told by people that I’m reaching a “celebrity” status in this small little online community of seducers. How that happened, I’ll never know, because the fact is there are lots more guys out there better at this than I am. Some people point to the blog as the reason, but I find it funny that an online journal meant to keep me focused and maybe help other guys experiencing similar problems is garnering such attention. So much so that I’m even getting the attention of the “gurus,” which I find a little off-setting.

Anyway, you’ll be able to find everything about that and more right here. I plan to try and keep this blog going until I reach my goals, and that realistically probably wont happen for a while now. I would also like to say I appreciate everyone who posts replies on my site. This is as much a learning tool for me as anyone, and feedback is always needed for progress to happen. So keep those thoughts coming guys. I plan on refreshing the site once a week, so if you put up a reply, it’ll be up for viewing for a while.

Thundercat

Conclusion to the Ellyn Saga

**Reposted from the first Lair, original date: 1/6/04

If any of you are wondering, I did end up visiting Ellyn while I was in DC.  I don’t want to go into too much detail about the meeting because it wasn’t very eventful at all.  In fact, it was pretty pathetic.  Poor Ellyn had really let herself go, and was pushing upwards of 200 pounds (she said she had gained a little weight, but Jesus!).  Its funny, because when she used to be attractive, I was willing to put up with her bullshit and mind games — but take away the looks and keep the same attitude, my patience becomes a lot less forgiving!

She tried pulling a few of those mind games with me, but I wasn’t really going for any of them.  I just wanted to get the hell out of dodge after about 10 minutes of being with her.  I made her pay for everything though, so I got a free diner and a movie out of it.  She was being pretty forward with me, but I was quite passive-aggressively apathetic (a-la Adam, the natural =) which only drove her more wild.

It was an eye-opening experience for me, and I’m glad I went through with it.  It sort-of made up for all those times she fucked with my head when we were seeing each other.

So I’ll just end the whole fiasco with this:  You can take the girl out of the trailer park, but you cant take the trailer park out of the girl.

Good riddance.

Thundercat

The Harmful Art of “Smeagoling”

**Reposted from the first Lair, original date: 1/6/04

Its funny why people get into the study of seduction and pick-up. Some get into it seeking to suppliment their skills. Others get into it to try and improve an area of their life they feel is lacking. And still others enter into its study because everything else has failed them. I’ve gotten to meet a lot of different people in my study of this subsection of psychology. Some of them are incredibly cool, others are boarderline psychotic. But most of the guys I’ve meet tend to fall in another category. And that is the category of “people with no social skills whatsoever.”

Its true, most guys who are bad with women are bad with social skills. Period. They do not know how to talk to people, how to relate with people, or how to connect with people. They can often be antisocial or shy to the extreme, not to mention insecure in almost all aspects of their lives. And when these types of people get into studying seduction, its almost as if they are handed a loaded gun and are sent off on a killing spree. For the first time in their lives, they are given a technology designed to suppliment their lack of social graces and they are more than willing to use it.

This gives birth to the “creepy seducer guy,” or what I like to call “Smeagols.” Smeagol is the Hobbit that turned into the creature Gollum in the Lord of the Rings. Its a funny parallel, but a valid one in my opinion. If you look at the character of Smeagol, he is a sad, pathetic character torn apart by hate, insecurity, weakness, and insurmountable mental anguish. He’s someone who what shunned by society, and harbors great bitterness and resentment towards it in return. But despite all this, Smeagol is a sneaky motherfucker. He is able to lie, and cheat, and steal, manipulating others to get what he wants. But he does so in a way where you never really trust him, and he comes off as creepy and two-faced.

This brings us to the guys with no social skills. I, and a few others, have noticed that in our associations with people who suffer from the lack of social skills and try to make up for it with the use of seduction tactics, often come off much like the dasterdly hobbit Smeagol, eventually blowing themselves out of sets by ringing too many of the girl’s alarm bells.

I noticed this in SS a lot. That is not to say that the skillset itself is bad, rather those who use it incorrectly often came off as “Smeagoling.” I know I’ve been guilty of this more than once when running pattern after pattern on a girl until they realized something wasn’t quite right and blew me out. This is also probably the largest problem people face when running game.

The harmful art of Smeagoling is quite hard to avoid unless you’ve got your inner game in such a place where you are congruent with the tactics you are using. Even the best of the best get blown out by Smeagoling because girls can pick up that they aren’t quite congruent with what they are presenting to them. Smeagoling can also occur when you push too hard for the close. So desperate are you for that “ring of power” between the girl’s legs, you’ll often push too hard and drive your “precious” away.

So how do you avoid Smeagoling the girl away? Well, the best tactic is to get her to chase you as opposed to agressively pursuing her. This is one of the reasons I dislike the “Make the Ho say No” Gunwitch style, though there is a time and place for that tactic. Often times, I’ve found the most powerful techniqes are those that push the girl away as opposed to pulling her back in. That is why something like “Cocky/Funny” works so well. Changing your reality to one where the girl is trying to seduce you and you constantly push her away and even BREAK rapport with her can be very powerful.

Some of the best tactics I know of to counter Smeagoling are in Swinggcat’s book, simply because his method is very much designed to prize yourself and turn the tables on the girl. DYD is very good to. Mystery Method has a certain Smeagol Factor because it depends on social proofing, where you need to tailor your approach to suit others a bit too much, not to mention that Mystery Method also uses a lot of tricks/gimmics (depending on the user, that is). The Old style of Speed Seduction had a high Smeagoling factor, and I think it still exists to a certain extent, especially since a lot of the newer stuff in SS is very blatently psychologicaly manipulative.

But no matter what method you use, nothing beats the Smeagol factor like being a confident person who is congruent with everything you do and say. And the only way I know how to do that is get to work on that inner game!

Getting away from the computer has been known to help as well. =)

Thundercat

The Harmful Art of “Smeagoling”

**Reposted from the first Lair, original date: 1/6/04

Its funny why people get into the study of seduction and pick-up. Some get into it seeking to suppliment their skills. Others get into it to try and improve an area of their life they feel is lacking. And still others enter into its study because everything else has failed them. I’ve gotten to meet a lot of different people in my study of this subsection of psychology. Some of them are incredibly cool, others are boarderline psychotic. But most of the guys I’ve meet tend to fall in another category. And that is the category of “people with no social skills whatsoever.”

Its true, most guys who are bad with women are bad with social skills. Period. They do not know how to talk to people, how to relate with people, or how to connect with people. They can often be antisocial or shy to the extreme, not to mention insecure in almost all aspects of their lives. And when these types of people get into studying seduction, its almost as if they are handed a loaded gun and are sent off on a killing spree. For the first time in their lives, they are given a technology designed to suppliment their lack of social graces and they are more than willing to use it.

This gives birth to the “creepy seducer guy,” or what I like to call “Smeagols.” Smeagol is the Hobbit that turned into the creature Gollum in the Lord of the Rings. Its a funny parallel, but a valid one in my opinion. If you look at the character of Smeagol, he is a sad, pathetic character torn apart by hate, insecurity, weakness, and insurmountable mental anguish. He’s someone who what shunned by society, and harbors great bitterness and resentment towards it in return. But despite all this, Smeagol is a sneaky motherfucker. He is able to lie, and cheat, and steal, manipulating others to get what he wants. But he does so in a way where you never really trust him, and he comes off as creepy and two-faced.

This brings us to the guys with no social skills. I, and a few others, have noticed that in our associations with people who suffer from the lack of social skills and try to make up for it with the use of seduction tactics, often come off much like the dasterdly hobbit Smeagol, eventually blowing themselves out of sets by ringing too many of the girl’s alarm bells.

I noticed this in SS a lot. That is not to say that the skillset itself is bad, rather those who use it incorrectly often came off as “Smeagoling.” I know I’ve been guilty of this more than once when running pattern after pattern on a girl until they realized something wasn’t quite right and blew me out. This is also probably the largest problem people face when running game.

The harmful art of Smeagoling is quite hard to avoid unless you’ve got your inner game in such a place where you are congruent with the tactics you are using. Even the best of the best get blown out by Smeagoling because girls can pick up that they aren’t quite congruent with what they are presenting to them. Smeagoling can also occur when you push too hard for the close. So desperate are you for that “ring of power” between the girl’s legs, you’ll often push too hard and drive your “precious” away.

So how do you avoid Smeagoling the girl away? Well, the best tactic is to get her to chase you as opposed to agressively pursuing her. This is one of the reasons I dislike the “Make the Ho say No” Gunwitch style, though there is a time and place for that tactic. Often times, I’ve found the most powerful techniqes are those that push the girl away as opposed to pulling her back in. That is why something like “Cocky/Funny” works so well. Changing your reality to one where the girl is trying to seduce you and you constantly push her away and even BREAK rapport with her can be very powerful.

Some of the best tactics I know of to counter Smeagoling are in Swinggcat’s book, simply because his method is very much designed to prize yourself and turn the tables on the girl. DYD is very good to. Mystery Method has a certain Smeagol Factor because it depends on social proofing, where you need to tailor your approach to suit others a bit too much, not to mention that Mystery Method also uses a lot of tricks/gimmics (depending on the user, that is). The Old style of Speed Seduction had a high Smeagoling factor, and I think it still exists to a certain extent, especially since a lot of the newer stuff in SS is very blatently psychologicaly manipulative.

But no matter what method you use, nothing beats the Smeagol factor like being a confident person who is congruent with everything you do and say. And the only way I know how to do that is get to work on that inner game!

Getting away from the computer has been known to help as well. =)

Thundercat

Look Out Don Juan, Here Comes **Mystery**!

**Reposted from the first Lair, original date: 1/6/04

For those of you who don’t know who Mystery is, he’s a Pick-Up artist from Canada who’s been around since the early days of ASF. Most of the techniques on fast-seduction.com have been pioneered by him, and he’s developed a LOT of Pick-Up theory as well as utilizing group dynamics in his pick-ups. To my knowledge, he is also the first ever Pick-Up Artist to do live, in-field workshops designed to train other men to approach women in bars and clubs.

I met Mystery last year at one of his workshops in LA, where his co-instructor Style (the most powerful of the Jedi) broke me of my fear of approaching. I’ve gotten to know Mystery a little bit since then and consider him to be one of the real deals of the seduction community.

Recently, Mystery has teamed up with Tyler Durden and Papa to “streamline” his seduction training business. With the advent of Project Hollywood (a lifestyle experiment that has Mystery, Style, Papa, and Herbal living in a large house of the Sunset Strip), Mystery is going to be passing the in-field training torch to Tyler Durden and focusing his energy on teaching seminars.

However, this is not the only thing Mystery has been up to. I’ve known for some time now that he is throwing his hat into the ring with the likes of David D’Angelo and Swinggcat and writing a book about his Seduction and Pick-Up theory. Not only that, but I have it on good authority that the book is now finished, or nearly finished, and will be marketed through Papa’s website — Real Social Dynamics.

I’ll be interested to read the book, because I’ve studied Mystery Method for a while now. I’m told that Mystery has simplified his method down from the most recent 27 Step Method to a 3 Step Method. My gut says that it may simply be “Meet, Attract, & Close” but that might be too basic for Mystery, who’s known to constantly advance and refine his material (sometimes to the point of incomprehencibility *coughM3cough*).

So though he may be “dumbing down” his approach for the masses, I don’t think that’ll affect his work much. Mystery’s real talent lies in his structural models of seduction, which I’ve gotten to see scrawled on various cocktail napkins. Hopefully he’s included some of them in the book.

As soon as I get my greedy little hands on a copy, I’ll be sure to post a review here, though I’m still working on reviews for both Real World Seduction and Double Your Dating. That, coupled with all my other writings, is keeping me quite bogged down at the moment.

In the meantime, I’ll just continue to pass on what I hear.

Thundercat

HBO Just Kicked My Ass!

**Reposted from the first Lair, original date: 1/6/04

Wouldn’t you know it?  Right after I make the decision to rid myself of television, I see two new promos on HBO for the new season of the Sopranos and a new series called Deadwood, and both look KICK ASS!  I’m all jazzed to see them now and pissed that I’m not going to have TV.  The Sopranos comes back in March, so hopefully I can get some financial boosts going by then so I can get my TV back by then, though it seems unlikely.  I wish I could only order HBO and nothing else, because that’s all I really watch anyways.

If there are any big, burly guys out there like me, check out the character Tony Soprano on the Sopranos.  He’s a great example of a "husky" PUA.  I might comment more on this in a later blog, because there’s a case study there that is quite interesting…

Thundercat

The Ultimate Secret to Getting Good With Women

**Reposted from the first Lair, original date: 1/6/04

So I wrote this article for Cliff’s List, but it seems Cliff continues to have trouble with his e-mail, so I don’t know if the newsletter ever got out.  Anyway, I was planning on reposting it here afterwards but since it seems most people didn’t get the newsletter I guess it really doesn’t matter.

This was probably the hardest article I’ve ever written because it deals with a lot of personal stuff.  Hope you guys get something from it so its not all a waste of time.  =)

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The Ultimate Secret to Getting Good with Women
(an essay on Inner Game)

by Thundercat
******************************************
Everywhere I look, it seems like everyone is looking for the next “new” thing.  You know what I’m talking about.  We all want the next eBook, the next audio series, the next interview, the next pattern, the next routine, the next NEG, etc., etc…

The thing is, I’ve come to discover that when you become too involved in that sort of thing, you tend to stagnate your progress as a seducer and pick-up artist.  But why is that?  If you’re constantly getting updated on the latest tricks, tips, and gizmos, how can your game stagnate?  Simple.  The answer is that 90% of seduction stems from who you are, not what you say.

I’ve been in the game since 1998, though I haven’t really applied myself to getting good at this in a dedicated capacity until recently.  In my time studying, I’ve gotten to meet, hang out, sarge with, and befriend some of the best guys out there at picking up women – be they naturals or self-made gurus.  I’ve gotten to meet a lot of fakes, and a lot of people who are the real deal.  But more importantly, I’ve gotten to SEE what makes these people the real deal.  So what makes them real?  Two words:

Inner Game.

I have not always been into inner game.  Like many others, I’ve tended to overlook this aspect of pick-up and seduction (which is odd considering I spent 4 years working on my inner game before I got out into the field hard core).  I too wanted the new patterns, new openers, new NEGs, and all the other bells and whistles we use in seduction.  But the more I learn and the better I get, the more I start to realize how little this stuff matters, and how important inner game is.

This has only been reinforced by some conversations I had recently with my friend Swinggcat, who’s focus is very much on Inner Game, and who’s future newsletters are going to be covering various topics concerning it in more depth (you can sign up for his newsletters at his website www.realworldseduction.com.  I’ll also be reposting them on my blog).  The more I realize Inner Game’s importance, the more I find myself incorporating more of it into my interactions with women, and it is SO much more powerful than using canned material.

But the process of refining your Inner Game can be a long, arduous, and even scary task.  When I first started my work on Inner Game back in 1998, I was 300 lbs, scared to talk to women, had guilty feelings about sex, and numerous issues with anger and with my general outlook on life!  Basically, I’m someone who could have made some therapist somewhere a boatload of money.  But with the help of Speed Seduction and some of the people I met through that, I was able to work out my inner demons and refine my Inner Game, to the point where I am now around 200 lbs, can talk to women very easily, have NO guilt about sex, and am no longer dealing with anger or many of the negative traits that affected my life.

So what did I do?  What changed?  And what can others do to help them change?  Well, the answer is it won’t be easy.  You really have to become committed to changing the very NATURE of your BEING.  And it’s gonna be tough (for instance, I had to give up my RELIGION in order to fix myself.  That’s how deep you have to go)!  But when you make those changes, what you say and how you act springs from a place that is TOTALLY and COMPLETELY congruent with WHO YOU ARE, not who you are pretending to be.  And no matter how you cut it, that is so much more powerful than anything you can memorize.

The basics of changing your inner game starts with a journey of self-discovery.  And though that may sound like a heap of New Age crap, it’s very true.  You’ll want to start by listing all the traits that you do not like about yourself and you think is holding you back from accomplishing your goals with women.  Things like:

–I’m too fat
–I’m too skinny
–I’m too scared to talk to women
–I don’t have enough hair
–I have a disability
–I can’t control my anger
–I hate women
–I feel so lonely

And anything else you can think of that you feel uncomfortable, self-conscious, or helpless about.  Any negative thing that exists in your life, you gotta write it down!  The next step is to look at those negatives, and analyze everything.  Think about their ROOT CAUSES and find out why you feel the way you do.

For instance (and I’m baring my soul a bit here, so don’t laugh =), I’ve always been very self-conscious about my weight, and one of my things on my list was:

No girl will like me because I’m too fat.

So I looked at this and thought “Why is this such a part of my reality?  I’ve seen fat guys with hot chicks before.  I have fat friends who score with chicks all the time!  Why am I different?  Why is this holding me back?”  So I began to think of times before I realized my weight was an issue, and I came to a memory I had forgotten of me in the third grade.  There were three girls who used to sit in front of me in class, one of whom I had a crush on.  And one day, all three started teasing me about being fat, and they were so harsh about it that it made me cry.  That’s the first memory I have about being ashamed of my weight.  Everything since then, from refusing to wear shorts because of the thickness of my legs, to causing health risks by going on crash diets, can be traced back to that EXACT MOMENT in my life.  And not only that, but it was done by a girl I was attracted to!

Can you say “Trauma?”  I know I can.  But that was a real eye-opener for me.  That was a root cause of much of the Inner Game problems I had, and by tracing it back to that exact moment, not only was I able to identify it, I was able to DEAL with it, because I had a concrete instance to latch onto rather than a vague notion of a problem.

Once you have identified Root Causes for your problems, then it is time to work on fixing them so they stop affecting you negatively.  For instance, I discovered that part of my inability to lay a girl was because I had incredibly guilty feelings about sex, and this would cause me to “chicken out” at the last moment.  I traced this back to a strict Catholic upbringing not only from my mother, but from my schooling as well, which caused me to be overcome with guilt for not only wanting, but enjoying sex.  So, in order to fix it, I had to stop being Catholic.

That doesn’t mean I changed my beliefs, mind you. I still believe in God, and I still abide by the 10 commandments, but by giving up my Catholic Faith, I was able to shed much of the dogma that was weighing on me.  Things like feeling bad for lusting after a woman, or guilt over premarital sex became a non-issue because I changed the belief that was causing those feelings.

This is probably the hardest part of the process right here.  Its one thing to identify what’s wrong — that’s easy.  Its changing it that’s hard, and that’s where so many people screw up.  Changing my issues about my weight was no where near as easy as identifying them.  When I changed my weight issues, I actually went on a diet and exercise program where I shed nearly 100 lbs. over the course of 2 years.  And even then, my belief isn’t completely changed, because I’m still overweight (though not as bad as I was before).  This is the hard part of refining your Inner Game, but the most important because it determines how congruent you will become with your Outer Game later on.

The final step is adopting new beliefs with will determine your speech and actions from that point on.  Some of this is easy and can be done simply be deciding to believe differently from the way you did in the past.  Other factors of this are hard because they can only come from experience and continuing work on Inner Game.  For instance, one belief I adopted was “Every girl I meet is into me.”  This is important because I am a naturally critical person, as I’m sure so many other people are.  When I was interacting with a girl, even if she was giving me 50 signs she was into me, I’d ignore all of them looking for that ONE sign of disinterest, which my critical self would latch onto if it was presented.  That would mess up most of my sarges.  But with the new belief, I’m able to ignore 50 signs the girl may not be interested, but latch onto that ONE sign she is, and that allows me to be more effective in my pick-ups.

Most naturals and master seducers I’ve seen have their inner game down pat.  And when you get your inner game to such a state, things like routines, patterns, NEGs, whatever, tend to NATURALLY spring from who you are, because it’s congruent with your attitude and outlook.  Indeed, I’d have to say the most important factor when it comes to seduction is CONGRUENCY.

One of the problems I experience is that my outer self is not really congruent with who I am on the inside.  One of my good friends, Roadking, pointed out to me that what I say presents such a different person than how I look.  I look like a pretty mild-mannered AFC-ish guy when you meet me, but when I start gaming, I come off as a lovable, cocky/funny @sshole.  This prompted me to do some research and change how I looked on the outside.  One good resource for this is an eBook called Fashion For Fat Guys (www.fashionforfatguys.com).  I learned how to dress for my body type, but not only that, developed my own sense of style that’s more congruent with who I am on the inside, so that incongruency between how I talk and how I present myself isn’t such a big one.

I’ve also tried to enrich my life in other respects, by picking up more hobbies and reading more.  I even started my own daily seduction blog, which is a lot like an online diary that keeps me focused and actually helps me work through a lot of my Inner Game issues.  I know Ross Jeffries always encouraged keeping a journal, which I thought was bunk when I first started, but have come to realize it is a very powerful tool.  (If any of you are interested in reading it, you can find it at www.donutheadz.com/thundercat).

So in conclusion, here are the 6 steps to working out your inner game:

1.  List your sticking points, insecurities, etc.
2.  Determine Root Causes for them.
3.  Fix your Root Causes through change
4.  Adopt New Beliefs
5.  Enrich and Expand your Life
6.  Strive for Congruency

Once you have started fixing your inner game, you will begin to see drastic changes in your outer game.  Not only that, but you will see changes in ALL aspects of your life.  But you must be vigilant.  Inner Game work is an ongoing and never-ending process.  Some of it you can do by self-analysis, some of it can only be done through field work and the development of Outer Game, but it is always important that you strive to work on it.

So with the coming of the New Year, I plan on focusing more on Inner Game and fixing as many sticking points as possible.  Hopefully, so will you!  =)

Thundercat

Thundercat MIA?

**Reposted from the first Lair, original date: 1/6/04

Sorry for the delay in updates.  I just got back into LA late Sunday night, so I’m still adjusting to West Coast time.  News Years was pretty uneventful, I spent the whole night with my family celebrating.  I got to have a good heart-to-heart with my father New Years Day where we discussed a variety of things, in particular my current financial situation as well as my future plans.  It was good to get his perspective on things, but I’m not sure if its ultimately helpful because he really doesn’t understand where I’m coming from on a lot of things, but just to know I have is support is nice.

I’d like to also appologize to all the DC bro’s out there.  I thought coming into town that I’d have time to meet up with a few of them and sarge, but alas, it was not meant to be.  My family pretty much planned out the entire two weeks for me, so I had very little time or opportunity to get out of the house.

This year is going to be an interesting one, to say the least.  Not only do I plan to have lots and lots of sex in 2004, but I plan to be productive and get my life under control as well.  I’ve been reading a book called "The Richest Man in Babylon" which was recommended to me by a friend of mine who’s a self-made millionaire.  Its a book of parables that teach money management.  Its very good and has inspired me to take a few measures with my finances.  The biggest step is to limit my expenses, so I’m cancelling not only my satellite TV, but also my phone to save money (whether its my cell phone or home phone, I haven’t decided yet).  So the basic plan is to set aside 10% of my income into a savings account, set aside 20% to pay my bills/debts, and have 70% left over to live off of.

I’ve also unveiled a new look for 2004.  I’m now sporting a shaved head, along with a reverse goatee that not only makes me look a little dangerous, but also like I’m 10 years older.  I’ve been inspired by "Fashion For Fat Guys" to get some new clothes, which I did over the hollidays, so I’m stylin’ now.  Swinggcat told me I definitely have a "sleazy hollywood bad-boy" vibe going on, so I guess that’s a good thing.  =)

So here’s to starting this New Year off right!  Wish me luck, fellas.

Thundercat

No Updates for New Years

**Reposted from the first Lair, original date: 12/31/03

Hopefully you guys will be getting crazy this New Years Eve and having some great adventures. I know my buddy Adam (the Natural) started early and has already doubled up with 2 Las Vegas Strippers! (GO ADAM!) So you guys have a lot to live up to, lol.

Anyway, I’ll be with family yet again for the holliday, so I won’t be updating on New Years Eve or New Years Day, unless something really interesting happens in that time, which I doubt since family seems to destroy any luck I have with women at all.

Oh, and HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE!

Thundercat

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