How To Pick Up Bartenders

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IAmMaximus started an interesting thread on mASF about how to get hired guns while out picking up, which prompted this response from poster Joseph Went South, which I thought was pretty good…

Joseph Went South writes:
I picked up a couple of bartenders in my time. I did it by being chill and not trying to “game” her like every other guy in there was doing, not capturing the obvious facts that she is making YOU feel good in exchange for MONEY.

If I got good service I would tip well, but not embarrasingly so. Just show her I really appreciate her fine ass and fine attitude and it’s all good, nothing in return is expected. I am not saying, “I appreciate this service” when not giving a fuck about the service but really trying to fuck her. IOW I mean what I say.

If a woman is attracted to you and she is socially popular with lots of guys chasing her there will come a point early on where she will test you for confidence. It can be anything: prolonged eye contact, teasing you about your drink choice or something you’re wearing, flirting with athlete chodes and tall geeks. How you react will often determine if she’ll INVITE YOU to escalate, or not.

I found bartenders who were surprised by the outcome and then realized they were having impure thoughts in connection with their good boyfriends, and went directly back to business. In many cases this still turned out ok because we became friends with mutual respect, and I could count on her to give me an assist if I brought a girl to the bar. There was one bar in Edmonton where I had several friendly female bartenders like this. Before I left, I was bringing one or two new girls there every week! So you can see the advantage of a good relationship with a female bartender, as opposed to awkwardness and bad tension.

To be clear, I am not saying a guy should take the AFC route, PRETENDING to be the girl’s friend while taking sketchy “peeks” at her hoping she won’t notice and get offended. I am saying it’s a good idea to treat the hottest woman in the club who is also the drug supplier for the whole room, with a certain level of respect. She is one of the top alpha dogs in the entire room and will always have men larger than you and in some cases, serious fighters, ready to defend her in a time of trouble.

What I mean is, just as you would never think of having a physical fight with a female bartender, don’t think of trying to tool her or fuck with her head or get one over on her, either. It won’t work and you’ll fuck up your game at that bar.

In other words, if you make her job easier, she’ll tend to make your job easier. This means you DON’T demand the attention, you do tip well for good service, but discretely, you don’t brag about yourself, you don’t let her tool you into making the guy she REALLY likes show if he is jealous of her or not. And when SHE wants to talk to you, you can engage with confidence and not take things too seriously… imagine drinking a beer and playing ball with your friends, versus pitching in the bottom of the ninth on the road in front of a hostile crowd. You want to be easy, fun and light, delighted to talk to her and not so worried if she doesn’t get back to you for an hour because she’s just that busy.

I think it’s important to note here that picking up a woman from her place of work actually requires different types of consideration than your average girl.  First of all, she’s AT WORK.  So you can’t expect to actually pull her from her place of work right away.  (Not saying it can’t happen, but it usually doesn’t.)  So your game should be going towards creating connection, and getting a “bridge” to a meeting outside of work – such as getting her phone number or facebook.

Secondly, you have to present yourself as someone OTHER than a customer.  If you’re at a bar, or a restaurant, or a nightclub, strip club, coffee shop, grocery store, WHATEVER — know that there is an “us vs. them” mentality when dealing with the women who work there.  You’re one of “them.”  You’re a “customer.”  Most women don’t like to date customers at their place of work.  So if you present yourself as someone other than a customer, then suddenly you stand out and it becomes okay to date you.

You can do this by presenting yourself as an INSIDER.  This is a great technique I’ve used to pick up strippers in strip clubs.  You come in, chat with the manager, chat with the DJ, the bouncers, get their names.  Then talk to the girl, act like you know those guys.  Talk about other strippers you’ve dated before, etc.  Suddenly, you’re not a customer, you’re a guy who knows about her world.

This can actually work in any venue – restaurant, bar, etc.  If you’re an “insider,” you can more easily bypass the “customer is hitting on me” frame most of these girls have.

Not to say ALL “hired guns” are against dating customers.  It’s just you have to realize most hired guns get hit on and flirted with a lot, so they have to put up those barriers to customers to do their jobs.  In the case of bartenders, they are happy to flirt with guys and lead them on because it usually means they get better tips.

Being a regular can also help you.  Because the more a hired gun is exposed to you, the more comfortable she’s going to be in meeting you.  But hanging around constantly is not a good idea.  Coming in regularly, touching base, firing up that connection, and leaving is usually how you should go about doing it, all building up to getting that all-important contact information.  Sure, if you really hit it off, you can ask her to meet you after work, but typically if you build up the rapport and start talking to her outside the workplace, via phone or internet, eventually you’re going to get the date if you’ve done everything right.