5 Fashion Styles That All Men Hate…

And by all men, I’m speaking mostly for myself, and assuming no other man out there is dumb enough to like what I clearly don’t.  But frankly, there are some things girls adorn themselves with that I just absolutely HATE.  I’m talking like Hitler hates the Jews.  As in, if I could murder these fashions, I’d have no problem sleeping at night.  Seriously, that’s how much I hate these horrible fashions that some women insist on subjecting me to.

Shitty Fashion Style #1:  Facial Piercings

I can understand ear piercings.  But when girls start shoving metal into their faces, I start to get graphic flashbacks of reading National Geographic when I was in grade school.  Sure, some guys don’t mind facial piercings, but it NEVER makes a girl look better.  In fact, if I see a pretty girl with a facial piercing, she instantly drops to an “average” girl in my book.  FYI ladies, studs in your cheek, nose, or chin make you look like you have a huge metal zit or something.  And eyebrow rings and lip rings – what’s the point?  They just get in the way!  Not only that, but anyone ever notice that facial piercings are constantly surrounded by red, irritated skin?  It looks horrible.  Stop it.

Shitty Fashion Style #2:  High Belts

You know, if a guy wears a belt up right beneath his chest, he’s either justifiably mocked or mistaken for an old-timey wrestler or something.  But girls seem to think its okay to wear a belt beneath their boobies.  Why?  I have not idea, because frankly, not only does it make them look like a midget from the belt-on-up, but it makes them look like they have HUGE FAT HIPS.  Seriously ladies.  What are you thinking?

Shitty Fashion Style #3:  Fat Blouses

Hey, here’s an idea… let’s wear a shirt that makes you look like you’re belly is 5-times larger than you really are!  That’s sure to get a guy’s attention.  Honestly, unless you’re pregnant and you’re trying to hide your baby bump, there’s really no excuse for this type of fashion faux-pas.  It would be one thing if you were really fat and you were trying to hide that fact from the world, but making yourself look like a blimp just does not compute.

Shitty Fashion Style #4:  Granny Panties

C’mon ladies.  It’s 2011.  There’s no excuse for wearing granny panties unless you are, in fact, a granny – or have completely given up on ever having sex with another human being in your lifetime.  You don’t always have to wear a thong, but the GPs should be nowhere in your possession.  I’m not even talking about wearing them, here.  If a guy even FINDS a pair of granny panties in your room, you can bet that at some point in your relationship, he will lose his boner because he’ll think of you wearing them.  If a guy can stop wearing tightie whities, you should stop wearing your equivalent.

Shitty Fashion Style #5:  Tattoo Sleves

Honestly, I’m not a big fan of Tattoos.  Some guys dig them, but when you’re 80 years old and in some old folks home, you’re gonna look hella dumb with some lame tattoo fading on your wrinkled-ass skin.  But if you feel the need to literally paint entire swatches of your skin with tattoos, you’re gonna look awful WAY before you become geriatric.  Seriously, why would any girl want to desecrate her body by tattooing shit all up her arms?  Not only does it look bad, it makes the girl look trashy and totally precludes her from getting a decent job or convincing any decent guy’s mother that she’s anything but bad news.  There are ways to get “arty” and express yourself without inking up your entire arms, and its a lot less embarrassing to hang out with you in public.  So if you’re thinking of getting a tattoo, get something sexy, not something hideous.

Do you have any problems with women’s fashion?  Let me know what you think in the comments.