Overcoming Bad Feelings About Women

Don Kanonji over on the Attraction Forums has an interesting question concerning frame control and inner game, when it has to do with dealing with rejection from women.

Don Kanonji writes:

Constant Rejection Making You Hate Women?

I’m pretty sure this happens/happened to everyone: Guy founds the community, goes out and tries some approaches only to be rejected dozens of times in a row.Guy becomes the mysoginist of the century and thinks all girls are a bunch of useless cunts who only care about rich and famous dudes.

For me and after a few years of a fucked up life I’m trying desperately to learn how to love myself and when some random girl just looks at me like I’m some kind of freak she basically reminds me of how much I need to change everything about myself.

How the f*** I’m supposed to like me the way I am, if I need to change EVERYTHING about me ?!

Well, I’m currently trying the best I can to get rid of this disease but sometimes I wonder if I need game or professional help.

What kind of things you say to yourself in these kind of situations?

I refuse to give up, but sometimes i feel like my head is about to explode

I feel your pain, Don.  This is probably the most common thing that pops up when going out and trying to pick up girls.  I know that when I first started pick-up, I had a LOT of issues to deal with in this regard.  I mean, its easy to become resentful of women when you want them so badly, yet you feel they all will reject you.  I think that’s just human nature, to despise that which we can’t have, and therefore make it seem like we don’t want it.

But let’s face it, we all want to be loved.  We want to feel like we’re a person of value to someone else.  And if you’re dealing with inner game issues, and are insecure about who you are, those rejections you collect when you go out to practice pick-up is… well, counterproductive!

Here’s the real problem though, and its solution…

The real problem is that if you get upset by rejection, you are STILL allowing other people to define your self worth.  What I mean by this is, you feel insecure about how attractive you are, how worthy you are, etc./whatever – and you’re seeking validation of your self-worth from other people (in this case, girls you find attractive).  So when they reject you, everything bad you think about yourself gets validated!  (I’m ugly, I’m stupid, I’m a loser, etc., etc.)

This can be devastating, especially to a guy who’s trying to start learning these pick-up tactics.

The key here, is to learn to love yourself FIRST.  Be secure with who you are FIRST.  Be the source of your own validation BEFORE you start trying to meet girls.  When you have this measure of self-love, guess what?  Rejection doesn’t sting anymore.  Learning to love yourself for who and what you are is the single, most important first step to true confidence, and will help you in all aspects of life – but it will especially help you with women!  That’s why I’ve created courses like Pure Personality and other things, to teach guys how to be confident with themselves and display that confidence to others.

So if you’re dealing with bitter feelings towards women because of rejection, take a deep breath, and let that anger go.  It’s not really anger for them, its anger you’re directing towards yourself, and its unhealthy.  You need to start doing things that boost you up.  If you need to do daily affirmations, do that.  If you need to work out and let off aggression, do that.  Learn to stop focusing on the negative about yourself, and focus on the positive.  Make a list of what you like about yourself, and every time you start to beat yourself up, shift your focus to those positive aspects.  Watch a funny movie.  Do WHATEVER it takes to change your mood to something positive, and learn to be comfortable feeling good about yourself.

Once you embrace this, you’ll find you can get rejected a billion times and not be hurt by it.  But you know what?  You WON’T get rejected a billion times, because women will be attracted to your positivity – I don’t care what you look like.  People will WANT to be around you if you have a good attitude.

And when that happens, it will be so easy for you to stay positive and happy.  I guarantee it.