Worst. Sex Advice. Ever.

August 24, 2010 by  
Filed under Rants & Reviews

You know, sometimes I stumble across a piece of advice that is so freakin’ bad, I can’t believe anybody would bother posting it.  I mean, seriously

MrXXX writes:
While recieving oral/sex just bust out your phone and start browsing, text someone etc. Shit you don’t even need to do anything. The idea is to focus your mind on anything that is not pleasure, by doing so you are blocking the mental part of the orgasm and thus you cannot cum. If the female asks why you are busting your phone just tell her “cause I want to fucking last longer” “cause i fucking can” “so I cant last longer”. etc….

Thats it. Just do it. If it does not work your dumb as shit.

Actually, if you TAKE MrXXX’s advice, you’re dumb as shit.  I mean, where do I even begin with this…

First off, if you take out your phone and start texting someone while getting a BJ, that’s probably gonna be the LAST BJ you ever get from that girl.  Women give me shit about checking my phone while out on a DATE (some say its disrespectful) so I can just imagine how they’d react if I did that during sex.  I mean, what girl wouldn’t get pissed off if she was going down on you and you’re texting someone or looking at your phone?  I’ll tell you this – any girl who sees that happen is going to instantly think the guy isn’t into them, feel massively insecure, and STOP what they’re doing.  I can almost guarantee that.

Secondly, why the hell do you want to last longer during a blowjob?  During sex, yes, I can understand you’d want to increase endurance, but that’s because of your partner’s pleasure, right?  Lasting long during a blowjob doesn’t do anyone any good.  The girl doesn’t want to be down there all day!  In fact, if you take TOO long, she’s going to think something is wrong.  Plus, why would you want to deny yourself pleasure?  That’s what sex is all about, right?  Allow yourself to enjoy it!

If you REALLY need help here, blow your load fast during the BJ, then you’ll last longer during sex.  No phone or mental torture required.

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One Response to “Worst. Sex Advice. Ever.”
  1. boydnar says:

    Well, I’m glad to know I wasn’t the only one to think this advice was . . . um . . . er . . . wrong-headed. Most women like giving blowjobs, but most of them aren’t really into making it last too long or their mouths/jaws get tired and sore. And the fact that the man’s orgasm is usually the high point for her, too, means that she’s usually happy to get that reward — and the sooner the better.

    And, of course, if she asks why you came so fast, you tell her, “Well, baby, you’re just so damn hot and give me such fantastic blowjobs that I get incredibly turned on and can’t control myself.” Basically, tell her the truth. And if she’s an ongoing relationship, you can add whatever gooshy, schmaltzy, lovey-dovey, affectionate emotional talk you want.

    She’ll love it.

    Now, if she says that she actually wants BJ’s to last longer, tell her that, wow, that’s terrific, and you’ll just consider that first one a “preparatory BJ” and she can blow you again in about an hour and you’ll last much longer then so she can savor the wonderful sensation of your rock-hard cock slowly gliding in and out of her hot little mouth.

    Also, if you pepper-in plenty of dirty talk and sensation-commands (a-la David Shade) while she’s sucking your meat rod, you can eventually get her to cum while she’s blowing you. That will shake her universe. Do that and you’ll get more blowjobs.

    A LOT more blowjobs.

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