Should You Be A “Jerk” Or A “Nice Guy?”
February 12, 2010 by Thundercat
Filed under Analysis
Bisquick1 had this interesting post on mASF about striking a balance between being a Jerk and a Nice Guy.
Bisquick1 writes:
I notice this relates to not just picking up women, but making friends — lasting friends at that: Finding the balance between being the “Jerk” and being the “Nice guy”
After making, keeping, and losing friends or women I began to understand how those processes were happening. However, I’m having a difficult time trying to calibrate each situation!
If I make a friend/meet a girl, I will either lose him/her because I am either: Worried about not offending or annoying the other person, thereby leading me to be boring and they move to someone more fun.
Or I’m too much of a jerk. I’ll get annoying, and be too crazy/funny to the point where it is like “Enough already!” and lose him/her because of that.
On rare instances I’ll keep the friend/girlfriend if I play the cards right, but I just don’t know how!
I’ve tried newbie methods to meet new guy friends and potential girlfriend, but it is taking too long to just CLICK.
When and how will it just CLICK? Its been too long!(2+ years of recurring situations mentioned above)
Now, I’ve dealt with this “Nice Guy” vs. “Jerk” dilemma before. I think too many guys make the mistake of thinking that being a Jerk means being a mean prick to everyone, and somehow that is preferable to being a “Nice Guy.” In the case of this poster, he wants to strike some type of balance, as though he can oscilate between being a Jerk and being a Nice Guy when the situation suits him.
To me, this is a bad idea – for a multitude of reasons. Not the least of which is that when you do things like this, you’re not being very genuine. You’re putting on an act, so when people become attracted to you, they’re not really liking you for who you are, they like the act you put on. And ultimately, you just can’t sustain that.
If you’re the type of guy who thinks that you have to be a jerk to get women attracted to you, then you’ve been mislead. You don’t have to be one or the other – a nice guy or a jerk. Both of these labels have positives and negatives about them. it is possible to be a nice guy who attracts women just as well, if not better than, jerks do.
Here’s the thing you got to remember about “Jerks”…
The reason Jerk’s are so successful with women (in general) is because women often mistake narcisism & sociopathic tendancies for confidence.
Jerks are people who only care about their own pleasure. They have no concept of other people’s feelings, and because of that, they don’t get nervous or take into account how they may be coming off around other people. They focus on getting what they want because they feel they deserve it. This can seem like confidence, mixed with a healthy dose of persistence, to people who have weak frames and get caught up in the Jerk’s bravado. But those are really the two things anyone needs to be successful with women at a most basic level – confidence and persistence.
So I don’t think its really about finding a balance between being a Jerk and a Nice guy, its about having the right amount of confidence so that you can get what you want no matter the situation.
I like to think I’m a pretty nice guy, but I have developed a certain amount of inner strength that helps me to attract women and not come off as Beta or AFC. That’s really what we’re talking about here – if you can be self confident enough to be fun, interesting, and engaging around others and still get what you want, you don’t have to worry about playing the roll of a “jerk” or a “nice guy.”
So it comes down to this – are you able to focus on doing and achieving what makes you happy, while still being able to calibrate how other people around you are feeling and adjust your behavior appropriately?
The best skill you can learn in pick up is being able to read the people you are with – be they men or women. If you know what you’re doing is upsetting someone or pissing them off, then you need to be able to adjust your game accordingly.
If you’re able to do that, you can CONSISTENTLY be the type of man people want to be around, without having to worry about “switching” your roles and playing two different parts that really don’t reflect who you are.
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“나는 당신에게 말하지 않을 것입니다!”Fang Jifan은 못마땅하게 입술을 구부 렸습니다.
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이 여유 시간에 그들은 이 팀에 관심을 기울일 기회를 놓지 않으려는 것 같다.
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Wu Bantou는 무표정합니다. 어떤 삼촌, 당신은 내 아들입니다. 나는 당신을 알아보지도 못합니다!
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Zhu Houzhao는 눈을 가늘게 뜨고 눈이 밝게 빛나며 입에 “얼마를 벌 수 있습니까? “라고 말했습니다.
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Hongzhi 황제는 눈을 들어 Xiao Jing을 반쯤 웃으며 바라 보았습니다.
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무언가를 설명한 후 Fang Jifan과 Zhu Houzhao는 작별인사를 했습니다.
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이번에는 오양지(Ouyang Zhi)가 주저하지 않고 앞으로 나서며 손을 들었다.
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“여자는 남자에게 양보하지 않는다.” Fang Jifan은 미소를 지으며 장 여왕을 바라 보았다.
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