Dr. Neder on Beliefs
June 28, 2005 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
Got an email from blog poster Handsom Man (who seems to have his own blog now, by the way =) who referenced an article written by Dr. Neder, of DYD fame, on Beliefs. So if you’re looking for some good info on Inner Game stuff, check it out by reading on below…
Update!
Just got this email from the good doctor himself…
Dr. Neder writes:
Hello ThunderCat!I appreciate you
posting my article on your site. However I’d like to point out just a few
discrepancies:1) I’m not of "DYD"
fame. I’ve written two books, recorded CD’s, written hundreds of articles, done
hundreds of TV and radio appearances, all under "Being a Man in a Woman’s
World". Perhaps you could correct that?2) I post articles
free of use (a new one each week by the way if you’re interested), and ask only
that you always include the following byline with them (at the end of the
article):————
Have a love, dating,
relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me
at dwneder@beingaman.com for answers.
For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman’s World" (volumes I
& II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion
group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman. Copyright (c) 2005,
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
————
Dr. Dennis Neder’s Post on Beliefs
This is an interesting question with an even more interesting answer.
One
of the most popular forms of psychotherapy involves helping the client
change their belief system in order to deal with situations in
different ways. I have actually been working on a new method that is
more direct. I won’t go into all of this here as it’s far too
complicated and involved for the subject. However, here are some basic
steps you can use right now in order to begin this process:
1) Start with the end in mind.
In
other words, what outcome do you want? It’s not enough to simply say "I
want to meet chicks." Instead, you have to be very specific here and do
the same type of work you’d do with your goals. You can say something
like, "I will [note the positive, present tense in the statement] meet
5 women that fit my type in the next 30 days." You also have to
determine your "type" which you will from BAM1.
2) Visualize how your life will be different when you’ve reached your goal.
Can
you imagine what changes will occur in your life when you’ve
accomplished this? You absolutely must! Try to picture the positive
feelings of having 5 women’s numbers that want you to call them.
Imagine the calmness you’ll feel in relieving the tension from your
goal. By setting a goal like this, you create tension. That’s
important. By reaching it, you relieve this tension. That’s important
too. Work on imagining how you’ll feel, how things will look and even
how the world sounds when you’ve accomplished your goal! Focus on the
fact that you’re changing fundamentally simply in reaching your goal.
It’s that very change that’s critical. Once you change, you’ll never go
back to being the way you were before.
3) Turn up these feelings.
It’s
not enough to simply say, "Ok, I feel this way – that’s nice." You now
need to amplify them and feel them throughout your body. You need to
visualize the positive impact of reaching your goal and actually enjoy
the success – even though you haven’t yet reached it. Continue to do
this at least twice every day for the next week. More often and longer
is even better.
Think of this as a reward for having set the
goal in the first place. Reward yourself by imaging all the good things
you deserve as having already come to you and think deeply of the
person you’ll become through it. Don’t just feel good about the goal,
feel good about whom you’ve become in reaching the goal. The difference
is critical.
4) Project those feelings into action.
Before
you set out to actually accomplish your goal, "project forward" into
time that feeling of accomplishment. Get excited about achieving that
first (or next) step along your way. Actually see [through your own
eyes] that experience of accomplishing the first step. Imagine how
confident and centered you’ll feel because you’ve done it. Then, get
excited about the next step. Use the feelings of excitement to create
enthusiasm in your goal and continue to spur you on.
5) Continue to act until you reach your goal.
Don’t
give up. Continue your actions until you reach your goals. Give
concerted effort to accomplishing them, but don’t beat your head
against a wall. If your plans don’t help you get where you want to go,
then find new plans. Write your goals in concrete – they are never
changing; but write your plans in sand. The methods you use to
accomplish your goals aren’t important. Accomplishing them is!
6) Reward yourself for each accomplishment – even small ones.
These
rewards don’t have to be huge but they should have meaning. In other
words, it’s ok to tell yourself, "Good job!" and to feel that reward.
Likewise, as you continue along in accomplishing your goals, it’s ok -
and even good – to reward yourself in other ways too.
7) Don’t fail to set your next goal before you’re finished with the first!
This
is important. If you don’t set the next goal and try to ride the high
of accomplishing the first, you’ll never get very far. You want to
constantly be moving in the direction of your bigger, more important
goals by setting smaller ones short-term. Each step along the way gets
you closer to your big goals, but you need to see the next step before
you get to the end of the current one. In effect, these smaller goals
overlap into accomplishing your bigger goals. Your bigger goals overlap
into accomplishing your ultimate goals, and finally your ultimate goals
overlap into accomplishing your life’s plan.
————
Have a love, dating,
relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me
at dwneder@beingaman.com for answers.
For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman’s World" (volumes I
& II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion
group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman. Copyright (c) 2005,
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
————
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Моя мама, та ещё модница. Каждые выходные, её можно было найти в нашем Торговом Комплексе (ТК). Пропадая там часами и толком ничего не купив, за такое проведённое время, если только так по мелочи, у меня это вызывало недоумение. И тут же напрашивался, естественно закономерный вопрос. Что можно там делать, целый день?
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Конечно, я много раз навязывался на поход в ТК с мамой, объясняя разные причины, чтобы посетить, это «чудесное» заведение. Но каждый раз слышал, от неё только отказ.
Мама была у меня симпатичной женщиной с приличной грудью третьего размера, да и в меру обладая стройностью тела, выглядела в свои сорок лет, даже очень ничего. Многие мужчины, часто поглядывали в её сторону, на что мама строя им глазки, пыталась флиртовать с ними. Меня же это раздражало. Возможно во мне играла ревность, что не я центр её внимания.
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Но странное поведение мамы, вынуждало меня узнать всё таки истинную причину, её не обычного влечения к шопомании.
Заранее купив новой одежды, чтобы не быть узнаным, и облачившись в эти шмотки, изменив облик, а на глаза нацепив солнцезащитные очки с бейсболкой, я решил проследить за мамой, когда она в очередной раз, пошла за покупками в ТК.
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Неотступно ступая ей в след, я добрался с ней до ТК. Не распознав меня, хотя я перед мамой часто светился, проверяя свою маскировку, мы вошли во внутрь этого грандиозного здания. По началу она и вправду ходила по бутикам, оглядываясь не редко на мужчин, а с некоторыми даже беседовала, но коротко, перекидываясь всего парой фраз. Я не слышал о чем они говорили, но по виду мужчин, можно сказать, что оппоненты очень были заинтересованы в этом разговоре.
Спустя час, её брожения по лабиринтам этих бутиков, она остановилась в одном из них и выбрав какую-то блузку, двинулась в сторону кабинки. Подойдя к ней, она оглянулась по сторонам и еще раз взглянув на номер над шторкой и убедившись, что именно в эту примерочную ей надо, мама не суетясь зашла туда.
Подумав, что здесь нет ничего необычного, я приметил молодого человека, с которым мама останавливалась и разговаривала. Он бродил по бутику и высматривал вещи, всё время поглядывая на кабинки. Выбрав что-то из одежды, он подошёл именно к той самой примерочной, куда некоторое время назад зашла моя мама. На вид парень был, чуть старше меня и испуганно взирая по сторонам, открыв штору кабинки, прошёл не задерживаясь во внутрь.
Я глазам своим не мог поверить, что это происходит. Разные мысли в голове, стали меня посещать и в основном они были интимного характера. Неужели моя мама, встречается с этим юнцом и в тайне от отца, изменяет ему, таким способом в примерочной кабинке ТК.
Да, да. У мамы был муж, который приходился мне отцом. Но у меня и в мыслях не было, что мама может так незатейливо, наставлять ему рога, посреди бела дня, да ещё при скоплении множества народа.
Мне стало любопытно, что же они там делают, и я подошёл к кабинке поближе. Стоя у шторы и прислушиваясь, я ничего не мог расслышать. Вокруг голдели люди и звуки сливались, теряясь в пространстве. Смирившись с этим, я отошёл в сторону якобы высматривая, что купить, но неизменно поглядывая в сторону примерочных. Тут неожиданно я увидел ещё пару человек, с которыми мама разговаривала. Они тоже ходили по магазинчику и что-то выбирали, косясь на кабинки с соответствующим номером. Вскоре со временем у примерочной скопилось более пяти человек. И они тупо озираясь друг на друга, не понимали, что вообще происходит. Некоторые примерочные были пусты, но никто в них не заходил из парней, ждавшие не понятно чего, как мне казалось.
И вот, этот парень, что был первый, быстро вылетев из кабинки, как ошпаренный, тут же помчался прочь, поправляя на ходу свои штаны. Я не понимал, что твориться здесь, смотря ему в след, как он удаляется. И пока у меня в голове это переваривалось, в кабинку прошмыгнул следующий из очереди, что стихийно образовалась у заманчивой для них примерочной.
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Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky will meet US President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris in Washington on Thursday. Leon Neal/Getty Images
CNN
—
Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky’s visit to the White House on Thursday could be his final chance to convince a receptive American president of his country’s war aims.
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The precise details of the “victory plan” Zelensky plans to present in separate meetings to President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris are unknown, having been closely held until they are presented to the American leaders.
But according to people briefed on its broad contours, the plan reflects the Ukrainian leader’s urgent appeals for more immediate help countering Russia’s invasion. Zelensky is also poised to push for long-term security guarantees that could withstand changes in American leadership ahead of what is widely expected to be a close presidential election between Harris and former President Donald Trump.
The plan, people familiar with it said, acts as Zelensky’s response to growing war weariness even among his staunchest of western allies. It will make the case that Ukraine can still win — and does not need to cede Russian-seized territory for the fighting to end — if enough assistance is rushed in.
That includes again asking permission to fire Western provided long-range weapons deeper into Russian territory, a line Biden once was loathe to cross but which he’s recently appeared more open to as he has come under growing pressure to relent.
Even if Biden decides to allow the long-range fires, it’s unclear whether the change in policy would be announced publicly.
Biden is usually apt to take his time making decisions about providing Ukraine new capabilities. But with November’s election potentially portending a major change in American approach to the war if Trump were to win, Ukrainian officials — and many American ones — believe there is little time to waste.
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Trump has claimed he will be able to “settle” the war upon taking office and has suggested he’ll end US support for Kyiv’s war effort.
“Those cities are gone, they’re gone, and we continue to give billions of dollars to a man who refused to make a deal, Zelensky. There was no deal that he could have made that wouldn’t have been better than the situation you have right now. You have a country that has been obliterated, not possible to be rebuilt,” Trump said during a campaign speech in Mint Hill, North Carolina, on Wednesday.
Comments like those have lent new weight to Thursday’s Oval Office talks, according to American and European officials, who have described an imperative to surge assistance to Ukraine while Biden is still in office.
As part of Zelensky’s visit, the US is expected to announce a major new security package, thought it will likely delay the shipping of the equipment due to inventory shortages, CNN previously reported according to two US officials. On Wednesday, the US announced a package of $375 million.
The president previewed Zelensky’s visit to the White House a day beforehand, declaring on the margins of the United Nations General Assembly his administration was “determined to ensure that Ukraine has what it needs to prevail in fight for survival.”
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“Tomorrow, I will announce a series of actions to accelerate support for Ukraine’s military – but we know Ukraine’s future victory is about more than what happens on the battlefield, it’s also about what Ukrainians do make the most of a free and independent future, which so many have sacrificed so much for,” he said.
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CNN
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Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky’s visit to the White House on Thursday could be his final chance to convince a receptive American president of his country’s war aims.
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The precise details of the “victory plan” Zelensky plans to present in separate meetings to President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris are unknown, having been closely held until they are presented to the American leaders.
But according to people briefed on its broad contours, the plan reflects the Ukrainian leader’s urgent appeals for more immediate help countering Russia’s invasion. Zelensky is also poised to push for long-term security guarantees that could withstand changes in American leadership ahead of what is widely expected to be a close presidential election between Harris and former President Donald Trump.
The plan, people familiar with it said, acts as Zelensky’s response to growing war weariness even among his staunchest of western allies. It will make the case that Ukraine can still win — and does not need to cede Russian-seized territory for the fighting to end — if enough assistance is rushed in.
That includes again asking permission to fire Western provided long-range weapons deeper into Russian territory, a line Biden once was loathe to cross but which he’s recently appeared more open to as he has come under growing pressure to relent.
Even if Biden decides to allow the long-range fires, it’s unclear whether the change in policy would be announced publicly.
Biden is usually apt to take his time making decisions about providing Ukraine new capabilities. But with November’s election potentially portending a major change in American approach to the war if Trump were to win, Ukrainian officials — and many American ones — believe there is little time to waste.
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Trump has claimed he will be able to “settle” the war upon taking office and has suggested he’ll end US support for Kyiv’s war effort.
“Those cities are gone, they’re gone, and we continue to give billions of dollars to a man who refused to make a deal, Zelensky. There was no deal that he could have made that wouldn’t have been better than the situation you have right now. You have a country that has been obliterated, not possible to be rebuilt,” Trump said during a campaign speech in Mint Hill, North Carolina, on Wednesday.
Comments like those have lent new weight to Thursday’s Oval Office talks, according to American and European officials, who have described an imperative to surge assistance to Ukraine while Biden is still in office.
As part of Zelensky’s visit, the US is expected to announce a major new security package, thought it will likely delay the shipping of the equipment due to inventory shortages, CNN previously reported according to two US officials. On Wednesday, the US announced a package of $375 million.
The president previewed Zelensky’s visit to the White House a day beforehand, declaring on the margins of the United Nations General Assembly his administration was “determined to ensure that Ukraine has what it needs to prevail in fight for survival.”
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“Tomorrow, I will announce a series of actions to accelerate support for Ukraine’s military – but we know Ukraine’s future victory is about more than what happens on the battlefield, it’s also about what Ukrainians do make the most of a free and independent future, which so many have sacrificed so much for,” he said.
Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky will meet US President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris in Washington on Thursday. Leon Neal/Getty Images
CNN
—
Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky’s visit to the White House on Thursday could be his final chance to convince a receptive American president of his country’s war aims.
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The precise details of the “victory plan” Zelensky plans to present in separate meetings to President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris are unknown, having been closely held until they are presented to the American leaders.
But according to people briefed on its broad contours, the plan reflects the Ukrainian leader’s urgent appeals for more immediate help countering Russia’s invasion. Zelensky is also poised to push for long-term security guarantees that could withstand changes in American leadership ahead of what is widely expected to be a close presidential election between Harris and former President Donald Trump.
The plan, people familiar with it said, acts as Zelensky’s response to growing war weariness even among his staunchest of western allies. It will make the case that Ukraine can still win — and does not need to cede Russian-seized territory for the fighting to end — if enough assistance is rushed in.
That includes again asking permission to fire Western provided long-range weapons deeper into Russian territory, a line Biden once was loathe to cross but which he’s recently appeared more open to as he has come under growing pressure to relent.
Even if Biden decides to allow the long-range fires, it’s unclear whether the change in policy would be announced publicly.
Biden is usually apt to take his time making decisions about providing Ukraine new capabilities. But with November’s election potentially portending a major change in American approach to the war if Trump were to win, Ukrainian officials — and many American ones — believe there is little time to waste.
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Trump has claimed he will be able to “settle” the war upon taking office and has suggested he’ll end US support for Kyiv’s war effort.
“Those cities are gone, they’re gone, and we continue to give billions of dollars to a man who refused to make a deal, Zelensky. There was no deal that he could have made that wouldn’t have been better than the situation you have right now. You have a country that has been obliterated, not possible to be rebuilt,” Trump said during a campaign speech in Mint Hill, North Carolina, on Wednesday.
Comments like those have lent new weight to Thursday’s Oval Office talks, according to American and European officials, who have described an imperative to surge assistance to Ukraine while Biden is still in office.
As part of Zelensky’s visit, the US is expected to announce a major new security package, thought it will likely delay the shipping of the equipment due to inventory shortages, CNN previously reported according to two US officials. On Wednesday, the US announced a package of $375 million.
The president previewed Zelensky’s visit to the White House a day beforehand, declaring on the margins of the United Nations General Assembly his administration was “determined to ensure that Ukraine has what it needs to prevail in fight for survival.”
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“Tomorrow, I will announce a series of actions to accelerate support for Ukraine’s military – but we know Ukraine’s future victory is about more than what happens on the battlefield, it’s also about what Ukrainians do make the most of a free and independent future, which so many have sacrificed so much for,” he said.
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