Dr. Neder on Beliefs
June 28, 2005 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
Got an email from blog poster Handsom Man (who seems to have his own blog now, by the way =) who referenced an article written by Dr. Neder, of DYD fame, on Beliefs. So if you’re looking for some good info on Inner Game stuff, check it out by reading on below…
Update!
Just got this email from the good doctor himself…
Dr. Neder writes:
Hello ThunderCat!I appreciate you
posting my article on your site. However I’d like to point out just a few
discrepancies:1) I’m not of "DYD"
fame. I’ve written two books, recorded CD’s, written hundreds of articles, done
hundreds of TV and radio appearances, all under "Being a Man in a Woman’s
World". Perhaps you could correct that?2) I post articles
free of use (a new one each week by the way if you’re interested), and ask only
that you always include the following byline with them (at the end of the
article):————
Have a love, dating,
relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me
at dwneder@beingaman.com for answers.
For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman’s World" (volumes I
& II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion
group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman. Copyright (c) 2005,
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
————
Dr. Dennis Neder’s Post on Beliefs
This is an interesting question with an even more interesting answer.
One
of the most popular forms of psychotherapy involves helping the client
change their belief system in order to deal with situations in
different ways. I have actually been working on a new method that is
more direct. I won’t go into all of this here as it’s far too
complicated and involved for the subject. However, here are some basic
steps you can use right now in order to begin this process:
1) Start with the end in mind.
In
other words, what outcome do you want? It’s not enough to simply say "I
want to meet chicks." Instead, you have to be very specific here and do
the same type of work you’d do with your goals. You can say something
like, "I will [note the positive, present tense in the statement] meet
5 women that fit my type in the next 30 days." You also have to
determine your "type" which you will from BAM1.
2) Visualize how your life will be different when you’ve reached your goal.
Can
you imagine what changes will occur in your life when you’ve
accomplished this? You absolutely must! Try to picture the positive
feelings of having 5 women’s numbers that want you to call them.
Imagine the calmness you’ll feel in relieving the tension from your
goal. By setting a goal like this, you create tension. That’s
important. By reaching it, you relieve this tension. That’s important
too. Work on imagining how you’ll feel, how things will look and even
how the world sounds when you’ve accomplished your goal! Focus on the
fact that you’re changing fundamentally simply in reaching your goal.
It’s that very change that’s critical. Once you change, you’ll never go
back to being the way you were before.
3) Turn up these feelings.
It’s
not enough to simply say, "Ok, I feel this way – that’s nice." You now
need to amplify them and feel them throughout your body. You need to
visualize the positive impact of reaching your goal and actually enjoy
the success – even though you haven’t yet reached it. Continue to do
this at least twice every day for the next week. More often and longer
is even better.
Think of this as a reward for having set the
goal in the first place. Reward yourself by imaging all the good things
you deserve as having already come to you and think deeply of the
person you’ll become through it. Don’t just feel good about the goal,
feel good about whom you’ve become in reaching the goal. The difference
is critical.
4) Project those feelings into action.
Before
you set out to actually accomplish your goal, "project forward" into
time that feeling of accomplishment. Get excited about achieving that
first (or next) step along your way. Actually see [through your own
eyes] that experience of accomplishing the first step. Imagine how
confident and centered you’ll feel because you’ve done it. Then, get
excited about the next step. Use the feelings of excitement to create
enthusiasm in your goal and continue to spur you on.
5) Continue to act until you reach your goal.
Don’t
give up. Continue your actions until you reach your goals. Give
concerted effort to accomplishing them, but don’t beat your head
against a wall. If your plans don’t help you get where you want to go,
then find new plans. Write your goals in concrete – they are never
changing; but write your plans in sand. The methods you use to
accomplish your goals aren’t important. Accomplishing them is!
6) Reward yourself for each accomplishment – even small ones.
These
rewards don’t have to be huge but they should have meaning. In other
words, it’s ok to tell yourself, "Good job!" and to feel that reward.
Likewise, as you continue along in accomplishing your goals, it’s ok -
and even good – to reward yourself in other ways too.
7) Don’t fail to set your next goal before you’re finished with the first!
This
is important. If you don’t set the next goal and try to ride the high
of accomplishing the first, you’ll never get very far. You want to
constantly be moving in the direction of your bigger, more important
goals by setting smaller ones short-term. Each step along the way gets
you closer to your big goals, but you need to see the next step before
you get to the end of the current one. In effect, these smaller goals
overlap into accomplishing your bigger goals. Your bigger goals overlap
into accomplishing your ultimate goals, and finally your ultimate goals
overlap into accomplishing your life’s plan.
————
Have a love, dating,
relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me
at dwneder@beingaman.com for answers.
For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman’s World" (volumes I
& II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion
group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman. Copyright (c) 2005,
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
————
Rapid City, South Dakota (CNN) —Nestled in the Black Hills of South Dakota, Rapid City is a scenic urban getaway that hasn’t lost its small-town vibe.
While it’s the state’s second largest city, visitors can explore its greenway, museums, art and history, or indulge in craft beer and increasingly diverse dishes — all within a few minutes’ drive, walk or bicycle ride.
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And the surrounding landscape is home to enough natural and manmade wonders — from the Badlands to the Crazy Horse Memorial — to keep you busy for a week or more.
Historic City of Presidents
Rapid City promotes itself as the City of Presidents, a nod to its location 24 miles from South Dakota’s most iconic attraction, Mount Rushmore National Memorial.
In town, locals know summer’s in full swing when tourists are snapping selfies with bronze statues of Harry S. Truman and Richard Nixon. Street corners throughout Rapid City’s historic downtown are home to life-sized sculptures of nearly all US presidents. (President Donald Trump’s statue has been unveiled and will be installed in fall 2025, and President Joe Biden’s statue is in progress).
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The trail of presidents, which launched in 2000, is a self-guided experience. The visitor center downtown has a City of Presidents Guide, or you can download a digital version to take a walking tour or scavenger hunt.
“People love touring and looking at all the statues,” said Ally Formanek, CEO at Visit Rapid City, the city’s tourism office. “It’s a fun and unexpected way to learn about history.”
Founded in 1876 by disheartened gold prospectors, today downtown Rapid City is a mix of historic landmarks such as the 1928 Hotel Alex Johnson and the 1912 Elks Theatre, along with restaurants, coffee shops, specialty stores, boutiques and art galleries that reflect the busy modern city. An indoor aquaponics farm, sourdough and gluten-free bakeries, a meat market and deli specializing in locally raised beef, and a comedy club are some of the new additions to downtown, just in the past year.
Main Street Square, downtown’s anchor, hosts about 150 events year-round in and outdoor public space that offers interactive fountains in the summer and ice skating in the winter.
Jess and Cody Skinner own The Silver Lining Creamery, an ice cream shop at Main Street Square. Jess Skinner compares Rapid City to “a mini Denver” with fewer crowds but plenty to do and see.
“We have such a unique downtown with all these local businesses,” Jess said. “I’ve been to a lot of different cities and downtowns, and I think ours is one of the best.”
“We always get compliments about how friendly everyone is here … that everyone is so nice,” Jess said. “Tourists can stop and (ask for directions) and people here are so kind and so helpful.”
For an easy way to see Rapid City, the narrated City View Trolley Tour highlights local landmarks and history. The tour’s only stop is at Chapel in the Hills, a 56-year-old Norwegian stavkirke, a traditional timber-framed stave church found in Scandinavia, with a meditation trail on its grounds.
“It’s a place to slow down and catch your breath. People tend to linger here,” said Brian Kringen, managing director at Chapel in the Hills, a striking wooden structure with an elaborate tiered roof.
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Tourists fined and banned from Venice for swimming in canal
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A couple from the United Kingdom had to cut their vacation in Venice short after being caught swimming in the Grand Canal.
The 35-year-old British man and his 25-year-old Romanian girlfriend were forced to return to their home in the UK on Thursday, the same day they arrived in the city, after gondoliers reported them to local police for taking a dip in the canal.
The pair were fined €450 ($529) each and expelled from Venice for 48 hours, marking the 1,136th such sanction to be handed down to badly behaved tourists in the city so far this year, according to the Venice City Police.
The unnamed couple took the plunge near the Accademia bridge near St. Mark’s Square and gondoliers at the Rio San Vidal kiosk immediately called authorities, who removed them from the water.
“I thank the gondoliers for their cooperation and timely reporting,” said Venice Security Councillor Elisabetta Pesce in a statement published by city authorities on Friday.
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“Venice must be defended from those who disrespect it: protecting the city means ensuring decorum for residents and visitors who experience it with civility.”
Swimming in the Venice canals is prohibited for a variety of reasons, including the intense boat traffic and the cleanliness — or lack thereof — of the water, according to the city’s tourism ministry.
Of the 1,136 orders of expulsion from the city so far this year, about 10 were for swimming.
Related article
Tourists take photographs on the Rialto Bridge in Venice, Italy, on Saturday, April 8, 2023. Italy’s upcoming budget outlook will probably incorporate a higher growth forecast for 2023 followed by a worsened outlook for subsequent years, according to people familiar with the matter. Photographer: Andrea Merola/Bloomberg via Getty Images
Rising waters and overtourism are killing Venice. Now the fight is on to save its soul
“Since the beginning of the year, we have issued a total of 1,136 orders of expulsion for incidents of degradation and uncivilized behavior,” Venice local police deputy commander Gianni Franzoi said in a statement shared with CNN.
Poor visitor behavior is one of the worst byproducts of overtourism, Franzoi said, and incidents are on the rise.
In July 2024, an Australian man was fined and expelled for diving off the Rialto Bridge after his friends posted about it on social media.
The year before, two French tourists were fined and expelled for skinny dipping in the canal under the moonlight. In August 2022, a German man was fined and expelled for surfing in the canal.
Related article
Aerial view of the plagued ghost island of Poveglia in the Venetian lagoon
‘Haunted’ Venice island to become a locals-only haven where tourists are banned
Venice’s authorities have been trying to balance the need for visitor income with residents’ demands for a city that works for them.
Day trippers now pay a €10 entrance fee on summer weekends and during busy periods throughout the year.
The city has also banned tour groups of more than 25 people, loudspeakers and megaphones, and even standing on narrow streets to listen to tour guides.
“It was necessary to establish a system of penalties that would effectively deter potential violations,” Pesce said when the ordinance was passed in February.
“Our goal remains to combat all forms of irregularities related to overtourism in the historic lagoon city center,” she added.
“The new rules for groups accompanied by guides encourage a more sustainable form of tourism, while also ensuring greater protection and safety in the city and better balancing the needs of Venice residents and visitors.”
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Watch out, Orlando, a new world theme park capital is rising in the Arabian desert
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For decades, Orlando has reigned as the global capital of theme parks — a place where Disney, Universal, SeaWorld and countless other attractions have drawn millions of visitors.
But a challenger for the crown has emerged from an unlikely place: the deserts of the Arabian Gulf. In a destination once known more for oil wealth and camel racing than roller coasters, Abu Dhabi is building an adrenaline-charged playground that could give Orlando a run for its money.
And it just landed the ultimate weapon: Disney.
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In May 2025, when Disney announced its first new theme park in 15 years, it chose Abu Dhabi over other key theme park destinations in California, Japan and even Orlando.
There was “no question,” says Josh D’Amaro, chairman of Disney Experiences. The UAE capital, already home to Ferrari World, with the world’s fastest roller coaster; Warner Bros. World (built under license by CNN’s parent company, Warner Brothers Discovery); Yas Waterworld, an epic network of slides and pools; and more recently, SeaWorld Yas Island Abu Dhabi. It’s clear the emirate is emerging as the most serious challenger Orlando has ever faced.
Ferrari World Abu Dhabi is home to the world’s fastest rollercoaster and the highest loop ride.
Ferrari World Abu Dhabi is home to the world’s fastest rollercoaster and the highest loop ride. Leisa Tyler/LightRocket/Getty Images
Disneyland Abu Dhabi, expected to open on Yas Island in the early 2030s, will be the company’s most technologically advanced park ever. Renderings show a shimmering, futuristic tower at its center — more closely resembling Abu Dhabi’s gleaming skyline than a traditional European castle. It will be the first Disney resort set on an accessible shoreline, located just 20 minutes from downtown Abu Dhabi.
Related video
What began as a shared passion between two friends has grown into the “Abu Dhabi House Movement” — a fast-growing community redefining the city’s music scene. Co-founder Tom Worton takes us inside this grassroots world, where music lovers, DJs, and cultural spaces collide.
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House beats and hidden venues: A new sound is emerging in Abu Dhabi
The theme park will be developed, built and operated by Miral, the Abu Dhabi company behind Yas Island’s roster of other attractions. Disney Imagineers will handle creative design and operational oversight, making sure the new park is in keeping with Disney’s brand.
Miral’s CEO, Mohamed Abdalla Al Zaabi, says demand already exists: 2024 saw a 20% rise in theme park attendance on Yas Island. And expansion is already in the works — a Harry Potter–themed land at Warner Bros. World, more record-breaking rides at Ferrari World, new themed hotels, and even two beaches along Yas Bay Waterfront.
‘This isn’t about building another theme park’
disney 3.jpg
Why Disney chose Abu Dhabi for their next theme park location
7:02
Abu Dhabi’s location, a medium-haul flight away from both Europe and Asia, and relatively short hop away from India, means millions of potential visitors are within relatively easy reach.
“This isn’t about building another theme park,” Saleh Mohamed Al Geziry, Abu Dhabi’s director general of tourism, told CNN. “It’s about defining Abu Dhabi as a global destination where culture, entertainment and luxury intersect.”
Dr. Jake Scott is on the front line of his second pandemic in five years and he is not getting much sleep.
Scott works full-time as an infectious disease physician at Stanford Health Care’s Tri-Valley hospital in Pleasanton, California. When he is done taking care of his patients and his two grade-school aged kids, he often stays up past midnight writing — furiously penning op-eds, collecting studies, leading evidence reviews and posting meaty threads on social media, most of them correcting the record on vaccines.
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Often, he’s reacting to the latest maneuvers by US Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr.. A pinned post responding to one of Kennedy’s appearances on Fox News has been viewed almost 5 million times. Another post fact-checking Kennedy’s claims about potential harms from aluminum in vaccines had 1 million views in its first 48 hours. Scott’s followers on X have doubled since April.
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The Covid-19 pandemic turned many infectious disease specialists and virologists into household names. Scott’s was not one of them, perhaps because he was too busy treating patients. He didn’t stay out of the public discourse completely, however. He was one of the first doctors to tell people that Omicron didn’t seem to be as severe an infection as earlier strains of the virus, although some virologists were skeptical at the time.
In President Donald Trump’s second administration, however, Scott is taking on what he sees as a second pandemic — misinformation and disinformation about vaccines. He knows false information can be as harmful as any virus.
“When officials spread inaccurate information about vaccines, it does have real consequences, and families make decisions based on fear rather than on facts,” Scott said.
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Scott knows it could get much worse.
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A month after Lyle and Erik Menendez were arrested for brutally slaying their parents inside their Beverly Hills home, Dr. Ann Burgess entered the Los Angeles County Jail with a stack of blank paper and a set of colored pencils.
It was April 1990, and the maelstrom around Jose and Kitty Menendez’s double murder – and the brothers’ forthcoming trial – had reached a fever pitch. News articles described the crime scene in gory, painstaking detail. Prosecutors and tabloids portrayed the brothers as greedy, calculated, cold-blooded killers.
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A month after Lyle and Erik Menendez were arrested for brutally slaying their parents inside their Beverly Hills home, Dr. Ann Burgess entered the Los Angeles County Jail with a stack of blank paper and a set of colored pencils.
It was April 1990, and the maelstrom around Jose and Kitty Menendez’s double murder – and the brothers’ forthcoming trial – had reached a fever pitch. News articles described the crime scene in gory, painstaking detail. Prosecutors and tabloids portrayed the brothers as greedy, calculated, cold-blooded killers.
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Burgess was among the earliest women to work with the FBI and a key member of what was known as the bureau’s Behavioral Science Unit in the late ’70s.
That team has since been dubbed “Mindhunters” because they willingly delve into the darkest parts of the human psyche to better understand what motivates a murderer. What they uncover could make even the most hardened detectives blanch.
And while criminal profiling is not an exact science, it is a method investigators increasingly lean on to identify warning signs of a would-be killer.
CNN spoke to former profilers – all women like Dr. Burgess who worked with the FBI – who have pioneered and practiced ways to connect the dots between evidence and psychology to help solve and prevent crimes.
“You start very slowly,” the now 88-year-old told CNN of her approach with Menendez. “You start with, ‘How far back can you remember?’ … and gradually get up to, ‘When did you first have this idea of what you wanted to do to your parents?’”
Burgess said she spent 50 hours interviewing Menendez and, as she recounts in her latest book, she was later called as an “expert witness” to testify about how Erik and Lyle’s decision to confront their father over what they alleged was years of sexual abuse could have provoked enough fear for them to commit a double murder.
She’s since been accused of profiling Menendez as a way to excuse or justify the brothers’ crimes, but Burgess staunchly rejects that characterization.
“You’ve got to do it for prevention,” she said. “You have to learn something from this.”
That, she says, is the question that drives most criminal profilers: How can we prevent the next murder?
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It was April 1990, and the maelstrom around Jose and Kitty Menendez’s double murder – and the brothers’ forthcoming trial – had reached a fever pitch. News articles described the crime scene in gory, painstaking detail. Prosecutors and tabloids portrayed the brothers as greedy, calculated, cold-blooded killers.
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A month after Lyle and Erik Menendez were arrested for brutally slaying their parents inside their Beverly Hills home, Dr. Ann Burgess entered the Los Angeles County Jail with a stack of blank paper and a set of colored pencils.
It was April 1990, and the maelstrom around Jose and Kitty Menendez’s double murder – and the brothers’ forthcoming trial – had reached a fever pitch. News articles described the crime scene in gory, painstaking detail. Prosecutors and tabloids portrayed the brothers as greedy, calculated, cold-blooded killers.
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Burgess was among the earliest women to work with the FBI and a key member of what was known as the bureau’s Behavioral Science Unit in the late ’70s.
That team has since been dubbed “Mindhunters” because they willingly delve into the darkest parts of the human psyche to better understand what motivates a murderer. What they uncover could make even the most hardened detectives blanch.
And while criminal profiling is not an exact science, it is a method investigators increasingly lean on to identify warning signs of a would-be killer.
CNN spoke to former profilers – all women like Dr. Burgess who worked with the FBI – who have pioneered and practiced ways to connect the dots between evidence and psychology to help solve and prevent crimes.
“You start very slowly,” the now 88-year-old told CNN of her approach with Menendez. “You start with, ‘How far back can you remember?’ … and gradually get up to, ‘When did you first have this idea of what you wanted to do to your parents?’”
Burgess said she spent 50 hours interviewing Menendez and, as she recounts in her latest book, she was later called as an “expert witness” to testify about how Erik and Lyle’s decision to confront their father over what they alleged was years of sexual abuse could have provoked enough fear for them to commit a double murder.
She’s since been accused of profiling Menendez as a way to excuse or justify the brothers’ crimes, but Burgess staunchly rejects that characterization.
“You’ve got to do it for prevention,” she said. “You have to learn something from this.”
That, she says, is the question that drives most criminal profilers: How can we prevent the next murder?
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