What To Do When A Girl Just Wants To Be Friends…

Mr. Fingers, over on the Don Juan Discussions boards, has a very good post up about "Escaping The Friends Zone."

Mr. Fingers writes:
I was talking to a
friend of mine recently and she made me realize a skill that I possess
that I am totally unaware of. We were talking about past relationships
and she pointed out how many friends I have converted into lovers. Not
just any friends either…CLOSE friends! Apparently I am a FriendZone
Escape Artist!

A few weeks after this eye-opening convo, I got to see myself in action
again, but with a more trained perspective. An ex-girl of mine came to
visit me from overseas.

A little background info on her:
Before we had ever even kissed, we were best friends for years and
ended up in a very intense love affair after she confessed her true
feelings to me. It all ended a few years later cuz I was still a chump
back then…but thats a whole other thread.

Well, long story short, this time we ended up seducing each other AGAIN
even though she had a boyfriend back home. I didn’t even TRY to hook up
with this girl. In fact, I RESISTED my urges in an effort to be the
good guy. But finally, we both caved.

I started to really see the things I do subconsciously that gets my lady friends horny for me.

I hope this revelation helps some of you guys out…

Before we begin I want you to read and absorb

THE GOLDEN RULE ABOVE ALL RULES

Never, EVER, express you feelings directly. Don’t tell her that you see
her as more than a friend. It just does not work like this. The only
way you make the change is by HER confessing her feelings for you, or
you taking the initiative and kissing her like it was some crazy
accident of passion.

Now obviously, there are a few things you must communicate to her before this can happen:

(1) You don’t need her.
(2) You find her attractive but she has competition.
(3) You have high standards
(4) You are a sexual/sensual being
(5) You understand the value of sex with a connection
(6) You are physically affectionate
(7) You give conflicting messages that hint at your desire.
(8) You don’t let flings ruin friendships

(1) You don’t need her.
Dont be so readily available. Have enough going on in your life that NO
girl is a priority. Pursue your dreams, hobbies, etc so your focus is
mainly on yourself. This gives you a perfectly legitimate excuse to
flake on her ass once in a while and then "Make it up to her" by taking
her out and showing her the time of her life. It is also crucial to
have other prospects going on in order to kill any subliminal
desperation you might be projecting onto her.

(2) You find her attractive but she has competition.
Start noticing other attractive girls when you are with her and
commenting on it "Damn, she is fine!" Stare other girls down and become
distracted till your "pal" starts to get a little miffed.

Tell her not to get her panties in a twist because she is also totally hot and she knows it.

Its okay to compliment her like this when it is balanced by your
wandering eye. It also communicates that you find her attractive, but
in a very detached way.

She might try to flip it on ya and talk about other guys but dont let
it faze you. Take interest in it and find out what attracts her most
about guys. Needless to say, this should be an interesting convo!

(3) You have high standards
Talk about the things you require in a woman. This is a subtle way of
qualifying her. Tell her how you once thought that the key to happiness
was being able to approach any girl and hookup at anytime. But after
you finally overcame your fears and was able to hook up consistently,
you realized how many women just dont meet your standards.
(intelligent, funny, knows how to cook, whatever)

Let this conversation build and get her to talk about what makes a
great boyfriend. Listen to her and give her feedback as this convo
unfolds. She will probably have a lot to say.

Let that convo fizzle out and then talk about one of your past flings
where the girl seemed perfect for you in every way (really build this
up “this girl cooked, gave massages and even loved basketball! She was
the bomb!”) except she was a TERRIBLE lover. This will build curiosity
and of course she will ask why this girl was so bad in the sack. This
leads smoothly into…

(4) You are a sexual/sensual being
Talk about sex. Mention things that you like done to you but most girls
are not keen on. Talk about it like it is as casual as a convo about
the weather. Just be comfortable letting her see your sexual side,
because she IS your friend after all (if she cant handle this topic,
then this should strike you as a MAJOR red flag, this girl has issues
and you are better off moving on.)

Contrast your previous story of frustration with a tale of a girl who
knew EXACTLY how to please you and what she did that was so great. Once
you tell her a little bit about what you like, close up a little and
act somewhat apprehensive. Say “Heyyy, this is not fair! Here I am
giving you the inside scoop and getting nothing in return!” Prod her
for a few sexual details… what her favorite position is…. what gives
her the most powerful orgasm….who was her best lay and why.

If she gets suspicious or uncomfortable, tell her that if she was
really your friend sheВґd give you some killer tips and how its good
karma because one day some lucky girl will thank her.

WARNING: Talk about sex but dont get hung up on it or you will seem
like a perv. Let the convos flow naturally by guaging her reactions. As
soon as you feel the convo fizzling out, change the subject to
something else. Its much better to leave her wanting more sex talk than
to overdo it! If done right, this convo will be a recurring topic of
conversation. When it does come up again…

(5) You understand the value of sex with a connection
Talk about the difference between animal sex and spiritual love making.
How the spiritual thing is so much more intense and beautiful when you
really connect with someone. Anchor your earlier story as if it’s a
revelation and say “Hmmm , maybe that’s another reason that girl rocked
my world. We were actually good friends before anything happened.” And
so the seed is planted…muahahahahhaaa!!

(6) You are physically affectionate.
After building up the sexual tension, toss a little innocent KINO in
the mix. Comment on her jewelry and touch her. If it’s a ring hold her
hand and admire it then let her hand go with a slow slide. If its an
earring, let the backs of your fingers grace her cheek. DO NOT GROPE
HER! Think of this physical contact as subtle displays of tenderness.

Also when you hug her, make it count! I have gotten many compliments on
my hugs from all my girlfriends because I do it with all my heart. I
love to wrap my arms all the way around them so they feel all enclosed
and protected, then I squeeze them tight (not too tight there killer)
and give them a hundred little kisses on the cheek in the same spot.

Sometimes I like to tell them I am having a crap day and am in need of
a real hug…not the fake kind that people give out like loose change,
but a REAL HUG where I can proceed to bury my jawline in the crook of
her neck and get full body contact. Girls are emotional, mushy
creatures and they LOVE this stuff!

(7) You give conflicting messages that hint at your desire.
Tell her how special she is and you wish more girls were as cool as her
and you are glad that you guys are pals. Then tell her she smells
really nice and get close to her neck for a closer whiff and ask what
perfume she is wearing.

Joke around and say that she MUST NOT wear this perfume around you
anymore because it drives you crazy and just might “ruin” your
friendship. Say this in half-jest “Keep wearing that perfume and I just
might attack you someday!” If she continues to wear this dangerous
scent in the future, consider it a HUGE indicator of her interest.
(translation: she WANTS you!)

(8) You don’t let flings ruin friendships
Reassurance. At some point mention how you are still friends with most
of your ex’s because you think it’s a waste of time and energy to just
write off the people who played such powerful roles in your life. Girls
always agree with me when I say this. It also helps alleviate her fear
of jeopardizing the friendship if she acts on her desires. This is your
loophole for managing her expectations in case things don’t work out.

****************And thats pretty much it.

Above all, the real deal-sealer here is your detachment. This technique
doesn’t work on all girls obviously. But if you keep your vibe open
like this, conveying your sexuality, not caring if she feels the same
etc. one of them is bound to bite! I can honestly say my success rate
is 100%. I have never been rejected by a friend. This is because I turn
them into the pursuers and actually “resist” their advances with my
conflicting messages (It would never work between us….damn your skin is
so soft!).

Sometimes it takes a while..could be days, weeks or even months …it all
depends on her emotional state at the time. But eventually the flirting
gets more intense and I can just TELL when she is ready. She will start
touching me more often and calling me "cutie" or "baby" It all
escalates until the final Moment of Truth.

Usually we are in the middle of one of my famous hugs when I sort of
nuzzle her neck with my chin and make her giggle. Then I nuzzle her
cheek to cheek. Then I pull my head back, still hugging her and look
her in the eyes. If she returns this intense gaze without getting
weirded out, this is my signal she is ready…so I slowly close in for
our first kiss!

Once the iron is hot I strike and let me tell you, there are few things
more passionate and gratifying than that first forbidden encounter
between two friends.

Now before you rush off to try this exciting escape, keep in mind that
there are girls who will never see you as anything but their
good-natured little brother. Don’t write these chicks off! They not
only provide you with excellent social proof when you go out together,
but they have access to an intimate circle of friends who are as hot,
if not hotter than they are.

Also it is nice to have a few platonic girls you can genuinely enjoy
and yes, even cuddle with and just leave it at that. I have quite a few
friends who want to cross the line but I don’t let them because I know
for me it will be a fling but for them it will be love, no matter what
they say and I honestly value their friendship too much.

DISCLAIMER: Use these tools wisely! The
last thing you want to do is mess up a great friendship, so decide if
you really want to go the extra mile with this girl and if she can even
handle this without destroying what you have both worked to build over
time.

Always remember the Golden Rule and also the most sacred rule of them all.

Its called Game because its supposed to be fun!

I am going out now to have a fukking blast with a few friends. I hope you will join me as I sign off…

Best of Luck to all my fellow Escape Artists!

Excellent post in my opinion.  If you want to turn a friend into lover, you may want to memorize this one.  =)