Being and Becoming Attractive

Dimitri, of Rapid Social Impact (no, that’s not a porno movie), has an excellent, excellent, excellent post up about attraction and what it takes to be attractive.  It’s a very long post, but incredibly informative.  If Dimitri teaches half as well as he writes, those Real Social Dynamics guys might have some major competition!

Dimitri writes:
An
attractive person does a lot of things: Some consciously, many
unconsciously. Attractiveness is influenced by a great deal of things,
and that can cause a lot of confusion for some people on "how to be
attractive". In fact, some people believe that they could never be
attractive: Which might be the craziest thing I’ve ever heard. And then
you hear things like, "Realize you’re already attractive and you’ll be
attractive" – Which can be downright confusing if you don’t know what
that means.

Here’s what I want to do in this post:

-Define what attractiveness is,
-Identify how people initially evaluate another’s attractiveness on a snap judgement,
-Explain how beliefs and thought processes affect the snap evaluation,
-And give some practical examples and advice on how to become more attractive.

We’re established: Let’s roll!

What is attractive? Merriam-Webster gives two definitions:
1) Having or relating to the power to attract.
2) Arousing interest or pleasure.

That doesn’t quite do it. Let’s look at one of those definitions of
attract: "To draw by appeal to natural or excited interest, emotion, or
aesthetic sense."

Now we’re getting somewhere. My general definition of attractive is
"something that is desirable on some level". For purposes of this post,
I’m going to deal with the kind of attraction that’s most relevant to
our art: When I refer to something or someone as being "attractive"
from this point on, I’m referring to things that are attractive in a
way that leads to sex and relationships. That is, a lot of things can
be attractive on a lot of different levels, but I’m going to focus on
what can cause sexual/romantic attraction.

Now, the first interesting thing I’ll note from this: There are things
that are *not* sexually/romantically attractive at all to women, that
won’t help in finding women for quick and casual encounters, or
building a relationship where she doesn’t come in with an agenda… yet
these characteristics ARE attractive to women with certain agendas
(such as getting married, settling down, raising a family).

By that, I mean, if a woman is ready to settle down, she might look for
a man who is very gentle and nurturing, a man that is less willing to
take large risks for potentially large rewards, a man who will stick
around and be a father figure for her children. These qualities of
stability aren’t universally attractive, but can be very attractive on
a level to a woman with an agenda of getting married and settling it
down. One of my girlfriends said it best: "If I was going to get
married right now, I’d marry my last ex-boyfriend. He still wants to
marry me." Now, by all accounts and measures, her boyfriend isn’t a
very attractive guy. They’ve been broken up quite a while, and he’s yet
to move on. My girlfriend lives on the East Coast, her ex-boyfriend on
California, and he recently offered to fly into Boston and get a hotel
just to meet up with her: And that’s after she’d told him she wouldn’t
have sex with him ever again!

He’s not particularly attractive, objectively, but his loyalty
(bordering on obsession with her) and his low-risk lifestyle would make
him a pretty good husband, and my gal’s nothing if not pragmatic. She
could marry many more attractive men than him, but few men that she’d
feel so secure in his job and faithfulness.

That little aside there explains something major: There are many
qualities that are not universally attractive, but can be attractive in
certain situations. Another great example would be a female
"gold-digger": Something very attractive to her would be mass amounts
of wealth. While wealth is rarely unattractive, a lot of behavior
that’d turn off many girls would make a gold digger downright giddy.
That DOES NOT mean that throwing money around and spending it on these
girls is building a solid relationship, or even getting her to fuck as
well as she can. Money is attractive by itself to most people; it does
not necessarily make the holder of the wealth more attractive except to
people with certain agendas.

The working definition of "attractive" for the rest of the post is
"something that is desirable on some level". Unless otherwise noted,
anything I write about as being an attractive characteristic will be "a
trait that is desirable on an interpersonal level, that’d be useful for
establishing solid relationships and/or getting quality sex." An
attractive person is just a person with a lot of those traits.

So, how do people perceive if something is attractive?

Of course, it all starts with the senses. For physical beauty, the
person needs to be seen or touched. Hearing also matters, as do scent
and taste.

When a woman sees a man, she almost always make a quick snap judgement
about him. If no other information about the guy is available, it’s
usually on what she sees with her eyes, and sometimes on what she hears
(if she hears him before or simultaneous with seeing him).

At that point, very little if any conscious thought has been made, and yet she’s made an immediate impression.

This is daunting to a lot of guys. Many, many guys, on ASF and in the
world at large, do not want to hear this. The fact is, yes, you can
change a person’s initial perceptions of you with time, in fact, within
a few more seconds. But the matter stands: People quickly size you up,
and it’s a lot easier to go from (at least) a neutral initial
impression to a positive one than it is to go from a negative initial
impression to a positive one.

What’s that mean? Something we’ve all known for quite a while: Improve
your physical appearance, within reason, as much as you can.

Seriously, check this out: You don’t need to completely overhaul
yourself in one day. Any small, positive adjustments are good. Any one
of: Doing your hair, cutting your fingernails, washing your face,
taking a shower, styling your hair (even really quickly with your
hands), shaving or trimming/styling a beard or mustache, putting on
clean clothes, putting on clothes that fit your figure well, applying
something like Chapstick or lip balm, adjusting your clothing and
playing around to find a cool style (including tucking or untucking
shirt tails, buttoning or unbuttoning cuffs, figuring out how many
buttons on the top and bottom of a button-down shirt to unbutton,
turning your collar up or down as appropriate, etc), washing/cleaning
your hands, cleaning your shoes (even if they’re sneakers or sandals),
and… well, lots of other things. You don’t need to do 30 things at
once: One little change makes a little difference, and if you’re
spending a lot of time reading ASF, taking a 10 minute break to do one
small thing to up your appearance could give you a significant edge.
And a quick note on dress: Just coordinating the clothes you already
own can make you look 10,000 times more well-dressed.

Whatever you do, don’t play into a victim mentality: If you find
yourself thinking, "I’m too unattractive to…", then get off the
self-pity kick and make one small change. There’s probably at least a
dozen little things you could do easily in the next week to become more
physically attractive.

Physical appearance largely dominates the initial first impression, but
within moments, you’re in conversation with her. Before any of your
words even register, the tone of your voice has huge impact on what
you’re saying. This is why most people advocate having a strong
tonality: Either naturally, by being and feeling comfortable, or by
consciously focusing on it and adjusting it to its best level. Either
method can work, and applied perfectly, either method will work
perfectly.

I’ll address what a good tonality is momentarily, when I talk about how
the information you’re giving off is processed (that’s when we’ll talk
about body language, too, if you’ve been waiting).

Smell is something that’s easy to cover, not because it isn’t huge, but
because there’s not too much conscious effort that we should or could
put into it. As long as you don’t smell bad, you’re fine. It can be a
plus to smell "good", with either a good cologne or aftershave, or
pleasant smelling soap and shampoo. In this department, don’t smell
bad, maybe make a little effort to smell good, and then forget about it.

Taste: Eventually, you’ll be kissing your girl. You don’t want to taste
poorly, but again, it’s nothing you should sweat. Between the kind of
ethnic foods that I like and regular salads, I eat a lot of onions, so
I’m constantly battling that. Not a problem: A little fruit at the end
of a meal goes a long way towards fixing your breath, and breathmints
are a good quick fix. And of course, brush your teeth and take care in
that department, and don’t sweat this. I’m not going to talk about
taste and smell for the rest of this post: Make sure you’re not bad in
those departments, make a little effort to be good, then get it off
your mind.

Of the five senses, I’ve laid out the base idea behind four of them,
and I’ve notably not mentioned touch much so far. Be assured that touch
is a huge part of equation, but the modern, western world has done a
strange thing with touching: They’ve made it often more of a big deal
than it really is. Thus, many touches, regardless of how nonchalant,
can provoke conscious thought on her part. Whether you want to provoke
conscious thought with your touch or not in a given situation is
something worth a little thought, and we’ll get to it momentarily.

What we’ve established so far:

-"Attractive" is something that’s desirable on some level to someone.

-Things can be attractive in different ways, but in a scene like this
one, we’re largely dealing with being attractive in a way that’s going
to help our romantic and sex lifes.

-The very first, knee-jerk reactions about whether a person is attractive or not come from our senses.

After that, the information from our senses is filtered. This is where things get complicated.

If I got together a bunch of guys from the community and asked them,
"What makes a woman attracted to a man?" I’d get lots of different
answers. I might hear, "Making her feel good is attractive." I might
hear: "People want what they can’t have, and that’s attractive." I
might hear: "An attractive guy doesn’t need her." I might hear: "Acting
like a man is attractive." And so on.

None of those are wrong, or right, by and of themselves. Those are
catchphrases that have some truth to them, but aren’t the whole picture.

And this is where the confusion comes in: If a cool guy, a pick-up
artist if you will, spends a lot of time socializing with women, and
bedding women, he’ll have a lot of insights. They’ll be pretty
complicated, and based on his unique experiences. So if he wants to
share them, he needs to break them down in a way that they can be
understood. The guys he’s sharing with weren’t there for every girl
he’s interacted with, and don’t have his frame of reference, so he
needs to "sum it up" for them.

So he says something like: "Be alpha. Be a man." Not bad advice. Not bad at all.

But he’s saying that from the perspective he’s got, from the places
he’s been, from acting like he’s acted like with women all his life. If
the man giving advice is a 35-year-old businessman in Italy, his
conception of "being alpha" and "being a man" is very, very different
from a 17-year-old Canadian high school kid’s idea if "being alpha" and
"being a man". Some things are going to be the same, but the guys that
the 17 year old Canadian is going to look up to is going to be very
different from the Italian guy.

So let’s get to the heart of it: In every place I’ve been to, almost
everyone raised in that area had some deep, underlying core beliefs
that were similar. Like, as crazy as it sounds in a diverse nation,
it’s largely true. In the 1950′s in America, in many areas it was
completely assumed as a fundamental truth that women stayed home and
raised children, and men worked. That’s just how it was. Telling a
woman that being a "working mother" was an option for her would be as
alien as telling a Manhattan woman today that she needs to get married
and start having children by 20.

Everything you perceive is filtered through your beliefs. It goes like this:

Sense—>Filtered through your beliefs—>Thought

You see something, or hear it, or smell it, you filter it through your
beliefs, THEN you can consciously think about it. Can you see how it’d
be difficult to change your beliefs? To get to an idea, you wind up
filtering what you’re sensing through your beliefs.

So unless you come into something with an open mind, or your beliefs
are wired in a very good way as to allow you to make constant
adjustments to them, it can be very hard to change them…

…until you’re aware of the pattern, which you now are.

To illustrate the example, let’s look beyond seduction: I, myself,
deeply hold the belief that I should be free to share my opinions and
logically debate them with whomever would like to hear and debate with
me, and that that is never wrong.

I’m repulsed when I hear about governments censoring their citizens. If
someone were to tell me that that’s the way the whole world should be
run, it’s very, very, very unlikely I could ever come to that belief:
Because to even think about that idea, for it to even become conscious
thought, it has to go through my beliefs: And I, literally, feel
physically repulsed at that idea.

Another example would be telling a devout religious person that God
does not exist. It’s quite possible that they could never come to that
belief, because the idea couldn’t even make it past their beliefs to be
thought about.

What does this mean? You need to recognize any negative beliefs you may
have about yourself, and at least isolate yourself from them long
enough to consider the ideas. Many times I’ll tell a student of mine
that he’s attractive, but the idea can’t make it through his beliefs
without me making him recognize that his beliefs need changing, far
before I logically convince him of the (relatively) simple fact the
he’s attractive.

Don’t let your beliefs stand in your own way. They’re ingrained in you,
largely by your upbringing and experiences, but they’re a lot more
flexible than you might imagine, which is a good thing.

The belief in what’s attractive is interesting. If a woman (or man,
too) has a belief about what’s attractive, they’ll often parse over
little details if they see that piece of the equation.

Here’s an example: Guys that have large biceps and triceps move their
arms, when they walk, a bit differently than guys with smaller upper
arms. I’ve seen the pattern, and noticed it personally. The difference
is very small, but their arms seem "pushed out" more… not just in
terms of muscle mass, but just the way guys with larger arms move.

I have no idea why this is. I’m not a biologist, nor an exercise
scientist, and aside from basic knowledge, I can’t really tell you how
anatomy works. But one thing I CAN tell you is that if you adjust your
walk ever-so-slightly, then you’re walking like a guy who has ripped
muscles.

After you consciously adjust your walk for a short while, it’ll become
natural and you’ll need no more conscious thought in that department.
The arms thing is just a very, very small piece of an overall
attractive presence. If you walk, stand, sit, wait, smile, and move
like an attractive guy, on a casual glance, you’ll look more attractive.

If you only "turn your walk on" when you’re out looking for girls, it
might not "stick" over a long course. Even still, it gives you plenty
of time to screen the girl if she’s compatible, and if she is, you’ll
have had plenty of time to attract her via more conscious processes
that it won’t matter any more.

It’s interesting, really, that so much of ASF game is based around
getting five minutes of a girl’s attention so that you can show her who
you really are. But the fact stands: If you emulate a good behavior and
that gets you in with one girl, that’s great. If you synthesize a good
behavior and make it who you are, you’ll be in with lots of girls.

The emphasis on being cool, calm, and comfortable:

Being relaxed and knowing you’re attractive will make you have the body
language of someone who is relaxed and attractive. This is a good thing.

Consciously manipulating your body language and movements slightly, for
a while, can be a good thing while you get the hang of it. I, myself,
wrote about what I call the "Gunslinger’s Walk" not too long ago, in an
Advanced post of the same name, if you’re curious about some individual
details. But more than anything, the belief that you’re attractive will
smooth things down and make you more cool.

People’s filters react based on what they’ve seen already. If every
attractive guy a woman’s ever known has walked and talked a certain
way, an okay-looking guy walking and talking that way will appear
attractive to her.

This is true for tonality, body language, and style. While there isn’t
ONE correct way to do any of these, there are ways that are attractive.
If you watch attractive guys, they’ll have similarities between them.
People who feel they’re of high value carry themselves with their
shoulders broad and their head up, almost universally.

Something I’ve noticed: If an average-looking girl wears an attractive
girl’s clothes, and carries herself like an attractive girl, she’ll be
attractive. And it’s cyclical, too: She’ll start getting more
attention, and the attention will be more positive, so she’ll feel more
attractive. And since she’ll feel more attractive, she’ll carry herself
well. The same is true of men.

It’s a cool thing I get to see on ASF: Often, guys will go through a
lot of frustration, but then it’ll finally click and start to snowball
really well for them. They stuck with it, and they finally get that
first positive spark, and then they REALLY believe it, finally, and
start acting like it. Then their success takes off (ironically enough,
many of them then say "ASF tech? Who needs that: I’m getting my results
just being me- fuck using complicated techniques to try to fish for
results" and leave the community, which is a shame since they could
share about their successes here and help people).

The beliefs a guy carries with him translates into how he acts. Any woman he meets will assess him based on her beliefs.

So, what should they guy do? Should he try to act the way she’d find
attractive? Or should he just BE attractive and KNOW he’s attractive? I
find the second way much easier. Emulation is okay. Learning to be
attractive, if you will. But faking can’t work: But if you believe
you’re faking, if you don’t believe you are attractive, you won’t be.
This is true regardless of what the first thing you like to say to a
girl is.

Regardless of what you want to say, you should know, deep down, that you’re attractive.

That knowledge alone will make you act like an attractive person, regardless of what the societal definition of attractive is.

Filters:

We all have instincts as to what’s attractive and not. Health is universally attractive on an instinctual level.

But someone’s filters can override that: Let’s say a woman from an
upper-class family sees a man of a race other than her own: This could
be any race of man and woman. Even if the guy is physically fit with
shows all other signs of health and strength, she might let her
societal filters override it. Racist beliefs can be used as filters to
filter guys out. (Thankfully, in the Western world, this is largely
being done away with: Though racism is still around plenty, most women
at least exercise their freedom to try dating outside their race a few
times in their lives.)

That’s a simple example of a negative filter, but thankfully, most
filters aren’t as hard-line as the race one. Instead, most filters can
be used to your advantage.

I remember, I once had a friend who rowed. You know, like, a boat with
oars and such? I’m not sure exactly how the sport works, but it was
interesting to look at him: He was very toned and in shape, but didn’t
have large muscles the way a bodybuilder would. He looked very toned,
say, at the beach, but he’d look rather skinny in a baggy sweatshirt.

He shared an interesting observation with me. He was wearing a white
T-shirt one day, and he pointed something out to me: He showed me the
sleeve on his T-shirt, and said, "Always try to get T-shirts that the
sleeves are tight around your biceps, Dima. I’ve got large T-shirts
with small sleeves and I look ripped in them, and I’ve got small shirts
with big sleeves that make my arms look tiny."

It was funny… because he was right. The sleeves on your white cotton
t-shirt can make the difference between you looking like you have
biceps or not.

That little thing an appeal to a mostly unconscious filter.

Arms bulging on sleeves of shirt=Muscles=Healthy=Attractive

It’s why even though you look similar on most days, and even though
styles of clothing can look very similar, a very small cut of cloth can
make you look more attractive. If you need to prove this, have a girl
you know try on a few different cuts of the "classic little black
skirt" at a department store. One cut of it is going to make her look
elegant, another is going to make her look hot, and many, many, many
cuts are going to make her look not so good. I have no idea why women
enjoy shopping so much, with as difficult as it must be for them.

Anyway, dress is a really simple thing to help you stand out and be
represented as physically fit, and thus attractive. A little effort
into your clothes can make you much more attractive.

But more important than clothes are attitudes, and the beliefs they come from.

Confidence is attractive. Now, I’m going to make a differentiation here:

There’s confidence as a belief,
and,
There’s confidence in actions.

Confidence as a belief is confidence in yourself and yourself and your
abilities. It’s knowing your value is high and you’re awesome.

It manifests itself in actions. Have you ever been cliff-diving? It’s
where you jump off a cliff of some height into very deep water. It’s
very fun and a little dangerous.

The first time I did it, I had no confidence in the action. I muttered
a quick prayer and just jumped off. A few more dives jumps later and I
was totally confident, and I wasn’t sweating it at all.

Confidence in yourself, the belief, will translate into confidence in
your actions. Had I been completely sure that I was invincible, I’d
have been completely confident jumping off that cliff (literally). But
I wasn’t quite at that point in my life.

Right now, I’m so confident about where I’m going and where I’ve been
in my life that I don’t even really fear death (at least in the
abstract form, it might change depending on the situation). I’m so
confident in myself (belief) that I rarely get afraid of anything. This
makes me appear confident in my actions.

I stand strong, speak clearly, and command attention. Confidence in
yourself, on a belief level, can’t be seen by itself: But it translates
into your actions.

This ties into the bodylanguage piece: By moving like someone with
confident bodylanguage, even if you’re just emulating it, you’ll appear
to have internal confidence (the belief). The action itself is a
slightly exaggerated walk, that’s fluid and cool. This is a confident
action, and it reflects your internal confidence. Even if you don’t
have internal confidence, a woman sees a man walking like he’s
confident, and she thinks he IS confident.

Thus, he becomes attractive to her. Simply by walking attractive, you
can start to create a cycle where you get more respect, so you feel
more attractive.

It’s the same for any attractive action: You can pinpoint what the
action is and do it, that’s good. But to really become good at the
game, you need to take it to the next level and find the BELIEF that
that action comes from, and make it one of YOUR beliefs.

A quick breakdown on beliefs of various systems:

Indirect, high value game: With backturns when she’s rude, and
freezeouts and acting like she’s below you, you’re emulating the
behavior of someone with RIDICULOUSLY high value. You’re acting like
you’re far above her. Just fronting it can work, sometimes, but you
need to actually believe she’s out of line when you turn you back on
her. There’s been a constant problem of playing indirect game, then
trying to get physical with her. One of the better strategies at
solving this has been to become "charmed" by her, and "unable to
resist": Can’t… help… myself. This can, again, be emulated and
faked to some extent, but indirect works the best when you believe you
really are much higher value than her, you don’t need her at all, she
does need to win you, and then you actually feel like she has won you
before you phase shift and take her physically.

Pure direct game: With solid compliments including Shark’s ever-famous
"I like you, I’d like to get to know you", pure direct game relies on
the belief that you’re high value and don’t need to hide your
intentions. Obviously, you almost automatically inherit the belief that
you don’t need to hide your intentions when you’re trying to direct
game, which is nice (though if you believe you’re going to be awkward,
you’ll likely have trouble with this style until you get over that idea
and relax). The belief in high value stands, though it’s more of a
mutual high value than a much higher than hers value. You approach her
and tell her that she’s beautiful or otherwise appealing, and you’re
doing so from a frame where you’re allowed to judge: You’re not fawning
over her like you want your autograph, you’re elevating her to your
level. To do so, you believe that you’re as attractive as her, if not
more so. To follow through with solid direct game, you need to see that
she lives up to your expectations, and one of your beliefs should be
that you deserve a girl that suits your preferences. You can make up
fake criteria and "fake qualify" her if you need to, but if you can
qualify based on qualities you actually like, and screen a bit, you’ll
come across much more naturally and smoothly, and things will be
easier. You move to physicality naturally and without worry, when it
feels right for you. You believe that this could develop into something
beautiful, and even if nothing comes of it, you’ll both be better off
for having a quick little encounter.

Sexual state and verbal rapport assumption: Essentially the essence of
Gunwitch Method, this style comes with the belief that women like sex
as much as men do, and it’s not a big deal. That belief is one of the
paramount points of GWM, and Gunwitch goes on to say that sex isn’t a
big deal, just chat and have fun until you can make it happen. This is
where verbal rapport assumption comes from: Under GWM, you don’t ask
about her past and get her life story… you just chat about current
events and lighthearted conversation and then you persist once you’ve
got her in the bedroom. To talk cooly about current things without
addressing her past or yours, the belief that you’re a cool and social
guy and this isn’t a big deal is important (aka, the belief that you’re
valuable).

Implicit direct: A concept Woodhaven and I have both referenced a bit,
and one I teach all of my students, I’ve never found the time to break
down implicit direct fully to ASF, which is a damn shame. Implicit
direct game is where you open without anything that has substance on
its own, assuming high value, and then you start gently screening while
conversing. My favorite implicit direct opener is, "Excuse me, is this
seat taken?" for use in coffeeshops and open-air eateries. If you’ll
look at the exact words, I didn’t come in directly (complimenting her
or something about her), nor did I come in indirectly (acting or
feeling like I don’t necessarily want her). I came in… implicitly
direct. I’m there for her, but I didn’t have to say it outright.
"Hello", then just diving into regular conversation is often implicitly
direct. This style uses the belief that socializing is cool and
natural, and that you’re of high enough value that anyone would want to
talk to you. You then see, again, if she measures up to your standards,
so the belief that you deserve a woman you like that measures up is
important. Implicit direct also requires the belief that you need no
material to get a girl, and that you’re interesting by yourself. If you
have that belief and thus, are genuinely attractive, implicit direct
works goldenly.

Scattershot/short set methods: You move through your world and your
environment, and you socially interact with women who catch your eye,
then keep moving if there’s reason to move, and stay if she’s
interesting or hooks you in. Again, this works 10,000 times more easily
if you’ve got the belief that you’re attractive/high value (and need to
be hooked in). With this method, you’d go into a club and talk to a
woman for a little while, then keep moving and talk to another woman,
keep moving, and so on. It generates a lot of social proof,
and once a woman seems really interesting to you, you can start to get
physical with her. She’ll be happy she’s finally won you and getting
down to business becomes pretty easy.

You can see some similarities in these methods, though the executions
are a bit different. With all of them, executed at their best, you’ve
got the belief that you’re attractive and someone worth talking to.
With many of these methods, you consciously eschew the use of
techniques to get her interested and instead focus on if SHE is worthy
of YOU! Regardless of your technique, the belief you’re attractive
helps make it all work, and actually drives the attraction. Without it,
regardless of how well you can front, your results won’t be as good.

As for what your beliefs should be… that’s up for you to decide. The first step is figuring out two things:

Who you want to be,
and,
What you want to do.

Me, I want to be someone who is knowledgeable about many things, always
be getting better in everything I do, and be a good person (based on my
own morals and standards).

What I want to *do* is help people, and in helping people, help myself.
I want to live a life that’s comfortable without being excessive, and I
want to form relationships with people where we can enrich each other’s
lives. I want my relationships with women to be with women who are
everything a man can ask for, and I want my women to be loyal to me.

Just reading my list, can you see what beliefs I should start to
develop? I want to develop open-mindedness for my knowledge,
perseverance for getting better, and I need to cultivate a strong,
intelligent set of morals I can live by.

I need to believe I’m attractive, worth knowing, able to speak with anyone, able to bring other people up, and so on.

These little things will be seen when a person meets me. They’ll see the way I smile, walk, talk, shrug, eat, drink, and so on.

The best thing you can do to help yourself reach a goal is find a suitable belief.

BUT, reworking your beliefs can take a while, and it’s good to take
action right away. In the meantime, as you grasp and REALLY REALLY
believe your beliefs, you can work on emulating the behaviors someone
with that belief would do.

This post is about emulating and synthesizing attractive behaviors and
beliefs into who you are. But as an example, let’s say you want to be
more sincere:

What’s a quick thing many sincere people do? Listen.

So you could focus on your listening, and that’d make you a bit more
sincere. Likewise, many sincere people make eye contact, so you could
try making eye contact more. As such, you’d feel more sincere, and then
a cycle has begun.

Modelling your behavior after the behaviors of people you want to be
like can be helpful. That doesn’t mean try to pretend like you’re them:
Instead, start with one behavior they do, and watch as it sparks a
cycle.

If you walk like an attractive guy, you’ll get more respect from men
and more attention from women. As such, you’ll feel more attractive…
and what’ll you do?

I’m going to bet you’ll smile like you own whatever place you’re in.
And in doing so, guess what? You just did another behavior that
attractive people do, naturally, because you felt attractive. And
suddenly, you’re walking like a cool guy and you’re smiling like the
guy that owns the place. Then you get more respect and more attention,
and the cycle continues. You’re well on your way to becoming attractive.

Great stuff, huh?  Dimitri is bar none, one of my favorite posters on mASF.  Keep an eye out for his posts, they usually have nuggets of gold in them.  And be sure to check out his website as well.  I haven’t had the chance to take a workshop with him, but I look forward to doing so sometime in the near future.