David Shade’s Manual, Vol. 1
June 9, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
Interviewing for High Self-Esteem Women
By David Shade
www.davidshade.com
I specifically interview for high self-esteem women. The most comprehensive discussion on self-esteem I have seen is by Nathaniel Branden at nathanielbranden.net. He articulated it well when he wrote:
"Self-esteem is an experience. It is a particular way of experiencing the self. It is to move toward life rather than away from it; to move toward consciousness rather than away from it; to treat facts with respect rather than denial; and to operate self-responsibly rather than the opposite."
He defined self-esteem as "being competent to cope with the challenges of life and of being worthy of happiness. It is confidence in our ability to learn, make appropriate choices and decisions, and respond effectively to change. It is the experience that success, achievement, fulfillment, and happiness are right and natural for us. It is a consciousness to trust our self. It strives for rationality, coherence, clarity, and truth."
He defined six practices of a healthy self-esteem:
1) Living consciously: Respect for facts, open to new knowledge and feedback, and seeking to understand the world and ourselves.
2) Self-acceptance: Realism applied to self. The willingness to own, experience, and take responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, and actions, without evasion, denial, or disowning.
3) Self-responsibility: Realizing that we are the author of our choices and actions; that each one of us is responsible for life and well being and for the attainment of our goals.
4) Self-assertiveness: Being authentic in our dealings with others; treating our values and persons with decent respect in social contexts; refusing to fake the reality of who we are or what we esteem in order to avoid disapproval; the willingness to stand up for ourselves and our ideas in appropriate ways in appropriate contexts.
5) Living purposefully: Identifying our short-term and long-term goals or purposes and the actions needed to attain them.
6) Integrity: Living with congruence between what we know, what we profess, and what we do; telling the truth, honoring our commitments, exemplifying in action the values we profess to admire.
"What all these have in common is respect for reality."
What we call high self-esteem and low self-esteem, Nathaniel Branden calls self-esteem and pseudo self-esteem. He defined pseudo self-esteem as: "trying to compensate for deficiencies; a pretense at a self-confidence and self-respect; the effort to protect self-esteem with denial and evasion, which only results in a further deterioration of self-esteem."
Pseudo self-esteem can be easily identified by: "the defensiveness with which insecure people may respond when their errors are pointed out, or the extraordinary feats of avoidance and self-deception people can exhibit with regard to gross acts of non-consciousness and irresponsibility, or the foolish and pathetic ways people sometimes try to prop up their egos by the wealth or prestige of their spouse, the make of their automobile, or the fame of their dress designer, or by the exclusiveness of their golf club."
Traits of pseudo self-esteem include: delusional, ignorance, denial, evasion, betrayal of consciousness or conviction, lack of integrity, grandiosity, fantasies of superiority, conceited (exaggerated opinion of oneself,) boasting, arrogance, and the victim mentality of blaming others. What all these have in common is the lack of respect for reality. But the biggest indicator is the angry denial of low self-esteem or the denial that self-esteem is significant or desirable.
I have found the following to be true of HSE women and LSE women:
LSE women are insecure and seek validation from men.
HSE women are secure in themselves and have nothing to prove.
LSE women have a bottomless pit of emotional need that can never be filled.
HSE women are self fulfilled.
LSE women will manipulate a man to make him meet her needs.
HSE women know exactly what they want in a man, and when they find one enjoy who he is.
LSE women are quick to obtain their man’s tokens of devotion, such as expensive gifts or immediately requiring a monogamous relationship.
HSE women are suspicious of expensive gifts early on, and do not decide that they want a relationship with the man until she gets to know him well.
LSE women would steal a man if it would give her affirmation.
HSE women are not at all interested in another woman’s man.
LSE women trade sex for attention and for verification that they are attractive and worthy.
For HSE women, sex is about sharing and celebrating sexuality.
LSE women respond to being treated poorly in an attempt to prove their worthiness.
HSE women expect to be treated well and respond only to that.
For a LSE woman, it’s not about the man, it’s about her own needs.
For a HSE woman, it’s about what her and her man enjoy together.
LSE women blame their problems on other people. They have the victim mentality.
HSE women assume personal responsibility for their own lot in life.
LSE women are motivated by moving away from bad.
HSE women are motivated by moving towards good.
LSE women must control others by manipulation.
HSE women see that as unhealthy.
LSE women are drama queens.
HSE women seek harmony.
LSE women have a warped sense of deservedness.
HSE women have a healthy sense of deservedness.
Self-esteem is formed early in life and takes years to develop. A woman’s biggest influence in her developing years are her parents, and it is her father that has the most important influence. It is through him that she acquires the ability, or lack of ability, to have an emotionally healthy relationship with men.
A woman who had a close relationship with her father when she was a little girl is what I call a ‘Daddy’s Girl.’ Her father was loving and caring. He believed in her and supported her. He taught her to be self reliant, independent, and to believe in herself. He may have even taught her how to throw a baseball or throw a punch. She thus grew up with a high self-esteem, a healthy relationship with men, and a good sense of deservedness. She is thus emotionally healthy and believes that she deserves to be treated well by men. Interestingly, she is also very skilled at influencing men and making a man feel emotionally close to her.
Her relationship with her father goes through stages. As a little girl, she loves him dearly and looks up to him. When the taboo instinct sets in at about age 14, she becomes independent from him and sees him as the biggest dork in the world. By the time she matures into the age of legal adult, she again adores him and cares about him dearly. But at any age, she always wants him to see her as innocent and pure, and she wants him to continue to be proud of her.
This is in contrast to another woman who had a condescending or absent father. Such a woman is incapable of forming a deep emotional bond with a man. She has a bottomless pit of emotional need that can never be filled. She believes that she deserves to be treated poorly by men, though she expects being showered with attention and material gifts. She is often spotted in the company of men that view women as objects.
Her relationship with her mother is also important. I have known daddy’s girls who had mothers that were total emotional basket cases and made very bad decisions for themselves. In those cases, the young women tend to make bad decisions for themselves. To a large extent, women tend to repeat the same successes or failures of their mothers. Such daddy’s girls display some of the typical traits of a daddy’s girl, but they make mistakes such as having no direction in life. The very best women are those who had two
good parents in a good relationship.
A Daddy’s Girl has a good sense of deservedness. Deservedness is what a woman believes she deserves for herself. She believes that she deserves to experience wonderful pleasure, and she believes that she deserves you. She will be your best ally. She will be routing for you.
The opposite is a bad sense of deservedness. (Note: everybody has A sense of deservedness.) An example of a bad sense of deservedness is a woman who stays with a controlling or abusive man. Therefore, one of the quickest ways to obtain much information about a woman is to note the men she
associates with. If the woman does not have a good sense of deservedness, you will be forever frustrated, your energy will be constantly drained, and the relationship is doomed. She cannot appreciate a good man when she’s got one. She will sabotage the relationship and eventually leave for some scum that she believes she deserves. If you aren’t a psychiatrist or a therapist, there’s not much you can do about it. And even then, it’s usually futile.
So, how do you specifically interview for high self-esteem? Don’t just ask her if she has high self-esteem. The low self-esteem women will insist that they do, and the high self-esteem women sometimes are modest about it. Instead, covertly look for the traits of high self-esteem. The first sign is if she has a hearty firm handshake and good eye contact. The most trustworthy sign of self-esteem is if she can take a compliment
well. But don’t ask her if she can take a compliment well, because all women will say they do. Instead, somewhere in the conversation, I will pay her a compliment and see how she responds. If she belittles the
compliment or down plays it, I know she has a low self-esteem. The compliment will tend to break rapport, as it should. But if she takes the compliment well, such as responding with a genuine "Thank you!" then it may be possible that she has a good self-esteem. The compliment will tend to increase rapport, which is what I want.
I will also get conversation to where we talk about past relationships. This gives me a very good idea about her sense of deservedness. I will listen for signs of how she was treated by her men. That describes how
she will be most comfortable. If she complains about how her men mistreated her, it is a very bad sign. But if all her men were very interested in her pleasure, then that is a very good sign. They are the women who will most appreciate, and best respond to me.
Then I will test for ‘Daddy’s Girl.’ Eventually in the conversation, I will say "You know, I bet that when you were a little girl, about 7, you had a very close relationship with your father." If she didn’t, it will tend
to break rapport, as it should. But if she did, then it always servers to increase rapport in a massive way. Usually she will ask why I say that, and I will go into my ‘Daddy’s girl’ theory. The Daddy’s Girls always love it. But the ones who were not Daddy’s Girls will go into a long illogical discourse attempting to explain why they nonetheless have a high self esteem.
There is a very simple formula for dealing with Daddy’s Girls: Do all the things her daddy did to her, plus all those things her daddy dreaded a man like you would do to her.
David Shade
http://www.davidshade.com
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Darlington Public School, in the Sydney suburb of Chippendale, beat more than 220 other shortlisted designs to win the coveted annual prize at the World Architecture Festival in Singapore on Friday.
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Opened last fall, the project combines an angular brick campus building, featuring a distinctive “sawtooth” roof, with landscaped outdoor spaces, including a large basketball court and a community garden. Softly curved metal screens surround a series of open-air terraces, allowing daylight to filter in while protecting students’ privacy.
A school had long been on the south Sydney site, though the old 1970s building was no longer fit for purpose, according to fjcstudio, the design firm behind the project. The Sydney-based architects said their new design had “radically transformed” the school to offer “new and contemporary learning environments,” though the project was intended to “capture the spirit” of the original campus.
Housing a preschool, kindergarten and primary school, the new campus will be able accommodate more than 500 students, according to the school’s website. A two-stage building process meant classes were able to continue throughout construction.
In its project description, fjcstudio said Darlington Public School had “strong connections to Aboriginal people.” The design firm said it helped preserve this cultural heritage by putting indigenous art in the school hall, entrance reception and classrooms. Aboriginal murals that had been painted on the old school’s walls were meanwhile reproduced in the new building’s cladding.
Speaking after Friday’s announcement, Alessandro Rossi, associate at fjcstudio, said: “It’s very humbling given the modest scale of the building — it’s a little school project, so to have won against all the other big projects at WAF is a testament to the client and the community engagement that helped drive the design process. The real winners are the children who will spend time in the building — a place of enrichment for many years to come.”
Kate Winslet had a surprising ‘Titanic’ reunion while producing her latest film ‘Lee’
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Kate Winslet is sharing an anecdote about a “wonderful” encounter she recently had with someone from her star-making blockbuster film “Titanic.”
The Oscar winner was a guest on “The Graham Norton Show” this week, where she discussed her new film “Lee,” in which she plays the fashion model-turned-war photographer Lee Miller from the World War II era.
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Winslet recounted that while she had previously executive produced a number of her projects, “Lee” was the first movie where she served as a full-on producer. That required her involvement from “beginning to end,” including when the film was scored in post-production.
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At one point, other musicians in the orchestra pointed to him while mouthing, “It’s him!” to her, and it continued to nag at Winslet, prompting her to wonder, “Am I related to this person? Who is this person?”
Finally, at the end of the day, the “Reader” star went in to where the orchestra was to meet the mystery violinist, and she was delighted to realize he was one of the violinists who played on the ill-fated Titanic ocean liner as it sank in James Cameron’s classic 1997 film.
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“Lee” released in theaters in late September, and is available to rent or buy on AppleTV+ or Amazon Prime.
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He had last been seen aboard Double Delight, a Singapore-flagged bulk carrier, at 11:30 p.m. on Thursday. Details on how he fell from the cargo ship are not immediately available.
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The ambulance service in New South Wales state responded to reports that a seaman had been found at 6:20 p.m. Friday, a spokesperson said. They added that it came from Boatrowers Reserve, near Blacksmiths Beach south of the city of Newcastle.
“The patient, a man in his 30s, was conscious, breathing and alert when assessed by NSW Ambulance paramedics and treated for suspected hypothermia before he was transported to John Hunter Hospital in a serious but stable condition,” NSW Ambulance said in a statement on Friday.
NSW Ambulance paramedic Erin Laughton told CNN’s affiliate 9News that the man was about three-and-a-half kilometers out to sea “waving his arm around” and “bobbing around in the water,” when he was found.
“He was wearing a life jacket, he was conscious, he was able to communicate with us, he was very cold, he was hypothermic and exhausted – he was absolutely exhausted,” she added.
The Australian Maritime Safety Authority (AMSA) said local officials told them earlier in the day the sailor had reportedly gone overboard the previous evening, about 8 kilometers southeast of Newcastle.
The authority said it had deployed water police and marine rescue units for the rescue, as well as two sea vessels and two helicopters.
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A seaman who fell off a cargo ship survived almost 20 hours at sea before being rescued off Australia’s southeastern coast on Friday, according to emergency services.
The man in his 30s drifted several kilometers in the open sea before he was pulled from the water by a recreational angler, local rescue authorities have said.
He had last been seen aboard Double Delight, a Singapore-flagged bulk carrier, at 11:30 p.m. on Thursday. Details on how he fell from the cargo ship are not immediately available.
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The ambulance service in New South Wales state responded to reports that a seaman had been found at 6:20 p.m. Friday, a spokesperson said. They added that it came from Boatrowers Reserve, near Blacksmiths Beach south of the city of Newcastle.
“The patient, a man in his 30s, was conscious, breathing and alert when assessed by NSW Ambulance paramedics and treated for suspected hypothermia before he was transported to John Hunter Hospital in a serious but stable condition,” NSW Ambulance said in a statement on Friday.
NSW Ambulance paramedic Erin Laughton told CNN’s affiliate 9News that the man was about three-and-a-half kilometers out to sea “waving his arm around” and “bobbing around in the water,” when he was found.
“He was wearing a life jacket, he was conscious, he was able to communicate with us, he was very cold, he was hypothermic and exhausted – he was absolutely exhausted,” she added.
The Australian Maritime Safety Authority (AMSA) said local officials told them earlier in the day the sailor had reportedly gone overboard the previous evening, about 8 kilometers southeast of Newcastle.
The authority said it had deployed water police and marine rescue units for the rescue, as well as two sea vessels and two helicopters.
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King Charles has led the nation in two minutes of silence in remembrance of men and women who lost their lives serving in the two world wars or other conflicts.
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The King was joined by other members of the Royal Family, including the Prince and Princess of Wales, and political leaders.
Events to mark Remembrance Sunday – observed on the closest Sunday to Armistice Day – are taking place around the country.
The King laid the first wreath on behalf of the nation. Dressed in the Royal Navy uniform of the Admiral of the Fleet, he saluted after stepping back from the Cenotaph.
The King was followed by Queen Camilla’s equerry, Major Ollie Plunket, laying a wreath on her behalf as she is currently recovering from a chest infection.
Prince William, Prince Edward and Princess Anne followed, then Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer and the country’s other political leaders.
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Trump improved on GOP margins nearly everywhere and delivered on his promise to win over more non-White voters
Live Updates Here’s where things stand in the House, as GOP hopes to complete a sweep in Washington
Still-stunned Democrats begin to squint toward their future
We asked Americans what they’d heard about Trump and Harris throughout the campaign. Here’s what they told us
Supreme Court Justice Sotomayor to stay at job as some call for her to step down
January 6 rioters and judges digest the impact of Trump’s victory
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