David Shade’s Manual, Vol. 1
June 9, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
Interviewing for High Self-Esteem Women
By David Shade
www.davidshade.com
I specifically interview for high self-esteem women. The most comprehensive discussion on self-esteem I have seen is by Nathaniel Branden at nathanielbranden.net. He articulated it well when he wrote:
"Self-esteem is an experience. It is a particular way of experiencing the self. It is to move toward life rather than away from it; to move toward consciousness rather than away from it; to treat facts with respect rather than denial; and to operate self-responsibly rather than the opposite."
He defined self-esteem as "being competent to cope with the challenges of life and of being worthy of happiness. It is confidence in our ability to learn, make appropriate choices and decisions, and respond effectively to change. It is the experience that success, achievement, fulfillment, and happiness are right and natural for us. It is a consciousness to trust our self. It strives for rationality, coherence, clarity, and truth."
He defined six practices of a healthy self-esteem:
1) Living consciously: Respect for facts, open to new knowledge and feedback, and seeking to understand the world and ourselves.
2) Self-acceptance: Realism applied to self. The willingness to own, experience, and take responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, and actions, without evasion, denial, or disowning.
3) Self-responsibility: Realizing that we are the author of our choices and actions; that each one of us is responsible for life and well being and for the attainment of our goals.
4) Self-assertiveness: Being authentic in our dealings with others; treating our values and persons with decent respect in social contexts; refusing to fake the reality of who we are or what we esteem in order to avoid disapproval; the willingness to stand up for ourselves and our ideas in appropriate ways in appropriate contexts.
5) Living purposefully: Identifying our short-term and long-term goals or purposes and the actions needed to attain them.
6) Integrity: Living with congruence between what we know, what we profess, and what we do; telling the truth, honoring our commitments, exemplifying in action the values we profess to admire.
"What all these have in common is respect for reality."
What we call high self-esteem and low self-esteem, Nathaniel Branden calls self-esteem and pseudo self-esteem. He defined pseudo self-esteem as: "trying to compensate for deficiencies; a pretense at a self-confidence and self-respect; the effort to protect self-esteem with denial and evasion, which only results in a further deterioration of self-esteem."
Pseudo self-esteem can be easily identified by: "the defensiveness with which insecure people may respond when their errors are pointed out, or the extraordinary feats of avoidance and self-deception people can exhibit with regard to gross acts of non-consciousness and irresponsibility, or the foolish and pathetic ways people sometimes try to prop up their egos by the wealth or prestige of their spouse, the make of their automobile, or the fame of their dress designer, or by the exclusiveness of their golf club."
Traits of pseudo self-esteem include: delusional, ignorance, denial, evasion, betrayal of consciousness or conviction, lack of integrity, grandiosity, fantasies of superiority, conceited (exaggerated opinion of oneself,) boasting, arrogance, and the victim mentality of blaming others. What all these have in common is the lack of respect for reality. But the biggest indicator is the angry denial of low self-esteem or the denial that self-esteem is significant or desirable.
I have found the following to be true of HSE women and LSE women:
LSE women are insecure and seek validation from men.
HSE women are secure in themselves and have nothing to prove.
LSE women have a bottomless pit of emotional need that can never be filled.
HSE women are self fulfilled.
LSE women will manipulate a man to make him meet her needs.
HSE women know exactly what they want in a man, and when they find one enjoy who he is.
LSE women are quick to obtain their man’s tokens of devotion, such as expensive gifts or immediately requiring a monogamous relationship.
HSE women are suspicious of expensive gifts early on, and do not decide that they want a relationship with the man until she gets to know him well.
LSE women would steal a man if it would give her affirmation.
HSE women are not at all interested in another woman’s man.
LSE women trade sex for attention and for verification that they are attractive and worthy.
For HSE women, sex is about sharing and celebrating sexuality.
LSE women respond to being treated poorly in an attempt to prove their worthiness.
HSE women expect to be treated well and respond only to that.
For a LSE woman, it’s not about the man, it’s about her own needs.
For a HSE woman, it’s about what her and her man enjoy together.
LSE women blame their problems on other people. They have the victim mentality.
HSE women assume personal responsibility for their own lot in life.
LSE women are motivated by moving away from bad.
HSE women are motivated by moving towards good.
LSE women must control others by manipulation.
HSE women see that as unhealthy.
LSE women are drama queens.
HSE women seek harmony.
LSE women have a warped sense of deservedness.
HSE women have a healthy sense of deservedness.
Self-esteem is formed early in life and takes years to develop. A woman’s biggest influence in her developing years are her parents, and it is her father that has the most important influence. It is through him that she acquires the ability, or lack of ability, to have an emotionally healthy relationship with men.
A woman who had a close relationship with her father when she was a little girl is what I call a ‘Daddy’s Girl.’ Her father was loving and caring. He believed in her and supported her. He taught her to be self reliant, independent, and to believe in herself. He may have even taught her how to throw a baseball or throw a punch. She thus grew up with a high self-esteem, a healthy relationship with men, and a good sense of deservedness. She is thus emotionally healthy and believes that she deserves to be treated well by men. Interestingly, she is also very skilled at influencing men and making a man feel emotionally close to her.
Her relationship with her father goes through stages. As a little girl, she loves him dearly and looks up to him. When the taboo instinct sets in at about age 14, she becomes independent from him and sees him as the biggest dork in the world. By the time she matures into the age of legal adult, she again adores him and cares about him dearly. But at any age, she always wants him to see her as innocent and pure, and she wants him to continue to be proud of her.
This is in contrast to another woman who had a condescending or absent father. Such a woman is incapable of forming a deep emotional bond with a man. She has a bottomless pit of emotional need that can never be filled. She believes that she deserves to be treated poorly by men, though she expects being showered with attention and material gifts. She is often spotted in the company of men that view women as objects.
Her relationship with her mother is also important. I have known daddy’s girls who had mothers that were total emotional basket cases and made very bad decisions for themselves. In those cases, the young women tend to make bad decisions for themselves. To a large extent, women tend to repeat the same successes or failures of their mothers. Such daddy’s girls display some of the typical traits of a daddy’s girl, but they make mistakes such as having no direction in life. The very best women are those who had two
good parents in a good relationship.
A Daddy’s Girl has a good sense of deservedness. Deservedness is what a woman believes she deserves for herself. She believes that she deserves to experience wonderful pleasure, and she believes that she deserves you. She will be your best ally. She will be routing for you.
The opposite is a bad sense of deservedness. (Note: everybody has A sense of deservedness.) An example of a bad sense of deservedness is a woman who stays with a controlling or abusive man. Therefore, one of the quickest ways to obtain much information about a woman is to note the men she
associates with. If the woman does not have a good sense of deservedness, you will be forever frustrated, your energy will be constantly drained, and the relationship is doomed. She cannot appreciate a good man when she’s got one. She will sabotage the relationship and eventually leave for some scum that she believes she deserves. If you aren’t a psychiatrist or a therapist, there’s not much you can do about it. And even then, it’s usually futile.
So, how do you specifically interview for high self-esteem? Don’t just ask her if she has high self-esteem. The low self-esteem women will insist that they do, and the high self-esteem women sometimes are modest about it. Instead, covertly look for the traits of high self-esteem. The first sign is if she has a hearty firm handshake and good eye contact. The most trustworthy sign of self-esteem is if she can take a compliment
well. But don’t ask her if she can take a compliment well, because all women will say they do. Instead, somewhere in the conversation, I will pay her a compliment and see how she responds. If she belittles the
compliment or down plays it, I know she has a low self-esteem. The compliment will tend to break rapport, as it should. But if she takes the compliment well, such as responding with a genuine "Thank you!" then it may be possible that she has a good self-esteem. The compliment will tend to increase rapport, which is what I want.
I will also get conversation to where we talk about past relationships. This gives me a very good idea about her sense of deservedness. I will listen for signs of how she was treated by her men. That describes how
she will be most comfortable. If she complains about how her men mistreated her, it is a very bad sign. But if all her men were very interested in her pleasure, then that is a very good sign. They are the women who will most appreciate, and best respond to me.
Then I will test for ‘Daddy’s Girl.’ Eventually in the conversation, I will say "You know, I bet that when you were a little girl, about 7, you had a very close relationship with your father." If she didn’t, it will tend
to break rapport, as it should. But if she did, then it always servers to increase rapport in a massive way. Usually she will ask why I say that, and I will go into my ‘Daddy’s girl’ theory. The Daddy’s Girls always love it. But the ones who were not Daddy’s Girls will go into a long illogical discourse attempting to explain why they nonetheless have a high self esteem.
There is a very simple formula for dealing with Daddy’s Girls: Do all the things her daddy did to her, plus all those things her daddy dreaded a man like you would do to her.
David Shade
http://www.davidshade.com
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Unity and BrightBuilt factory-built homes share an important feature: They are airtight, part of what makes them 60% more efficient than a standard home. GO Logic says its homes are even more efficient, requiring very little energy to keep cool or warm.
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Some panelized home customers are choosing to build not just to reduce their carbon footprint, but because of the looming threat of a warming planet, and the stronger storms it brings.
Burton DeWilde, a Unity homeowner based in Vermont, wanted to build a home that could withstand increasing climate impacts like severe flooding.
“I think of myself as a preemptive climate refugee, which is maybe a loaded term, but I wasn’t willing to wait around for disaster to strike,” he told CNN.
Sustainability is one of Unity’s founding principles, and the company builds houses with the goal of being all-electric.
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Goodson may drill oil by day, but the only fossil fuel he uses at home is diesel to power the house battery if the sun doesn’t shine for days. Goodson estimated he burned just 30 gallons of diesel last winter – hundreds of gallons less than Maine homeowners who burn oil to stay warm.
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While manufacturers continue to tweak their products to overcome the stigma of ultraprocessed foods, nutritionists suggest consumers move forward in choosing products that help the planet — as long as they keep reading the nutrition label.
“I would look for something with a good fat composition in which saturated fat is less than a third of the total fat,” Willett said. “Some vegetable burgers made from peas and legumes can be quite starchy, which the body breaks down similarly to sugar, so I would prefer to see alternatives with more healthy fat, more nuts, more soy.”
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While the Dietary Guidelines for Americans call for a limit of 2,300 milligrams of sodium per day for adults, “the American Heart Association recommends a limit of 1,500 milligrams for adults over 50, which is the standard I prefer,” Willett said.
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One more key point from Willett: Before plant-based meats can truly help save the planet, they need to come down in price.
“These products are quite a bit more expensive, from what I’ve seen, than basic hamburger,” he said, “and we really need products that are price competitive with the beef and pork if we’re going to see them used on a daily basis, not just by people who can afford it.”
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According to Cook, having multiple meteor showers occur at the same time is a common phenomenon. “For example, during the Perseids, you have the remnants of the Southern Delta Aquariids going on,” he said.
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Both the Alpha Capricornids and Southern Delta Aquariids become visible annually when Earth passes through debris fields left by two Jupiter-family comets: 169P/NEAT (Alpha Capricornids) and P2008/Y12 (Southern Delta Aquariids). Cook also noted that, each year, “we’re passing closer to the core of the material that produces (the Alpha Capricornids) shower and in 200 years, it’ll be the strongest shower that’s visible from Earth. It’ll actually produce more than 1,000 (meteor streaks) an hour, which is quite a bit stronger than it is now.”
For those interested in contributing to astronomers’ understanding of meteors, this week presents the perfect opportunity to count how many meteors you see in the night sky and report them to places like the American Meteor Society.
Upcoming Meteor Showers
Here are the other meteor showers to anticipate in 2025 and their peak dates, according to the American Meteor Society and EarthSky.
Perseids: August 12-13
Draconids: October 8-9
Orionids: October 22-23
Southern Taurids: November 3-4
Northern Taurids: November 8-9
Leonids: November 16-17
Geminids: December 12-13
Ursids: December 21-22
Related article
Lunar and solar eclipses in 2025
Two eclipse events will occur as summer ends.
A total lunar eclipse will be visible in Europe, Asia, Australia, Africa, parts of eastern South America, Alaska and Antarctica on September 7 and 8, according to Time and Date.
A lunar eclipse occurs when Earth passes exactly between the sun and the moon, throwing the latter into shadow and making it appear darker or dimmed.
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Two weeks after the total lunar eclipse, a partial solar eclipse will be visible in parts of Australia, the Atlantic, the Pacific and Antarctica on September 21.
Solar eclipses occur when the moon moves between the sun and Earth, blocking part of the sun’s surface from view, according to NASA. This creates a crescent shape — as if something took a “bite” out of the sun.
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Now, after more than a decade of Hindu-nationalist rule, Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP) is mounting perhaps the most significant challenge yet to the language’s place in India.
“Those who speak English will soon feel ashamed,” Home Minister Amit Shah said last month, igniting a heated debate about national identity and social mobility in the polyglot nation of 1.4 billion.
While Shah did not mention India’s former colonial masters, he declared that “the languages of our country are the jewels of our culture” – and that without them, “we cease to be truly Indian.”
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Spoken behind the walls of colonial forts and offices, English in India was at first the language of ledgers and treaties.
But as British rule expanded from the ports of Gujarat to the palaces of Delhi, it became the lingua franca of the colonial elite.
At independence, India faced a dilemma. With hundreds of languages and dialects spoken across its vast landscape, its newly appointed leaders grappled with the question of which one should represent the new nation.
Hindi, the predominant language in the north, was put forward as a candidate for official language.
But strong resistance from non-Hindi-speaking regions – especially in the south – meant English would remain only as a temporary link to unite the country. It’s a legacy that endures to this day – and still rankles some.
“I subscribe to the view that English is the language of the colonial masters,” Pradeep Bahirwani, a retired corporate executive from the southern city of Bengaluru, said, adding: “Our national language should be a language which… has got roots in India.”
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The Academy Award-winning actress and Goop founder appeared in a new – and very funny – ad for Astronomer, the tech firm whose former CEO and human resources chief launched a million memes after being shown on a Jumbotron at a Coldplay concert last week.
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“I’ve been hired on a very temporary basis to speak on behalf of the 300-plus employees at Astronomer,” Paltrow said in the clip shared on the company’s Instagram on Friday night, adding that Astronomer had received “a lot of questions over the last few days.”
In addition to her other hats, Paltrow, of course, is also the famously “consciously uncoupled” ex-wife of Coldplay frontman Chris Martin, who at a concert in Boston last week inadvertently revealed an intimate moment between two top executives at Astronomer – who were seen embracing but immediately ducked from view – during a performance of Coldplay’s “Jumbotron Song.”
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“Whoa, look at these two,” Martin quipped at the time. “Either they’re having an affair or they’re just very shy.”
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Just when we thought the Coldplay Jumbotron controversy had run its course, Gwyneth Paltrow has entered the chat.
The Academy Award-winning actress and Goop founder appeared in a new – and very funny – ad for Astronomer, the tech firm whose former CEO and human resources chief launched a million memes after being shown on a Jumbotron at a Coldplay concert last week.
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“I’ve been hired on a very temporary basis to speak on behalf of the 300-plus employees at Astronomer,” Paltrow said in the clip shared on the company’s Instagram on Friday night, adding that Astronomer had received “a lot of questions over the last few days.”
In addition to her other hats, Paltrow, of course, is also the famously “consciously uncoupled” ex-wife of Coldplay frontman Chris Martin, who at a concert in Boston last week inadvertently revealed an intimate moment between two top executives at Astronomer – who were seen embracing but immediately ducked from view – during a performance of Coldplay’s “Jumbotron Song.”
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“Whoa, look at these two,” Martin quipped at the time. “Either they’re having an affair or they’re just very shy.”
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