David Shade’s Manual, Vol. 1
June 9, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
Interviewing for High Self-Esteem Women
By David Shade
www.davidshade.com
I specifically interview for high self-esteem women. The most comprehensive discussion on self-esteem I have seen is by Nathaniel Branden at nathanielbranden.net. He articulated it well when he wrote:
"Self-esteem is an experience. It is a particular way of experiencing the self. It is to move toward life rather than away from it; to move toward consciousness rather than away from it; to treat facts with respect rather than denial; and to operate self-responsibly rather than the opposite."
He defined self-esteem as "being competent to cope with the challenges of life and of being worthy of happiness. It is confidence in our ability to learn, make appropriate choices and decisions, and respond effectively to change. It is the experience that success, achievement, fulfillment, and happiness are right and natural for us. It is a consciousness to trust our self. It strives for rationality, coherence, clarity, and truth."
He defined six practices of a healthy self-esteem:
1) Living consciously: Respect for facts, open to new knowledge and feedback, and seeking to understand the world and ourselves.
2) Self-acceptance: Realism applied to self. The willingness to own, experience, and take responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, and actions, without evasion, denial, or disowning.
3) Self-responsibility: Realizing that we are the author of our choices and actions; that each one of us is responsible for life and well being and for the attainment of our goals.
4) Self-assertiveness: Being authentic in our dealings with others; treating our values and persons with decent respect in social contexts; refusing to fake the reality of who we are or what we esteem in order to avoid disapproval; the willingness to stand up for ourselves and our ideas in appropriate ways in appropriate contexts.
5) Living purposefully: Identifying our short-term and long-term goals or purposes and the actions needed to attain them.
6) Integrity: Living with congruence between what we know, what we profess, and what we do; telling the truth, honoring our commitments, exemplifying in action the values we profess to admire.
"What all these have in common is respect for reality."
What we call high self-esteem and low self-esteem, Nathaniel Branden calls self-esteem and pseudo self-esteem. He defined pseudo self-esteem as: "trying to compensate for deficiencies; a pretense at a self-confidence and self-respect; the effort to protect self-esteem with denial and evasion, which only results in a further deterioration of self-esteem."
Pseudo self-esteem can be easily identified by: "the defensiveness with which insecure people may respond when their errors are pointed out, or the extraordinary feats of avoidance and self-deception people can exhibit with regard to gross acts of non-consciousness and irresponsibility, or the foolish and pathetic ways people sometimes try to prop up their egos by the wealth or prestige of their spouse, the make of their automobile, or the fame of their dress designer, or by the exclusiveness of their golf club."
Traits of pseudo self-esteem include: delusional, ignorance, denial, evasion, betrayal of consciousness or conviction, lack of integrity, grandiosity, fantasies of superiority, conceited (exaggerated opinion of oneself,) boasting, arrogance, and the victim mentality of blaming others. What all these have in common is the lack of respect for reality. But the biggest indicator is the angry denial of low self-esteem or the denial that self-esteem is significant or desirable.
I have found the following to be true of HSE women and LSE women:
LSE women are insecure and seek validation from men.
HSE women are secure in themselves and have nothing to prove.
LSE women have a bottomless pit of emotional need that can never be filled.
HSE women are self fulfilled.
LSE women will manipulate a man to make him meet her needs.
HSE women know exactly what they want in a man, and when they find one enjoy who he is.
LSE women are quick to obtain their man’s tokens of devotion, such as expensive gifts or immediately requiring a monogamous relationship.
HSE women are suspicious of expensive gifts early on, and do not decide that they want a relationship with the man until she gets to know him well.
LSE women would steal a man if it would give her affirmation.
HSE women are not at all interested in another woman’s man.
LSE women trade sex for attention and for verification that they are attractive and worthy.
For HSE women, sex is about sharing and celebrating sexuality.
LSE women respond to being treated poorly in an attempt to prove their worthiness.
HSE women expect to be treated well and respond only to that.
For a LSE woman, it’s not about the man, it’s about her own needs.
For a HSE woman, it’s about what her and her man enjoy together.
LSE women blame their problems on other people. They have the victim mentality.
HSE women assume personal responsibility for their own lot in life.
LSE women are motivated by moving away from bad.
HSE women are motivated by moving towards good.
LSE women must control others by manipulation.
HSE women see that as unhealthy.
LSE women are drama queens.
HSE women seek harmony.
LSE women have a warped sense of deservedness.
HSE women have a healthy sense of deservedness.
Self-esteem is formed early in life and takes years to develop. A woman’s biggest influence in her developing years are her parents, and it is her father that has the most important influence. It is through him that she acquires the ability, or lack of ability, to have an emotionally healthy relationship with men.
A woman who had a close relationship with her father when she was a little girl is what I call a ‘Daddy’s Girl.’ Her father was loving and caring. He believed in her and supported her. He taught her to be self reliant, independent, and to believe in herself. He may have even taught her how to throw a baseball or throw a punch. She thus grew up with a high self-esteem, a healthy relationship with men, and a good sense of deservedness. She is thus emotionally healthy and believes that she deserves to be treated well by men. Interestingly, she is also very skilled at influencing men and making a man feel emotionally close to her.
Her relationship with her father goes through stages. As a little girl, she loves him dearly and looks up to him. When the taboo instinct sets in at about age 14, she becomes independent from him and sees him as the biggest dork in the world. By the time she matures into the age of legal adult, she again adores him and cares about him dearly. But at any age, she always wants him to see her as innocent and pure, and she wants him to continue to be proud of her.
This is in contrast to another woman who had a condescending or absent father. Such a woman is incapable of forming a deep emotional bond with a man. She has a bottomless pit of emotional need that can never be filled. She believes that she deserves to be treated poorly by men, though she expects being showered with attention and material gifts. She is often spotted in the company of men that view women as objects.
Her relationship with her mother is also important. I have known daddy’s girls who had mothers that were total emotional basket cases and made very bad decisions for themselves. In those cases, the young women tend to make bad decisions for themselves. To a large extent, women tend to repeat the same successes or failures of their mothers. Such daddy’s girls display some of the typical traits of a daddy’s girl, but they make mistakes such as having no direction in life. The very best women are those who had two
good parents in a good relationship.
A Daddy’s Girl has a good sense of deservedness. Deservedness is what a woman believes she deserves for herself. She believes that she deserves to experience wonderful pleasure, and she believes that she deserves you. She will be your best ally. She will be routing for you.
The opposite is a bad sense of deservedness. (Note: everybody has A sense of deservedness.) An example of a bad sense of deservedness is a woman who stays with a controlling or abusive man. Therefore, one of the quickest ways to obtain much information about a woman is to note the men she
associates with. If the woman does not have a good sense of deservedness, you will be forever frustrated, your energy will be constantly drained, and the relationship is doomed. She cannot appreciate a good man when she’s got one. She will sabotage the relationship and eventually leave for some scum that she believes she deserves. If you aren’t a psychiatrist or a therapist, there’s not much you can do about it. And even then, it’s usually futile.
So, how do you specifically interview for high self-esteem? Don’t just ask her if she has high self-esteem. The low self-esteem women will insist that they do, and the high self-esteem women sometimes are modest about it. Instead, covertly look for the traits of high self-esteem. The first sign is if she has a hearty firm handshake and good eye contact. The most trustworthy sign of self-esteem is if she can take a compliment
well. But don’t ask her if she can take a compliment well, because all women will say they do. Instead, somewhere in the conversation, I will pay her a compliment and see how she responds. If she belittles the
compliment or down plays it, I know she has a low self-esteem. The compliment will tend to break rapport, as it should. But if she takes the compliment well, such as responding with a genuine "Thank you!" then it may be possible that she has a good self-esteem. The compliment will tend to increase rapport, which is what I want.
I will also get conversation to where we talk about past relationships. This gives me a very good idea about her sense of deservedness. I will listen for signs of how she was treated by her men. That describes how
she will be most comfortable. If she complains about how her men mistreated her, it is a very bad sign. But if all her men were very interested in her pleasure, then that is a very good sign. They are the women who will most appreciate, and best respond to me.
Then I will test for ‘Daddy’s Girl.’ Eventually in the conversation, I will say "You know, I bet that when you were a little girl, about 7, you had a very close relationship with your father." If she didn’t, it will tend
to break rapport, as it should. But if she did, then it always servers to increase rapport in a massive way. Usually she will ask why I say that, and I will go into my ‘Daddy’s girl’ theory. The Daddy’s Girls always love it. But the ones who were not Daddy’s Girls will go into a long illogical discourse attempting to explain why they nonetheless have a high self esteem.
There is a very simple formula for dealing with Daddy’s Girls: Do all the things her daddy did to her, plus all those things her daddy dreaded a man like you would do to her.
David Shade
http://www.davidshade.com
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Critics say this power imbalance is clear in the 2016 contract Guyana signed with Exxon. Under the agreement, Exxon keeps 75% of everything it makes from its oil operations in Guyana, with the remaining 25% shared equally between the company and the government, which also takes a 2% royalty.
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“It was a bad deal,” Ali said in the BBC interview, but he has rejected the idea of unilaterally changing the agreement, which was signed by the previous government. He says the next contract with Exxon will be on different terms.
An Exxon spokesperson said the contract is “globally competitive for countries at a similar stage of exploration” and said Guyana is averaging $1 billion a year in “oil profits.”
Exxon has also faced a number of lawsuits over its potential environmental impact, many filed by Melinda Janki, a Guyanese international lawyer, who drafted the country’s Environmental Protection Act back in the 1990s.
A big victory for Guyana’s people and environment came in 2023, when the court ruled Exxon should have unlimited liability for the costs of any oil spill. Exxon has since appealed the ruling and has posted a $2 billion guarantee while it awaits the appeal outcome.
Exxon said this commitment supplements “its robust balance sheets … and the insurance policies they already had in place.” Janki says this isn’t enough. Offshore oil spills can be extremely expensive to deal with, the 2010 Deepwater Horizon spill cost nearly $70 billion to clean up.
The push and pull between those who say oil offers Guyana a brighter future and those who fear the industry’s impact will continue.
Exxon said it’s had a positive impact on the country, including employing more than 6,200 people, investing more than $2 billion with local Guyanese businesses since 2015 and spending more than $43 million on community projects.
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Look of the Week: Naomi Watts is twinning with her canine co-star
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What’s white and black and red all over? Naomi Watts and her 145lb co-star, Bing, a Great Dane, taking a dog walk on the crimson carpet for the New York premiere of “The Friend.”
Directed by Scott Mcgehee and adapted from Sigrid Nunez’s 2018 novel of the same name, the film — set to release in US theaters on March 28 and in the UK on April 25 — follows a solitary writer and teacher named Iris whose life is upended after a close friend bequeaths his giant pet dog to her following his death.
In front of the cameras Monday evening, the “Mulholland Drive” actor and Bing looked like they were cut from the same cloth — both in temperament and in their matching black polka dots. Watts was dressed in a white gown with fur-tufted spots that bore a striking resemblance to Bing’s own coat, but the Cruella de Vil comparisons ended there. Instead, Watts and Bing were captured in the throes of lots of paw-shakes, puppy kisses and head scratches.
The dress that Watts wore, titled the “Domino” and designed by Jacquemus, debuted during the Spring-Summer 2025 Paris couture shows in January. The look was both elegant and offbeat, with a high-cowl neck and open-back, asymmetrical waistline that mimicked a French tuck. It was styled with a skirt that sprouted furry black polka dots, which close up were unnervingly reminiscent of body hair. But from afar they gave the impression of soft-edged dabs of watercolor bleeding downstream.
The look was styled by Jeanann Williams, who has also been working with “The White Lotus” star Leslie Bibb. Williams’ decision to coordinate Watts with Bing was a new take on method dressing — the thematic styling trend that has dominated celebrity red carpets since Greta Gerwig’s “Barbie” in 2023. Since then, the sartorial trope, which connects actors to their on-screen characters through clothes, has become somewhat tired — with some observers claiming that the 7-month-long “Wicked” press tour, in which Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande became prisoners to the colors green and pink, was peak saturation.
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Tyler O’Neill hits record-extending sixth straight Opening Day home run
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For six seasons in a row, Tyler O’Neill has homered on MLB Opening Day.
Making his debut for the Baltimore Orioles on Thursday, O’Neill started the season with his record-extending sixth straight home run on Opening Day during his team’s 12-2 win against the Toronto Blue Jays.
No other player has homered on more than four consecutive Opening Days, with the 29-year-old outfielder’s three-run shot sending the Orioles into a 5-0 lead at the top of the third at Rogers Centre.
Todd Hundley (1994-97), Gary Carter (1977-80) and Yogi Berra (1955-58) all hit four consecutive home runs on Opening Day, while the Major League Baseball record for the total number of Opening Day home runs is held jointly by Adam Dunn, Ken Griffey Jr. and Frank Robinson on eight.
“I’m just not trying to make too much of it,” O’Neill told reporters about his streak. “I’m just trying to go out, have a good first at-bat and see what the game gives me from there.
“Obviously, I understand what’s going on, but it’s not like I’m going out there trying to do anything crazy.”
O’Neill, who signed a three-year, $49.5 million contract to join Baltimore from the Boston Red Sox in the offseason, finished three-for-three with three RBIs and two walks against the Blue Jays.
“It’s a little different when the lights turn on and you’ve got to show up, so it was really cool to see all the guys show up today,” he said. “We got after it out there.”
While the first two games of the MLB regular season took place between the Chicago Cubs and Los Angeles Dodgers in Tokyo last week, Thursday marked the first official day of the season in the United States.
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Aged 15, New Zealander Sam Ruthe has already run a four-minute mile. He would ‘love to try and qualify’ for the 2028 Olympics
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Sam Ruthe had the eyes of thousands on him when he stepped onto a running track in Auckland just over a week ago.
Undaunted by the occasion, Ruthe went on to become the first 15-year-old to run a sub-four-minute mile, even managing a nonchalant shrug of the shoulders as he crossed the finish line.
The race was almost entirely engineered for the high school student to break the fabled four-minute barrier – a feat first achieved by Roger Bannister more than 70 years ago – but the weight of running history was a burden that Ruthe seemed to bear lightly.
The first three laps, he later said in a video documenting the race, “felt pretty comfortable – nothing too crazy.”
Perhaps the most intimidating part of his achievement occurred when Ruthe returned to school the next day, only to be immediately called into the principal’s office.
“He’s like, ‘Alright, so you’re gonna have to go up on stage and we’ll get the whole school to clap you,’” Ruthe tells CNN Sports’ Patrick Snell. “It was really scary, actually. I headed into class and everyone thought I was famous.”
It’s easy to forget, given his history-making performance last week, that Ruthe is like most other 15-year-olds in New Zealand. He goes to school, spends time with his friends, and helps with chores around the house.
He also just happens to be one of the most exciting middle-distance runners on the planet, one of the latest star athletes to emerge from sports-mad New Zealand.
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