David Shade’s Manual, Vol. 1
June 9, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
Interviewing for High Self-Esteem Women
By David Shade
www.davidshade.com
I specifically interview for high self-esteem women. The most comprehensive discussion on self-esteem I have seen is by Nathaniel Branden at nathanielbranden.net. He articulated it well when he wrote:
"Self-esteem is an experience. It is a particular way of experiencing the self. It is to move toward life rather than away from it; to move toward consciousness rather than away from it; to treat facts with respect rather than denial; and to operate self-responsibly rather than the opposite."
He defined self-esteem as "being competent to cope with the challenges of life and of being worthy of happiness. It is confidence in our ability to learn, make appropriate choices and decisions, and respond effectively to change. It is the experience that success, achievement, fulfillment, and happiness are right and natural for us. It is a consciousness to trust our self. It strives for rationality, coherence, clarity, and truth."
He defined six practices of a healthy self-esteem:
1) Living consciously: Respect for facts, open to new knowledge and feedback, and seeking to understand the world and ourselves.
2) Self-acceptance: Realism applied to self. The willingness to own, experience, and take responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, and actions, without evasion, denial, or disowning.
3) Self-responsibility: Realizing that we are the author of our choices and actions; that each one of us is responsible for life and well being and for the attainment of our goals.
4) Self-assertiveness: Being authentic in our dealings with others; treating our values and persons with decent respect in social contexts; refusing to fake the reality of who we are or what we esteem in order to avoid disapproval; the willingness to stand up for ourselves and our ideas in appropriate ways in appropriate contexts.
5) Living purposefully: Identifying our short-term and long-term goals or purposes and the actions needed to attain them.
6) Integrity: Living with congruence between what we know, what we profess, and what we do; telling the truth, honoring our commitments, exemplifying in action the values we profess to admire.
"What all these have in common is respect for reality."
What we call high self-esteem and low self-esteem, Nathaniel Branden calls self-esteem and pseudo self-esteem. He defined pseudo self-esteem as: "trying to compensate for deficiencies; a pretense at a self-confidence and self-respect; the effort to protect self-esteem with denial and evasion, which only results in a further deterioration of self-esteem."
Pseudo self-esteem can be easily identified by: "the defensiveness with which insecure people may respond when their errors are pointed out, or the extraordinary feats of avoidance and self-deception people can exhibit with regard to gross acts of non-consciousness and irresponsibility, or the foolish and pathetic ways people sometimes try to prop up their egos by the wealth or prestige of their spouse, the make of their automobile, or the fame of their dress designer, or by the exclusiveness of their golf club."
Traits of pseudo self-esteem include: delusional, ignorance, denial, evasion, betrayal of consciousness or conviction, lack of integrity, grandiosity, fantasies of superiority, conceited (exaggerated opinion of oneself,) boasting, arrogance, and the victim mentality of blaming others. What all these have in common is the lack of respect for reality. But the biggest indicator is the angry denial of low self-esteem or the denial that self-esteem is significant or desirable.
I have found the following to be true of HSE women and LSE women:
LSE women are insecure and seek validation from men.
HSE women are secure in themselves and have nothing to prove.
LSE women have a bottomless pit of emotional need that can never be filled.
HSE women are self fulfilled.
LSE women will manipulate a man to make him meet her needs.
HSE women know exactly what they want in a man, and when they find one enjoy who he is.
LSE women are quick to obtain their man’s tokens of devotion, such as expensive gifts or immediately requiring a monogamous relationship.
HSE women are suspicious of expensive gifts early on, and do not decide that they want a relationship with the man until she gets to know him well.
LSE women would steal a man if it would give her affirmation.
HSE women are not at all interested in another woman’s man.
LSE women trade sex for attention and for verification that they are attractive and worthy.
For HSE women, sex is about sharing and celebrating sexuality.
LSE women respond to being treated poorly in an attempt to prove their worthiness.
HSE women expect to be treated well and respond only to that.
For a LSE woman, it’s not about the man, it’s about her own needs.
For a HSE woman, it’s about what her and her man enjoy together.
LSE women blame their problems on other people. They have the victim mentality.
HSE women assume personal responsibility for their own lot in life.
LSE women are motivated by moving away from bad.
HSE women are motivated by moving towards good.
LSE women must control others by manipulation.
HSE women see that as unhealthy.
LSE women are drama queens.
HSE women seek harmony.
LSE women have a warped sense of deservedness.
HSE women have a healthy sense of deservedness.
Self-esteem is formed early in life and takes years to develop. A woman’s biggest influence in her developing years are her parents, and it is her father that has the most important influence. It is through him that she acquires the ability, or lack of ability, to have an emotionally healthy relationship with men.
A woman who had a close relationship with her father when she was a little girl is what I call a ‘Daddy’s Girl.’ Her father was loving and caring. He believed in her and supported her. He taught her to be self reliant, independent, and to believe in herself. He may have even taught her how to throw a baseball or throw a punch. She thus grew up with a high self-esteem, a healthy relationship with men, and a good sense of deservedness. She is thus emotionally healthy and believes that she deserves to be treated well by men. Interestingly, she is also very skilled at influencing men and making a man feel emotionally close to her.
Her relationship with her father goes through stages. As a little girl, she loves him dearly and looks up to him. When the taboo instinct sets in at about age 14, she becomes independent from him and sees him as the biggest dork in the world. By the time she matures into the age of legal adult, she again adores him and cares about him dearly. But at any age, she always wants him to see her as innocent and pure, and she wants him to continue to be proud of her.
This is in contrast to another woman who had a condescending or absent father. Such a woman is incapable of forming a deep emotional bond with a man. She has a bottomless pit of emotional need that can never be filled. She believes that she deserves to be treated poorly by men, though she expects being showered with attention and material gifts. She is often spotted in the company of men that view women as objects.
Her relationship with her mother is also important. I have known daddy’s girls who had mothers that were total emotional basket cases and made very bad decisions for themselves. In those cases, the young women tend to make bad decisions for themselves. To a large extent, women tend to repeat the same successes or failures of their mothers. Such daddy’s girls display some of the typical traits of a daddy’s girl, but they make mistakes such as having no direction in life. The very best women are those who had two
good parents in a good relationship.
A Daddy’s Girl has a good sense of deservedness. Deservedness is what a woman believes she deserves for herself. She believes that she deserves to experience wonderful pleasure, and she believes that she deserves you. She will be your best ally. She will be routing for you.
The opposite is a bad sense of deservedness. (Note: everybody has A sense of deservedness.) An example of a bad sense of deservedness is a woman who stays with a controlling or abusive man. Therefore, one of the quickest ways to obtain much information about a woman is to note the men she
associates with. If the woman does not have a good sense of deservedness, you will be forever frustrated, your energy will be constantly drained, and the relationship is doomed. She cannot appreciate a good man when she’s got one. She will sabotage the relationship and eventually leave for some scum that she believes she deserves. If you aren’t a psychiatrist or a therapist, there’s not much you can do about it. And even then, it’s usually futile.
So, how do you specifically interview for high self-esteem? Don’t just ask her if she has high self-esteem. The low self-esteem women will insist that they do, and the high self-esteem women sometimes are modest about it. Instead, covertly look for the traits of high self-esteem. The first sign is if she has a hearty firm handshake and good eye contact. The most trustworthy sign of self-esteem is if she can take a compliment
well. But don’t ask her if she can take a compliment well, because all women will say they do. Instead, somewhere in the conversation, I will pay her a compliment and see how she responds. If she belittles the
compliment or down plays it, I know she has a low self-esteem. The compliment will tend to break rapport, as it should. But if she takes the compliment well, such as responding with a genuine "Thank you!" then it may be possible that she has a good self-esteem. The compliment will tend to increase rapport, which is what I want.
I will also get conversation to where we talk about past relationships. This gives me a very good idea about her sense of deservedness. I will listen for signs of how she was treated by her men. That describes how
she will be most comfortable. If she complains about how her men mistreated her, it is a very bad sign. But if all her men were very interested in her pleasure, then that is a very good sign. They are the women who will most appreciate, and best respond to me.
Then I will test for ‘Daddy’s Girl.’ Eventually in the conversation, I will say "You know, I bet that when you were a little girl, about 7, you had a very close relationship with your father." If she didn’t, it will tend
to break rapport, as it should. But if she did, then it always servers to increase rapport in a massive way. Usually she will ask why I say that, and I will go into my ‘Daddy’s girl’ theory. The Daddy’s Girls always love it. But the ones who were not Daddy’s Girls will go into a long illogical discourse attempting to explain why they nonetheless have a high self esteem.
There is a very simple formula for dealing with Daddy’s Girls: Do all the things her daddy did to her, plus all those things her daddy dreaded a man like you would do to her.
David Shade
http://www.davidshade.com
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Моя мама, та ещё модница. Каждые выходные, её можно было найти в нашем Торговом Комплексе (ТК). Пропадая там часами и толком ничего не купив, за такое проведённое время, если только так по мелочи, у меня это вызывало недоумение. И тут же напрашивался, естественно закономерный вопрос. Что можно там делать, целый день?
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Конечно, я много раз навязывался на поход в ТК с мамой, объясняя разные причины, чтобы посетить, это «чудесное» заведение. Но каждый раз слышал, от неё только отказ.
Мама была у меня симпатичной женщиной с приличной грудью третьего размера, да и в меру обладая стройностью тела, выглядела в свои сорок лет, даже очень ничего. Многие мужчины, часто поглядывали в её сторону, на что мама строя им глазки, пыталась флиртовать с ними. Меня же это раздражало. Возможно во мне играла ревность, что не я центр её внимания.
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Но странное поведение мамы, вынуждало меня узнать всё таки истинную причину, её не обычного влечения к шопомании.
Заранее купив новой одежды, чтобы не быть узнаным, и облачившись в эти шмотки, изменив облик, а на глаза нацепив солнцезащитные очки с бейсболкой, я решил проследить за мамой, когда она в очередной раз, пошла за покупками в ТК.
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Неотступно ступая ей в след, я добрался с ней до ТК. Не распознав меня, хотя я перед мамой часто светился, проверяя свою маскировку, мы вошли во внутрь этого грандиозного здания. По началу она и вправду ходила по бутикам, оглядываясь не редко на мужчин, а с некоторыми даже беседовала, но коротко, перекидываясь всего парой фраз. Я не слышал о чем они говорили, но по виду мужчин, можно сказать, что оппоненты очень были заинтересованы в этом разговоре.
Спустя час, её брожения по лабиринтам этих бутиков, она остановилась в одном из них и выбрав какую-то блузку, двинулась в сторону кабинки. Подойдя к ней, она оглянулась по сторонам и еще раз взглянув на номер над шторкой и убедившись, что именно в эту примерочную ей надо, мама не суетясь зашла туда.
Подумав, что здесь нет ничего необычного, я приметил молодого человека, с которым мама останавливалась и разговаривала. Он бродил по бутику и высматривал вещи, всё время поглядывая на кабинки. Выбрав что-то из одежды, он подошёл именно к той самой примерочной, куда некоторое время назад зашла моя мама. На вид парень был, чуть старше меня и испуганно взирая по сторонам, открыв штору кабинки, прошёл не задерживаясь во внутрь.
Я глазам своим не мог поверить, что это происходит. Разные мысли в голове, стали меня посещать и в основном они были интимного характера. Неужели моя мама, встречается с этим юнцом и в тайне от отца, изменяет ему, таким способом в примерочной кабинке ТК.
Да, да. У мамы был муж, который приходился мне отцом. Но у меня и в мыслях не было, что мама может так незатейливо, наставлять ему рога, посреди бела дня, да ещё при скоплении множества народа.
Мне стало любопытно, что же они там делают, и я подошёл к кабинке поближе. Стоя у шторы и прислушиваясь, я ничего не мог расслышать. Вокруг голдели люди и звуки сливались, теряясь в пространстве. Смирившись с этим, я отошёл в сторону якобы высматривая, что купить, но неизменно поглядывая в сторону примерочных. Тут неожиданно я увидел ещё пару человек, с которыми мама разговаривала. Они тоже ходили по магазинчику и что-то выбирали, косясь на кабинки с соответствующим номером. Вскоре со временем у примерочной скопилось более пяти человек. И они тупо озираясь друг на друга, не понимали, что вообще происходит. Некоторые примерочные были пусты, но никто в них не заходил из парней, ждавшие не понятно чего, как мне казалось.
И вот, этот парень, что был первый, быстро вылетев из кабинки, как ошпаренный, тут же помчался прочь, поправляя на ходу свои штаны. Я не понимал, что твориться здесь, смотря ему в след, как он удаляется. И пока у меня в голове это переваривалось, в кабинку прошмыгнул следующий из очереди, что стихийно образовалась у заманчивой для них примерочной.
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Guatemala has pledged a 40% increase in deportation flights carrying Guatemalans and migrants of other nationalities from the United States, President Bernardo Arevalo announced Wednesday during a press conference with US Secretary of State Marco Rubio.
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Arevalo said Guatemala has not had any discussions about receiving criminals from the US as El Salvador’s president has offered. He also insisted his country has not reached a “safe third country” agreement with the United States, which would require migrants who pass through Guatemala to apply for asylum there rather than continuing to the US.
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Kate Winslet had a surprising ‘Titanic’ reunion while producing her latest film ‘Lee’
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Kate Winslet is sharing an anecdote about a “wonderful” encounter she recently had with someone from her star-making blockbuster film “Titanic.”
The Oscar winner was a guest on “The Graham Norton Show” this week, where she discussed her new film “Lee,” in which she plays the fashion model-turned-war photographer Lee Miller from the World War II era.
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Winslet recounted that while she had previously executive produced a number of her projects, “Lee” was the first movie where she served as a full-on producer. That required her involvement from “beginning to end,” including when the film was scored in post-production.
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“I’m looking at this violinist and I thought, ‘I know that face!’” she said.
At one point, other musicians in the orchestra pointed to him while mouthing, “It’s him!” to her, and it continued to nag at Winslet, prompting her to wonder, “Am I related to this person? Who is this person?”
Finally, at the end of the day, the “Reader” star went in to where the orchestra was to meet the mystery violinist, and she was delighted to realize he was one of the violinists who played on the ill-fated Titanic ocean liner as it sank in James Cameron’s classic 1997 film.
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“Lee” released in theaters in late September, and is available to rent or buy on AppleTV+ or Amazon Prime.
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President Donald Trump wants to bring back American manufacturing in ways that would reshape the United States economy to look more like China’s. The campaign, which has led to a rapidly escalating trade war with China, has given ample social media fodder to Chinese and American observers alike.
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In a Truth Social post Wednesday, Trump announced that he is raising tariffs on goods imported from China to 125%, up from the 104% that took effect the same day, due to “the lack of respect that China has shown to the World’s Markets.” Higher targeted tariffs on other countries have been paused for 90 days, although the 10% baseline tariff will remain in place for all countries.
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Meme-makers and Chinese government officials have in recent days begun pointing out the irony of Trump’s tariff-driven manufacturing pivot through AI-generated satire and political cartoons that have percolated online, with many American users boosting the jokes.
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WASHINGTON — “Liberation Day” just gave way to Capitulation Day.
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President Donald Trump pulled back Wednesday on a series of harsh tariffs targeting friends and foes alike in an audacious bid to remake the global economic order.
Trump’s early afternoon announcement followed a harrowing week in which Republican lawmakers and confidants privately warned him that the tariffs could wreck the economy. His own aides had quietly raised alarms about the financial markets before he suspended a tariff regime that he had unveiled with a flourish just one week earlier in a Rose Garden ceremony.
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The stock market rose immediately after the about-face, ending days of losses that have forced older Americans who’ve been sinking their savings into 401(k)s to rethink their retirement plans.
Ahead of Trump’s announcement, some of his advisers had been in a near panic about the bond markets, according to a senior administration official. Interest rates on 10-year Treasury bonds had been rising, contrary to what normally happens when stock prices fall and investors seek safety in treasuries. The unusual dynamic meant that at the same time the tariffs could push up prices, people would be paying more to buy homes or pay off credit card debt because of higher interest rates. Businesses looking to expand would pay more for new loans.
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Two of Trump’s most senior advisers, Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent and Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, presented a united front Wednesday, urging him to suspend the tariffs in light of the bond market, the administration official said.
In a social media post, Trump announced a 90-day pause that he said he’ll use to negotiate deals with dozens of countries that have expressed openness to revising trade terms that he contends exploit American businesses and workers. One exception is China. Trump upped the tariff on the country’s biggest geopolitical rival to 125%, part of a tit-for-tat escalation in an evolving trade war.
Trump reversed course one week after he appeared in the Rose Garden and unveiled his plan to bring jobs back to the United States. Displaying a chart showing the new, elevated tariffs that countries would face, Trump proclaimed, “My fellow Americans, this is Liberation Day.”
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Americans nearing retirement and recent retirees said they were anxious and frustrated following a second day of market turmoil that hit their 401(k)s after President Donald Trump’s escalation of tariffs.
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As the impending tariffs shook the global economy Friday, people who were planning on their retirement accounts to carry them through their golden years said the economic chaos was hitting too close to home.
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“What we’ve been doing is trying to enjoy the time that we have, but you want to be able to make it last,” Paula said Friday. “I have no confidence here.”
Trump fulfilled his campaign promise this week to unleash sweeping tariffs, including on the United States’ largest trading partners, in a move that has sparked fears of a global trade war. The decision sent the stock market spinning. On Friday afternoon, the broad-based S&P 500 closed down 6%, the tech-heavy Nasdaq dropped 5.8%, and the Dow Jones Industrial Average fell more than 2,200 points, or about 5.5%.
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Americans nearing retirement and recent retirees said they were anxious and frustrated following a second day of market turmoil that hit their 401(k)s after President Donald Trump’s escalation of tariffs.
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As the impending tariffs shook the global economy Friday, people who were planning on their retirement accounts to carry them through their golden years said the economic chaos was hitting too close to home.
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Some said they are pausing big-ticket purchases and reconsidering home renovations, while others said they fear their quality of life will be adversely affected by all the turmoil.
“I’m just kind of stunned, and with so much money in the market, we just sort of have to hope we have enough time to recover,” said Paula, 68, a former occupational health professional in New Jersey who retired three years ago.
Paula, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because she feared retaliation for speaking out against Trump administration policies, said she was worried about what lies ahead.
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“What we’ve been doing is trying to enjoy the time that we have, but you want to be able to make it last,” Paula said Friday. “I have no confidence here.”
Trump fulfilled his campaign promise this week to unleash sweeping tariffs, including on the United States’ largest trading partners, in a move that has sparked fears of a global trade war. The decision sent the stock market spinning. On Friday afternoon, the broad-based S&P 500 closed down 6%, the tech-heavy Nasdaq dropped 5.8%, and the Dow Jones Industrial Average fell more than 2,200 points, or about 5.5%.
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