Making Her Uninvested In You For Sex

Dimitri, everyone’s favorite swashbuckling pick-up artist, has an EXCELLENT post up on the Advanced boards about how if a woman views you as a friend and a legitimate part of her life, that it can be really hard for you to have sex with here, whereas if you’re emotionally unavailable and aloof, she’s going to practically be beating down your door.

On with the brilliance…

Dimitri writes:
I don’t really know where to start this one. The thoughts are running through my head and I know they’re true, but I need to calm down and articulate this.

Alright, I went and railed my new little Chinese celebrity again last night, and we talked afterwards. I was going to step outside for a moment in just a towel, but she said she didn’t want to “get a bad reputation”.

Normal woman stuff. I playfully come back with, “Oh, come on, you’ve had every guy in this building…”.

After giggling (it fit in the frame I had set up, not really funny of its own accord), she said, “No… I don’t fuck guys I know.”

Now, I bet all you PUA’s in-field see this stuff a good bit. A woman accidentally says something honest but not socially acceptable, then tries to qualify it or take it back.

“Well I don’t fuck friends and neighbors, I mean.”

This got the wheels turning… and it seemed to be about right. While not entirely true, I see most women that have sexual encounters have two kinds:

1) Romantic/intimate/ongoing: This is when she falls in love with a good friend, or dates a boyfriend for a while, then gets with him (not to be confused with a party girl cycling through boyfriends to appease her ASD). This is the kind of sex that most AFC’s and even a lot of naturals mostly get. It takes a long time to get, the woman generally feels like she’s “giving herself” to the guy, and all that regular societal bullshit.

2) Sex for sex: Secret society stuff, where a woman fucks an elite and desirable guy… most women get these types of encounters at least a bit, and most guys think it doesn’t really exist with any frequency outside of a James Bond movie. This is the kind of sex we PUA’s typically go for, and what the majority of our techniques are designed for.

Now, if she feels she’s *invested* in you, or sees a large amount of *non-sexual value*, you could have a huge problem getting that second kind of sex I’ve written about.

As soon as she starts thinking of you as a friend and a legitimate part of her life, it can be really hard to have that sex. Now, sometimes a woman will be single, won’t have gotten any for a while, or just be horny at the current moment… so you’ll lay women going about the “investment” route, and rationalize that what you’re doing is working.

Not so. In gambling, good players say that how well you played a hand isn’t how much money you made or lost of its own accord… it’s how much money you *could* have made or lost, had you played the hand perfectly. Some hands are just winning hands, but how much you win depends on some minor points in your game.

Women are like that. With a solid base in this stuff and straightened-out internals, all you need to do to get laid is make a lot of approaches and do some persistent followup. Refinements like the one I’m writing about, though, will bring up your close and conversion rates, which means more reward for less time, and a better chance to take targets that really catch your eye, on the rare occasion that you find a woman that you fancy a lot.

Alrighty… Neo-Rio and Franco have written some great things on emotional unavailability, and that’s part of this. The other part is to eliminate any serious offers or potential to be a useful part of her non-sexual/non-fun based life. If she mentions that her electricity has gone out at her apartment, and you’re a qualified electrician, don’t say you know how to fix it: Shrug, and say, “That sucks”. Stuff like that.

Another good thing is making yourself a guy she’s really attracted to, but would be *ashamed* to bring home to her mother. This isn’t the way to get a girlfriend, but this is one of the best ways to get a girl you can party hard with, fuck, and talk openly about fucking other people with. She’ll want to experiment more sexually, since she’s not afraid of scaring you off from a potential serious relationship (and/or eventually marriage! yikes!).

If you’re the kind of guy she brags to her friends about getting pounded from, and the kind of guy she doesn’t tell her mom about, you’re on the right track. Start thinking about qualities that would inspire one or the other and you’ll be heading in the right direction.

Great stuff. I think Swinggcat deal a lot about this type of tactic in his book Real World Seduction. It’s all about challenging the girl, making her qualify, and with-hold that validation from her (ie, becoming emotionally unavailable and making the girl pursue YOU!).

Anyway, I recommend you check out the whole thread on this one. You can do so by clicking here.